Mormon Life - Stress tag

Young Women Lesson 44: Avoiding Crisis Living

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:05:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality." -Robert D. Hales Discussion Questions
• In what areas of your life do you procrastinate? What affect does it have on you and on those around you?
• How do you choose between “good, better, and best”? (See Dallin H. Oaks, “Good, Better, Best,” Ensign, Nov. 2007, 104–8.)

Excerpt from "Becoming Provident Providers Temporally and Spiritually," by Elder Robert D. Hales, April 2009 General Conference:

How blessed we are to be led by a living prophet! Growing up during the Great Depression, President Thomas S. Monson learned how to serve others. Often his mother asked him to deliver food to needy neighbors, and she would give homeless men odd jobs in exchange for home-cooked meals. Later as a young bishop, he was taught by President J. Reuben Clark, “Be kind to the widow and look after the poor” (in Thomas S. Monson, “A Provident Plan—A Precious Promise,” Ensign, May 1986, 62). President Monson looked after 84 widows and cared for them until they passed away. Through the years, his service to members and neighbors throughout the world has become the hallmark of his ministry. We are grateful to have his example. Thank you, President Monson.

Brothers and sisters, as did President Monson, our children are growing up in times of economic uncertainty. Just as our grandparents and great-grandparents learned vital lessons through economic adversity, what we learn now, in our present circumstances, can bless us and our posterity for generations to come.

Today I speak to all whose freedom to choose has been diminished by the effects of ill-advised choices of the past. I speak specifically of choices that have led to excessive debt and addictions to food, drugs, pornography, and other patterns of thought and action that diminish one’s sense of self-worth. All of these excesses affect us individually and undermine our family relationships. Of course some debt incurred for education, a modest home, or a basic automobile may be necessary to provide for a family. Unfortunately however, additional debt is incurred when we cannot control our wants and addictive impulses. And for both debt and addiction, the hopeful solution is the same—we must turn to the Lord and follow His commandments. We must want more than anything else to change our lives so that we can break the cycle of debt and our uncontrolled wants. I pray that in the next few minutes, and throughout this conference, you will be filled with hope in our Savior, Jesus Christ, and find hope in the doctrines of His restored gospel.

Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality. Let me assure you that your situation is not beyond the reach of our Savior. Through Him, every struggle can be for our experience and our good (see D&C 122:7). Each temptation we overcome is to strengthen us, not destroy us. The Lord will never allow us to suffer beyond what we can endure (see 1 Corinthians 10:13).

To read the full talk, click here.

Word of Wisdom: The Pressure, Part 2

Wed, 19 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Friends' behavior can influence you even when nothing is said--even when you don't realize you're being influenced. Group dynamics are powerful. That's why it doesn't hurt to think carefully about the groups you choose. The Pressure, Part 2

Church leaders are continually reminding LDS youth that today's decisions become tomorrow's realities. In other words, the things you do add up to YOU. Right this minute and every single day, you are making decisions which will shape your life. That's your job, whether you remember signing up for it or not, and it is huge! It can also be a bit overwhelming, which may be one reason why having friends your own age is so important. Most everyone relates best to others who are in the same boat. Let's face it, shared experience is a powerful force. Does this mean you no longer care about parents and their input? Of course not, but looking to peers first can be a source of conflict in the family, especially if those peers hold different ideas, values, and beliefs than you've been taught.

Surveys show that teenagers are influenced at least as much and probably more by friends than parents. How does this make parents feel? Nervous. VERY nervous! It isn't easy to move over when you're used to being the big kahuna (s) in your child's life. Of course, cultivating squeaky clean friends can do a lot to calm parents down on this issue. Friends who are not so squeaky, on the other hand, will have the opposite effect. In fact, your personal choices can move formerly easy-going parents from slightly nervous to downright worried to completely ballistic. Are they overreacting? Does choosing friends with different values really mean you will change yours? Not necessarily, and some kids do hang out with friends who party and never join in. It's risky though, and let me tell you why.

Recently, an evening news program featured a university study showing the tendency of human beings to conform to a group. Several unsuspecting college students were asked to take an exam. They were separated from one another and placed with what appeared to be a roomful of regular students. Those "regular" students, however, were only pretending to be real test-takers. They were actually part of the study, planted there to give incorrect answers. By the way, the test was easy and consisted of looking at four lines and choosing which two were the same length. The answers were obvious to anyone.

Here's the catch. Test-takers who were in on the scheme were coached ahead of time to purposely miss each question. They agreed as a group to solve every problem by giving the same, wrong answer. Chairs were arranged in a pattern which allowed the phony students to respond first, and every answer was spoken out loud. When the test began, the initial "real" student, who had no clue what was going on, looked puzzled by everyone else's inability to tell which two sticks were the same. He still gave the right answer and went on to answer the second and third questions correctly too. By the fourth question, however, with each planted student continuing to contradict him, the test subject appeared tense and unhappy. He gave the right solution, but without conviction. On question number five, the poor guy finally caved in and offered the same answer the others did, though his facial expression showed that he clearly knew it was incorrect.

The same experiment was conducted with several other test subjects, and only one held out against the crowd, giving the right answer to the very end. Later, she described herself as being so "uptight" she could barely respond. What did the scientists conclude? That people, by nature, want to fit in with group behavior. Even when they know they are right, it becomes harder and harder to go against what the group is doing.

Peer pressure is real, but it is often silent. Did the planted students tell the first test subject to answer as they did? No. Did they make fun of his correct answers? Not at all. They didn't need to. He still felt pressured to conform, not because they wanted him to but because instinctively he was more comfortable going with the flow. Will everyone give in to peer pressure? Not by a long shot. But the risk is there, and that risk is even greater when the pressure comes out in the open.

Our high school has few Mormons, so most of my children's friends went to parties for one reason... to party! One son's group made it fairly easy for him to obey the Word of Wisdom. They teased him a bit but were pretty low-key about the whole thing. Most of them seemed to respect his ability to swim upstream. Another son's group wasn't so easy. They were neat kids, but they were also kids who thought drinking was cool—and that refusing to drink with your friends was not cool. They saw drinking as a male bonding/football player kind of thing, and his not drinking with them was seen as a kind of rejection. Sometimes he felt guilty, like he was letting the group down by avoiding the keg. Other times he felt strange when they'd make comments or jokes about being Mormon. All these things made keeping the Word of Wisdom more of a struggle.

Peer groups are different, and you get to choose yours. A number of them will openly share your beliefs, supporting them with their own actions. Others will respect your beliefs but behave according to theirs. Some will actively try to change you. The important thing to remember is the lesson taught in our university study. Friends' behavior can influence you even when nothing is said—even when you don't realize you're being influenced. Group dynamics are powerful. That's why it doesn't hurt to think carefully about the groups you choose. It also doesn't hurt to be on guard once you're in them!

One more thought. Peer pressure is a force to be reckoned with, but sometimes the hardest pressure to withstand is the pressure you put on yourself. Regardless of what feeds it (parents, school, church, friends, low self-esteem, feelings of failure, or just a need to live up to whatever ideal you've set), pressure from within can be the most difficult of all. Of course a little pressure is needed or you might just lay in bed half the day—or become a total vegetable—but while some is good, too much is too much. Perfection isn't on the menu for this life, and while trying hard is a good thing, being hard on yourself is not. You could wind up wanting to feel better any way you can, and that's a dangerous place to be when you're trying to obey the Word of Wisdom. So give yourself a break once in a while, okay? Remember who you are, why you came here, where you're going, and whose help you can depend on in getting there. One thing's for sure... The best friend any of us will ever have is a loving Heavenly Father, and His influence is 100% guaranteed to bless, NOT stress.

(Check back next week when we'll talk about "The Quick Fix."

Word of Wisdom: The Pressure, Part 1

Wed, 12 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: People are communal creatures, and wanting to be one of the crowd is natural. This usually brings up questions: "Which set of rules makes sense to me, if any? Whose ideas come closest to my own? What group or groups truly satisfy my needs?" Answers may not be that easy to come by, and that's why an understanding of group behavior and how it affects you is so important. The Pressure, Part 1

Pressure. Is there anyone who doesn't have to put up with it? One way or another, and usually in lots of ways, we all get to feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. Sometimes it comes from outside sources, sometimes from within, but it's always a force to be reckoned with.

When a person who's still in school decides to break the Word of Wisdom, peer pressure usually gets blamed. A lot of the teens I know resent this assumption. They feel sure that what others do doesn't really affect them. I wouldn't go that far, but I do agree that peers are only one of many sources of pressure, including parents, school, church, and even one's self. Let's take a look at some of the pressures you and your friends are exposed to, as well as their effects.

My guess is that you've all had at least one science teacher explain (probably in more detail than you wanted!) exactly how rocks are formed. Apparently sand, clay, mud, fossils, pieces of wood and the like are subjected to geological pressure over long periods of time. That pressure, a jumble of powerful forces brought to bear upon them for years, eventually molds them into rocks and boulders.

Doesn't it seem likely that the pressures exerted upon people mold them too? I believe they do, and I also believe that sometimes those forces are powerful enough to cause tremors or even full-on earthquakes in our lives. Let's take a closer look at what kinds of pressures influence you.

Most parents want the best for their children, and yours are no different. Moms and Dads are thrilled when their kids look good, act right, study hard, make the honor roll, win scholarships or other honors, run for office, join clubs, participate in sports...(are you still with me?)...attend seminary, church and activities cheerfully, develop positive extracurricular interests, choose uplifting friends, do chores willingly, develop hobbies or skills, earn their own money... (need a time out yet??)...organize their schedules, work through problems, seem happy, and in all these (and as many other ways as possible) provide good examples to their brothers and sisters. Whew! No sweat, huh? No pressure either!

As if that weren't enough, school can take the very best student and turn him or her into a total stress case. Academic competition, the need to be accepted by the "right" college, figuring out your major, dealing with frazzled teachers, and even finding some kids to hang out with can be a real drag. On top of that, you have to come up with a way to fit those important church activities in, all the time remembering to CTR in a CT not so R kind of world. Let's face it. It's not easy being you, and there is definitely pressure involved. (And we haven't even talked about peers yet!)

But we probably should. This discussion of pressure really wouldn't be complete without them. Let's begin by saying what everybody already knows: Having friends matters. And what our friends think of us matters too. This is true for parents and kids alike, because acceptance is a basic human need, one we share with the animal kingdom. Wolves need a pack, sheep a herd, lions a pride, geese a flock—even puppies start out in litters!

Of course, we start out in families, but that's just the beginning. As social as our animal friends are, we seem to be even more so. While they belong to one group, we belong to many. We're part of a family, an extended family, a neighborhood, a ward, a school, a work environment, a club, a team, a class... the possibilities are endless, and so are the pressures. Where do these pressures come from? Our natural desire to please and be liked. People are communal creatures, and wanting to be one of the crowd is natural. In fact, it's instinct!

How do we get to be "one of the crowd"? The same way animals do, though on a more complex scale. We set up rules, agreements, and expectations. These can be unwritten—even unspoken—but they are as real as the messages we receive through satellite disks and telephone wires. Sometimes the group rules are right out in the open, but other times they are camouflaged so completely only your subconscious mind knows about them. Either way, your understanding and willingness to go along is the ticket that gets and keeps you in.

Scientists have noticed a similar pattern in packs, prides, and herds. Leaders evolve, as do codes of behavior, and conformity is part of the deal. Those who buck the basic laws and structure of the group will not be part of it for long. Often, the "different ones" are attacked and left behind to fend for themselves. Of course, no living thing wants to be alone.

Human beings least of all want to be alone, and our lives are even more complicated than those of the animals we observe in nature. So are the pressures we face. Most of us identify with several groups, and rules and expectations can differ with each one. As a teen, you may feel pulled in too many directions, especially when you're trying to figure out who you are and what you want. This usually brings up questions: "Which set of rules makes sense to me, if any? Whose ideas come closest to my own? What group or groups truly satisfy my needs?" Answers may not be that easy to come by, and that's why an understanding of group behavior and how it affects you is so important. We'll check that out that next week in "The Pressure, Part 2."

Word of Wisdom: Stupid Rule or Cool?

Fri, 31 May 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: How hard is it to be one of the few guys on the team who doesn't throw down a beer once in awhile? How does it feel to be labeled "close-minded," "too religious," or even "brainwashed by your parents" because you won't try just one cigarette...smoke just one bowl...take just one pill? There has to be a way to do what's right and still "fit in," right?

You Gotta Fight for the Right to Party

You Gotta Fight For the Right to Party, at least that's what the Beastie Boys said. Is it true? And if so, is the right to party worth fighting for? That's the question we're going to talk about in this series, and I'm hoping we can come up with some answers that make sense.

Before we get started though, I have to admit one thing—I'm a mom. In fact, I'm such a mom that my kids have been known to put their hands over their ears and make loud shrieking noises while I'm voicing my opinions. The good news is that I'm not your mom, which will probably make it a whole lot easier for you to put up with me! Just to be sure though, I'm ready to make you a deal. If you won't screech, I won't preach. (Or at least, I'll try not to.) Fair enough? Good, because I really think I'm onto something here, and creative (resourceful, enterprising, inventive, bold, active, lively, independent) minds may just agree that being onto something beats being on something every time.

I don't have to tell you that alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs have been around for years. When I was 15 (who said "Dark Ages?!"), teenagers used to tell their parents "everyone was doing it." At the time, that was a major exaggeration, but today it's closer to the truth. Nearly everyone IS doing it, which can make standing up for what's right a lot harder. You've probably already learned that it's no walk in the park being one of a "peculiar people," especially when you're trying to be reasonably cool.

How hard is it to be one of the few guys on the team who doesn't throw down a beer once in awhile? How does it feel to be labeled "close-minded," "too religious," or even "brainwashed by your parents" because you won't try just one cigarette...smoke just one bowl...take just one pill? Of course, some kids will admire you for sticking by your beliefs (and that's a great feeling!), but even those who look up to you might decide you're a little too "good" for their group. There has to be a way to do what's right and still "fit in," right?

Right!...In fact, I've seen it done!! Of course, it isn't always easy. None of this is easy, but you know that better than anyone. You also know that getting through the teenage years without breaking the Word of Wisdom is becoming less common. Right now it's your job to achieve independence, so having friends think you're "controlled" either by your religion or your parents can be pretty hard to take. The truth is, people who can't imagine passing up all that "fun" often assume someone or something else must be making your choices for you, which is pretty annoying—and disrespectful too. You deserve credit for your own choices, good or bad. Besides, you know as well as I do that no one can be forced to obey the Word of Wisdom. (That's one you gotta handle yourself!)

And you CAN handle it yourself. What's more, you can handle it well, but there's a catch. You have to really want it. What's more, you have to know why you want it. This kind of knowing demands information, and this Mormon Life series is one person's attempt to collect and supply some. I hope you'll find the facts, true experiences, and ideas in these Word of Wisdom columns a useful resource. Your decision, as always, will be up to you. Make it thoughtfully, even prayerfully, because you deserve the best life has to offer, now and forever.

Next up in the "Word of Wisdom" series, "The Pressure: Part 1"....

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