Mormon Life - Women tag

The new general Relief Society presidency makes debut

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 09:14:00 -0600

source: universe.byu.edu

Women’s Conference reached the lunch-hour crowd Thursday with a discussion about “The Vital Role of Women in the Gospel” in the Marriott Center.

In one of their first presentations as the new LDS Relief Society general presidency, Linda K. Burton, Carole Stephens and Linda S. Reeves, spoke to their audience about the importance of women’s roles in these latter days.

Women's Conference begins, new RS presidency debuts

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:53:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: The new general Relief Society presidency has made their debut! In her first time speaking after being sustained as general Relief Society president for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Sister Linda K. Burton welcomed guests to the annual Women's Conference at Brigham Young University on Thursday morning.

"The depth of your preparation will determine the depth of your understanding and it will enable the spirit to flow freely in the classes that you attend," she said. "Because you have prepared, the Lord will bless and strengthen you and make this a rich and rewarding experience. Then you can use that to go forth and strengthen others at the conclusion of our time together."

Fighting the Battle Against Pornography

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 00:07:00 -0600

by Briana Stewart
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Pull the rug out from under pornography. Brush up on why we need to worry, who pornography is affecting, how to prevent it, how to get help, and why—amidst this daunting plague—there is still overwhelming hope.

Pornography is an issue that’s been swept under the rug for years. But it’s 2012, and we’re running out of rugs. In a world where pornography is not only accepted but applauded, our brooms need to be used for clean combat rather than hidden anguish.

“We are being inundated with sexualized messages—even in the most benign places,” says Jill C. Manning, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of What’s The Big Deal About Pornography? “If we are not actively protecting ourselves and loved ones from these toxic messages, we risk leaving ourselves vulnerable to attack.”

And what a brutal attack it is. Men, women, children, spouses, family members—no one is safe from the damaging effects of pornography.

What’s more, it’s not enough to simply abstain from it. Latter-day Saints need to fight the clean fight and actively rid their homes of this mess of an addiction.

“The days of simply putting the computer in an open area of the house are long gone,” says Geoff Steurer, a licensed marriage and family therapist in St. George, Utah. “We are so past that simplified form of prevention, thanks to our world of in-your-face media. We have to be more active than we’ve ever been before. Because if we don’t, we’re going to lose this battle.”

The Big Deal

We’ve all heard it before—those subtle (and not-so-subtle) exchanges on movies and television that paint pornography in a jovial light. We’re talking the “boys will be boys” mantras, the “it’s not harming anyone” claims, or the “it saved our marriage” declarations.

But the truth is, pornography is neither harmless nor helpful.

“Pornography use is not simply a habit,” says Manning. “It is a mood altering, belief changing, relationship damaging, addiction forming, socially harmful, spiritually deadening, and life crippling practice through which one practices the ways of the adversary.”

And the statistics are equally alarming. In 2006, worldwide pornography revenue was more than $97 billion ($13 billion of which came from the U.S.).

According to Enough is Enough, every second, $3,075.64 is spent on pornography; 28,258 Internet viewers look at it; and 372 users type “adult” terms into search engines.

Every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is made in the U.S.

And perhaps most alarming, it’s been reported that 79 percent of young people’s unwanted exposure to pornography occurs in the home.

It was stats like these that propelled Pamela Atkinson, president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography, into battle.

“The more I learned about pornography, the more I knew I had to fight against it,” Atkinson says. “It’s spreading at such a rapid rate, and not just with individuals but with entire families. I just shudder when I hear people say it’s harmless.”

Church apostles and prophets are equally concerned with how pornography is affecting us. Just take a look at their official statement on pornography, which can be found on lds.org:

It is as harmful to the spirit as tobacco, alcohol and drugs are to the body. Using pornographic material in any way is a violation of a commandment of God: ‘Thou shalt not . . . commit adultery . . . nor do anything like unto it’ (D&C 59:6). Pornography is tragically addictive. Like other addictions, it leads people to experiment and to seek more powerful stimulations. Those who experiment with it and allow themselves to remain caught in its trap will find that it will destroy them, degrading their minds, hearts and spirits. It will rob them of self-respect and of their sense of the beauties of life. It will tear them down and lead them to evil thoughts and possibly evil actions. It will cause terrible damage to their family relationships.

And “evil” is no exaggeration.

“I’ve met with people whose lives have been altered by pornography to the point of destruction,” Atkinson says. “Many people are surprised to know pornography consumption can be the leading cause of sexual violence, assault, and even sex trafficking. In fact, a high percentage of sexual predators started with what they call soft-core pornography. There are no limits to its devastation.”

Keep reading on the next page to find out who is being affected, and its effects.

The Who

Pornography has historically been considered a man’s issue, but times are changing.

In addition to men, more women are partaking in it, children are being exposed at earlier ages, and marriages and families are suffering because of it.

“People think pornography is something people somewhere else do,” Atkinson says. “But it could be a family member, a neighbor, or someone at church—it’s everywhere, and we can’t ignore it anymore.”

Here’s a breakdown of the groups affected by pornography, along with the startling damages it can bring.

Men

Men are still the number-one consumer of pornography, and it’s a trend that has only continued to climb.

“Pornography shuts men down emotionally,” Steurer says. “And it’s not an issue of being sex crazed—which I think is often misunderstood. This is an addiction that covers up other emotions, and it can lead men to view women in a different way, affect the way they feel about themselves, and cause them to become moody and distant.”

Additionally, it can lead to an obsession with fantasy and distaste for reality.

“Oftentimes, they become less interested in their own lives and less interested in having sex with their spouses,” Steurer says. “In some cases, it leads men to take more risks that may lead to affairs or even criminal activity. They can become completely, totally different people.”

Women

The growing trend of women and pornography is a startling one, perhaps because it’s so seldom discussed. A big part of that is the explosion—and anonymity—of the Internet.

“The Internet is the great equalizer on many things, but sadly, it’s also the great equalizer with the pornography industry,” Manning says. “Instead of being a boys club, you have women who can now access this material in private online—women who wouldn’t have dared show their face in an adult video store 15 years ago.”

Part of the desire, Steurer believes, comes from the pressure women receive about their appearance.

“Women are being told at every turn that their power and influence comes from their bodies,” he says. “Back in the day, publications like Good Housekeeping and Ladies Home Journal were touting a message for women to rise up and be better homemakers and have better character. And now the message is not about serving your family, but about how hot you can be and how to satisfy your man. Women are being groomed to think of themselves as only sexual beings.”

And as a result, that grooming can spark curiosity and lead women to engage in online pornography sites, graphic romance novels, and the ever-growing trend of sexting.

“More women send nudity across their cell phones than men do,” Steurer says. “They think it’s what men want, and then they get hooked. Too often, their self worth comes from being accepted by men in this way, which only furthers their immersion into the pornography world.”

Youth

A number of research studies show kids being exposed to their first pornographic image at an average age of 11.

That’s Primary age, folks.

“Thanks to the media, kids are being taught at younger ages that pornography is an acceptable form of expression,” Steurer says. “And in homes where these issues are not discussed, they’re too young to realize what’s happening to them. They don’t understand the gravity of these messages, which are both subliminal and overt.”

Jan Garbett, president of Women For Decency, an organization that links women together in the fight against offensive content, wholeheartedly concurs.

“When we leave our kids to fend for themselves in sexual matters, it isn’t fair,” she says. “It’s like giving your sixth grader the keys to the Ferrari and saying, ‘Want to go to the beach? Great! We’ll meet you there.’ They are on this super highway in this incredible machine, but they don’t know how to drive it.”

Spouses and Family Members

Pornography can affect the marital unit on two levels. The first is a matter of one partner secretly engaging in pornographic material.

“It can literally feel as though your spouse has had an affair,” Steurer says. “As Latter-day Saints, we live in a world where we value monogamy, fidelity, and commitment, and when a spouse turns to someone else—even if it’s not a real, live person—the betrayal feels the same and the insecurities arise: ‘What’s wrong with me? Why am I not enough?’”

The second effect happens to couples who view pornography openly.

“Speaking as a researcher, there is no data that shows pornography is helpful to marriages—and that holds true for couples who consume it openly and mutually,” Manning says. “Actually, what we see is the opposite. There is a body of data growing that fully supports what our prophets and apostles have been telling us, and it’s that pornography undermines fidelity, trust, and intimacy in marriage.”

Regardless of how it’s viewed, the effects on marriages (and consequently families) are monumental. Below, Manning lists 10 such effects:

· Decreased sensitivity toward women

· Less progressive views of gender roles

· Increased risk of becoming aggressive, violent, and abusive

· Three times more likely to commit adultery and four times more likely to hire a prostitute

· Acquire an instrumental view of sexuality

· Increased risk of sexual dysfunction and dissatisfaction

· Decreased trust in partner

· Decreased desire to marry and have children

· Increased risk of separation, divorce, and job loss

· Diminished spirituality and respect of sacred aspects of life

Keep reading on the next page for prevention tips and resources for healing.

Prevention

With the world not taking the pornography problem seriously (or in many cases, even acknowledging it as a problem), it is imperative that LDS families take matters into their own homes.

“We need to be empowered to teach our children and families about this toxic topic,” Garbett says. “We all need to become more educated on prevention rather than merely worrying about it after the fact.”

Here are seven ways to maximize prevention in your home.

1. Look at your media access points.

“You have to look at all the media access in your home—Internet, mobile devices, television, magazines, books, etc.,” Manning says. “Examine those access points carefully and do what you can to filter or stop it.”

And while having the computer in an open area isn’t enough, it is still a crucial component.

“A child should never have a computer in his or her bedroom,” Atkinson says. “It opens them up to all kinds of dangers.”

2. Look at your spiritual/emotional access.

“Having internal filters is far more effective than running any sort of program on your computer,” Manning says. “Be honest with what makes your family vulnerable and what temptations you struggle with—and then cater your family media guidelines to those vulnerabilities.”

3. Establish a formal family media pledge.

“It’s important to not just think about guidelines for your family—write them down, print it out, and have each member of your family sign it,” Manning says. “Make an FHE out of it!”

4. Practice what you pledge.

“Example is one of the most powerful tools we have for our kids,” Manning says. “And if it means our own media intake is more wholesome because of it? All the better.”

5. Have open and honest discussions with your kids about sexual matters.

“We need to teach our kids about healthy sexuality, and it starts with our infants and toddlers,” Manning says. “A lot of parents are reluctant to talk to their kids because the subject matter makes them uncomfortable. But we live in a world where we don’t have a choice. If they don’t hear it from us, they’re going to hear it skewed and distorted from somewhere else.”

Manning and Steurer both highly recommend “A Parent’s Guide,” which is an official LDS Church booklet (and free download on lds.org) to teach your kids about intimacy.

“It’s actually old—written in 1985—and it’s one of the best out there without question,” Steurer says. “It’s so interesting, because so often the Church gets accused of being a little prudish when it comes to these areas. But it’s documents like these that give us the perfect foundation and language to teach our families. It’s so much easier to explain pornography to our kids—and why to avoid it—if they have a healthy foundation from a young age.”

6. Teach your teens about the serious penalties of engaging in pornography.

“Children need to be alerted to the potentially tragic consequences of their actions,” Atkinson says. “When they engage in activities like sexting, which is so popular with kids today, they are opening themselves up to potential issues with the law. They need to know that if there is a question in their mind, the content shouldn’t be sent.”

7. Have a plan.

Discuss a game plan with your children of what to do if they come across pornographic material. Ideally, they would turn it off, come to you, and discuss what they saw and how they felt.

“We have all kinds of drills at school—fire drills, earthquake drills—but we really need to have spiritual drills where we know what to do when we’re confronted with damaging content,” Manning says.

“We need to leverage our relationships with our kids,” Garbett adds. “We need to teach them in a way they will listen. We can’t frighten, offend them, or overreact. We need to calmly tell them how glad we are they came to us, and then talk about the problem and how to avoid it in the future.”

Help Wanted

If pornography has already plagued your family, the battle isn’t lost. Here are five steps to getting the help you need.

Come out of hiding.

“Tell somebody your story, which is one of the hardest things to do,” Steurer says. “Tell someone you trust—a spouse, a counselor, a bishop. You can’t [overcome] it in isolation.”

Seek professional help.

“Most people need a combination of counseling, group support, and ecclesiastical assistance,” Steurer says. “People who utilize all of these areas will have infinitely more success, and people who tippy-toe around the problem will continue to struggle. You can’t do this halfway.”

Learn about healthy sexuality.

“Understand the clear and distinct difference between pornography and healthy sexuality—way too many people aren’t clear on that,” Manning says. “If we are going to be responsible sexual beings, it behooves us to express our sexuality in ways that do no harm. We have not been put on this planet and blessed with the power of procreation to have it do harm.”

Challenge your brain.

“Part of getting help is learning how to discipline your mind,” Manning says. “Take up a hobby, find a new passion in your life, enroll in a class, challenge yourself.”

Find spiritual healing.

“Pornography is deadening to one’s spirit. There is nothing godly or of virtue to be found,” Manning says. “When we become addicted to anything, we become a slave to it, which takes us away from our divine center. That spiritual focus is crucial to healing.”

And in the unfortunate cases where our kids struggle with pornography, embrace them, help them, and guide them— without judgment.

“Parents have to create a safe environment to talk about the problem,” Steurer says. “Let your child know that he or she is not bad or evil. Teach them that what they are feeling is normal—pornography simply hijacked it. They got a false start, and now you’re concerned with protecting them and getting them help.”

Get Your Hopes Up

Pornography is a dark and heavy subject—there’s no getting around it. But we can’t be defeated by the filth.

In fact, Manning sees a clean sweep, even if it is years away.

“I compare it to what we’ve seen in the tobacco and cigarette industry. There was a tipping point with a large body of research that started to shift the culture tide,” Manning says. “A similar thing will happen with pornography. There will be a body of medical evidence that will show the harmful effects pornography has on the brain and on relationships—and our culture tide will start to shift. We are a long way from that, but the research gives me hope.”

Steurer is equally optimistic.

“Don’t be afraid of this,” he says. “People that confront pornography and get help become better people through the challenge. Stop running from the problem. Stop living in hiding. There is hope.”

And in the meantime? Fight, fight, fight.

“I was at a women’s conference where general Relief Society president Julie Beck made a rallying cry and told us women that we need to fight against the pornography infiltrating our society. It stirred my soul and made me want to say, ‘Hey, Julie, I’m there!’” Garbett says. “I don’t have all the time in the world, but I have a minute. We have to be courageous. We have to fear God more than man. We’re on the battle lines, and I’m ready to fight.”

And nothing irritates Satan more than a good, clean fight.

“When we feel apprehensive or hesitant to discuss these kinds of topics, we need to remind ourselves that the adversary would love nothing more than for it to be shoved under the rug,” Manning says. “But we can’t let that happen. There is too much to live for and too much to hope for.”

You can also learn more about the Church's Addiction Recovery Programs by clicking here.

This article was originally published in the March/April 2012 issue of LDS Living. Click here to learn more.

Young Women Lesson 16: Women and Priesthood Bearers

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 00:03:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates." -Joseph Smith

Discussion Questions

• What can you do to help your young men friends honor their priesthood, defend and preserve their virtue, and be ready for their future responsibilities?

• What can you do to help build the kingdom of God, now and in the future?

Excerpt from "The Influence of Righteous Women" by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, September 2009 First Presidency Message:

The lives of women in the Church are a powerful witness that spiritual gifts, promises, and blessings of the Lord are given to all those who qualify, “that all may be benefited” (D&C 46:9; see verses 9–26). The doctrines of the restored gospel create a wonderful and “unique feminine identity that encourages women to develop their abilities” as true and literal daughters of God. 3 Through serving in the Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary organizations—not to mention their private acts of love and service—women have always played and will always play an important part in helping “bring forth and establish the cause of Zion” (D&C 6:6). They care for the poor and the sick; serve proselytizing, welfare, humanitarian, and other missions; teach children, youth, and adults; and contribute to the temporal and spiritual welfare of the Saints in many other ways.

Because their potential for good is so great and their gifts so diverse, women may find themselves in roles that vary with their circumstances in life. Some women, in fact, must fill many roles simultaneously. For this reason, Latter-day Saint women are encouraged to acquire an education and training that will qualify them both for homemaking and raising a righteous family and for earning a living outside the home if the occasion requires.

We are living in a great season for all women in the Church. Sisters, you are an essential part of our Heavenly Father’s plan for eternal happiness; you are endowed with a divine birthright. You are the real builders of nations wherever you live, because strong homes of love and peace will bring security to any nation. I hope you understand that, and I hope the men of the Church understand it too.

To read the full message, click here.

BYU's Women's Conference April 26-27

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 10:46:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

Elder Neil L. Andersen, of the Quorum of the Twelve, and his wife, Sister Kathy Andersen, will speak Friday, April 27, at Brigham Young University's Women's Conference, along with Sandra Rogers, BYU International vice president and chair of the BYU Women's Conference committee.

On Thursday, April 26, Ruth Todd, senior manager for LDS Church Public Affairs, and Matthew O. Richardson, of the General Sunday School presidency, and his wife, Lisa Richardson, will be the featured speakers at the two-day conference.

Advice I'd Give My 21-Year-Old Self

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by LDS Living Readers
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: We all know that when we’re older, hindsight is 20/20. What things do you wish you had known when you were younger? Enjoy these gems of hard-won wisdom from some of our readers.

Only care about what the Lord thinks and not other people. Everything else just seems to fall into place when that is my focus.

—Anne; Arizona

Volunteer. Someone could use your help and you’ll get a better feeling that lasts longer. You’re poor, so act like it—that is, in terms of spending. Learn about every good thing you can; the more you learn about something, the more interesting it will become.

—Danny McClure; Blacksburg, Virginia

Don’t get a credit card in college.

Listen to your parents and your friends. If they don’t like the person you’re dating, there’s probably a good reason.

Pick your battles. Decide what is worth fighting over and then don’t sweat the rest of it.

It’s fine for other people to “win” arguments.

Apologize even when you don’t think something was your fault. It never hurts, and if it mends fences, it’s good.

Worry less about what other people think about you.

—Rachel Ausband; Marblehead, Massachusetts

Words of wisdom I received from my grandmother: “I decided that life was too short to go around feeling offended, so I just decided to never be offended.” This mindset has saved me considerable emotional energy over the years. Try to see the big picture, give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and always make the choice to not be offended.

—Elizabeth Forsyth; Doylestown, Pennsylvania

Appreciate your parents. It’s hard sometimes—I remember all too well. But your time with them is so limited. Take the time to call them, check on them, go see a movie with them, or just hang out eating cookies. I promise that when you are older you will cherish those moments.

—Carol Stuart

Keep physically fit. That is a blessing you will be grateful for throughout your life. Eat well, work out regularly, and walk whenever you can. Walking is a great way to connect with your spouse once you get married. If you do it on a daily basis, it can be a great time to discuss family situations outside the home in a neutral surrounding.

—Debbie Justesen; Roseville, California

You can do anything but not everything.

You have your entire life to get married and have children; live a little first. Work, travel, and enjoy. You will eventually be a better mother and wife for taking time to become who you want to be.

Don’t worry about what others think. Be true to yourself and God. The rest will take care of itself.

—Jacqueline White; Springfield, Massachusetts

Develop a strong testimony because the decisions you’ll make in the next few years will be the most important decisions you’ll perhaps ever make.

—K.D. Paniagua; Nevada

Just having retired, I really wish I had started saving for retirement much sooner. Learn the tricks of those who are good with money and don’t get into debt.

—Ann Reynolds; Everett, Washington

You’re going to live to be 100, so don’t freak out when something doesn’t happen in a few months or a few years. It’s okay if you didn’t graduate in exactly four years. It’s okay if you didn’t get married by 25 like you’d always planned. For some things, you just have to go with the flow and let what will happen, happen. The timing will always work out, even if it is not the timing you wanted.

—Heather Galovan; Salt Lake City, Utah

Avoid mid-semester weddings if possible. Don’t take a career path that restricts you to only a certain geographic location.

—Mike McClure; Tazewell, Virginia

Organize your classes well and develop good academic skills as fast as you can. Don’t overload your schedule, even if you can still pass your classes. Be diligent and patient in your schoolwork and leave time for dating and earning a little extra cash to have some fun, too.

—John Leonard; Sacramento, California

When it comes to finding a future companion, it is more important to focus on being your best self for her rather than trying to find “The One.”

—Brian Bourgerie; Spring Lake Park, Minnesota

Take your time in school. Slow it down and enjoy life for where you are at right now. Some of the greatest times are missed or overshadowed by always being busy and wanting or needing to grow up. Remember the tortoise and the hare: slow and steady wins the race. Speedy and greedy leaves you tired and needy.

—Jay Tucker; Mesa, Arizona

When you have children, play with them—a lot! Read to them—a lot! Lie by them when you put them to bed each night and talk, maybe for only two to five minutes. These things will make all the difference in your relationship with them throughout the years.

—Gayle Halversen

Flossing is a hassle, but do it anyway. Your skin never forgets what you do to it; sunbathing will age you quickly. You’ll thank me when people think your younger siblings are older than you. Look upon the challenges and trials of your life as “all part of the adventure.” Read Hugh Nibley and other LDS scholars in conjunction with your scripture study.

—Lisa Howard; Adana, Turkey

Don’t go crazy thinking about your weight. You’ll look back 20+ years later and realize you looked pretty great and would give anything to be that size again. It’s all about perspective. Be kinder and more forgiving of yourself in thought.

Wear a high-level sunscreen every day! Your skin, especially your face, neck, and hands (yes, your hands) will thank you later with fewer wrinkles, blemishes, and sun spots in your 40s. Need proof? Just look at your mother’s face, neck, and hands. Now go get some sunscreen.

—Loralee Humphries; Henderson, Nevada

Sometimes it can be hard to believe in yourself and your abilities. Don’t take counsel from your fears; shoot high. This is your opportunity in life to be whatever you want to be. Once you have made up your mind, work hard and take daily action to accomplish your goal.

—David Jenkins; Yuba City, California

When things look really bad and you have done all you can do, take a long, hot bath, have a good cry (in the tub if possible), go to bed, and sleep. Things will always look better in the morning. This was the best advice my mother gave me when I was a teenager. It still holds true.

—Judith Adams Grant; Waycross, Georgia

Sweetie, you are worth so much more than you think right now! Spend some time learning all the wonderful things about yourself and then start thinking about getting married. Most of all, I love you, Mom and Dad love you, all of the family loves you, Heavenly Father and Jesus love you.

P.S. When you do have kids, take tons of pictures because they grow up so stinking fast that it seems like a blur.

—Bethany Seher; Murray, Utah

Don’t waste your time on Facebook, video games, or other stuff like it. Go out of your way and don’t be afraid to serve or talk to others about the gospel. Always be learning, improving, and developing talents.

Colin McKay; Mesa, Arizona

Take the bull by the horns and never look back. Don’t rely on someone else to make you happy; happiness is a choice and you should never let someone tell you different. You have more talent than you know, so don’t be afraid to show it and build upon it. Most of all, never make the mistake of thinking you are alone in your efforts. Treat a janitor as you would treat a CEO.

—Andrew Fry; Fernley, Nevada

Love is half how you feel about the other person and half how you feel about yourself because of that person. If you admire him/her like the sun, but whenever you are with him/her you feel like you are a toadstool, even though the words “I love you” are passing between you, you only have half of love—you’re not bringing out the best in each other. Find someone with whom you feel like a princess and who feels like he’s a prince because of you.

—Chris

When you get home from your mission, make sure to talk about other things when you go on dates.

—Vince; Pasco, Washington

Fill your bucket now! This is the one time in your life (if you are single) when you are independent and able to make decisions for yourself. Once you are married and have a family, you need to put others’ needs before your own. Thus, if there is something you have been dying to do, do it. Fill your mind with scriptural knowledge, knowledge from great books, and knowledge from people you know and trust. Create a “bucket” that is full of wonderful experiences and wisdom that you can draw from in the future when you need it for more difficult or stressful times.

—Debbie Justesen; Roseville, California

You cannot reap if you do not sow.

The task that takes the longest to complete is the one you never start.

True obedience to the gospel is more than just active avoidance of unrighteousness—it is active avoidance of unrighteousness coupled with active engagement in righteousness. Too often

the latter is forgotten or eclipsed by things that do not edify (D&C 50:23).

The pain of loneliness, disappointment, despair, and heartache is actually carving reservoirs into your soul that will later be filled with joy.

Carbohydrates will make you fat.

—Grant Hart; Grand Junction, Colorado

No, you don’t have it all figured out. No, you are not the person you have to be for the rest of your life. Let yourself change, let yourself learn, and let yourself grow.

—Amanda Taylor; Salt Lake City, Utah

Do you have more wisdom and advice not already included? Leave a comment below!

Check out some of the advice our Facebook friends gave here.

See what advice our LDS Living staff had for our former selves here.

{A&E} Romance Novels: Another Form of Porn?

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 01:06:00 -0600

by Ashley Bardsley
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: As a librarian, I have the unique opportunity to help people find books to entertain and inspire. But one too many times I have seen women get caught up in the world of romance novels and lose sight of what is virtuous and lovely.

“…If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy we seek after these things.”

The whole 13th Article of Faith is, in my opinion, a great motto for how to live a happy life. I am a librarian. I have the unique opportunity to help people find books that in some way entertain and inspire. I hear a lot of feedback about authors, writing styles, story plots, and characters. I also see a lot of trends in the world of reading. It is regarding one of these trends that I would like to focus today’s post.

Romance novels.

Not Jane Austen romance novels; they're just fine. We're talking the mass-market produced novels with someone who looks like Fabio on the cover and explicit sex scenes as the primary content. Those ones.

Yes, we are going there.

I see women check out romance novel after romance novel like there is no tomorrow. I believe these books are a much more serious form of pornography than people realize.

Before you think, “Who is this blogger, and who gave her the right to say something so presumptuous?” Hear me out. I have heard women talk about these novels as their escape. That they love reading about the characters and questionable sections of the novels because it is so far from the life they themselves live. It is their guilty pleasure. I have seen these fictional fantasies take over existing relationships. Mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, brothers, sisters, friends, grandmothers, you name it, individuals who are wasting time in a trashy nowhere land rather than living their own lives. This librarian has seen it all.

Now, all reading is escapism to some extent, and I am in no way advocating against reading. However, a book that creates a world or relationships that make you want to escape so strongly that your current world and relationships are no longer satisfactory is not safe, and the feelings of lust that are produced by such material are not safe either.

Just today, a 17-year-old girl told me about the romance novel she was currently reading. She was genuinely surprised at how racy the book was. If a teenage, nonmember girl can see where to draw the line with these books, I think we can too.

I know that romance novels are not the only form of entertainment that is questionable; however, I think it is important to always ask ourselves, “Is this ‘virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy’?” Then to seek after those things.

Your turn: How do you decide what is and isn’t appropriate to read? Where is the line between an enjoyable story (or movie) that has romance in it and one that is pornographic?

Side note: Deseret Book just released a new brand of book called “A Proper Romance.” This brand new genre promises romance “at its very best—and at its cleanest” that still provides all the feel-good thrills and butterflies of your favorite chick flicks. The first book, Edenbrooke, is a Heyeresque Regency that should please all Jane Austen fans, comes out this Tuesday.

For more information about Edenbrooke and to watch the book trailer, click here.

The Juggling Act: Balancing Womanhood and Motherhood

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 06:05:00 -0600

by Connie Sokol
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Being a mom doesn’t mean being a personal slave to your children. These tips will both reduce your stress and teach your children responsibility.

You can balance the roles of woman, wife, and mother by actively and daily choosing who will do what and what won’t get done. Try a few of these suggestions to decrease the stress in your life while helping your children prepare for adulthood.

Get More Done in Less Time.

Reduce your stress with EDA: Abbreviate, Delegate, and Eliminate. Consider your top three busiest to-dos—is it cleaning, laundry, carpools? Then apply each of the formula steps to create change.

Always begin with eliminate, as there’s nothing quicker than not having to do it at all. A friend of mine, fed up with too many sports and not enough family time, eliminated after-school sports for one year. Success! They ate dinner together, threw the ball outside afterwards, and got homework done without intense drama.

To delegate, ask yourself, “Whose job is this?” For example, children’s laundry is their laundry, so teach them early to do it themselves. Consider having a laundry day (each child has a day and puts in a load before school), or you wash all the laundry but on a certain day the children each fold two baskets’ worth and put it away. I love to delegate (with supervision) and farm out some cooking, cleaning, five-minute tidy-ups, daily dishes, and anything else I can think of. Sometimes there’s drama about chores, but it ultimately frees my time, increases my energy, and teaches them needed life skills.

Abbreviate means to simplify. Perhaps instead of having three children in three different sports, consider having one child, per sport, per season. Or all of them in the same class. One year all three of our boys wanted to do karate. After phoning around I found a class that could do all three in the same hour. I was able to watch and enjoy, and they progressed and had a ball. Do whatever it takes to simplify the thing that’s driving you crazy.

Use and develop their talents in regular life.

Encourage your children to use their talents, homework assignments, or scouting/YW requirements in accomplishing daily tasks. One of our sons loves to take things apart (a mostly annoying talent). But over the years he has learned to put things back together and is now the person I turn to for assembling everything from vacuum cleaners to trampolines. Heaven! Another son thoroughly enjoyed a school foods class and suddenly wanted to help cook everything in sight. Not so much heaven, at times, but still, a little culinary adventure created more down time for mama. Whether it’s for scouts, Duty to God, Personal Progress or life skills, tap into your children’s talents and tasks and let it take a load off.

Find Personal Fun Time!

Consciously take time daily to find or create the fun factor in mothering. Just the other day I was finishing up a great number of errands and suddenly had the thought—my toes look ratty. My son had given me a pedicure gift certificate for a recent birthday and I had yet to use it. Instead of continuing to be super functional, I decided to enjoy a half hour of ooh-ahh pedi, and it was wonderful! Whether it’s checking out a cute new boutique or stopping in for some homemade soup from a hole-in-the-wall restaurant, enjoy a simple pleasure of life in some way, every day. You’ll find you’re a much, much happier mom, and that means a happier family.

Connie Sokol is the mother of six—expecting her seventh—and has just released her newest book, Motherhood Matters: Joyful Reminders of the Divinity, Reality, and Rewards of Motherhood. For tips, columns, and products visit 8basics.com.

{LDSL Blog} My Interview with Sister Julie B. Beck

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Jamie Lawson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: I recently had the privilege to sit down with Sister Julie B. Beck, general president of the Relief Society, for the spring issue of LDS Living (click here to read the article). I knew the interview would be great, but it was much more—it was one of the most powerful conversations of my life.

Sister Beck has a love and compassion for the Relief Society sisters that I can only describe as palpable. From the moment I met her, she was warm and welcoming, and it was immediately clear how dedicated she is to her incredibly demanding calling. Leading a worldwide organization of six million women is daunting, to say the least, and Sister Beck didn’t hesitate to acknowledge that fact.

“It’s never not been overwhelming,” she told me.

She was open and honest as we discussed the joys and challenges of her calling and addressed some of the major issues LDS women face on a regular basis—everything from trying to have it all to fitting in to coping with life’s disappointments. Her words were filled with wisdom and eternal perspective, and as I listened, I was surprised by how effortlessly she helped me to gain a deeper understanding of several things, including the divine purpose of Relief Society and how any woman in any circumstance can be strengthened and uplifted and significantly influence the world around her through the unity we share as sisters in the Church.

I will never look at Relief Society the same way again. Sister Beck’s testimony touched me deeply, and it is an experience I will never forget.

She also shared a moving testimony of the Restoration, of modern-day prophets, and of the infinite love Heavenly Father has for His daughters. “I wish [women in the Church] better understood who they are,” she said. “I wish they knew how loved they were by the Lord—each one of them is so important.”

When she spoke those words, I realized that, to a certain degree, I had forgotten who I was. I had allowed the world around me to make me doubt my worth and blur my vision just enough that I had gotten caught up in the short-sighted struggles of the moment—something I think we all do from time to time.

Thank you, Sister Beck, for reminding me who I am. And thank you for helping me to recognize how much influence I have because of it.

—
Jamie Lawson is managing editor of LDS Living magazine. She loves traveling internationally, meeting fascinating people, and listening to 80s music. She enjoys tasting new foods but does not like to cook. She has two adorable boys who help her stay up to date on the latest technology, fashion trends, and catch phrases.

LDS Living Interview with General Relief Society President Julie B. Beck

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by Jamie Lawson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Sister Julie B. Beck serves in a calling that few others can fully comprehend. In a recent interview, she shared what it’s like to work with Church leadership, what she wishes women in the Church better understood, and her inspiring testimony of faith.

Sister Julie B. Beck was serving as first counselor in the Young Women general presidency when she was called as general president of the Relief Society in the spring of 2007, succeeding Sister Bonnie D. Parkin. Leading approximately six million women in 170 countries can seem like an insurmountable task, but Sister Beck finds strength to continue the Relief Society’s legacy of love and service by studying its history, following in the footsteps of predecessors, and relying on the Atonement.

“There have only been fifteen general Relief Society presidents in the Church,” she says. “They’ve all worked in different times, had different problems come to them, and worked with different prophets. Learning about them is learning their patterns, not the specifics of their callings.”

Sister Beck has discovered that throughout history, Relief Society presidents have been concerned about a lot of the same issues, such as helping women through life transitions or strengthening families. “They’ve all worried about families and supporting mothers because they’ve all known how influential a woman is in the home,” she says.

Figuring out how to address the varying needs of all those women can be a struggle, though. She is often asked how she addresses a specific group of women, to which she responds, “Which ones? The 18–22s? The single women over 30 who’ve never been married? The widowed? The divorced? Single mothers? You never quite hit your mark if you’re worried about a constituency. All of us are having a variety of experiences that eventually should have the same end—eternal life. Our paths are always different and we’re all unique. I don’t know of any two women who’ve had identical experiences, but I can see patterns in lives that teach me how to cope with mine.”

Despite her calling to provide guidance to all the women of the Church, she doesn’t take credit for herself. “The Lord is our advocate, and I serve Him,” she says. “He knows them; He knows their issues, their struggles, their challenges, their hurts, their heartaches, and their needs a lot better than I could. I don’t have to demand for someone to notice Heavenly Father’s daughters because I already know how He feels about them. So anything I can do to help Him to help them, I’m willing to do.”

Carrying the Burden
But “anything I can do” is a tremendous amount.

“It’s never not been overwhelming,” she says. “I don’t think I’ve slept through a single night since I’ve had this calling. I can never take my head off and put it to rest somewhere and put on my resting head. I can never take these shoulders off and put them on a shelf somewhere and put on my resting shoulders. It’s always with me, but I’ve become more comfortable with how uncomfortable it is. The Atonement covers our ineffectiveness and insufficiencies, and it’s my whole dependence on the Lord that makes it possible for me to become more comfortable with the burden.”

She continues, “The calling is lonely—it just is. Having to worry about Heavenly Father’s daughters on His behalf is given to me. There’s nowhere for me to turn except to heaven most of the time.”

In that respect, Sister Beck acknowledges she is like many women in the Church who are experiencing trials. “I feel a lot of empathy for sisters who are having difficult challenges,” she says. “In the end, it’s between them and the Lord, and no one else can solve it. And I’ve learned that’s okay.” She clarifies, “It isn’t that I don’t care or don’t notice. I’ve been out in the world and I’ve seen hard things—heartbreaking circumstances, just about every challenge, and I can wear out my life on every challenge. It’s overwhelming and I’m not equipped. I have limited abilities. We can’t expect to be ‘fit companions of the Gods,’ like Eliza R. Snow said, if we haven’t had to do the work to become that. A lot of that is lonely work between us and the Lord and calling upon His Atonement to help us through our experience. The journey is what makes us.”

Facing Criticism
In addition to the burden she bears with her calling, Sister Beck has also endured her share of criticism, but for the most part, she doesn’t let it bother her.

“When you’re in a position like this, then you’re noticed in a way that you wouldn’t be noticed if you were at home in your kitchen, which is where I’m most comfortable,” she says with a smile. “Sometimes people like to pick things apart that general leaders say. I don’t get angry. Sometimes I feel sad—mostly for them—and I pray for them and I worry about them and their personal struggles that are causing them to feel some kind of discomfort or misalignment with how things are done. But I know if I’m right with the Lord and I’m right with his prophets and I’m loved at home and in my family, nothing else really matters.”

She adds, “I’m assigned to be here, and I speak for the Lord. I assist prophets, seers, and revelators who have specific assignments. They are the ones who set me apart for this calling, so when I speak, I speak in that way—as a general leader of the Church.”

Myths and Stereotypes
As an assigned leader on behalf of the Lord, Sister Beck has insights to help dispel the concerns that any LDS women have about their roles.

“Having It All”
Sister Beck believes one of the greatest myths that has been told to women is that they can have it all. “Nobody can have everything, and you especially can’t have it all at once,” she says. “There’s an opportunity cost to everything.”

So how can we know if our choices are correct? Sister Beck suggests asking questions like, “First, ‘Am I aligned behind the Lord’s plan for me? Is what I’m doing moving me toward eternal life or am I just enjoying my time in Babylon?’ I have to ask myself that all the time,” she says. “And then, ‘How do I feel? Is the Spirit confirming my choices?’ Balancing is best done by revelation. I’m surprised what I can get done in a day when I’m aligned.”

But she admits that, just like everyone else, she doesn’t always prioritize correctly. “Sometimes I miss opportunities to do important things, but I’ve learned to minimize guilt,” she says. “I used to be a very guilt-ridden person, but I’ve learned that the Lord uses many opportunities to teach me. I learn from experience when something didn’t feel good, so next time, I do it another way. Don’t carry it around your whole life.”

She continues, “I’ve learned that the world teaches us that we can have the dream now. They express the dream as what Adam and Eve had in the garden—you don’t have to work for anything and everything is peaceful and happy. That’s really where the adversary still is. But we chose to have a mortal experience to prepare for the real dream, and that dream is eternal life. Eve was willing to go through a long, hard mortal experience in order to work toward the promise of the dream—I don’t think most women realize that. They’re trying to make it be the dream now. We don’t get that here. What we get here is the experience.”

Fitting In
Sister Beck often hears women in the Church express concern that they don’t fit in with the other sisters. But she believes those feelings of isolation are often self-inflicted. “We tend to put the labels on ourselves,” she says. “The Church doesn’t, and loving leaders definitely don’t—we’re just focused on our own experience.”

In fact, “worldwide, the majority of women in Relief Society are under the age of 30,” she explains. “About half of all women are single, and many of the rest will probably be single at some point for one reason or another. Relief Society is for everybody. Relief Society is a society that is distinct and separate for women who’ve made covenants and are helping each other keep them. That’s what makes it possible for our daughter to move 14 times in 13 years and belong everywhere she goes. It makes it possible for my niece to live in 7 countries in 10 years and fit in.”

From her travels around the world, Sister Beck has learned that even though women put labels on themselves, such as single or divorced, employed or homemaker, LDS women everywhere have a true desire to be happy. “Sisters usually want to please the Lord,” she says. “They’d like to have things more perfect than they are. I’ve also learned that life is pretty hard for most women around the world—from the lady on the farm in Africa living with the dirt floor and in a stick house to the woman in Hong Kong living in a high rise penthouse apartment, there’s not a lot that separates them heart to heart. Life is still hard in many ways for the sister in the penthouse.”

Not only do LDS women struggle to fit in with each other, they also struggle to fit in with the rest of the world. To address this concern, Sister Beck quickly flips to page 95 in her well-worn copy of Daughters in My Kingdom: The History and Work of Relief Society [see page 58 of this issue] and shares the following quote from President Spencer W. Kimball:

Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different—in happy ways—from women of the world.

“We’re not strange,” Sister Beck assures. “We’re distinct, we have stature, and we are different in happy ways.”

This is an excerpt of LDS Living's March/April 2012 cover story, "Sister Julie B. Beck: Continuing the Legacy." To read the full article, pick up a copy of the March/April 2012 issue of LDS Living.

He's Amazing and Still Single . . . and What She Can Do about It

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 00:07:00 -0600

by Alisa Snell - Dating Coach
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Almost everyone knows an amazing woman who has so much to offer, yet the good man she is dating can’t seem to commit. Despite all the right signs, they not only don't get married, they break up. But a woman can do many things to help avoid this.

Last month’s article, "He’s Amazing and Still Single! Why?", described a group of highly eligible, attractive, and socially skilled men who, in spite of the fact that they date great women, remain single year after year.

The women who date these men also have common traits. They are often educated, attractive, confident, and socially skilled women. They are patient, kind, good listeners, and willing to do their part in relationships. They don’t react dramatically or inappropriately. They’re not excessively nagging. They are quick to read books on relationships and apply what they learn. And they don’t have many undesirable issues in their past.

Thus, these men often describe the woman they’re dating as “perfect.” Unfortunately, they often follow this up with, “But I just don’t feel an emotional connection."

What is going wrong? Is it her, him, or both of them together? How do these amazing women help these men to feel an emotional connection? If these men can’t commit to such wonderful women, then what hope is there that these men will ever marry, and what will become of these great women who, despite their best efforts, remain single year after year, too?

He needs to be the hunter, not the hunted.

One of the first things I teach women in this situation is that it works best for both of them if he is the pursuer of the relationship. This means he needs to initiate phone calls (and texts) three to four times more often than she does. He needs to ask to see her (which allows him to miss her and seek her out) rather than her dropping by his work, popping in to see him, or asking when they’re getting together. He needs to ask her to be exclusive rather than her immediately seeing only him and assuming that he feels the same.

To encourage and keep him in the pursuit role, I recommend that women use their warmth, femininity, appreciation, kinds words, and touch as positive reinforcements of the things he does, rather than giving gifts, making meals, or offering to pay for dates. Once she has done her part, she needs to sit back, relax, and trust that he sees what she has to offer and that he will pursue her and invest in the relationship.

He needs to sacrifice to feel love and have fun to feel connected.

The more deeply he sacrifices the more deeply he loves and making physical sacrifices (like phone calls, picking her up for and paying for dates, doing things for her, and meeting her needs) are things these men are willing to do. All he wants in return is to enjoy her company and have fun. As a matter of fact, he needs to just relax and have fun for at least the first two to four months if he is to develop a strong emotional attachment.

Once he begins to worry about: 1) what she is feeling or thinking, 2) if she is too into him or too anxious for commitment, or 3) if she is hurt and disappointed by his slow (but consistent and persistent) efforts to pursue her, then he will feel anxious and even trapped.

It’s not that he wants out of the relationship. It’s that pressure for commitment causes him to analyze very closely what he’s feeling (or not feeling) and anxiety impedes his ability to have spontaneous positive emotions. When he is having fun these complicating emotions are kept to a minimum.

They need to fight the pressure together.

Pressure and anxiety are inevitable in all relationships, but a woman can talk with him about the situations that cause him to feel pressure (i.e., meeting the family, going to work parties, holding hands at church) and express a willingness to come up with solutions together to fight the pressure—because she isn’t the problem and he isn't the problem—the pressure is the problem.

She doesn’t need to take the pressure away. She just needs to show him that together they can reduce the pressure, which will also deepen their emotional attachment to each other, versus him trying to reduce the pressure on his own by withdrawing from her and the relationship.

They need to resolve her feelings and needs together, too.

If a woman does not express her feelings and needs to him with positive solutions that will resolve the situation, she will begin to feel stressed, alone, and impatient with the slow-moving reality of their relationship. (Consequently, she will be more likely to push for commitment or break up.)

All men are repelled by criticism and nagging, but a man does value and appreciate when a women expresses her feelings and needs while also communicating her faith in his goodness. He wants to help, he just doesn’t know what to do unless she tells him and explains how much it means to her. To do this, she can simply state that just as they’re fighting the pressure together, she needs the two of them to work together to make her feel more secure in the relationship. She can then give examples of what he could do that would help resolve her fears.

The more the two of them work on these combined issues, the more deeply they will feel bonded. This is a more useful conversation and goal for them to work on together than her talking about when they are going to get married and what’s wrong with him or her that he feels like withdrawing every time the conversation comes up.

With a secure attachment in place and a pattern of resolving problems together, it will be easier for both of them to feel more secure and connected, and as such more inclined to more forward with marriage.

To learn about the additional complicating factors that contribute to this pattern, and to listen to a one-hour audio in which I discuss this pattern (and what singles can do to break it) with three men and four women who struggle with it, visit itsyourtechnique.com. There you can also get instant access to FREE dating advice, articles, audios, and videos from Alisa Goodwin Snell. Her love-changing theories and techniques will make dating easy and fun.

- -

Alisa Goodwin Snell is a licensed marriage and family therapist and dating coach with 17 years of experience. Alisa is the author of the “It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique” dating system.

FHE: Valuing Women

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by Shauna Gibby
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "Heavenly Father’s royal daughters . . . are virtuous and elect. It is my prayer that you will . . . teach them to follow in the Savior’s every footstep." -Elaine S. Dalton

Conference Talk:
For more information on this topic read “Love Her Mother,” by Elaine S. Dalton, Ensign, Nov. 2011, 77.

Thought:
Heavenly Father’s royal daughters . . . are virtuous and elect. It is my prayer that you will watch over them, strengthen them . . . and teach them to follow in the Savior’s every footstep.

(Elaine S. Dalton, “Love Her Mother,” Ensign, Nov. 2011, 77.)

Song:
“As Sisters in Zion,” Hymns, #309.

Scripture:
Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.

(1 Corinthians 11:11)

Lesson:
Read D&C 25:3 as a family and ask:

• What two things did the Lord declare to Emma?
• What do you think was meant by “an elect lady”?

Share the following quotation from President Gordon B. Hinckley: “Emma was called ‘an elect lady.’ That is, to use another line of scripture, she was a ‘chosen vessel of the Lord.’” (Ensign, November 1984, 90.)

Invite your family to search D&C 25:2–10, 13–15. Have half of them look for what the Lord counseled Emma, “an elect lady,” to do. Have the other half find the blessings she was promised. Possible answers are:

Counsel
• Be faithful and walk in paths of virtue. (Verse 2.)
• Murmur not. (Verse 4.)
• Be a comfort to your husband and use consoling words in a spirit of
meekness. (Verse 5.)
• Go with your husband and serve as a scribe. (Verse 6.)
• Expound the scriptures and exhort the Church as given by the Spirit.
(Verse 7.)
• Write and learn much. (Verse 8.)
• Lay aside the things of this world and seek for the things of a better.
(Verse 10.)
• Rejoice and cleave unto the covenants you have made. (Verse 13.)
• Continue in meekness, beware of pride, and delight in your husband. (Verse 14.) • Keep the commandments continually. (Verse 15.)

Blessings
• Your life will be preserved, and you will receive an inheritance in Zion. (Verse 2.) • Your sins are forgiven. (Verse 3.)
• Receive the Holy Ghost. (Verse 8.)
• Your husband shall support thee. (Verse 9.)
• You will receive a crown of righteousness. (Verse 15.)

Ask each group to share what they found. Ask:

• What counsel given by the Lord to Emma applies to you?
• Which blessings promised to Emma would you most want in your life?

Discuss as a family what a woman can do to become an “elect lady” and what a man can do to show honor and respect for womanhood.

(Dennis H. Leavitt and Richard O. Christensen, Scripture Study for Latter-day Saint Family: The Doctrine and Covenants, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2004], p. 50.)

Story:
When I was just a youngster in school there was an epidemic of impetigo, a skin infection. In those days there was not the medication we have now, and the best that could be done for it was to have it painted with purple medicine. Everybody knew who had impetigo if they were doctoring it.

In my school was a family of little youngsters. There was a sadness in their home, and they didn’t have the attention of a mother. The impetigo that first infected their hands and then their faces soon was on their bodies. They came to school in such clothing as they had.

My mother was a room mother then, a parent-teacher assignment. The principal asked if she would go to the home and use her influence to persuade the family to keep the children home, because there was the probability that they would be carrying the infection to other children. My mother’s heart wouldn’t let her do that. I remember her telling us to bring the children home with us.

I remember that for weeks we’d bring those other little children home and Mother would bathe them and doctor them and put on them our underclothing and send them home; and I can remember my mother with a bottle of disinfectant scrubbing for hours and boiling clothing and underclothing against the possibility of her family becoming infected. She was a mother.

(Boyd K. Packer, Memorable Stories with a Message, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2000], p. 63.)

Activity:
Cut simple flower shapes out of colored paper. Decorate a card, letter, or poster with these flowers. Let each family member add a loving message to it and give it to a mother, grandmother, aunt, teacher, or neighbor.

Refreshment
Easy Chocolate Mousse
Try it with a dollop of whipped cream and some fresh berries for an easy, yet elegant dessert.

1 teaspoon unflavored gelatin
1 tablespoon cold water
2 tablespoons boiling water (just heat it in a small bowl in your microwave)
1⁄2 cup sugar
1⁄4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 teaspoon vanilla

1. In a small bowl, combine gelatin and cold water and allow to stand for about 1 minute. While gelatin is softening, bring 2 tablespoons water to a boil in the microwave. Whisk into the softened gelatin and allow to cool.

2. In a medium mixing bowl, combine sugar, cocoa powder, cream, and vanilla. Beat with an electric mixer until medium-stiff peaks form. Mix in gelatin mixture until combined and refrigerate for 30 minutes. If serving in individual cups, place mousse in cups or bowls before refrigerating.

(Sara Wells and Kate Jones, Our Best Bites, [Salt Lake City: Shadow Mountain, 2011], p. 234.)

To access the PDF version of this lesson, click here.

{Single Saints} Is Success the Kiss of Death for a Single Woman?

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 00:04:00 -0700

by Vera Taylor
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: I've been confronted with some surprising reactions from others to my professional success, and it has me wondering if the career I didn't choose overshadows the life I would choose in a heartbeat.

I have a good job and recently got a promotion at work. Shortly after the promotion was public I ran into an old friend--a guy who I was in a singles ward with several years ago. He is around my age (mid-30’s), single, educated, has a decent job, and is an overall nice and quality guy. We caught up on each other’s lives and I mentioned my promotion. Instead of saying “congratulations” or “that’s awesome” the first words out if his mouth were: “Be careful.”

What?!!?

He followed that up with “Don’t get too successful; we want you married sooner rather than later.” (Yeah, I don’t know who “we” is either.)

I wish I had a super smart comeback to say to him but instead I froze up and then laughed it off. However, his comment nagged at me all night, and I have thought about it many times since.

Let me be clear: I know he was well meaning, and I don’t want to unfairly criticize and single him out since I have heard similar comments from other sources. I do, however, want to comment on the inference that being a successful woman in the workplace diminishes opportunities to get married.

I have heard the statistics that the more educated a woman is the less likely she is to marry. I have heard the same sentiment expressed about successful working women. What I don’t really know is . . . is it true?

I'm guessing these statistics/assumptions stem from women who have pushed off marriage and children in order to climb the corporate ladder. And I know there are women who consciously choose career over family. But honestly, I don’t know too many single Mormon women that fall into those categories. I do know plenty of single women that are working, doing well in their careers, getting promoted, and enjoying what they do, but most are still actively hoping for and seeking a relationship that will end in marriage and motherhood. And before that future is realized (if it is ever realized), what are we supposed to do?

I realize my friend’s problem isn’t with me having a job. So, is it that I’m doing well at it? I would think a guy would be thrilled to date a woman who is doing well in her career. Right? I mean, think of the 401K she has started! The down-payment their combined incomes could procure!

Is it an ego thing? I know some men worry they can’t provide a woman what her dad provided for her family, so is worrying that he can’t provide the same way she can an extension of that insecurity?

Is it because a man needs to feel needed, so he is more attracted to the kind of women who, well, need him more? It is true that I don’t “need” a man to financially provide for me. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to have one to rely on. And to take my car in to be serviced. And do anything that requires advanced power tools. (See, I’m needy!)

It is easy for me to excuse his comments as ridiculous and to exclaim that any guy who has a problem with or is intimidated by my success isn’t the right guy––but perhaps that oversimplifies the issue. Is it possible for the career you didn’t choose to prevent you from having the life you’d choose in an instant, if the right opportunity presented itself?

Deep down I just don’t believe this to be true. I can’t believe it. I do suspect, however, that all the presumptions and prejudices we develop around jobs, circumstances, appearance, etc., just make it that much harder to find the right person. To be fair, I am not innocent of making unfair judgments about, for example, never married guys in their late 30′s/early 40′s. I automatically assume they are either commitment-phobic or socially challenged. Not fair; true sometimes––but not fair.

I suspect no matter what our circumstance, it would behoove us to be a little more careful with our judgments and assumptions. I’ll try if you do.

Month long lecture series dedicated to history of LDS women

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 12:12:00 -0700

source: universe.byu.edu

The early Saints laid the foundation for how the LDS Church runs today. While many male Church figures are highlighted for their work, prominent women who contributed to the advancement of the Church are sometimes overlooked.

For the month of March, Women’s Studies will celebrate Women’s History Month with a mini lecture series honoring great women in LDS history each week. The series will feature a line-up of speakers who have selected specific LDS women, like Lucy Mack Smith and Leah Widtsoe, who have contributed to the advancement of the Church.

Blogging Women's History Month

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 12:10:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

March marks Women's History Month. And I’m happy to report that blogger Erin has once again revived her “LDS Women’s History” blog to share about some incredible Mormon women each week. This year’s theme is “Fight” with women being spotlighted who showed “courage to fight for their convictions. Whether it is standing up to corporations or facing down an angry mob, they courageously stood their ground, or even pushed to gain more. And what's more, their courage to fight was firmly grounded in their faith. They acted with the assurance that their rebellions and battles were in line with God's will for them. I'm hoping to learn to channel this courage in my own life.”

Sweet Is the Work

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 11:00:00 -0700

source: lds.org

Women's place is shown by Jesus Christ

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 10:09:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

Women apparently have always played the traditional role of nurturer as well as contributing to the community in a variety of ways, while the Restoration of the gospel provides insight into God's view of His daughters, Karen A. Jensen said in her paper prepared for the BYU Religious Education Student Symposium Feb. 17.

Young Women Lesson 8: Attitudes about Our Divine Roles

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 00:04:00 -0700

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "Much of what we accomplish in the Church is due to the selfless service of women." - Quentin L. Cook

Discussion Questions

• With so many conflicting worldly views of women’s roles, how can we know and follow Heavenly Father’s plan for womanhood?

• How can following the prophets’ counsel to obtain an education help us fulfill our divine roles?

Excerpt from "LDS Women Are Incredible!" by Elder Quentin L. Cook, April 2011 General Conference:

Author and historian Wallace Stegner wrote about the Mormon migration and gathering to the Salt Lake Valley. He did not accept our faith and in many ways was critical; nevertheless, he was impressed with the devotion and heroism of our early Church members, especially the women. He stated, “Their women were incredible.” I echo that sentiment today. Our Latter-day Saint women are incredible!

God placed within women divine qualities of strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children.

A recent United States study asserts that women of all faiths “believe more fervently in God” and attend more religious services than men do. “By virtually every measure they are more religious.”

I was not surprised by this result, particularly as I reflected on the preeminent role of families and women in our faith. Our doctrine is clear: Women are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves them. Wives are equal to their husbands. Marriage requires a full partnership where wives and husbands work side by side to meet the needs of the family.

We know there are many challenges for women, including those striving to live the gospel.

To read the full talk, click here.

Young Women Lesson 5: Finding Joy in Our Divine Potential

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:03:00 -0700

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "There is no more beautiful sight than a young woman who glows with the light of the Spirit, who is confident and courageous because she is virtuous." -Elaine S. Dalton

Discussion Questions

• How would you explain the concept of “divine potential” to a friend?

• How can the knowledge of our divine potential help us find happiness?

• How can we gain confidence in taking on the responsibilities of marriage and motherhood?

• How can our experiences on this earth prepare us to achieve our divine potential in the next life?

Excerpt from "Remember Who You Are!" by Sister Elaine S. Dalton, May 2010 General Conference:

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father. He loves us, and we love Him. I am humbled and grateful to be in your presence. The Lord has blessed me with a very clear understanding of who you are and why you are here on the earth at this time. The Lord loves you, and I know you love Him. It shows in your countenance, in your modesty, in your desire to choose the right, and in your commitment to remain virtuous and pure.

Together we have shared many choice spiritual moments. We have borne testimony in camps around campfires, in chapels, and in firesides. We have been warmed by the fire of our faith. We have climbed mountains and unfurled golden banners—from Brazil to Bountiful—signifying the commitment deep within our hearts to remain virtuous and to always be worthy to enter the temple. We have prayed, read the Book of Mormon, and smiled every day, and together with our mothers, grandmothers, and leaders, we are working on our Personal Progress. And we have only just begun!

This is a magnificent time to be on the earth and to be a young woman. Our vision remains the same. It is to be worthy to make and keep sacred covenants and receive the ordinances of the temple. This is our superlative goal! And so we will continue to lead the world in a return to virtue—a return to chastity and moral purity. We will continue to do all we can to help each other “stand … in holy places” and receive, recognize, and rely on the Holy Ghost.

We will continue to talk of Christ, to rejoice in Christ, that each of us will know to what source we may look for a remission of our sins. And yes, we will continue to stand firm no matter what storms may rage around us because we know and testify that “it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that [we] must build [our] foundation … , a foundation whereon if [we] build [we] cannot fall.”

To read the full talk, click here.

Single Women: How to Get More Attention, Affection, and Commitment Now

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 00:04:00 -0700

by Alisa Snell, Dating Expert
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: To ensure that 2012 is the year that you get love, attention, and affection, avoid these five common dating mistakes and apply these five secrets for success instead.

A single woman may mistakenly believe:

if she walks across the room to meet a man, he’ll be more interested in her;

if she is excessively and easily available, he’ll want her;

if she is his friend, he’ll eventually fall in love with her;

if she takes care of him, he’ll appreciate her;

if she provides sex, he’ll commit to her.

Although women who believe these things may hope to get the attention, affection, and commitment of the people they date, they are more likely to fall into the "too nice" or "good for now" trap. And the reason why is simple: Men love through sacrifice (theirs, not hers).

Men love through sacrifice

Many women prevent men from making sacrifices by doing too much of the work. When you give him your number before he asks for it, call him, drop plans to be with him, hang out (instead of expecting him to take you on dates), do things for him, and (worse yet) act sexual with him, you deny him the privilege of sacrificing for you. The more deeply a man sacrifices the more deeply he loves. Thus, the more you do for him, the less he does for you, and the less he feels for you.

To secure more attention, affection, and commitment now . . .

Use your femininity and warmth to encourage a man to invest in you. Smile and wave at him from across the room. Engage fully in conversations with him. Learn and use his name, smile at him, and touch him when talking with him. Accept his offers to open a door, carry something, or help you (and show gratitude when he does). And instead of lingering too long, leave him with a challenge by stating you need to go but would like to get to know him better - then walk away, trusting he'll ask for your number if he's interested.

Show more faith in him and his sincere interest in you by not being immediately available. Strike a balance between being excessively available and too busy for him by responding to his calls within 20 minutes to 2 hours. And when responding to pointless texts, text back with “Sorry. I’m pretty busy right now. But I would love to talk with you on the phone later today. I will be available between 6 and 7 p.m. I’d love it if you call me then :-) .” And when he asks for a date at the last minute, respond warmly by saying, “I’m so sad. I’m not available tonight, but I’d love to get together with you on Tuesday.”

Save your weekends for dates (not guy friends). Show men that you are happy and confident by making plans and doing fun things with others. If he asks to spend time with you at the last minute (and especially on the weekends), kindly say, “I’m sorry to ask, but I don’t know how to act unless I know: would this be hanging out or a date? The reason I ask is because I save my weekends for dates.” Pause and wait for his response. If he says it’s a date, say “Great!” and accept. If he says it’s hanging out, act warm and unaffected and say, “Thanks, that helps. I’m sorry, but I'll need to take a rain check. I’m sure you understand.” Then smile and walk confidently away, with gratitude that you discovered the truth and can give the best of yourself to only those men who invest in dating you.

Match his efforts, don’t exceed them. Men like to be the hunters, not the hunted, yet they will gladly let you take over and do all the work if you’re willing. To ensure that he becomes (and remains) fully engaged in the relationship, step back and follow his lead instead. Wait for his call rather than calling him (do return his calls when he leaves a message). If he calls you three or four times, then call, text, or email him on occasion to show him that you will invest too. Just don’t do these things more often than he does or he’ll feel less of a need to contact you (assuming that you will contact him soon anyway).

Stand strong relative to your feelings, rights, needs, and values. Men like women who like themselves. They also like women who express their feelings, rights, and needs in a feminine, constructive, and positive way (rather than in a criticizing, nagging, or whining way). Most men will not only honor the boundaries you set, but they will also respect and value you more because you express them and stand firmly behind them. A man who doesn’t respect your feelings and boundaries is usually a man who lacks empathy, self-control, and personal responsibility, which are the core warning signs of a manipulative and abusive personality. This type of man is not interested in loving and valuing you. You are a means to his own ends. So stand on firm, but loving, ground (especially when it comes to your moral boundaries).

Regardless of your dating past, you need to know, itʼs NOT you—itʼs your technique. With the right knowledge and skills, you can find the relationships you are looking for.

To avoid hundreds of other dating mistakes or issues like these, visit ItsYourTechnique.com, where you will get instant access to FREE dating advice, articles, audios, and videos from Alisa Goodwin Snell. Her love-changing theories and techniques will make dating easy and fun.

Alisa Goodwin Snell is a licensed marriage and family therapist and dating coach with 17 years of experience. Alisa is the author of the Mormon Dating System.