Mormon Life - Singles tag

Never been on a date? LDS singles' experiences provide tips, skills

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 10:31:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: There's also a printable quiz to see how experienced you are as a dater. For LDS singles, going out on a first date is a rite of passage. It is viewed as an activity that should be simultaneously fun and purposeful. A February 2011 study of Utah Valley University students indicated that both men and women who dated did so about three times a month.

Surprisingly, the study indicated that about 16 percent of UVU students had not yet dated. Many of them were freshmen.

What is the best advice for the brand-new Latter-day Saint dater?

LDS singles programs: A model for Jews?

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 10:30:00 -0700

source: jewishjournal.com

As I prepare to marry a wonderful girl in the Los Angeles LDS Temple on Saturday, I can’t help but reflect on how my church has striven mightily to bring this about. From singles wards (congregations) at Brigham Young University to singles conferences throughout the world, singles in the LDS dating pool are brought together on a weekly basis to worship, have fun, date, and marry, preferably in a temple. I have not always enjoyed exploring the Mormon singles scene, but am eternally grateful that the church’s singles program encouraged and guided my fiancée and me towards the ultimate goal of a temple marriage. While I love pointing out areas in which Mormons can learn from Jews, in this case I think that Jews could learn a thing or two from Mormons about providing opportunities for singles to marry within the faith.

Australian Young Single Adults celebrate the new year at YSA conventions

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:16:00 -0700

source: news.lds.org

When New Year’s celebrations are broadcast, the world often watches the events in Australia, which is among the first countries to reach January 1. This year, Latter-day Saint young single adults in at least two parts of the country rang in the New Year at YSA Conventions.

Five-day multistake conventions in both Melbourne and Brisbane, Australia, which took place from December 29, 2011, to January 2, 2012, provided an opportunity for young single adults to get to know each other, share their testimonies, and be uplifted.

Online LDS dating sites grow in popularity

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 13:40:00 -0700

source: universe.byu.edu

Bekka Joner, previously a nanny in Boston, was having trouble meeting male members her own age in her small LDS branch. At the request of her roommate, she decided to create a profile on a dating website. She was specific in what she wanted: a temple-worthy member, tall, college educated. The search gave her five options. One in particular, Michael Joner, stands out to her. She decided to risk sending him a message.

They are now celebrating their fifth anniversary of marriage.

YSA fitness challenge

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 09:54:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

Early in the morning on a clear, warm New Year's Eve day, they walked, jogged, ran, biked and even rode a scooter in the Ultimate Fitness Challenge – a difficult half marathon that had much deeper spiritual significance for members of a young single adult branch.

Each had a singular goal in mind: To make it to the temple.

{Single Saints} Dating Resolutions for the New Year

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 00:04:00 -0700

by Kaela Worthen
source: MormonLife.com

Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or married, there are always ways you can improve your love life to increase the happiness of yourself and your (current or potential) significant other.

Single

1. Try something new. Take a yoga class, join a local hiking group, learn a new language at your community college. All of these places will help you to expand and improve yourself, keeping you from moping about being single, improving your self-confidence and happiness (thus making you more likely to attract someone of the opposite sex), and, best of all, giving you plenty of opportunities to meet new people. (Try this really cool idea to get you started.)

2. Try online dating. Seriously. I’m not saying it’s because you’re weird/boring/less than the rest of society. Forget any of the stereotypes you’ve heard. It works. You know how I know? My boyfriend of 4 months and I met there. My goal was to try online dating if I graduated college single (see this article); yours can be if you’re starting 2012 single. I met lots of great guys (and, yes, a few odd ones), had a ton of fun on dates, and then found one guy I wanted to pursue things even further with. Want more proof it works? One in eight couples who married in 2009 met through social media (read this article for more info).

3. Don’t be so picky. The idea that you have to wait for THE one in order to start a relationship? False. Even the general authorities say so, in this article. If you think there’s potential, even though fireworks aren’t going off announcing your handsome prince charming, give it a chance. If things don’t work out, you’ll both come away better people, having learned better what you are looking for, who you want to be, and how a relationship works.

4. But don’t be too unpicky. At the same time, if there’s a girl you’re really just not interested in, don’t force things just because you want or feel like you should be in a relationship. You’ll cause both of you more heartache in the future. Ladies, if there’s a guy you like but you know he’s not good enough for you, don’t settle just because you want to be in a relationship.

In a Relationship

1. Have story time. When you’ve been dating for a while, you get to know each other well, but considering the years you’ve been alive and the months you’ve been dating, the amount you know versus what there is to be known is still miniscule. Try this: “I want to hear a story about [when you were a kid and one of your siblings was mean to you/something about you and sports/something you’ve always wanted and never gotten/anything else in the world].” The requests, and the stories related, can range from humorous anecdotes, stories with no point at all, or deep discussions about who you are and how you view the world.

2. Have regular DTRs. For those of you who haven’t been introduced to this quintessential Mormon colloquialism, a DTR is a conversation about the state of your relationship—a “Define the Relationship.” Most commonly it is used in the context of that all-important conversation that also makes usage of the word “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” acceptable. But even after you’ve passed that hurdle, checking in to see how things are going and that you’re still on the same page is wise—just like a companionship inventory for missionaries. You can discuss anything that the other person needs to be aware of and any concerns before they are allowed to fester into full-blown arguments.

3. Make a to-do list. It's easy for a relationship to stagnate when you fall into a rhythm of doing the same things and eating at the same places all the time. Together or separately, come up with a list of things you want to do—whether it's eat at a certain restaurant, go on a hike to a special place, learn how to make sushi, or anything else. Make it your go-to list whenever you don't have a plan, and pick something that sounds interesting to do. That way you can both grow and progress as individuals and in your relationship as you try new things and explore each other's interests.

4. Go on more double dates. Another way to make sure your relationship doesn't stagnate is to involve other people into your activities. Having more people to interact with will give you more opportunities to get to know each other in a different viewpoint and make sure things stay interesting.

Married

1. Go on a date at least once a month with your spouse. We've all heard the wonderful stories of married couples who go out on a date every single week. But those can often seem more like fantasy than reality as you deal with busy work schedules, needy children with homework and illnesses, callings, and more. Start simple and you won't set yourself up for failure—try one date per month together.

2. Take more opportunities to show you're thinking about your spouse. Call, stop by the office, FaceTime, surprise him or her for lunch—these little things more frequently can mean much more than occasional grandiose gestures.

3. Go to the temple at least once a month together. If you go to the temple regularly with your spouse, you and your spouse will be able to draw closer to God and to each other, making more a more celestial and successful marriage.

4. Escape on quarterly getaways. Four times a year, take the chance to plan a getaway with your spouse. If you're able to, you can go to a vacation spot you've both been yearning to visit, but it doesn't have to be extravagant. Go to a hotel in your own town, or stay in but send the kids off to stay with Grandma or have a sleepover with friends. Take the time to get rid of all the other distractions—work, callings, children, or anything else—and focus solely on each other.

Your turn: Do you have suggestions to improve the love lives of others, whether they are single, in a relationship, or married? What has worked for you, or what goals will you be setting this year? Let us know in the comments below.

Advice from LDS single men to their dates

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 11:14:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: Pretty basic, but good to hear it straight from men. When researchers at Utah Valley University interviewed students in February about their dating experiences, they never expected the men who responded to offer such supportive advice to the LDS single women they wanted to date.

A question asked of the men in the survey yielded valuable insight: “What are the top three pieces of advice you would give to your future dates that would make the date a better experience for you?”

{Single Saints} 5 Secrets to Dating Success During the Holidays

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 00:04:00 -0700

by Alisa Snell - Dating Coach
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Avoid winter dating woes by studying up on common mistakes made during the holidays and learning the secrets to counteract them.

The holidays often have huge romantic expectations and disappointments. If you are in a relationship (or wanting to be in one), you canʼt afford to make these five common mistakes. However, if you apply the accompanying five secrets, you may instead find lasting love.

Mistake #1: Hibernating for the Winter

For some singles, the winter and holidays can be lonely and depressing, whereas other singles use the cold as an excuse to just wall-up inside and do nothing. In either case, hibernating for the winter can have a huge impact on your happiness and relationships and can make you less attractive to the opposite sex. Not only does a sedentary lifestyle add to depression, anxiety, and weight gain, but it also prevents you from meeting new singles. Additionally, when men and women hang out instead of being actively involved, they often feel less passionately toward each other. Thus, being actively involved in life and doing things together makes you and the relationship more attractive, interesting, and desirable.

Secret #1: Treat the winter as a time to step out of your comfort zone and do something new with other singles or a dating partner.

In other words, women, take up a new hobby such as indoor rock climbing, scuba diving instruction, marathon training, etc. These can be great places to meet men. Men, take a dance class or join a new exercise group or yoga class. Lots of women attend these types of classes, and being physically active increases the chance of one or both of you feeling more chemistry.

Mistake #2: Inviting a Date to a High-pressure Event

If you just started dating someone, now is not the time to invite him or her to your work or family parties for the holidays. Itʼs too much pressure and can make you appear too "into" them. Instead plan on going to these events alone this holiday season, unless your date invites you to one of their holiday parties.

Secret #2: Women, follow the lead of the men you date, and men, set limits when needed, but in a loving way.

Ladies, if he invites you to a holiday party, it is safe to invite him to one of yours (not two or three). Following his lead means that you match his efforts, not exceed them. Men, if the woman you are dating asks you to a holiday party and the pressure of this event feels too great, simply say, “Wow, thanks for wanting me to come, but if itʼs okay I would rather wait until we have been dating a little longer.” Then offer to take her out for a date on another night. By doing this you avoid rejecting her personally while also avoiding the pressure that could prematurely drive you away from the relationship.

Mistake #3: Engaging in "Define the Relationship" Conversations

If you are wondering where the relationship is going, the holiday season is not the time to ask. The holidays alone can create too much pressure, and asking, “How do you feel about me and our relationship?” often makes you look desperate and needy.

Secret #3: Focus on having fun over the holidays and saving any serious conversations about how your dating partner feels about you until January.

Instead of cornering the person and making them analyze what they are feeling (or not feeling) just have fun and assume that the relationship is less serious (even if they invite you to their family or work parties). If you assume less you will create less pressure, whereas if you assume too much, the other person may panic and run. And for those singles who were hoping to have a Christmas Eve engagement experience: Unless they were ring shopping with you before Thanksgiving, put such dreams out of your mind. Itʼs not likely to happen and pressuring them to move more quickly will only cause tension or break ups.

Mistake #4: Buying Expensive Gifts

You may want to buy your new dating partner an expensive gift, but unless you are in a clearly defined girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, keep your gifts to $50 or less (preferably $30 or less).

Secret #4: Give a gift that matches but does not exceed their efforts or the seriousness of the relationship.

If you fear that they may buy you something expensive and you donʼt want to look cheap, then buy two gifts (one that is more expensive and one that is less expensive) so you can pull out the appropriate gift based on their gift, and then return the other. And, if you have only been on one or two dates, forgo giving a gift altogether and instead prepare a simple treat, like something you would give a neighbor. Such a gesture is enough to show you are thinking of them but are not assuming that the relationship is more serious than it is.

Mistake #5: Introducing Your Date as Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend

When attending a work or family party, it is reasonable to assume that others will ask you or your date if you are serious or just friends. Anticipate this problem beforehand so as to avoid an awkward moment that could create too much pressure. You need to look confident and comfortable with the least serious description of your relationship so your date doesnʼt feel shocked by any descriptions that donʼt match their feelings.

Secret #5: Express that you intend to introduce your date as a good friend (or just a date) until they say they want to be introduced as more (boyfriend/girlfriend or fiance).

Determine the least serious description you think you could both agree on, then make sure to share this assumption with your date before the event so that they also donʼt feel hurt. To do this, say, “Just to be on the safe side, if anyone asks about us, I plan to say that we are just good friends [or just dating]. Let me know if you would prefer that I introduce you as more than this.” Then smile, act confident, and change the subject. They will appreciate the less-pressure-filled description while feeling free to jump in with a different description (i.e., “Iʼm okay with you saying Iʼm your boyfriend”) if they prefer it.

For more dating techniques like these and to help you avoid hundreds of other dating mistakes or issues, visit itsyourtechnique.com. After all, regardless of your dating past, itʼs NOT you--itʼs your technique. With the right knowledge and skills, you can find the relationships you are looking for.

Alisa Goodwin Snell is a licensed marriage and family therapist and dating coach with 17 years of experience. She is the author of the Mormon Dating System. Visit itsyourtechnique.com/specialoffer to get amazing discounts on her books, DVDs, and audios (only available on her website).

LDS Institute student service groups dissolving after 'a great run'

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 09:22:00 -0700

source: hjnews.townnews.com

After more than seven decades in existence, the service organizations at the Logan LDS Institute are being disbanded.

The Institute Men's Association and Institute Women's Association will cease to exist at the end of this semester after a decision made by the board of education of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, according to Brad Howell, assistant administrator for Seminaries and Institutes of Religion. Howell said the move gives priesthood leaders within young single adult stakes the responsibility of organizing activities, rather than these two Institute student groups.

{Lifestyle} Food Storage Tips for Singles and College Students

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 00:04:00 -0700

by SarahJo Ciotti
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Most young adults think of food storage as that thing their parents do. But regardless of how settled you are, food storage is important for any independent person. Here are some essential "getting started" tips.

College students and singles know what they can and cannot live without. We can live without a working stove; we cannot live without a new sweater that would finish off an outfit for that job interview or date perfectly. Okay; maybe that’s just me.

But when you’re in college, priorities can be different than they perhaps should be, and food storage is a perfect example of things we think we can do without.

I don’t have to worry about that until I’m older and officially a “grown up,” right? Wrong!

In my college and post-college experience, I have witnessed the crazy things that can happen to anyone, anytime, and food storage can be an incredible comfort in these times. Even when faced with the challenges of limited money and space that college presents, food storage is still doable.

Planning

When I think of food storage and trying to build my own, I imagine a giant drum of 1000 pounds of cracked wheat barreling down a hill with me running for my life in front of it.

But planning out your own storage does not have to be so scary. The important thing to remember is to think of the foods you like and use. You don’t need cracked wheat if you don't know how to use it. Keep track of how much and what type of food you use for a week and start planning from there.

There are also online blogs that offer lists and other tools to help you get started. Shelfreliance.com provides help with their Q Planner: you add in your information, budget, and food preferences and they create a plan just for you. “This is the perfect solution for students or single households, because it requires very little time and effort,” says J. Bart Mills of Shelf Reliance. “With a few easy clicks of your mouse, you can begin building a quality food storage you know you will enjoy.”

Building

Sometimes building a supply of food can be intimidating, especially when on a budget. “We suggest that you just start small,” Mills says. “You can begin by purchasing food you are familiar with and would be able to prepare and eat if necessary.” You do not have to buy everything at once. Now that you’ve kept track of what types of foods you use in a typical week, pick up one or two extra of those items each time you go shopping. If you typically use three boxes of macaroni and cheese a week but notice one time that they are on sale when bought five a time, save the extra two as food storage. “The key is to keep things simple,” says Mills. “If you are placed in situation where you need to use your food storage, storing items that you already know how to use will make things easy and not nearly as intimidating.”

Storing

Storage space in temporary housing is tight without adding a year’s supply of food storage. Books, clothes, and recreational gear all take space, and if you’re sharing a kitchen with two to five other people, things can get cramped quickly. Try raising your bed with cinderblocks and storing some of your less-used items in a plastic bin, using a dresser drawer or two for some items, or putting lighter items on those high-up shelves in closets that you can never really reach without great difficulty and thus probably aren’t currently using.

Timing

Don’t worry about trying to collect a full year of food storage; it’s unrealistic for college students to hold on to more than a three-month supply of food since they are often moving from one place to another. The typical length of a semester is only three months, and you don’t want your car to be packed full of food and have no room for your other belongings when you leave at the end of the school year. Plan for a few weeks to a month of storage rotating out regularly.

For single households, life may be a little more predictable. Perhaps you have a job and an apartment with more than a three-month lease. In that case, it would be more feasible to gradually build a supply up to three months, again, rotating regularly, and then continue as you are able.

Study: What LDS women want in a relationship

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 13:19:00 -0700

source: MormonTimes.com

Mormon Life says: R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me Women want to be treated with respect by their dates, a survey of Mormon students at Utah Valley University in February 2011 found.

A sample of 257 single and 85 newly married UVU females answered this question: “What are the three worst things your date could do while on a date with you?”

{Single Saints} Surviving the Holidays after Divorce

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 00:05:00 -0700

by Jessica Carter
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: The holidays can be an especially difficult time for the recently divorced - what with all the family, traditions, and memories that will certainly be affected. How can you bring back some of the cheer? Earlier this week we ran an article on what to say (and not say) to the recently divorced. But the holidays can be an especially difficult time. If you’re facing the holidays for the first time as a divorced person, try the following tips to brighten the season.

Accept the invitations. Resist the urge to sit home in your pajamas feeling sorry for yourself. Take every opportunity to have fun and socialize. If the party invitations aren’t pouring in, plan your own get-together.

Recharge. Social gatherings are a great way to lift your spirits, but pampering yourself is also essential. Treat yourself to a massage or that new novel you’ve wanted to read. Do something that makes you happy, and don’t feel guilty for taking a little time for yourself.

Make goals. The holiday season is definitely not the time to dwell on the negative. But with the New Year fast approaching, meaningful reflection and sincere resolve to improve yourself in specific areas can give you hope for a happier life in 2012.

Create new traditions. Undoubtedly, the holidays will conjure memories of your ex spouse, and the traditions you loved can make the season more painful for you and your children. Take the time to plan different activities and create new, positive experiences for everyone.

Coordinate with your ex well in advance. If you have children, make sure you plan the holiday schedule early on so everyone knows what to count on. Where will the children spend Thanksgiving? Christmas Eve? Christmas Day? Are there any family gatherings planned? Working out the kinks as soon as possible will make the holidays more enjoyable for everyone involved. Be flexible. And above all, be civil.

Stay positive. I know, it’s definitely easier said than done, but it is possible. Surround yourself with upbeat people and avoid those friends and family members who love to commiserate and complain. A positive attitude is especially important if you have children—like it or not, your mood will set the tone for their holiday, too.

What (and What Not) to Say to the Recently Divorced

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:05:00 -0700

by Jessica Carter
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: For Church members who have recently experienced divorce, it feels like the ultimate failure—marriages, especially temple marriages, aren’t supposed to end if you are doing your best to do what’s right. Yet, here we are—hurt, confused, and shaken to the core. So, what should you say to someone who is recently divorced? Here are a few do’s and don’ts to help you navigate some emotional landmines while still offering your heartfelt support.

#1. Don’t say: nothing.
I get it—sometimes people don’t know what to say. But avoiding me or acting awkward around me doesn’t help. When I’m talking to someone, it’s pretty obvious if that person has heard the news and is trying to act like he or she doesn’t know—the lack of eye contact, the shifting from one foot to the other, the unusually intense interest in the day’s weather, etc. Go ahead and note the elephant in the
room.

Do say: “I’m sorry to hear about your divorce,” or some other simple, sincere expression of sympathy.
I know I’m divorced—it’s okay for you to acknowledge this life-changing event. In fact, I would prefer that you did. It doesn’t mean I want to dwell on it. It’s just a way for you to let me know you care. And if you follow with, “How are you holding up?” it goes a long way.

#2. Don’t say: “What happened?”
Divorces are excruciatingly painful and complicated. I don’t want to explain or defend my decision. Odds are there are details a divorced person wants to keep private—especially if children are involved. And odds are this is a decision he or she has agonized over for months or even years. Maybe it wasn’t even his or her choice, but the ex spouse’s. We can’t neatly summarize it for you, nor do we want to try.

Do say: “I’m here for you if you ever need to talk.”
This statement lets us know to whom we can turn if and when we do need to work through our feelings. If I take you up on your offer, you’ll probably end up with a lot of information and insights about the situation, so it’s critical that you keep everything confidential. Please don’t extend a listening ear if you know you won’t be able to resist the urge to share details with others.

#3. Don’t say: “I never thought you two were a good match anyway” or “I never knew what you saw in him/her.”
My whole world has just been turned upside down, and I’m already questioning my judgment on just about everything in my life. Obviously, at one point I loved this person deeply and thought this person was the best match for me. It doesn’t help to know that you never liked him or that you saw our divorce coming from a mile away.

Do say: “I hope you are both doing okay.”
Some divorced people may disagree with me here, but I don’t want people to feel the need to choose sides. The ex spouse is hurting too, and I appreciate it when people express concern. In fact, I encourage friends to reach out to the ex spouse—especially if that person is the one who moved out. He or she is living somewhere new and likely doesn’t have a support system in place. If you were a friend before the divorce, there is no reason you shouldn’t be one now.

#4. Don’t say: “At least you’re still sealed together.”
For two people who have decided they would be better off living separate lives, the notion of being sealed together for eternity is not particularly comforting. And even if we are still sealed, that may not remain the case, so such a comment could make things worse down the road. Better just not to go there at all. Period.

Do say: “You are a great person with a lot to offer.”
Our confidence is nonexistent at this point, so, yes, we could use a pep talk now and then. Be specific and talk about some of your favorite qualities about us. We could use the reminder, and some of the qualities you notice might surprise us and help give us hope for someday finding love again.

#5. Don’t say: “I wonder whose fault it was,” “I wonder who left whom,” or anything else along those lines.
I know it’s human nature to speculate, and I’m sure these conversations are being had between neighbors and friends, but please be careful about what you say—especially in front of your children. Just assume that anything you say will eventually be repeated to my children. And trust me, they don’t need to hear your theories on infidelity, pornography, finances, or anything else.

Do say: “I’m sure you’ll do what’s best for you and your family. Let me know how I can help.”
Please don’t judge us. Certainly mistakes were made by both parties, but you don’t have all the facts, no matter how much you think you know. Instead, give us the benefit of the doubt. Regardless of how we got to this point, we’re here, and we’re doing the best we can. If you do offer to help in some way, please make sure you follow through. Otherwise, it feels like you’ve thrown me a desperately needed lifeline and then yanked it away again. It’s much better for me not to plan on any help than to count on assistance that never materializes.

#6. Don’t say: “I heard your ex is dating someone who looks just like Cindy Crawford/Brad Pitt.”
As I mentioned earlier, our self-esteem is probably at an all-time low. We don’t need to know that the ex spouse is dating someone who is incredibly wealthy or looks like a supermodel. Nor do we need to hear that he or she is dating a different person every night of the week.

Do say: nothing.
Never repeat rumors about the ex spouse. And even if you’ve seen something with your own two eyes, keep it to yourself. No good can come of it.

#7. Don’t say: “I know a guy/girl who is divorced. I should set you up.”
You might as well say, “You have warts, I know a guy/girl who has warts, you’d be perfect together.” We already feel like damaged goods in the LDS singles market. Don’t make us feel worse by assuming that only another divorced person could possibly be interested in us. Absolutely, Mr. Divorced could be Mr. Right, but if divorce is the only thing we have in common, don’t bother. Please consider hobbies, personalities, goals, etc., and not just our marital status.

Do say: “When you’re ready to start dating, let me know. I have a great guy/girl in mind for you.”
The thought of diving back into the dating pool is terrifying. We are depending on our friends to introduce us to others we might click with—whether or not they have been married before.

#8. Don’t say: “I’m sure you just want to be left alone.”
Getting divorced feels like jumping off a cliff—and we need friends and family to be our safety net. Assuming we want to be left alone is almost a guarantee that we will fall even deeper down the rabbit hole. Check in on us from time to time and let us know you care. Even a quick e-mail or phone call
means a lot.

Do say: “Would you like to come?”
True, I have pulled away from friends and family and currently maintain a near-hermit lifestyle. I just need more time to heal. But please keep inviting me to join you, even if I keep turning you down. I feel like I don’t fit in—especially at church—so please continue to reach out and include me. I’ll accept your invitation when I’m ready.

Counsel on dating and courtship from church leaders

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 15:14:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

Mormon Life says: The average age of marriage is on the rise: 25.9 for women and 27.6 for men. Dating can be complicated. Singles deal with the intricacies of getting to know and understand one another, coupled with a mix of technological, financial, societal, religious and media influences.

Active LDS singles are encouraged to work toward a temple marriage at the appropriate time in their lives by adhering to high moral standards. The journey from first date to temple marriage can be challenging and contain blessings, heartbreaks and pitfalls. Thousands of books and articles by LDS and secular authors have extolled wisdom and tips about dating. Advice about how to act, what to say, what to wear and what to do while dating has been covered in detail. Over the years, prophets and apostles have also given counsel to LDS singles about dating. This article is a culmination of their words. As a preface, a quote from a May 1989 Ensign article to young men and women by Elder Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve (who is now president of that quorum) sums up the guiding counsel of Church leaders on dating: "You are a child of God. He is the father of your spirit. Spiritually you are of noble birth, the offspring of the King of Heaven. Fix that truth in your mind and hold to it."

Three questions that make dating easier for LDS men and women

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 10:53:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: Sounds like a speed dating conversation. Do these questions really make dating easier? Knowing what to talk about during those awkward first few minutes on a date can be challenging. One of the best ways to overcome this awkwardness is to develop a few predetermined questions you can use to break the tension of the moment.

Before asking or answering any questions, decide in advance to spend most of your conversational energies learning about the other person. When you ask the other person questions about him or herself, you allow them to speak about something they totally understand and it takes the conversation from the awkward question and answer level to a more comfortable storytelling format for both of you. This is especially true if you tell them a little bit about yourself after they have answered your questions.

{Single Saints} Dating Mistakes Women Make

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 00:08:00 -0700

by Ryan Kunz
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: We guys are by no means perfect when it comes to dating, but that doesn't mean we're the only ones making mistakes. Here are some pitfalls you can avoid, ladies, to make life easier for all parties involved.

Dating is a dance in which neither partner knows the steps. There we go, one partner trying to do the tango while the other struggles through a waltz. Sometimes, the dance ends and both partners decide this awkward hoedown is something they want to figure out together for the rest of their lives. Most of the time, however, the dance ends with one or both of them clutching figurative sprained ankles.

Both sides should be willing to cut the other a little slack. But there are a few things girls can do--or, more specifically, not do--to prevent any awkward toe-stepping during the courtship dance. (To check out a list of mistakes guys should avoid, click here.)

1. Being too quiet.

I’ll agree that maintaining the balance so both parties enjoy fulfilling contributions to the conversation can be difficult, and both sides make mistakes in this regard. I’ve heard girls complain when a guy talks about himself for the span of the date, but we have no choice when the girl reverts to such shyness that she is almost indistinguishable from a remarkably pretty potted plant that has learned to occasionally nod and say, “Hmm.” We’ll do our best, and you do your best. That’s all we both can expect.

2. Giving too much attention to others.

If we’re with other people, it’s perfectly acceptable to talk to them too, but please don’t neglect us in favor of your friends or the other guys. (Especially the other guys.) If your friends happen to be present, you should still make sure you give your date the time he deserves.

3. Giving mixed signals.

Sometimes girls act like they're interested and we think things are going along great--until we try to make a move and get rejected. Reciprocating our attempts at physical affection is by no means mandatory, and we should not feel like we’re entitled to some level of such affection. But let us hold your hand or kiss you if the timing’s right, we both want it, and it's within the boundaries of chaste behavior. A little shyness is natural, but unwarranted fickleness will simply send us back home scratching our heads at the perpetual mystery of femininity.

4. Expecting us to read your mind.

Let’s say I tell you we’re going to a Mexican restaurant and you secretly hate Mexican food. Please tell me you think it’s a bad idea. Otherwise you’re going to have to suffer through chalupas all evening, and I’m going to have to suffer through you suffering though chalupas without knowing what’s going on. Whether you do or don't want to do something, please, let us know.

5. Holding unrealistic expectations.

Girls, we love you, but we just don’t understand you. You’re like a mystical temple unearthed in the Amazon, hoarding fabled treasure inside but guarded by deadly traps. We’re trying to learn more about you and not get eaten by giant tarantulas or crushed by rolling boulders in the process. Please excuse us for making mistakes in our attempts to court you.

Let’s all try to be more understanding. We guys can be a little stupid, but we’re not the only guilty parties when dating goes south. Maybe, if the above suggestions are taken into account, we can both avoid sprained ankles as we continue through this crazy dance we call dating.

Your turn: Is this list complete? Accurate? What are some other mistakes women make in dating?

Ryan Kunz is proud of the fact that he is a Star Wars nerd and remains socially adept and reasonably conscious of fashion. He enjoys writing, hiking, spending time in intellectually stimulating company, and talking about himself in the third person. He will someday be a bestselling novelist but in the meantime is studying advertising at BYU.

President Packer: 'I speak most earnestly to the one who is seeking'

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 10:13:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

Mormon Life says: A summary of President Packer's devotional he gave to YSA last night All people live on spiritual credit; Jesus Christ is the mediator who steps between the debtor and creditor, answering the plea for mercy while fulfilling the demand for justice. So taught President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve on Sunday evening.

Focusing much of his talk on the Savior’s atonement and the responsibility of individuals to accept its redemptive power through repentance, he addressed thousands of college-young adults during a Church Educational System devotional assembly held in the Marriott Center on the Brigham Young University campus in Provo. The meeting was transmitted by satellite to meetinghouses throughout North America and elsewhere.

New YSA boundaries are a struggle — everyone is 21, and I am 30, and it's really discouraging

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 09:19:00 -0700

source: MormonTimes.com

Dear Angela,

I've been in a YSA ward way too long that I feel I have outgrown it. I am a 30-year-old professional, but I feel like I don't know where to fit in right now. I moved to Utah a year ago, and the ward I moved into was full of professionals, but since they changed the wards around, my ward got really small and young.

I am fine being single, I enjoy dating still, but it's just getting harder to meet someone around my age. I've thought about going to a family ward, but the area I live in is one of those "newlywed, nearly dead" wards. I just don't know what to do. Can you help me with this situation?

Service given, unity fostered at Southern Virginia's 7th annual Temple Service Day

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 09:13:00 -0700

source: MormonTimes.com

More than 270 Southern Virginia University students, along with some faculty and staff members, gathered to ride one of five buses on a three-and-a-half hour commute to Washington, D.C., to spend their day serving others on Oct. 18.

The students’ arrival at the Washington D.C. Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints marked Southern Virginia’s seventh annual Temple Service Day — the day on which the university holds no classes and the Buena Vista Virginia Stake provides transportation and lunch for students who wish to serve at the temple.

Why Your Sister, Friend, or Daughter Isn't Dating: Flirting 101 for Today's Singles

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 00:06:00 -0700

by Alisa Snell - Dating Coach
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Many single women today find flirting difficult. Let's establish why this is so important to successful dating.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist and dating coach, I get a lot of questions from concerned family, friends, and colleges who are confused about why their fun and fabulous daughter, sister, or female neighbor isn’t dating.

The answer is simple. They don’t know how to make men feel great (or refuse to do so).

Based on the title of this article, you might have expected me to say that they don’t know how to flirt. But in actuality the ability to make men feel great is flirting—so not knowing how to flirt and not knowing how to make a man feel great when they are with you is one and the same.

There are many reasons why today’s single women feel that flirting is stupid, overwhelming, or repulsive and most of these attitudes result from the fact that women don’t really understand why flirting is both important and meaningful to the male psyche.

Often it can be easier for me to convince single women to adopt flirtatious behavior if I encourage them to stop referring to it as “flirting” and instead refer to it as “making men feel great.”

What are these make-them-feel-great behaviors and how can you encourage the single women (and even married women) in your life to use them?

To answer this question, you must first understand several key secrets to the male psychology (bolded) and female behaviors that answer these needs (italicized):

Men are driven to compete, face challenges, succeed, and conquer. When a man does something nice or meaningful (such as opening a door, offering to help her with something heavy, or expressing a compliment) and a woman looks him in the eyes, smiles, tilts her head, or uses a soft, fluctuating, and feminine tone in response, she makes him feel like a success and encourages him to sacrifice again. All of these responses are flirting behaviors, but he doesn’t notice this. He just notices that she made the time to make him feel important and appreciated. (Men need to be needed. Men like to be appreciated.)

Women will often say that they express appreciation, but without expressing more emotion and femininity in her response, her appreciation often feels less meaningful. (Men like femininity.) Her tone of voice, soft touch, gentle smile, and encouraging words are part of what men associate with femininity. Granted her shape, physical appearance, and posture add to her femininity, but the combination of her appearance and gentle behaviors is part of what makes her not only look feminine and approachable but also confident and happy. (Men like women who like themselves. Men pursue women who appear to be approachable and available.)

Men need to be needed. A man needs to feel that you trust and respect him enough to depend and rely on him. (Men pursue relationships that make them feel trusted and respected.) But trusting and relying on a man is one of the biggest struggles a woman may have. Women are often taught by society and life to be independent and self-reliant. Additionally, women usually feel great impatience when waiting for a man to do something. It can be easier to just jump in and do it rather than feeling vulnerable and anxious, but it is her willingness to lovingly express her faith and confidence in him that will ultimately ensure his ongoing sacrifice, commitment, investment, and love. (Men love through sacrifice—theirs, not women's.)

Communicating faith and trust in a man is one of the most endearing feminine qualities a woman can express, and it starts at first contact by letting him make small sacrifices such as opening a door, offering to help with something, or expressing a compliment and she accepts each offer warmly and with enthusiasm (which reinforces his desire to spend even more time with her).

These secrets to the male psychology and the behaviors I encourage women to engage in are just a few of the hundreds of techniques I teach for both men and women as a way of creating meaningful and lasting connections. Each is significant and important to the deeper needs of both sexes.

For the SINGLES reading this article:

Single women, believe in yourself. Don’t focus on these behaviors as flirting behaviors. Focus on these as important tools for making meaningful connections that will meet the deeper needs of the men in your life. Enjoy experimenting with these behaviors until you discover your own style for making the connections and getting the dates you desire. If you find it hard to use a soft tone, gentle touch, sincere compliment, or faithful expression with men (because the behaviors feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, or because you have been hurt in the past), then start using them with your family and friends. You can do this. God intends for you to succeed in having beautiful and meaningful relationships with men and, in time, a future husband. Never forget, it’s NOT you—it’s your technique. Anyone can change their technique and find love, including you. And it all starts with learning to make men feel great (both at first contact and 20 years into marriage).

Single men, you need to know the number one need of a woman is to feel safe and secure (emotionally, physically, spiritually, psychologically, sexually, etc.). As you help to make a woman feel great through investing in her and pursuing her phone number, a date, and more dates, her ability to be feminine, soft, and open with you increases. Show her that you are the kind of man who will prize and protect this femininity by investing time in her and getting to know her personally. If you keep your dating positive, simple, and clean, she will still value and appreciate both your investment and the time she spent with you, even if one of you decides that you aren’t a fit and you stop dating.

To learn all of the 17 Secrets to the Male and Female Psychology or to obtain an $80 discount on the Mormon Dating System for Men or Women (a limited time Christmas special), visit my website: itsyourtechnique.com.

For readers who aren’t single but would like to know how they can help, read the follow-up article, "Why Your Sister, Friend, or Daughter Isn’t Dating—And How You Can Help" (click here to read).

Alisa Goodwin Snell is Utah’s Dating Coach, author of 7 books for singles, and a marriage and family therapist with 17 years of experience. Learn more about Alisa at itsyourtechnique.com.