Mormon Life - Teens tag

What Do Teenagers and the 1940 Census Have in Common?

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:41:00 -0600

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

That's easy: A promise and the Spirit.

The World is hard peeps, and our teens are bombarded with hard things daily. I'm holding Elder Bednar to his promise where he stated:

". . . And I promise you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary. As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives."

Teen pleads guilty to setting fire to LDS church, sentenced

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 07:29:00 -0700

source: sltrib.com

One of two teens accused of burglarizing and then setting fire to an LDS church in Santaquin has pleaded guilty.

A 16-year-old boy entered a plea of guilty to arson in 4th District Juvenile Court late last week and was sentenced to a juvenile work camp, authorities said.

Raising teens: There's no instruction manual, but there are some guarantees

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 12:26:00 -0700

source: MormonTimes.com

For whatever reason, children are the experts when it comes to asking, “Why?” It starts around age 2 with genuine inquisitions about how the world works, then peaks in the teenage years with genuine challenges of your authority.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not implying that parents don’t pepper their children with their fair share of “why’s” as well. But for most parents, the question they really want answered isn’t a why, but a "what" — as in, "What do I do now?"

The fact is, the old saying is true: “Kids don’t come with an instruction manual.” But since that doesn’t bring much comfort, let me reassure you, they do come with some guarantees.

BYU study finds profanity link to aggression in teens

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 10:33:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

Mormon Life says: Did you know kids these days spend more than 40 hours a week using media--woah! Profanity in media is linked to teen aggression, a recent study out of Brigham Young University found. Research shows that exposure to profanity directly relates to an individual's beliefs and behavior.

"We were really interested in how the media can influence your view about profanity," Laura Stockdale, a coauthor of the study, said. "So we looked at if [teens] think it is OK to use profanity, if [they] think that it's normal and appropriate, and then [their] actual profanity use and how [their] profanity use is related to aggressive behavior."

Accidents claim the lives of 7 LDS youth

Sat, 22 Oct 2011 18:17:00 -0600

source: ldschurchnews.com

Mormon Life says: This is devastating. Our prayers are with their families. Seven LDS teenagers were killed in two separate accidents on Oct. 15, three from the community of Covered Bridge in Utah County, and four from southern Alberta, Canada.

According to an article in the Calgary Herald, the four Canadian LDS teens — Jorden Miller, 14; Danae Gough, 14; Renzo Dainard, 16 and Clay Card, 16 — were killed in a single vehicle rollover crash. Royal Canadian Mounted Police think the accident took place late Saturday night, Oct. 15; the vehicle was found early Oct. 16 submerged in a creek. The teens were from the Magrath Alberta Stake.

Crash-proof Your Teen

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 00:02:00 -0600

by Angela Lankford
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Many of us can remember mistakes we made in our first days of driving. As you prepare to launch your own teen drivers, here are a few ideas to make them safer and more comfortable on the road.

Parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers—at one time or other, we all worry about our teens behind the wheel of a car. Although licensed teens have attended driver’s education programs and passed the state examination to receive a driver’s license, we still worry about their lack of road experience.

On average, it takes a person five years of regular driving to feel comfortable behind the wheel, and sometimes even that isn’t enough. You can help your teen to feel more confident and safe behind the wheel (and help yourself to breathe more calmly) by providing them with experiences and resources to understand driving better. Who knows; you might even learn more about how to be a better driver yourself.

Review the State Manual
Before your child takes the driving test, read the state driver’s manual with your teen. The manual provides information about how to handle various road conditions and situations. It also gives parents tips about how they can help their children become safe drivers from the passenger seat. By reviewing the manual and practicing its guidelines, teens will learn different aspects of driving that may be glossed over in driver’s ed class. By refreshing their understanding of road rules and techniques, parents help their teens—and themselves—become safer drivers.

The state manual can be found in hard copy at your local DMV or in PDF at your state’s DMV website.

Pick up Some Literature
Various books include step-by-step plans for improving your teen’s braking, car control, and defensive driving skills. They also provide instruction on handling road emergencies, distractions, and basic car maintenance. Check out Timothy C. Smith’s Crash Proof Your Kids: Make Your Teen a Safer, Smarter Driver and Karen Gravelle’s The Driving Book: Everything a New Driver Needs to Know.

Attend a Workshop
Although manuals and books provide vital information, they may not be enough to instill safe driving habits in your teen. Today, car crashes are the leading cause of teen deaths. In fact, according to the National Center for Health Statistics, 40 percent of teen deaths are due to vehicle crashes. In order to combat this statistic, several car and insurance companies began intensive programs and workshops for teens and parents. In such a program, the instructor, who is usually a professional driver, first teaches in a classroom and then takes the students driving to apply what they have learned.

While behind the wheel, teens are given exercises that introduce them to distractions such as music, texting, passengers, and food. There are also exercises designed to help teens understand functions of their car such as anti-lock brakes. Many of the programs have students wear goggles while driving that simulate how it feels to be alcohol impaired. These driving programs are offered across the country and most are free.

Teen Driving Classes

Driver’s Edge: driversedge.org
Ford Driving Skills for Life: drivingskillsforlife.com
Toyota Driving Expectations: toyotadrivingexpectations.com
Tire Rack Street Survival: streetsurvival.org
Allstate’s Distracted Driving Family Challenge: allstate.com/teen
The Allstate Foundation Safe Driving Teen Program: allstate.com/foundation/teen-safe-driving.aspx
The Autobahn Country Club Joliet Teen Driving Academy: 1 -630-825-TEEN (1-630-825-8336) or drivefastbesafe.com/Autobahn_Teen_Driving_Academy.html
American Family Insurance Teen Safe Driving Program: teensafedriver.com

Learn about the GDL
Another method to ensure the safety of teen drivers is the Graduated Driver’s License (GDL), a growing program supported by the National Safety Council. This program is set up to ease new teen drivers into driving through a series of graduated steps. First, the teen is given a student driver’s permit with which they can only drive with parents. They must drive a certain number of hours before they can test for a license. After passing a driving test, the teen receives an intermediate or provisional license, which allows unsupervised driving under certain restrictions and restricts passengers of certain ages. After a certain period of time, teens are finally granted a driver’s license with full privileges. In states with strict GDL laws, teen crashes have been reduced 20 to 40 percent in recent years. Even if your state doesn’t have strict standards, you might consider adopting something similar in your family. To learn more about it, check out betterteendriving.com and nsc.org/safety_road/TeenDriving/GDL/Pages/GraduatedDriverLicensing.aspx.

With so many resources, our teens can feel safer and drive safer on the road. They can learn and internalize the freedoms and responsibilities that come with having a driver’s license without endangering themselves or others.

Quick Tips: Driving Errors that Lead to Crashes
• Multi-tasking: When you turn on the car, turn off the gadgets. No matter how busy your day is, when you're on the road, focus only on driving. Catch up on other activities later.

• Following too closely: Count—one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three. That's about three seconds, and that's the cushion that should be between you and the vehicle ahead. That distance could save not only your bumper, but also your life. Mark a spot (such as a sign or tree) which the car in front of you passes and count until you reach it. Make sure to double or triple the time when the weather is bad or the pavement is slick.

• Failure to yield on a left-hand turn: Check the flow before you go. Also, look at the street onto which you are turning to make sure there are no vehicles or pedestrians in your path.

• Incorrect merging: That yield sign means just that: yield—not stop. Accidents often occur when you are stuck behind a driver entering a highway who interprets yield as a dead stop. Don't be the guilty party. Use the ramp as a means for merging into traffic, not causing traffic.

• Backing up without looking: You don't have eyes in the back of your head, so look over your shoulder when you put the car in reverse. Remember, objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. Your side and rearview mirrors have a margin of error, so don't rely on them alone. Look over your shoulder before backing up, and go slowly.

• Being a naïve driver: You can’t rely on others always being safe drivers. Pay attention to the behavior of cars around you. Be a defensive driver. Don’t jump the gun at lights or take corners too fast; there may be a careless driver trying to run the light or a child around the next corner. Be actively responsible for your own safety and the safety of your passengers.

Dave Says: Do Car Titles Go to Teenagers?

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 00:05:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: If our teenager buys his own car, should the title go in his name? Dear Dave,

Our 15-year-old has saved his money, and he’ll buy a car next year. When he buys it, should the title be put in our names or his?

Laura

Dear Laura,

When my kids hit that age, I put the titles in my name. The insurance will be much less expensive if you do this. Plus, you don’t want a 16-year-old under the illusion that they’re in control of their lives.

As their parents, you should love them more than that, because they’re just not ready to be in full control. You want them to be in control of some parts of their lives, so that when they leave they have a clue about life and don’t boomerang on you.

But at that age, you should be guiding them, and you don’t need an ownership document to a car confusing them about who’s in charge. I turned the ownership over to my kids when they turned 18. In each case, I knew I could trust them, and they were ready for that level of control.

So, once they’re ready—and you know they’re ready—if it’s going to be their car, all the accompanying responsibility should be theirs, too!

—Dave

* For more financial help please visit daveramsey.com.

Discussion Wednesday - Dating

Wed, 10 Nov 2010 09:39:00 -0700

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

Mormon Life says: The author raises an interesting question in this blog post. We all know that dating should be happening AFTER the age of 16. We also know that dating members is the ideal. That's pretty easy to do if you live in Utah, or Idaho or even Arizona.

But Chicago? Nashville? Bilioxi? Anchorage? Fargo? Not so much.

When TV runs the family

Tue, 09 Nov 2010 10:58:00 -0700

source: MormonTimes.com

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal caught my eye. The story is about how TV stations are trying harder to target an important demographic: the preschooler. This is a key group of viewers, not just because there are a lot of them but because of the amount of TV they consume.

Here's the stat, according to the article: "Preschoolers aged 2 to 5 spend an average of more than 32 hours in front of a TV screen each week, according to Nielsen."

That's more than four hours per day.

Yikes.

The article went on to say that the various preschool stations, Nickelodeon and Disney among them, are trying to accommodate parents' wishes for what they want for their children. When polled five to 10 years ago, parents said they wanted preschoolers to be intellectually stimulated. Now, they say the number one thing they want is for kids to be happy.

Parenting the Internet Generation

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 09:47:00 -0600

source: ldsmediatalk.com

As a parent, you face unprecedented hurdles today and a big one is the Internet. Did you know that 93% of boys and 62% of girls have been exposed to Internet pornography before the age of 18?

You may be thinking, “That’s not my child!” Unfortunately, many of the precautions parents put in place aren’t enough to block all exposure to pornography. Even if you’re protecting your child, the statistics show that their friends are being exposed to inappropriate content online.

Young LDS drummer says blindness isn't an obstacle

Fri, 29 Oct 2010 09:57:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

Fernando Cabaña plays the "bombo" (Argentinean drum), the guitar and violin. He is preparing to participate in the National Goalball Championship and is a fan of the Utah Jazz and River Plate.

Fernando, 15, is also blind. But he says that hasn't been an obstacle, and he enjoys every minute of life.

His bombo teacher, Luis Fredes, says he has learned more about life during the short time talking with Fernando in their classes. "His spirit and the way he sees things is truly remarkable," Fredes says. "When we talk he always lets me see his love for life and desire for constant improvement."

LDS Youth Video: Sharing the Light of Christ

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 11:49:00 -0600

source: youth.lds.org

Mormon Life says: A young man opened his heart to orphans in Honduras and found out how much one person can do.

Keeping your Children Safe Online

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 11:25:00 -0600

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

The internet can be a wonderful tool for children. From playing their favorite games to reading about their favorite subjects, the web provides endless possibilities for learning and fun. But there's also a dark side that parents should be aware of so they can keep their children safe. Predators, time-wasters, and questionable content are as abundant as anything else on the internet. So, how can parents steer their children in the right direction? Here's a helpful list of things to help keep children safe online.

* Educate your child

* Supervise your child online

* Use parental control tools

* Have an online time limit

CBS News: Facebook, texting worse for teens than TV?

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 11:05:00 -0600

source: cbsnews.com

Mormon Life says: In a youth fireside, Elder Bednar asked: Does the time you spend using various technologies and media enlarge or restrict your capacity to live, to love, and to serve in meaningful ways? Let's face it: Teenagers spend hours texting, socializing on Facebook and playing video games. And it's driving their parents nuts.

Sure, there are real dangers associated with all this screen time - everything from cyberbullying to couch-potato obesity. Not to mention driving while texting, shortened attention spans and Internet porn.

But many of today's parents spent hours as kids sitting in front of screens too - only they were TV screens.

Which raises an interesting question: Is Facebook really worse for teenagers' brains than the mindless reruns of "Gilligan's Island" and "The Brady Bunch" that their parents consumed growing up?

Douglas Gentile, a child psychologist and associate professor at Iowa State University in Ames, Iowa, who studies the effects of media on children, says texting, Facebook and video games are not inherently bad. Nor are they inherently better or worse than watching TV, although they do pose different risks, such as cyberbullying.

LDS teen receives Army-Navy All American Award

Wed, 27 Oct 2010 11:27:00 -0600

source: moregoodfoundation.org

Amid a stirring ovation and applause, a moved crowd of students, faculty, Army-Navy personnel, military cadre, family and friends at an American Fork High School’s singular assembly this morning, linebacker Ryker Matthews was selected as the Army-Navy All American player of the year—one of high school football’s highest honors. Thanking God, his family, his mother, his teammates, and his fans, Ryker graciously accepted the award, granted officially by the Chief of Staff of the Arm-Navy games.

Representing the Chief of Staff, Army-Navy officials mentioned that these athletes chosen for this award have demonstrated a commitment to excellence on the field and in their daily lives—“representing the same strengths and values demonstrated by Army soldiers including loyalty, respect, honor, and integrity.” Alluding to those and like Mormon values, Rebecca Rothey, Ryker’s mother, remarked just after the award ceremony, that in fact her very joy stemmed largely from the “choices Ryker has made that have led him to this point.”

LDS teen tackles paralysis

Wed, 27 Oct 2010 00:31:00 -0600

by Erin Nelson
source: ldsliving.com

Weeks after an accident that left 16-year-old Tyler Schihabel paralyzed from the waist down, thousands have seen his spiritual and physical strength change lives.

Tyler fell 30 feet off a sand dune in Pismo, Calif. on Sept. 5. His chest hit the handlebars of his ATV and pinched his vertebrae, leaving him paralyzed. In that moment on the hillside he realized he couldn’t feel his legs, and with a calm strength, told his brother and friends not “to freak out.”

Days before the accident, the family had bad feelings about the trip with his friends. Tyler kept getting the feeling that something bad was going to happen and now accepts this new challenge as another lesson learned.

“Now I’m pretty good about following the promptings and knowing that everything happens for a reason,” Tyler said.

Tyler and his family firmly believe that this accident happened for a reason, even if understanding why isn’t clear to them now. Shelly, Tyler’s mother, believes that blessings come out of bad things. Even if it is hard for them to see what lies ahead, they are already seeing their family grow stronger together.

Days after the accident a Facebook account and blog were created in honor of Tyler where people could go to donate money towards his therapy. Through this networking, more than 18,000 followers have witnessed Tyler’s testimony and have been touched by his story.

David, Tyler’s father, said they have had hundreds of people post messages about Tyler’s strength and faith. One atheist commented about Tyler’s trial, saying there is a possibility of a God. Inactive ward members are returning to church and people who have waited years to be baptized are taking that step because of Tyler’s strong faith and dedication in what he believes.

Tyler speaks about his accident as something he should learn from and knows that God still loves him.

“In my mind, God didn’t punish me,” he said. “All things test faith and this has not affected my faith.”

For this Calif. teen, doing what he loves is still possible, even when faced with challenges that test his strength, inside and out. Staying physically strong involves hours of physical therapy to keep his upper body in excellent condition. He is learning how to handle his new wheelchair and using only his arms to support his body’s weight. Tyler has joined a wheelchair basketball team and has caught on quickly.

A few weeks ago, a 5K run was held in honor of Tyler to help raise money. More than 500 people showed up to race next to Tyler. He said the warm swelling in his chest and seeing unfamiliar faces is hard to explain. The feeling of support was so overwhelming and Tyler said it was “unbelievable that they would step behind me and help me out.”

Ward members all over Calif. have helped the Schilhabel’s family from the very beginning. Within hours of the accident, wards and stakes came together to support the family in any way they could. David said the cards, fundraisers, websites and reaction from ward members was overwhelming.

Tyler’s understanding of how much Heavenly Father loves him comes with his testimony that he must rely on the Savior for every detail and struggle. When there are days that seem harder and longer, Tyler is learning to allow his Heavenly Father to take what he can’t and help him when he must get up alone.

Tyler’s long-term goals involve serving a mission. One thing Tyler knows for certain is that he will walk again. “I have no doubt that I will accomplish that,” he said. Tyler and his family are working towards that goal by finding a post-therapy that will get him on his legs.

In the meantime, the Schihabel family is looking into setting up a foundation for children that are in Tyler’s situation.

Ask Dr. Elia: Will my kids make it?

Tue, 26 Oct 2010 10:59:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

Dear Dr. Elia,

I am a divorced mother of four teenagers: a 19-year-old daughter and three boys 17, 15 and 13. They are all good kids, they don't seem to have any bad habits, but the oldest two seem to struggle with their activity in the church. They just seem to be going through the motions and lack any desire to be closer to God. My daughter is attending a local college and goes to the Singles Ward but is not very involved. My oldest boy comes to church with us but always looks bored like he'd rather be anywhere else. He says he doesn't know if a mission is for him. Their father is inactive and pretty much out of their lives. My problem is that I'm afraid the youngest two might follow in their footsteps. Is there anything I can do? I would be so thankful for any advice you can give me.

A troubled mom

Supporting Your Child on a Mission

Mon, 21 Jul 2003 07:15:00 -0600

by Randy Bott
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: A full-time mission is a two-year commitment for a young man, 18 months for a young woman. Parents can begin laying the mission groundwork as soon as their child is born. Preparation and support continue until the missionary is safely home and successfully reintegrated into normal, post-mission life.

Several years ago a bishop stopped me in the hallway and said, "President Bott, I’m not interested in a 28-hour lecture (the number of hours I teach Missionary Preparation classes each semester). I’ve been asked to speak at sacrament meeting on what makes a successful missionary. I want to focus on the one characteristic most likely to result in a successful mission."

He obviously didn’t want to hear about my lifetime of missionary experiences. Putting my wounded ego aside, I answered: "I can’t give you one, but I can give you two!"

"From you, that’ll probably be good enough,” he said. “Shoot."

"Diligence and obedience," was my response. Then I elaborated: "If a missionary is diligent, but not obedient, he’ll not be sensitive to the whisperings of the ‘Still Small Voice’ so essential to doing the Lord’s work His way. If the missionary isn’t diligent, he may be obeying the mission rules—but won’t be where he needs to be, when he needs to be there in order to be the instrument in the Lord’s hands to accomplish His will."

That answer seemed to satisfy the bishop, who thanked me and left. Then this question crossed my mind: "What should parents do to help their son or daughter serve an honorable mission?" There are three basic preparation periods, each requiring constant vigilance.

#1: Pre-Mission
Although mission preparation begins at birth, it should intensify by the time the child reaches the age of twelve. Think about what missionaries do, and you’ll be able to identify needed areas of attention. For instance, missionaries teach. Help your future missionary learn to organize a talk, use effective body language, and control voice inflection and volume. Teach him to be sensitive to the audience, and how to fit the talk into the allotted time.

Right now you may be saying, "but I don’t know how to do those things myself." Maybe not, but you’ve attended many more meetings than your child has, and likely have a built-in sensor of what works. Give your budding missionary multiple opportunities to speak in public. Family Home Evening lessons provide a friendly (sometimes only semi-friendly) audience and what may be a very willing and vocal group of critics. Nothing comes closer to real missionary work than Home Teaching or Visiting Teaching. Encourage your child to teach most of the lessons to the assigned families.

Primary and sacrament meeting talks, firesides, youth conferences, substitute teaching at Primary and a hundred other opportunities are available.

Young people sometimes need serious training in using appropriate language, especially when speaking with adults. Terms such as "dude," "rad," "cool," may endear them to their peers, but ostracize them from adults they’ll be called to teach. If tics or habits need to be eliminated or modified, you’re in the best position to help.

Washing their own laundry (no colored with whites!), keeping their rooms tidy, doing their own grocery shopping, and cooking their own meals give teenagers a huge head start when they enter the mission field.

Teaching personal hygiene and grooming habits early eliminates the need for the mission president to spend valuable time training your missionary in the basics of living with companions. These necessary life skills allow him appear in public without offending those he’s called to serve.

Make sure fledgling missionaries have ample experience in following through on difficult tasks, even when they don’t understand their relevance. This gives them valuable experience in following mission programs and policies that may sometimes seem illogical. Teach them to work faithfully all day long, day after day, and they’ll excel as missionaries.

#2: Full-Time Service
It’s vital to continue your support while your missionary serves. Writing to your missionary every week—whether or not you get letters in return—is essential. It broke Sister Bott’s heart when she had to write some parents and ask them to send letters to their missionary at Christmastime. Each year we wrote two dozen such letters because parents failed to respond. What message does that send to the missionary?

Avoid making missionaries homesick by providing too many details of family vacations and special events. However, don’t try to isolate them from some of the tragedies of life. When a grandparent or significant other faces a terminal sickness, keep your missionary informed. If you have a troubled marriage that’s likely to end, let the mission president know so he can offer your missionary needed support.

Encourage your missionary to focus on the day. Let the mission end only after it’s been fully served. Remind him to obey all mission rules. Try to read between the lines when your missionary writes. When she’s feeling down, write words of encouragement. When he’s being kicked around by the adversary, send scriptures and quotes to help him through the tough times. Help her to always remember that she represents the Savior—and that He didn’t have it so easy, either. If she wants the same reward (exaltation), she must be willing to go through the mini-Gethsemanes and Calvarys He endured. Teach your missionary to finish strong, as the Savior did. Remind him that only one in every 110,000 people on earth have the honor of serving the Savior as full time missionaries.

Return with Honor
Finally, help your missionary return home with honor, then readjust to normal post-mission life. It’s time for her to move ahead to the next exciting chapter in her life. When you meet at the airport is a good time to note, "Stewardship goes downward, not upward.” Gently remind him he doesn’t have priesthood responsibility to call to repentance members of the family—especially his parents!

“Returned missionary" is a misnomer. The concept doesn’t really exist. While missionaries are released from their missions, they can never return to where they were before they had that experience. That ground evaporated they day they entered the MTC. Far too many returned missionaries try to regress to their pre-mission days. Their dress deteriorates, crudities begin sprinkling their speech, and their recreation becomes increasingly worldly. They may have gone through the mission—but in too many cases the mission hasn’t gone through them.

Keep them focused on the temple, on Church service, on daily scripture reading and on fervent prayer several times each day—just as they did in the mission field. The key to post-mission life is balance. It’s like walking a tightrope—you can fall off on either side. Too often, returning missionaries attempt to remain on their mission. Others try to recapture pre-mission life. Neither course will bring happiness.

Helping missionaries come home without losing the spiritual edge honed on their mission can require more effort than it took to prepare them for full-time service. It’s time to focus on preparing them for marriage, adult Church responsibility, rewarding careers and eternal life.

Encourage your missionary to capitalize on gains made in the mission field and apply them to all vital aspects of life: intellectual, physical, spiritual and social. Your returned missionary can then move moving ahead, confident the promised blessings for faithful service are his or hers for the claiming.

My Mom, My Gym Suit, and Love

Tue, 27 May 2003 08:45:00 -0600

by Marianne Jennings
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Holding up the crisp white gym suit to my mother, she took one look and declared, "I don't embroider." But by the next morning, she had transformed my solar white PE clothes into the symbol of an example I carry inside of me.

For seventh-grade gym class in 1965, we paid $7.00 for a white one-piece knee length jumpsuit with an elastic waist. When a very proper physical education teacher wearing a skirt, cardigan, and nurse's shoes handed us our gym suits, we knew she meant business. The suits would be bleached to remain white. They would be starched to remain crisp. And they would be ironed to appear neat. All laudable goals for clothing you'll sweat and play crab soccer in.

There was one more thing. Our names had to be on our gym suits-but they couldn't be inked with a laundry marker. Our names had to be embroidered.

I took my gym suit and the teacher's demands home to mother. She responded as I would respond to such a demand today, "I don't embroider. Your gym teacher will just have to live with it."

In junior high, peer pressure is a funny thing. Being laughed at by your friends for non-conformity is a disgrace exceeded only by having your parents appear with you in public. I whined about the need for my embroidered name. I added the usual, "you've ruined my life," to the embroidery fiasco. I stomped to my room to prepare for the next day's humiliation.

The next morning, I awoke to find the white symbol of tackiness bleached, starched and embroidered, lying on my dresser. I touched the cursive, red letters-"Marianne Moody." I thought my antihumiliation prayers to the Clearasil gods had been answered with a shoemaker-and-elves kind of magic.

I bounded down the stairs to show my mother. She was busy making breakfast for four children. On the kitchen counter were red embroidery thread, a book of instructions, a needle and several pieces of fabric showing an experimental "M" and "a." I instantly knew that I was looking at my elf. She only said, "I didn't know what color you wanted, so I picked red since red and white are your school colors."

I knew she probably hadn't slept. She made this sacrifice simply to hone a skill she'd use for only one night, allowing me to avoid humiliation at the hands of my peers.

Even as a shallow 12-year-old, I understood the embroidered gym suit was red-letter proof of her feelings for me. We exchanged a hug and I thanked her. But I never again spoke of the red embroidery until now.

Each Mother's Day, I worry. I worry about parenting. I worry about my children. I worry about me as a mother.

And I wonder. I wonder what my mother did that taught me the qualities of empathy, honesty and work. I wonder how my mother planted in me the desire to always return to her home and visit. I wonder how my mother makes home feel so good.

I question whether I need to buy another book about children and self-esteem. I ask if I should attend a class or seminar teaching how to be a fun parent.

Each Mother's Day, I want answers. I want to know I'm doing the right things.

As I look back on that morning of lettered surprise, I realize the chore of that embroidery is symbolic of what makes a good mother. I can see it in my children. My oldest thanks me for getting up early on Iowa Test days to fry bacon. My toddler hugs me when I pick him up at preschool for a very simple reason. "Mommy, you remembered the lettuce on my sandwich," he explains.

They never say, "Remember the day you spent $200 on me?" or "I'm so happy we have a new car." They only remember their tiny needs that were important to their mother.

A good mother is selfless. Sleep is not an issue when a child is in need--whether that need is physical or emotional. And that selflessness tells a child of love.

My mother's one-night stand with the crafts helped give me self-esteem. She put everything aside to prevent what was-to me-an impending catastrophe. It was an act of bonding-an insurmountable obstacle had been overcome together. It was an act of service. It was an act of love. It was a lesson in priorities.

In these days of Might Morphin' Power Rangers and birthday parties with pizza tokens, it remains a lesson that love is shown in non-materialistic ways.

My gym suit is a symbol of motherhood to me. My only wish this Mother's Day is that someday, somewhere; there is a task, teacher or equally challenging craft waiting for me and my children to share.

I still have the white gym suit. There's no way it would fit in the hips (it didn't in seventh grade). But I still take it out and touch those red letters-the letters of a novice embroiderer. They're thick, and a mass of knotted thread is hidden inside the gym suit.

As I touch those letters, I can see that exuberant morning once again. I can feel my mother's hug. When she is gone, those letters will be her legacy. On dark days, they'll remind me I am loved. Letters of red thread still touch my heart and soul.

Choose Carefully Those You Date

Wed, 27 Nov 2002 08:26:00 -0700

by Gary and Joy Lundberg
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: No one says, "I’m going to date losers—I love misery." At the same time, many don’t think seriously about who they ask out or who they agree to date. Perhaps you need to stop and consider what kind of person he or she really is.

And while people don’t wear “I’m a loser” signs, you can look for clues to the kind of people they really are. Consider the following telltale situations:

Good Choices/Bad Choices
1. You’re talking about movies with friends. Garth, a guy you’ve been thinking you’d like to go out with, says, “My brother saw this movie and said it was awesome. Let’s go see it.”

Wow! He just asked you out! Your heart begins a bongo beat. Then you remember something.. Taking a deep breath, you say, “I think it’s rated R.”

“No big deal,” Garth counters. “My brother said there’re only a few bad scenes. Let’s go, okay?”

2. Nicole has a smile that makes you want to smile right back. You’re attracted to her and wonder what she’s really like. A crucial test is coming up at school, and Gil, a member of your study group, has a clever idea for cheating.

“No one will know,” he says. “We’ve got to pass this one, so we’ll do whatever it takes.” Nicole looks straight at Gil and says, “No way! We study hard, then we pass or fail—but no cheating!”

3. You’ve been wanting to go out with Kevin, but you don’t know him well. He’s a little shy, but sooo good looking. Everyone cheers when he’s on the football field. He’s every girl’s dream guy.

During a library conversation, your friends start talking about the photos on their driver’s licenses. Kevin pulls his wallet out to show his picture. You get a good look, but something else catches your eye—a picture of a temple.

“Hey, Kev,” his buddy says, “What’s that?”
“It’s a picture of a special place,” he replies. “I carry it as a reminder.”

4. You and several friends—including Amy, the girl you want to ask to homecoming—are on your way to a basketball game. Someone tells a joke and everyone laughs. Then someone else tells one and it gets contagious. Everyone’s laughing and having a great time. Then Kyle tells a joke he’d never tell if the bishop were present. Everyone laughs, except you and Amy. Kyle notes her lack of response and asks, “What’s the matter, Amy? Too young for a little adult humor?”

“No,” she responds. “I’m just sad to hear one of my friends tell a story like that.”

5. You’re at a school party where everyone’s dancing and having a great time. A cute guy you’ve noticed in social studies makes his way to you and asks for a dance. You happily accept. It’s a slow dance and he moves in close. Then you smell it on his breath. He’s been drinking!

6. Friends are talking about an upcoming party at Shara’s house. You’re not sure about going, but it would be fun to be with everyone—especially Shara. She joins in and says, “C’mon. It’s going to be fun. My parents are gone for the weekend and the house will be ours.”

That’s a red flag. She sees you hesitating and adds, “You need to lighten up and live a little. We’ll have some stuff there to help you out. C’mon.”

Only A Date?
We could describe other scenarios, but you get the idea. The clues are usually obvious.

“But it’s only a date,” you’re thinking. “I’m not going to marry that guy/girl.”

Do you know anyone who married someone he or she never dated? You marry who you date. You never know when a dating relationship may develop into more than just a friendship. Be extremely cautious about who you hang out with and who you accept dates from. President Hinckley said, “Choose your friends carefully. It is they who will lead you in one direction or the other . . . never lose sight of [this] fact.”

Saying “No” Politely
You control who you choose to be with. Never accept a date from anyone you don’t feel good about. If a polite refusal isn’t sufficient, be firm enough that the person won’t ask you again.

What would you say to Shara in situation #6? How about, “Thanks, but that’s not my kind of party.”

If she replies, “Loosen up! You’re missing a lot of fun,” just smile and say, “That’s the kind of fun I choose to miss!” Then change the subject or walk away. This leaves no question about your values. Give an excuse like, “Sorry, I’ve already made other plans,” she’ll try again later.

What could you say to the guy in situation #5 if he asks you to ride home with him? If you’re smart, you’ll keep your distance during that slow dance. He may take the hint and not ask you out. It’s not necessary to say, “No way, loser. I don’t go with drunks.” A simple “No thanks” should be enough. If he asks for another dance, offer the same response. There’s always a polite way to let someone know you’re not interested.

You Always Have a Choice
What if you live in an area where there are no Latter-day Saints your age to date? Don’t say, “I have no choice—there’s nobody else to date.” You always have a choice. When we were on a speaking assignment in Rhode Island, we asked a 17-year-old boy if he had a girlfriend. He said, “No, I’ve never had a date, let alone a girlfriend.”

This was a good looking, likable guy, so we were surprised and asked why. He told us it was his family’s standard to date only faithful Latter-day Saints. “There are no LDS girls my age, so I don’t date,” he said. “And it isn’t easy.” His sister had been in the same boat and didn’t date until she went to a college where there were other LDS students.

These teens hang out with friends of other faiths with high standards, but they don’t pair off and date. They don’t want to risk falling in love with someone they couldn’t marry in the temple. We were impressed with the faith and obedience of these young people. They understood the counsel of President Spencer W. Kimball, who said, “Right marriage begins with right dating . . . Do not take the chance of dating nonmembers, or members who are untrained and faithless. [You] cannot afford to take a chance on falling in love with someone who may never accept the gospel.”

We are convinced that the Lord will bless these faithful young people in wonderful ways. To the faithful He promises, “Thou shalt observe all these things, and great shall be thy reward” (D&C 42:65). There is no question that the reward will be worth the wait.

Use Moroni’s Measuring Rod
Just because a person shows up at church doesn’t mean he or she is living the standards of the Church. We don’t judge or condemn people—that’s the Lord’s job. But you must make judgments when deciding who to associate with.

Commenting on righteous judgment, Moroni said, “I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ . . . ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God. But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil.” (Moroni 7:16-17).

Satan’s Traps

Are people you meet in Internet chat stations likely to be good dating material? This kind of relationship can be extremely dangerous. Make it a rule not to chat on line with anyone you don’t already know. It’s even less safe than striking up a conversation with a stranger coming out of a bar. A person met on the Internet could be a forty-year-old pervert with evil intentions, pretending to be a terrific young guy or girl. People with serious personality defects and a horrible lifestyle may lead you to believe almost anything.

Never Count on Changing the Other Person
Sometimes people date those less worthy, hoping to bring them to a higher standard of gospel living. They think, “I’m sure he/she will like me enough to change.” This seldom happens. If you date people who lack high standards, you may end up marrying someone who will pull you down to his or her level. When you’re with someone who is already following Satan, you can easily fall. Protect yourself by refusing to date those who don’t live up to the Savior’s standards.

When people spiritually lose their way, it doesn’t mean they cannot change—but this may not happen. Invite them to listen to the missionary discussions or to atttend church functions. If they’re already members, encourage them to visit their bishop. Be kind, but don’t date people until they’ve repented. The risk is just too great.

What About You?
What kind of person are you? Someone a faithful Latter-day Saint girl or guy would want to date? Look carefully at your own values. Try to honestly determine whether or not you’re striving to live them.

When Margie said to her cousin, “I don’t know why such scummy guys always ask me out,” he was honest and said, “You attract these guys by the way you dress.” Margie didn’t get the message. She said “the good guys,” just weren’t asking her out. If you want to date decent people, you must be a decent person yourself.

Dating is always more enjoyable when both you and your date strive to keep the commandments. You have less to worry about and more to enjoy together as you seek wholesome activities.

Dating in groups can be especially enjoyable. Counsel from the First Presidency in For the Strength of Youth is clear on the subject: “When you begin dating, go in groups or on double dates. Avoid frequently dating the same person.” Choose well those you date and you’ll take a giant step toward protecting your sexual purity. You’ll be qualifying yourself for all the blessings the Lord has in store for you. He has said, “be thou faithful . . . and I will give thee a crown of life” (Revelations 2:10).