Mormon Life - School tag

{Lifestyle} Organizing Your Home for Back-to-school

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 00:02:00 -0600

by Connie Sokol
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Fear not about the craziness of back to school days. You can do it, especially if you follow a few simple tips.

It begins: the papers, the lunchboxes, the assignments and lunch calendars. And so does your trauma of where to put it and how to track it.

Worry no more. I’ve got a few simple suggestions that can make a huge difference in your fabulous fall.

A functional kids’ counter. Whether it’s an actual counter or simply space on a baker’s rack, have a place set aside for your children’s most essential school items. On our kids’ counter we store binders, text books, and a supply tub with individual sections to hold markers, crayons, pencils, glue, and extra paper. And woe to the person who doesn’t put it back (though it always looks happily “used”). Create a system to hold finished papers and a space for tracking upcoming assignments. Try using a clipboard per child that holds individual papers with deadlines. Or a magazine holder with their name on a label. Currently, we use a stack of office file trays with each one labeled per child. When they arrive home, I first get the backpack, sift through it, chat about and post their new assignments, and place the old papers in the tray.

A one-stop family center. Need a place for chores, scouts, and more routine or once-in-awhile items and events? Use a large bulletin board (so many are fabulously decorative) and place it in the kitchen. Separate it into three vertical sections—family info, family mission and goals, and family chores. On ours the far left side has family projects, counsel from the stake president, and a yearly calendar of what’s key. The middle section has our family mission statement (“Work hard, pray hard, play hard”) and our family goals (that often remain boldly triumphant and unfulfilled, for weeks at a time, until we remember to reset them). The third section has chore envelopes (very fancy—a manila 8 x 11 envelope cut in half with their name on it). Inside goes scout info, Duty to God/Faith in God, For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, and anything else I need to find at the last minute.

A useful family calendar. This is our life. I write everything on it—grocery items, kids’ babysitting hours, projects, phone numbers, you name it. We use an age-old calendar frame that combines with a small cork board and hangs on the fridge (I’ve glued and stapled it so many times it’s pathetic but still can’t be parted with). On the cork section are the current to-dos (forms to sign, this week’s events, etc.). In this way I can glance at the calendar, look at the accompanying items, and remember what my brain refuses to keep. And my children know that if it’s not on the calendar, there’s no guarantee of a ride.

Real family meals. You’re groaning. For years cooking was the bane of my existence, until I truly realized the importance of it. Elder Dallin H. Oaks has said, “Family mealtimes have also been shown to be a strong bulwark against children’s smoking, drinking, or using drugs. There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents: what your children really want for dinner is you.” Family dinner is ideal for creating connection. It’s when we can debrief and regroup (in the form of loud, chaotic, often obnoxious conversation).

Remember, it’s a family experience. [To read more about the importance of family dinners, check out our Advice for Life column on page 25 of LDS Living's Sept/Oct issue.] Enlist the children in sous-chef activities—cutting, buttering, and assembling. Assign clear chores—set, clear, clean up—and rotate them daily or weekly. Keep recipes quick and enjoyable. And encourage conversation around the table. Many people have a sharing system—one high or one low (or two highs), favorite part of the day, random questions, or following President Monson’s adage by asking, “Whom did you serve today?” Include current events or family topics, but just keep the conversation going and in a positive direction.

Organization can be simple if we keep it that way. Start with one tip, try it, tailor it to your family’s needs, then enjoy living it. You’ll feel happier with less stress and more fulfillment with your family rhythm.

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Connie Sokol is a mother of six, presenter, and author of Faithful, Fit & Fabulous. Enjoy her blog and tips, and share your thoughts at 8basics.com.

Website Offers Free Online Learning for Pre-K through 4th Grade

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 02:15:00 -0600

by LDS Living
source: MormonLife.com

The Internet has loads of free information available in just a millisecond. But finding that information in an organized, lesson-based form can be difficult.

One Web site sponsored by Head of the Class provides online learning to tens of thousands of parents, teachers, and learners. And this week, Head of the Class released its fourth-grade learning content, extending its product offerings from preschool through fourth grade.

Within the Head of the Class Web site, learners—homeschoolers or those looking to supplement other forms of education—will find instruction and thousands of activities on math, spelling, reading, writing, history, geography, art, music, Spanish, and more. By the end of the year, instruction will be available for fifth grade, and education through 8th grade will be available by Spring 2011.

According to Dr. Kris Jamsa, president of Head of the Class, “There are over 1,500 learning activities which range from videos, to multimedia, to worksheets, and computer applications. Our fourth-grade release brings our learning activity count to over 7,600! Parents, teachers, and learners have access to all of these activities on the Web at no cost.”

Head of the Class offers learning content on the Web for free. To start learning, visit TheHeadoftheClass.com.

What Teachers Wish You Knew

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0600

by Jamie Cline
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: School doesn’t end with the bell. You, as a parent, want to be able to give your child the best education possible and as much help as he or she needs—but where do you start? And where do you draw the line? Even though your child may complain when sent off to school, don't underestimate the importance that he or she places on his school success. Achievement in school can have an amazing impact on your child's self-esteem.

Because teachers are professionally trained to help children learn, we've polled a few educators to get their opinion on how you can best help your child's education.

Communicate. Teachers want to resolve concerns as soon as possible, and are willing to talk to parents about the specific needs of their children. Marcie Gallacher, a former second grade teacher from Wilton, California, says that it is important to "keep lines of communication open. Talk to teachers about questions first, rather than other parents."

Start your relationship with your child's teacher right away. Attend back-to-school nights and open houses so that the teacher knows you are excited about your child's education, and tell the teacher specifically that you want to work together to make this year one of your child's best. Your children will have a much better school experience if you are working with their teachers, not against them.

Read to your children. Because of the effect reading has on all subjects (yes, reading helps with math, too!), teaching your child to read and continuing to read with him or her is an influential part in preparing your child for school. Hearing books read aloud affects students' independent reading and oral reading, says Gallacher.

Mike Cline, a teacher in Murray, Utah, agrees. "The reason many children act out is because either they can't read or they are not confident at reading, so they don't want to be called on."

Aside from reading to them, encourage your children to read on their own. Encourage your children to choose reading activities (rather than resort to them) by taking a trip to the library once a week. Let them leave their books out in the family room; they might see them and choose to read instead of watch television.

Talk to your kids about school. Mike Cline's wife, Laurie, teaches junior high in Taylorsville, Utah. She says, "One of the biggest things parents can do for us as teachers is to talk to their kids about school." Asking how their classes are going, what they are learning about, and if they need help studying for tests is extremely important, Laurie says. If children sense that education is important to you, it will be important to them, too.

Make an effort to spend more time with your children and talk to them about important things in their lives. If they express a concern to you about a school assignment, do your best to help them with it. Show them where to research the topic, but do not do your child's work for them. Teachers are well aware when parents have been doing their kids' homework, and they don't like it.

Be accepting. "I wish that parents would celebrate their children for their accomplishments as well as work with them on their deficiencies," says Annalisa Arizpe, a high school teacher from Clermont, Florida. "Be happy and show joy when your child improves. Accept their personal best.

"Accepting their personal best, however, doesn't mean that you can't help your child improve," Arizpe continues. "I wish that [parents] would look at the papers that their children bring home and really question their answers." Questions like, "Why did you believe that was the correct answer?" and "What could you have done differently?" are the types of questions that encourage, not discourage.

Get involved. "I am blessed to have several parents who volunteer on a regular basis," says Gretchen Kemp, another high school teacher in Clermont, Florida. "It just so happens that more times than not, these are the students who are straight-A students, those who put in the most effort, and go on to be great community volunteers, as well."

Being involved doesn't need to take lots of time from your already-packed schedule. It is understandable that a parent would be too busy to be the head of the PTA, but even bringing a snack in for a special day or chaperoning a short field trip is a big help to teachers.

But remember not to get too involved. Sometimes parents end up holding back their children when they are trying desperately to help. "I had one parent that every couple of weeks would pick up her eighteen-year-old daughter's missing assignments," says Arizpe. "She would return her child's work a couple of days later. This parent would also call me with questions that the girl had. It was too much, and in my opinion, this girl will never learn the importance of responsibility."

Take advantage of technology. We live in a time when almost anything can be found online, including your child's grades. "Most schools have grades available online; if that is the case, parents should check them often to see for themselves how their child is doing," says Laurie Cline. If you don't keep up with your child's schoolwork, you might be surprised and overreact when a child brings home a not-so-desirable grade. "Be aware of your child's grades. Do not wait until progress reports and report cards to show concern," says Arizpe.

With some help and prompting on your part, your child can learn to make the most of his or her education - and eventually become a steward over it. And if you remember to always support your children, take advantage of resources, and remind them to step up to responsibility, then you're sure to produce lifelong learners.

My Great Idea: Back to School Breakfast

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 18:00:00 -0600

by Colleen Clark
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Getting back into the school year schedule after a summer of sleeping in and relaxing can be difficult—not only for kids, but for parents as well. By providing an early incentive a week before school, I’ve found beating the beginning-of-the-school-year blues can be fairly easy. I love the summer months, when I am essentially worry-free about getting my kids dressed, fed, and out the door on time at an early hour. Although some days are an exception, the summer is a free-for-all where sometimes even Mom gets a few extra hours of sleep.

For years it was difficult to make the switch from summer vacation to the "early to bed, early to rise" school routine. The first day of school would always go great - my kids and I used the adrenaline we had from the excitement of the new school year to get us through. But a day or two later, we found ourselves already struggling. Seven in the morning is a far cry from nine, especially when you have three kids to get ready who aren't particularly keen on getting up.

Several years ago I was searching for ways to help beat the beginning-of-the-school-year blues when a neighbor told me about her idea for a neighborhood "back-to-school breakfast." Instead of starting off the school year on the first day by suddenly getting up early, she said we could all start the school year schedule a week early. I jumped at the chance!

When my kids first heard the idea, they cringed - I became the mom who was cutting out a week of precious summer sleeping. But once I explained to them that we were going to have great foods - like doughnuts, French toast, or cinnamon rolls - and that their friends would be there, too, they quickly jumped on board.

Here's how we did it: Beginning the Monday before school started, all the neighborhood kids (and their parents) woke up at 7 a.m. and got ready as if they were starting the day and heading out to school. We rotated the breakfast between houses so that no particular person was bearing the brunt of the expenses. In the years since we started, as the idea spread to the greater neighborhood, we limited each group of breakfast eaters to six houses (leaving Sunday for a family breakfast).

Providing a fun, early morning breakfast has given my kids a definite incentive to get up before their usual summertime schedule. Now, by the time school starts, my kids and I are accustomed to waking earlier, and many of the struggles from previous years have been eliminated - not to mention we're all well fed and energized!

Word of Wisdom: The Reality

Thu, 08 Aug 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Only you will be held accountable for the choices you make in this life. Only you will reap the benefits, and only you will live with the consequences.

Parents, teachers, and leaders notwithstanding, the truth is pretty simple: It's all up to you. Only you will be held accountable for the choices you make in this life. Only you will reap the benefits, and only you will live with the consequences. You made a decision to come to earth and receive a body, and you have the opportunity to master its appetites, but whether you do that or not is between you and the Lord. In the end, the things you do with and to your body will be strictly between you and your Heavenly Father. He is the one who gave you that gift, and He is the one who will hold you responsible for it. That's the plan!

If this series of articles has given you more information than you had before, or if reading it has helped you see the same old issues in a new way, then I've accomplished my purpose. I'm a person who believes in things strongly, and one of the things I believe in most strongly of all is the basic goodness and strength of Latter-day Saint youth. Given the right information, most of you will make choices that prove who you are: sons and daughters of God specifically reserved for this day and age because of your valiance. It took a lot of guts and gumption to come to earth, and that guts and gumption is exactly what's needed to make the hard choices. In other words, you've got what it takes!

May the Lord bless you in everything you do, and may every battle you win over the adversary leave you more aware of the incredible power and influence you wield as a son or daughter of God.

Here is some additional food for thought on choice and accountability.

LETTER FROM A FRIEND

(This letter is from a real person and tells his true story; used by permission.)

"On November 10, 1988, at 12:17 AM there was a major car accident in Santa Clara County. The driver of the car that caused the accident was drunk. He was speeding and ran a red light, hitting another car broadside, at the driver's door. Three people were killed in this accident: a mother and two of her children. One child of hers survived. The drunk driver survived with minor injuries. He was arrested and charged with three counts of second degree murder and felony drunk driving. Ten months later, he was convicted of these charges, and fourteen months after the accident he was sentenced to a total of 48 years to life in prison, the maximum sentence possible. I am that drunk driver.

It is difficult to express the sorrow I feel for the innocent victims involved. It is usually a subject I avoid because the memories are painful. I have always thought life to be a miraculous and precious thing, and then to take it away from three human beings, so senselessly, has caused me great anguish. The fact that the victims were a mother and two children just add to my sorrow. It was very hard to accept the day after, when reality finally hit. I didn't want to live anymore. It took awhile for the will to live to come back. I had to change my attitude and lifestyle. To be able to live with myself I had to start recovering from alcoholism and drug addiction. It is the main thing that gives my life meaning now.

At this time, I am at Pelican Bay State Prison. It is the highest security prison in the State of California. We are always being watched by guards who carry automatic assault rifles. They will, and do, shoot at inmates when there is violence, or if a person were to try to escape. This is a totally alien and uncomfortable environment compared to what most people are used to. I would not recommend it for anyone, even the other inmates here.

I think that you should know a little about my teenage years. Adolescence was a very difficult time for me. It is a time when body and mind change. The body matures and the mind becomes preoccupied with the opposite sex. In my case, my mind was changing but my body wasn't, at least not as fast as my peers. I was small for my age at thirteen, and was very insecure. At this age, I discovered alcohol. I knew that I wasn't supposed to drink alcohol, that it wasn't legal for a thirteen-year-old to drink, but my friends were trying it, and being insecure already, I felt I had to, to fit in. I was also very curious, and when I finally did drink, I was surprised to find that I was no longer insecure. I felt comfortable around the popular crowd, and most importantly, I felt comfortable around popular girls. I was hooked from the moment I realized this magic quality of alcohol, although at the time I didn't know that I was hooked.

I think it is important to let you know that alcohol wasn't the only drug I started using when I was thirteen. I also started smoking marijuana, and I experimented a little with amphetamines (uppers). Once I tried one drug the decision to try others came easier. By the time I was eighteen I had used alcohol, marijuana, amphetamines, methamphetamines (crank), cocaine, LSD, and psychedelic mushrooms. Through all this time I got into trouble, mostly with my parents, but also a couple of times with the law. I figured at the time that most kids my age had these same things happen to them, at least a lot of the kids I was hanging around did. I didn't feel it was that serious, even when I blacked out one night and threatened to kill my parents. Two police came, and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital tied to a gurney. I was embarrassed, and felt bad for a couple of days, but that wore off soon.

When I was eighteen, after my senior year in high school, my parents were finally fed up with my crazy lifestyle. I think the last straw was when I quit going to summer school. I needed to finish summer school English class because I had failed it during the regular school year. Needless to say I didn't graduate high school. I was given an ultimatum. I had to move out or go to a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. Being irresponsible, and realizing it, I realized I couldn't make it on my own. I chose rehabilitation. It was the first time I really looked at myself and admitted I had a problem. The one program lasted thirty days, but I ended up going to another one on top of that one, and then a halfway house after that—five months of treatment.

What happened? One thing that you must always remember is that a person is never cured. Recovery from alcoholism or drug addiction is an ongoing process. Three months after I got out of the halfway house, I started using drugs again. Slowly at first, but I was soon back to where I was. Because it started slowly, I had thoughts that maybe I wasn't an alcoholic or a drug addict after all. Maybe I was just unlucky. It is the nature of the disease, and human nature, to not want to admit that something is wrong with me—that I'm not a normal person. It is like a cancer patient, when he first learns he has cancer, does not want to admit it or accept it. Alcoholism and drug addiction, like cancer, is terminal if not treated, and there is always a fear of relapse.

Soon, I was worse than I was before the rehab program. Before I was twenty- one, I had two drunk driving [convictions]. I ended up losing my driver's license for eighteen months. Being an auto mechanic, this was very hard on me, but that did not stop me—Nope. I managed to stay out of serious trouble with the law for the next two years. I had a few minor scrapes that were good for a couple of days in the county jail each, but they didn't discourage me from my drug and alcohol abuse. A three-and-a-half-year relationship with a young lady went bitter and ended because of my drug and alcohol abuse. All this, and all I could manage was a couple of sorry attempts at recovery again. Because I never got serious about it, three innocent people died, and I'm in prison for many, many years, maybe for the rest of my life.

I never thought that something like this could happen to me. I always thought that I had enough control over alcohol and drugs to know when to stop or to know when not to drive. In reality, I lost control as soon as I decided to have a drink or to take drugs. Taking drugs or drinking alcohol is like playing Russian roulette. You never know whether you will become addicted. Chances are that some of you that hear this will later become alcoholics or drug addicts. It is also very important to know that alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs there is, and it's made more dangerous because, for people over twenty-one, it is legal. Not only is alcohol legal, it is socially acceptable. God have mercy on the people who can't handle alcohol because society won't tolerate drunkenness, but yet condones social drinking. That is what kills the alcoholic. For those who prefer illegal drugs, be aware that this new trend, `The War on Drugs,' has no place for rehabilitation. The state is building huge human warehouses, called prison, for you. Remember that rehabilitation doesn't always work the first time, and it takes a great amount of personal effort. Once one becomes despondent, they must never give up trying to recover, even if they keep going back to using. My advice to you is to stay away from all of it. It is not always easy; your friends may try it and try to draw you into it. Stay away from smoking too. It isn't good for you and is also addicting. If you never try it, you'll never have the problems that come with it, and you won't be missing anything. Alcohol and drugs never solve problems—they just create more.

Yours truly,
Dave

TWO SECONDS IS ALL IT TAKES

(written for Saratoga High School's "Two Seconds Is All It Takes," a program discouraging driving under the Influence of chemicals.)

Twisted steel and broken lives
Dreams are dead, but the pain survives
Loved ones wishin' they could take it back
Run the scene on a different track
But truth cuts deeper than shattered glass
You can't build a future on a dying past
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Never shoulda happened—Who's to blame?
Johnny's headin' out to a baseball game
Splits a twelver with Hans and Geoff
Downs a few just to cool him off
Doesn't get buzzed—He's good to go
Takes a lot more 'n that to lay most guys low
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Walks to his car; waves good-bye
Sunny afternoon—clear blue sky
Killer day for a baseball game
Starts the engine...hears his name...
What's up Johnny, can we get a ride?
Sure, Chrissi. Hey, Kathy. Just hop inside
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Brand new system, soundin' good
Turn it up—Lauryn Hill rocks the `hood
The girls are soundin' real good too
Singin' 'bout Zion comin' through
Now Johnny's bustin' it in his seat
They're laughin' so hard they almost miss their street
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Tragedy waitin' around the bend
Never coulda known it was gonna end
Arthur and Monte on a burger run
Talkin' 'bout women, havin' some fun
Pagin' all their buddies to meet `em there
Rappin' to the radio without a care
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

There's the school. Turn left here...Quick!!
Johnny jerks the wheel like a joy stick
Cuts the turn too tight, too late
Tires squeal as they accelerate
Around the corner—They're movin' fast
And the scream that turns his head is Chrissi's last
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Arthur's got no way to go
They're headed for him in slo-mo
He sees their eyes—alive with fear
Three faces tell him death is near
He sees it all—like a movie take
But there isn't even time to hit the brake
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

World blows up like a hand grenade
Glass and flesh and metal sprayed
Grinding steel and deafening crash
Chrissi layin' still, across the dash
Arthur moans, and Kathy's tears
Feed Johnny and Monte's darkest fears
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Jaws of life can tear and shred
But no machine can raise the dead
Please help my friend; she's hurt the worst
There—in the front—Get Chrissi first
They carry her gently to one side
But Kathy sees the body bag they can't hide
Two seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

We need a level on this guy
That's Johnny Jones—Yeah—DUI
We've got one dead and one near miss
Does anyone ever get used to this?
Hey...Who's that kid over there alone?
We gotta get his parents on the telephone
Two seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

One more ambulance underway
Wait, that's my friend. Is he okay?
How bad is Arthur really hurt?
Oh no, his blood is on my shirt
It wasn't our fault—Some crazy guy
Came right outa nowhere. Don't let Arthur die
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Johnny in cuffs, hangin' his head
Kathy still sobbin', "Mom, she's dead"
Anne Chin livin' every parent's fear
A call from the morgue—Your daughter's here
Monte's mom thankin' God he's okay
Arthur's mother findin' out he's DOA
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Twisted steel and broken lives
Dreams are dead, but the pain survives
Loved ones wishin' they could take it back
Run the scene on a different track
But truth cuts deeper than shattered glass
You can't build a future on a dying past
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

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Word of Wisdom: The Pressure, Part 2

Wed, 19 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Friends' behavior can influence you even when nothing is said--even when you don't realize you're being influenced. Group dynamics are powerful. That's why it doesn't hurt to think carefully about the groups you choose. The Pressure, Part 2

Church leaders are continually reminding LDS youth that today's decisions become tomorrow's realities. In other words, the things you do add up to YOU. Right this minute and every single day, you are making decisions which will shape your life. That's your job, whether you remember signing up for it or not, and it is huge! It can also be a bit overwhelming, which may be one reason why having friends your own age is so important. Most everyone relates best to others who are in the same boat. Let's face it, shared experience is a powerful force. Does this mean you no longer care about parents and their input? Of course not, but looking to peers first can be a source of conflict in the family, especially if those peers hold different ideas, values, and beliefs than you've been taught.

Surveys show that teenagers are influenced at least as much and probably more by friends than parents. How does this make parents feel? Nervous. VERY nervous! It isn't easy to move over when you're used to being the big kahuna (s) in your child's life. Of course, cultivating squeaky clean friends can do a lot to calm parents down on this issue. Friends who are not so squeaky, on the other hand, will have the opposite effect. In fact, your personal choices can move formerly easy-going parents from slightly nervous to downright worried to completely ballistic. Are they overreacting? Does choosing friends with different values really mean you will change yours? Not necessarily, and some kids do hang out with friends who party and never join in. It's risky though, and let me tell you why.

Recently, an evening news program featured a university study showing the tendency of human beings to conform to a group. Several unsuspecting college students were asked to take an exam. They were separated from one another and placed with what appeared to be a roomful of regular students. Those "regular" students, however, were only pretending to be real test-takers. They were actually part of the study, planted there to give incorrect answers. By the way, the test was easy and consisted of looking at four lines and choosing which two were the same length. The answers were obvious to anyone.

Here's the catch. Test-takers who were in on the scheme were coached ahead of time to purposely miss each question. They agreed as a group to solve every problem by giving the same, wrong answer. Chairs were arranged in a pattern which allowed the phony students to respond first, and every answer was spoken out loud. When the test began, the initial "real" student, who had no clue what was going on, looked puzzled by everyone else's inability to tell which two sticks were the same. He still gave the right answer and went on to answer the second and third questions correctly too. By the fourth question, however, with each planted student continuing to contradict him, the test subject appeared tense and unhappy. He gave the right solution, but without conviction. On question number five, the poor guy finally caved in and offered the same answer the others did, though his facial expression showed that he clearly knew it was incorrect.

The same experiment was conducted with several other test subjects, and only one held out against the crowd, giving the right answer to the very end. Later, she described herself as being so "uptight" she could barely respond. What did the scientists conclude? That people, by nature, want to fit in with group behavior. Even when they know they are right, it becomes harder and harder to go against what the group is doing.

Peer pressure is real, but it is often silent. Did the planted students tell the first test subject to answer as they did? No. Did they make fun of his correct answers? Not at all. They didn't need to. He still felt pressured to conform, not because they wanted him to but because instinctively he was more comfortable going with the flow. Will everyone give in to peer pressure? Not by a long shot. But the risk is there, and that risk is even greater when the pressure comes out in the open.

Our high school has few Mormons, so most of my children's friends went to parties for one reason... to party! One son's group made it fairly easy for him to obey the Word of Wisdom. They teased him a bit but were pretty low-key about the whole thing. Most of them seemed to respect his ability to swim upstream. Another son's group wasn't so easy. They were neat kids, but they were also kids who thought drinking was cool—and that refusing to drink with your friends was not cool. They saw drinking as a male bonding/football player kind of thing, and his not drinking with them was seen as a kind of rejection. Sometimes he felt guilty, like he was letting the group down by avoiding the keg. Other times he felt strange when they'd make comments or jokes about being Mormon. All these things made keeping the Word of Wisdom more of a struggle.

Peer groups are different, and you get to choose yours. A number of them will openly share your beliefs, supporting them with their own actions. Others will respect your beliefs but behave according to theirs. Some will actively try to change you. The important thing to remember is the lesson taught in our university study. Friends' behavior can influence you even when nothing is said—even when you don't realize you're being influenced. Group dynamics are powerful. That's why it doesn't hurt to think carefully about the groups you choose. It also doesn't hurt to be on guard once you're in them!

One more thought. Peer pressure is a force to be reckoned with, but sometimes the hardest pressure to withstand is the pressure you put on yourself. Regardless of what feeds it (parents, school, church, friends, low self-esteem, feelings of failure, or just a need to live up to whatever ideal you've set), pressure from within can be the most difficult of all. Of course a little pressure is needed or you might just lay in bed half the day—or become a total vegetable—but while some is good, too much is too much. Perfection isn't on the menu for this life, and while trying hard is a good thing, being hard on yourself is not. You could wind up wanting to feel better any way you can, and that's a dangerous place to be when you're trying to obey the Word of Wisdom. So give yourself a break once in a while, okay? Remember who you are, why you came here, where you're going, and whose help you can depend on in getting there. One thing's for sure... The best friend any of us will ever have is a loving Heavenly Father, and His influence is 100% guaranteed to bless, NOT stress.

(Check back next week when we'll talk about "The Quick Fix."

Word of Wisdom: The Pressure, Part 1

Wed, 12 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: People are communal creatures, and wanting to be one of the crowd is natural. This usually brings up questions: "Which set of rules makes sense to me, if any? Whose ideas come closest to my own? What group or groups truly satisfy my needs?" Answers may not be that easy to come by, and that's why an understanding of group behavior and how it affects you is so important. The Pressure, Part 1

Pressure. Is there anyone who doesn't have to put up with it? One way or another, and usually in lots of ways, we all get to feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. Sometimes it comes from outside sources, sometimes from within, but it's always a force to be reckoned with.

When a person who's still in school decides to break the Word of Wisdom, peer pressure usually gets blamed. A lot of the teens I know resent this assumption. They feel sure that what others do doesn't really affect them. I wouldn't go that far, but I do agree that peers are only one of many sources of pressure, including parents, school, church, and even one's self. Let's take a look at some of the pressures you and your friends are exposed to, as well as their effects.

My guess is that you've all had at least one science teacher explain (probably in more detail than you wanted!) exactly how rocks are formed. Apparently sand, clay, mud, fossils, pieces of wood and the like are subjected to geological pressure over long periods of time. That pressure, a jumble of powerful forces brought to bear upon them for years, eventually molds them into rocks and boulders.

Doesn't it seem likely that the pressures exerted upon people mold them too? I believe they do, and I also believe that sometimes those forces are powerful enough to cause tremors or even full-on earthquakes in our lives. Let's take a closer look at what kinds of pressures influence you.

Most parents want the best for their children, and yours are no different. Moms and Dads are thrilled when their kids look good, act right, study hard, make the honor roll, win scholarships or other honors, run for office, join clubs, participate in sports...(are you still with me?)...attend seminary, church and activities cheerfully, develop positive extracurricular interests, choose uplifting friends, do chores willingly, develop hobbies or skills, earn their own money... (need a time out yet??)...organize their schedules, work through problems, seem happy, and in all these (and as many other ways as possible) provide good examples to their brothers and sisters. Whew! No sweat, huh? No pressure either!

As if that weren't enough, school can take the very best student and turn him or her into a total stress case. Academic competition, the need to be accepted by the "right" college, figuring out your major, dealing with frazzled teachers, and even finding some kids to hang out with can be a real drag. On top of that, you have to come up with a way to fit those important church activities in, all the time remembering to CTR in a CT not so R kind of world. Let's face it. It's not easy being you, and there is definitely pressure involved. (And we haven't even talked about peers yet!)

But we probably should. This discussion of pressure really wouldn't be complete without them. Let's begin by saying what everybody already knows: Having friends matters. And what our friends think of us matters too. This is true for parents and kids alike, because acceptance is a basic human need, one we share with the animal kingdom. Wolves need a pack, sheep a herd, lions a pride, geese a flock—even puppies start out in litters!

Of course, we start out in families, but that's just the beginning. As social as our animal friends are, we seem to be even more so. While they belong to one group, we belong to many. We're part of a family, an extended family, a neighborhood, a ward, a school, a work environment, a club, a team, a class... the possibilities are endless, and so are the pressures. Where do these pressures come from? Our natural desire to please and be liked. People are communal creatures, and wanting to be one of the crowd is natural. In fact, it's instinct!

How do we get to be "one of the crowd"? The same way animals do, though on a more complex scale. We set up rules, agreements, and expectations. These can be unwritten—even unspoken—but they are as real as the messages we receive through satellite disks and telephone wires. Sometimes the group rules are right out in the open, but other times they are camouflaged so completely only your subconscious mind knows about them. Either way, your understanding and willingness to go along is the ticket that gets and keeps you in.

Scientists have noticed a similar pattern in packs, prides, and herds. Leaders evolve, as do codes of behavior, and conformity is part of the deal. Those who buck the basic laws and structure of the group will not be part of it for long. Often, the "different ones" are attacked and left behind to fend for themselves. Of course, no living thing wants to be alone.

Human beings least of all want to be alone, and our lives are even more complicated than those of the animals we observe in nature. So are the pressures we face. Most of us identify with several groups, and rules and expectations can differ with each one. As a teen, you may feel pulled in too many directions, especially when you're trying to figure out who you are and what you want. This usually brings up questions: "Which set of rules makes sense to me, if any? Whose ideas come closest to my own? What group or groups truly satisfy my needs?" Answers may not be that easy to come by, and that's why an understanding of group behavior and how it affects you is so important. We'll check that out that next week in "The Pressure, Part 2."

TV or Not TV?

Sat, 01 Jun 2002 12:29:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: I'm going to make a challenge here-are you sure you want to keep reading? Here it comes. Ladies and gentlemen (please imagine a drum roll somewhere in the distance), I challenge you...wait...I challenge thee (it sounds more, you know, like a commandment), I challenge thee to fast from TV for a month! No TV, no movies, no videos! If the television craze continues with the present level of programs, we are destined to have a nation of morons. -Daniel Marsh, President, Boston University

Ooh, isn't that a good quote? " . . . Destined to have a nation of morons." (If we insert one letter into the middle of the word we get, " . . . we are destined to have a nation of Mormons." That would be nice. Oh well.) Daniel Marsh made that comment in 1950, and the "level of programs" has changed dramatically since then. They're much worse than they used to be. There's more trash than ever before, and there's more to come! Have you ever filled a pot with hot water, then tried to drop a frog in it? Or have you ever put a frog in cold water and heated it up? Me neither. Sounds kind of rude. But it makes a great analogy. If you did drop a frog in a pot of hot water, what would happen? He would jump out! What if you put a frog in cool water, and heated it up slowly? The frog wouldn't notice the gradual change, he would get comfortable and, before he knew it, he'd be cooked! Hi, ho, Kermit the soup here.

Like that frog, we are all in "hot water." Television has changed over the years, but the changes have been so gradual that they've gone largely unnoticed. Meanwhile, we're getting cooked. When I was younger, one of my favorite shows was about a small-town sheriff, his deputy, his little boy, and his aunt who made great apple pies. They led a simple life, ate lunch at the diner, sang in the church choir, and went fishing. They also taught a good lesson in every show, while at the same time making us laugh. But times have changed, and television has changed too. It's getting hot in this pot, and people are beginning to notice. It's in all the papers. Let's read all about it, shall we?

Headline: Pediatric group suggests cutting TV viewing in half.

The scoop: Long-term television viewing is one cause of violent or aggressive behavior in children and contributes substantially to childhood obesity, the American Academy of Pediatrics said Monday. (Associated Press story appearing in the Daily Universe, 17 April 1990) < br>Headline: Turn on the TV and bingo: You're brain dead.

The scoop: Wat ching television is like doing nothing at all, only more so. That's essentially the conclusion Memphis psychologists came to after they wired up 31 kids, stuck them in front of a television set, turned on "The Wonder Years" and watched their vital signs plunge. "The metabolic rate during television viewing was even lower than it was during rest," the psychologists reported. (As cited in Deseret N ews, 28 February 1993, A2)

Headline: TV taking its bite out of academics.

The scoop: More than 40 percent of Utah County's school children spend more time watching TV than studying, according to their parents. Many experts sa y this has an adverse effect on the kids' mental ability and performance. (Mich ael Morris, Utah County Journal, 16 February 1993, A1, A3)

Television has become a part of our lives. Chances are, the most worn-out furniture in the house is facing the television. Unfortunately, the TV has replaced the library as the center of learning. We watch it, we plan our evenings around it, and we talk about it at school. How many times a day does someone say, "Hey, did you see ___ ____________ last night?" And we hope we saw _______________ last night, because we want to fit in.The question is this: Is there any nutrition in this mental diet that we call television? And who's in charge of the menu? What's cooking in Hollywood for us to swallow tonight? Suppose you walked into your favorite restaurant and saw the cook putting floor sweepings in your spaghetti. Would you e t it? Yuck! If you did, you'd throw up! What about the stuff you put in your brain? Your brain can't throw up. If you see something gross on TV, it's yours forever. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said:

The body has defenses to rid itself of unwholesome food, but the brain won't vomit back filth. Once recorded it will always remain subject to recall, flashing its perverted images across your mind, and drawing you away from the wholesome things in life. (As cited by N. Eldon T anner, Ensign, January 1974, 8)

Yes indeed, if television is food for our brains, we'd better talk to the cooks, and see what's happening in the kitchen! Newsweek magazine talked to the cooks almost ten years ago, and here's what they found out:

Hollywood really is different from the rest of the country. A survey of 104 top television writers and executives found that their attitudes toward moral and religious questions aren't shared by their audience.
Believe adultery is wrong: Hollywood 49% Everyone else 85%
Have no religiou s affiliation: Hollywood 45% Everyone else 4%
Believe homosexual acts are wro ng: Hollywood 20% Everyone else 76%
Believe in a woman's right to an abortio n: Hollywood 97% Everyone else 59% (Kenneth L. Woodward, "The Elite and How to A void It," Newsweek, 20 July 1992, 55)

The problem with the restaurant of television-or rather, the problem with us-is that we'll eat whatever they give us, whether we ordered it or not. Most of us don't plan what we're going to watch. We just plop down on the couch to "watch TV" and let it feed us whatever's on the menu. The point is, "we are what we eat," and perhaps we ought to pay mo re attention to our spiritual diets. Sometimes we're like the frog that is slow ly being cooked; in the comfort of the warm water, we go a little crazy. We think the thirteenth Article of Faith says, "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things, unless our favori te show is on." Or we think Moroni said, "Deny yourselves of all ungodliness; an d fast forward the bad parts" (see Moroni 10:32). We must not allow Hollywood to make us hypocrites! We say, "We believe" when we repeat the Articles of Faith. Well, do we? Do we really believe what they say? Moroni gives hard counsel when he says, "deny yourselves of all ungodliness." Is "all" a pretty high percentage? When Hollywood is criticized for its programming, the usual response is, "If you don't like it, turn it off." Hmmm, that's a new thought: Turn it off. What would happen to your life if you did? Here's another headline:

Headline: Turning off the tube may be 1st step toward turning on life

The scoop: People sometimes ask why I, a professor of communication, do not have a television in my home. Television presents a dilemma: Many of us find that it does not represent a productive or enriching use of time, but we nevertheless find it attractive as a source of entertainment and information. . . . Television seeks audiences for only one reason-to sell those audiences to advertisers. When I watch television, I am investing uncompensated time as a "commercials viewer" and my time is being sold to an advertiser by a network. No, thanks. I've got better things to do. . . . Television robs relationships of time. Relationships among friends and family members take time to develop-quantity time. . . . Television steals the time it takes to build and enjoy relationships, which are to my mind a lot more satisfying than sitcoms. (James A. Herrick, Deseret News Opinion/Editorial page, 16 March 1994)

I agree; we've got better things to do. We have our own goals and dreams to pursue! What do you think, my friend? Do you think you could turn the TV off for a week? Two weeks? A month? TV or not TV; that is the challenge. We could look at more headlines, but maybe we ought to bag all that and prove to ourselves what effect TV has on us. When Moroni wrote his last words in the Book of Mormon, he didn't try to prove it was true. He simply said, in effect, "read it for yourself, and ask God." Maybe that's the best way to come to a conclusion on this media-influence issue.

Would you like to try a little experiment? Do you have the courage? I'm going to make a challenge here-are you sure you want to keep reading? Here it comes. Ladies and gentlemen (please imagine a drum roll somewhere in the distance), I challenge you . . . wait . . . I challenge thee (it sounds more, you know, like a commandment), I challenge thee to fast from TV for a month! No TV, no movies, no videos! (Okay, end the drum roll and imagine a cymbal crash.)

Well, what do you think? Are you saying, "You've got to be kidding"? If so, I'll answer you. No, I'm not kidding. I did it myself-I fasted from TV for a whole month. It wasn't that bad. In fact, it was great. I had no idea it would affect me the way it did. If you feel you can't do it, I'll understand. I won't judge you unrighteously or anything. I'll still think you're great. Just write your pathetic, miserable excuse in the space below, you big party pooper.

Lame excuse ____________________________________________

One excuse you can't use is, "I don't have time," because television takes time. As for those of you who didn't write an excuse, who have decided to accept the challenge, may I offer you literary high-fives? And may I take a moment to express a few thoughts? I think you're wonderful, heroic, courageous, stupendous, marvelous, intelligent, terrific, outrageous, sensational, superb, splendid, fabulous, remarkable, fantastic, phenomenal, incredible, amazing, magnificent, miraculous, glorious, and nifty.

I'd like to make a few predictions. I did this little experiment myself a few years ago in February (okay, I picked the shortest month, but it's still a month), and I think I know what will happen to you.

Day One. You won't know what to do with yourself. You'll think, "Is Nintendo allowed?" (It isn't.) You'll say, "Mom, there's nothing to do," and she'll give you a list, starting with "Clean up your room." You'll never complain to her again.

Day Four. You'll begin to notice how much time you have, and it will be exciting. You'll compile a list of things to do during your TV fast: books to read, places to go, projects to complete, and so on.

Day Ten. You'll notice you're having a much easier time controlling your thoughts. You'll realize that the main place where "the truth and values we embrace are mocked on every hand" is on television. You won't be hearing the crass jokes and witnessing the illicit situations on prime time. You'll remember a scripture you once read: "For our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God" (Alma 12:14).

Day Fourteen. You'll find it's hard not to judge other TV watchers around you. It will seem like that's all everyone else ever does. You'll say to yourself, "Everyone seems so lazy all of a sudden-did I used to waste time like that?"

Day Sixteen. You'll find it much easier to concentrate when you read your scriptures or pray. You'll notice you don't have to take a minute and clean out your brain before such activities.

Day Twenty. You'll say, "Why didn't I try this before?" You'll be getting your homework done, you'll read good books, you'll exercise, you'll even have a cleaner room! (Mom will love that.)

Day Thirty. You'll think a lot on this day. You'll ask yourself, "Do I really want to start watching again?" You'll think about how we try to protect ourselves from things: We put dead-bolt locks on the doors, motion-sensor lights in the yard, and burglar alarms in the entrances to the house. To keep things warm inside, we buy double-paned glass, insulation, and weather stripping. Then we kneel down as a family and say "protect us from harm or accident."

But Satan is clever. He can find a way into our house. He can come right through the antenna (or the cable). Or we can actually pay money to rent his influence at the video store.

A month has passed, and now your experiment is over. If you start watching again, you'll notice that your vacation from television has increased your sensitivity. You'll realize that you used to be accustomed to the language of television, but now it will bug you. You'll hear the Lord's name taken in vain, and other crude language, and your mental taste buds will say, "Yuck, this is sick."

I hope you will take the TV or not TV challenge. I know you can do it because I did it. Try it! Prove it to yourself and see what happens. Keep a journal and take note of what abstaining from television does for your spirit. I can promise you four things: First, you'll have much more time. (They say the average daily television viewing per household is seven hours four minutes per day!). Second, you'll have an easier time controlling your thoughts. (You know what they say in the computer-programming business: "Garbage in, garbage out!"). Third, your spiritual sensitivity will increase. As you "deny yourself of all ungodliness" (see Moroni 10:32), you'll feel closer to the Lord. Fourth, you'll be more selective in the future. You won't just sit down to "watch TV." You'll choose carefully what you watch instead of punching the remote from a slouched position for three hours.

President Gordon B. Hinckley taught:

I am suggesting that we spend a little less time in idleness, in the fruitless pursuit of watching inane and empty television programs. Time so utilized can be put to better advantage, and the consequences will be wonderful. (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1997], 621)

Any powerful tool can be used as an awful weapon. Of course, there are excellent programs on TV, programs that can lift and inspire. Watch that kind of program when you choose to watch. But remember that Satan has found a way to use the media as a weapon as well. So, fellow frogs, maybe now would be a good time to jump out of the pot, because something's cooking, and I think it's us!

Word of Wisdom: Stupid Rule or Cool?

Fri, 31 May 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: How hard is it to be one of the few guys on the team who doesn't throw down a beer once in awhile? How does it feel to be labeled "close-minded," "too religious," or even "brainwashed by your parents" because you won't try just one cigarette...smoke just one bowl...take just one pill? There has to be a way to do what's right and still "fit in," right?

You Gotta Fight for the Right to Party

You Gotta Fight For the Right to Party, at least that's what the Beastie Boys said. Is it true? And if so, is the right to party worth fighting for? That's the question we're going to talk about in this series, and I'm hoping we can come up with some answers that make sense.

Before we get started though, I have to admit one thing—I'm a mom. In fact, I'm such a mom that my kids have been known to put their hands over their ears and make loud shrieking noises while I'm voicing my opinions. The good news is that I'm not your mom, which will probably make it a whole lot easier for you to put up with me! Just to be sure though, I'm ready to make you a deal. If you won't screech, I won't preach. (Or at least, I'll try not to.) Fair enough? Good, because I really think I'm onto something here, and creative (resourceful, enterprising, inventive, bold, active, lively, independent) minds may just agree that being onto something beats being on something every time.

I don't have to tell you that alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs have been around for years. When I was 15 (who said "Dark Ages?!"), teenagers used to tell their parents "everyone was doing it." At the time, that was a major exaggeration, but today it's closer to the truth. Nearly everyone IS doing it, which can make standing up for what's right a lot harder. You've probably already learned that it's no walk in the park being one of a "peculiar people," especially when you're trying to be reasonably cool.

How hard is it to be one of the few guys on the team who doesn't throw down a beer once in awhile? How does it feel to be labeled "close-minded," "too religious," or even "brainwashed by your parents" because you won't try just one cigarette...smoke just one bowl...take just one pill? Of course, some kids will admire you for sticking by your beliefs (and that's a great feeling!), but even those who look up to you might decide you're a little too "good" for their group. There has to be a way to do what's right and still "fit in," right?

Right!...In fact, I've seen it done!! Of course, it isn't always easy. None of this is easy, but you know that better than anyone. You also know that getting through the teenage years without breaking the Word of Wisdom is becoming less common. Right now it's your job to achieve independence, so having friends think you're "controlled" either by your religion or your parents can be pretty hard to take. The truth is, people who can't imagine passing up all that "fun" often assume someone or something else must be making your choices for you, which is pretty annoying—and disrespectful too. You deserve credit for your own choices, good or bad. Besides, you know as well as I do that no one can be forced to obey the Word of Wisdom. (That's one you gotta handle yourself!)

And you CAN handle it yourself. What's more, you can handle it well, but there's a catch. You have to really want it. What's more, you have to know why you want it. This kind of knowing demands information, and this Mormon Life series is one person's attempt to collect and supply some. I hope you'll find the facts, true experiences, and ideas in these Word of Wisdom columns a useful resource. Your decision, as always, will be up to you. Make it thoughtfully, even prayerfully, because you deserve the best life has to offer, now and forever.

Next up in the "Word of Wisdom" series, "The Pressure: Part 1"....

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