Mormon Life - Pregnancy tag

{Poll} Birthing Methods

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 00:07:00 -0700

by Ashley Evanson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: When it comes to children, everyone has an opinion. And the way you give birth to them is no exception. We Mormons are in the business of baby birthing. It's not uncommon for a Mormon mom to give birth five, six, seven(?!) times in her life. It's a pretty big deal. There is no right or wrong way to have a baby, just different ones; and with all the moms out there, I'm curious to know which methods are most popular.

For me, I got an epidural before I even got my ice chips. Let's just say I'm a big baby. My personal philosophy (personal, ladies, not for everyone) is I would never ask to have a root canal natural, so I surely am not going to ask to have a baby natural. But I really respect women who do. Truly. That is some serious willpower. I also chose to go the traditional, Western medicine route with an O.B. and in a big, fancy hospital. But I've read that midwives and even home births are increasing in popularity among women in the United States.

Your turn: If you've had a baby, or plan to have a baby one day, what's your personal birthing style?

Timeless Etiquette

Tue, 19 Apr 2011 00:07:00 -0600

by LDS Living staff
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: *Take our etiquette poll here.

In conjunction with the March/April LDS Living article “Modern Manners,” we have come up with a few classic situations where etiquette should always be considered.

Some social graces do not diminish with time. These are a few things to remember whenever you’re with company.

Pregnancy Etiquette

Anyone who has been pregnant or has been in the company of pregnant women has seen that many typical social boundaries are put on hold. Here are some of the big no-nos when it comes to being around that “glowing” woman.

Belly Touching
The belly is off limits. This doesn’t bother some women as much as it bothers others, but uninvited touching is certainly inappropriate, especially for strangers. Ask before you touch. If you are the mother-to-be who deals with this problem, saying “I’m sorry; I’m uncomfortable with people touching my bump,” is appropriate for telling strangers to get away. Fending off friends is a little harder. Your best bet is probably to have your husband and best friend spread the word that you’d like to keep your belly to yourself.

Obnoxious Questions
“Should you really be eating that (fried chicken, donut, hamburger)?” “How much weight have you gained?” “Did you use fertility drugs?” And the worst one of all: “Was it planned?” It is never appropriate to ask whether or not the baby was planned, whether it be friends or family. If the mother wants to tell you it was a surprise, then that’s fine. Otherwise, keep your wonderings to yourself. As for the other questions, keep in mind that you would (hopefully) never ask an un-pregnant woman how much weight she has gained, or tell her what she should be eating.

By Any Other Name
When you attend a wedding, you always tell the bride how beautiful she looks, no matter how hideous you think the dress is. That’s the dress that made her feel like a princess, and it’s not your place to tell her differently. The same goes with a baby’s name. The name two parents choose is the name they want for the beautiful new member of their family, and they think it’s perfect. Unless you’re close with the couple and feel a responsibility to bring up a problem you think they may not have considered, keep your comments light and neutral.

Pregnancy and Labor Horror Stories
First-time moms are already nervous about their pregnancy, so it doesn’t help when you start telling about how your sister had to be on bed rest for the last two months and her baby still came 8 weeks early, or how your neighbor had to give birth on the side of the highway. When your friend or relative gets pregnant, just give her a big smile and say how happy you are for her and how you are sure everything is going to be great!

Social Gatherings

Here are some tips to take the focus away from your own insecurities and keep it on the other guests.

Introducing Yourself
You’ve wanted to meet a certain person for a while, and to your surprise, he or she shows up at a dinner you’re attending! The best way to make a good impression, says our expert, is to ask the person questions. “Say your name and how you got involved in the dinner, then start asking questions,” says Anna King, who teaches business etiquette at Brigham Young University. “It doesn’t matter if people want to get to know you; it’s enough that you want to know them. That’s enough to build a relationship.”

Extracting Yourself
If you find yourself talking to a not-so-interesting someone at a party, you don’t have to be stuck forever. “You have a few options,” says King. “One is to introduce them to someone else.”

Say, “It’s been a pleasure talking to you. I’d like to introduce you to so-and-so; you have this in common.” Another option is to excuse yourself politely to speak with someone else. King says you can say, “I see that this person is available, and I’ve been meaning to talk to them. Please excuse me.” Most of all, remember to be gracious and consider the feelings of your companion.

Weddings

There are more opinions than there are guests when it comes to weddings, and navigating the treacherous rules of wedding etiquette can be difficult or downright impossible when so many emotions and people are involved. Whether you are keeping it small and intimate, or inviting the stake, here is Mormon Wedding etiquette to help keep offense at bay and celebrators at play!

To Line or Note to Line
The most dreaded part of a wedding reception is not a secret. Whether you are a bridesmaid, bride, mother-in-law, or guest, the line can be an awkward and tiring experience for all. Is it needed? Consensus and etiquette emphatically state yes: a line is a necessary evil, but its length and duration is negotiable.

Formal weddings demand a line consisting of (in order) mother of the bride, mother of the groom, bride, groom, maid of honor, and lastly bridesmaids. Traditionally, the groom is the sole male in the line, and the fathers of the happy couple mingle nearby.

However, most Mormon weddings do not call for such a receiving troupe, and many instead opt for a small reception line—also appropriate—consisting of the bride, the groom, and the parents of each. This allows the couple to greet and thank each individual, who otherwise may not have an opportunity to greet the couple. It is a courtesy, but it is appropriate to create the line in such a way that not all guests are forced to speak with the parents and other bridal party members. The line also ensures that more than just a few people take up the couple’s time. It is also appropriate to have a line for only a portion of the reception. Mention so in the invitation.

If you decide to forego the receiving line, you must still greet your guests. However, be warned! You are very likely to find your own fun and enjoyment cut down by all the required table-hopping.

Receptions and Invitations
Who to invite? Since the ceremony itself is small and intimate, many Mormon weddings have a much larger reception. There are many appropriate ways to have a reception and the decision is, as all others are, up to the couple and the budget.

If there is no desire for a large, open-house, invite-the-ward reception, it is absolutely appropriate to limit the guests to family and close friends. The Mormon culture is very concerned with community, almost to the point of a “the more the merrier” mindset, but your wedding is not public domain. Some may choose to be offended at a lack of invitation, but all should understand the wishes (and budget) of the bride and groom.

If the couple is interested in sharing their special day with acquaintances, ward members, etc., a large open-house (with a receiving line, of course) is ideal. When sending out invitations, keep the lists to people you know—those who come to mind when you sit down to make a list. As fun as it is to have a big group and impressive present-pile, it is better to spend more time with people you care about.

Who from the family is invited? Be sure to specify in your invitation the type of reception you will be having and who is invited. If an invited individual may bring another guest or their family, address the envelope accordingly.

Generally, if you are not invited, do not go. Pay attention to the invitation and reception venue in order to stay within the bounds of etiquette. For example, if the event is catered or requests an RSVP, it is not appropriate to bring another guest. However, there is more lee-way when it comes to open house events. If you are not sure, it is best to contact the host.

Food
Although most receptions provide more than just wedding cake, it is inappropriate to come starving and planning to eat enough for today and tomorrow! Be aware of the food available and be prepared to skip the seconds.

For the happy couple: if a cake is all your budget can afford, that is perfectly fine. Etiquette does not demand a full spread. Guests do not need bribery to celebrate your wedding.

Gifting
Wedding etiquette states that guests have up to one year after the wedding to send a gift, but prompt wedding gifts are preferable (within three months). However, in the practical world, no gift is ever too late!

Consider the feelings of non-LDS friends and family members
Those who are not LDS will be disappointed to know they are not able to attend the temple marriage ceremony. If the individual is part of the wedding party, it is appropriate to invite them to the temple grounds to take part in pre- and post-ceremony pictures and celebration. Be sure there is an LDS family member or friend to stay with the individual to help them feel included and to answer any questions they may have. When close family members are not invited into the temple, keep the temple party as intimate as possible. (It may be more a slap in the face to a mother if one of her son’s friends is attending and she can’t.)

A ring ceremony is also appropriate and can help include loved ones. However, a full, public wedding-type ceremony in conjunction with a temple ceremony is not appropriate. Consult your bishop for ring ceremony guidelines.

Dealing with Infertility

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Kerstin Daynes
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: In December of 2003, the thing I had feared for nearly five years was confirmed: I was infertile. Feelings of despair and betrayal flooded my life, and I felt isolated in my silent sorrow. After I learned I was infertile, I sought help and guidance from many places; I wanted to read more about other women who knew exactly how I felt, and I wanted to make connections with those who had walked the path I was walking.

With the statistics showing that one out of seven couples has difficulty conceiving, the number of couples in our wards, branches, and stakes that are affected by this disease is significant. As if affects so many, how could there be so little information from a Latter-day Saint perspective on the topic? Infertility is a very real disease that brings overwhelming stress, hidden losses, and associated feelings of inadequacy, sadness, and isolation. I have felt all of these; but I have also learned to feel joy, strength, and power. My desire is to offer hope to those who also carry this burden.

Reacting to Comments from Others One of the hardest things to deal with is leaving the house and facing people - including the things people say. We have all heard someone say, "Relax! You are trying too hard!" to a woman who wants to get pregnant. In actuality, some couples dealing with infertility truly need to "try harder" to conceive since the process is, in some way, flawed for them.

I am certain we could all sit down and make an exhaustive list of the hurtful things we have heard people say. Some I have forgotten, others make me smile, while other still haunt me. Here are a few I have collected:

"It will all work out in the Lord's time." "Don't worry. You will be blessed to be a mother in the eternities." "So, when are you going to have a baby?" "Enjoy your time together while you can." "I bet working in the nursery is great birth control." "You have no idea how lucky you are that you don't have to worry about children. You can have one of mine."

It has taken a long time to get to this point, but I am beginning to see comments and questions regarding my infertility as a door being opened for discussion. When you feel comfortable offering some information, it's best to keep it simple, direct, and maybe even a bit vague. Here are some suggestions of what to say when the questions come:

"We are ready for children whenever they join our family." "There is a time and season for everything in life. Children come in a different time and season for every couple." "Our family consists of me and my husband/wife right now." "We are confronting some issues as we try to have a family. We are working with a highly skilled physician and feel confident in his/her abilities. We appreciate you being supportive and understanding."

I think I have used every one of these and several others; they usually move the conversation in another direction. Many times, responding this way makes the questioner realize the magnitude of the question they asked. So my suggestion to you is to come up with a response that you and your spouse will use when the situation arises.

Supporting Someone Who Has Fertility Challenges As I prepared to share my feelings about infertility with my mother, I remember wondering exactly how she would be able to relate. After all, my mom and dad began their family with my older sister who came nine months after they were married and had seven children in thirteen years. I knew that she could not empathize, but I also knew that she sincerely wanted to understand. I realized that I could choose to be angry that her ease of having children did not qualify her to adequately comfort me. Or I could choose to play a pivotal role in teaching her about this sorrow that was unknown to her.

This is written to the mothers, fathers, siblings, and friends of those who experience infertility. Your willingness and ability to help bear the burden of infertility will make the pain more bearable and the sorrow not so deep. Here are some things to consider.

The gospel is family-oriented, as it should be, but it is often hard for a couple dealing with infertility to be reminded of it so often. We find joy in our relationships with those we love and feel comforted that family relationships continue eternally. It is important to remember that families are not just moms and dads with children. A family can be just a husband and wife. A family begins with a husband and wife. A family continues through the experiences of life whether there are no children, one child, or ten children. Make sure that, in cases of infertility, you help couples feel that they are a legitimate family.

Be genuine. Don't fake it. If you fake it, they will know. Are you asking them questions about their infertility because you are curious, because you have stewardship over the couple, or because you heard from someone else about their infertility? Or are you asking them because you are concerned about them and want to offer your support? What will you do with the information you gather? Remember that a truly genuine friend asks questions out of deep concern and love. A genuine friend will offer support and strength no matter what happens. This friend will carefully guard the information gathered and will respect the couple's wishes of who they want to know.

Couples experiencing infertility may be sensitive to announcements of pregnancy, overemphasis on children, or baby showers. Handle these topics with sensitivity. Invite women to baby showers, but do not be offended if they choose not to come. Make sure lessons in Sunday meetings are geared toward men and women across all life situations, taking into account those who are single or childless, those who have children, and those who are empty nesters. Additionally, provide activities that similarly apply to all. Be careful not to make children seem like a requirement.

Be careful about what you say. Infertile couples need less advice and more understanding. They will talk if they want to and if they see a caring friend. If you initiate the conversation, be sure you are motivated by compassion. As you discuss the topic of infertility with a couple, try not to act like the expert and as though you know what their specific problem is. Rather, allow the person experiencing the problem to do most of the talking. Ask questions to clarify and to gain a greater understanding so you can be better educated. Consider saying, "I just can't imagine what you are feeling. Describe it to me so that I can try to understand."

It can be harmful to bring up a story of how someone else got pregnant or how someone you know is experiencing infertility. Instead of offering help, you are taking the focus away from the couple. Provide a listening ear and gentle kindness.

One last thing: Be a good parent yourself. Recognize the truly magnificent gift you have - children. Treat your children well. Teach them. Cherish them.

Mormon Life - Pregnancy tag

SPONSORED: Free fertility education seminar to be held Wednesday

{Poll} Birthing Methods

Timeless Etiquette

Dealing with Infertility