Mormon Life - Pornography tag

Fighting the Battle Against Pornography

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 00:07:00 -0600

by Briana Stewart
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Pull the rug out from under pornography. Brush up on why we need to worry, who pornography is affecting, how to prevent it, how to get help, and why—amidst this daunting plague—there is still overwhelming hope.

Pornography is an issue that’s been swept under the rug for years. But it’s 2012, and we’re running out of rugs. In a world where pornography is not only accepted but applauded, our brooms need to be used for clean combat rather than hidden anguish.

“We are being inundated with sexualized messages—even in the most benign places,” says Jill C. Manning, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of What’s The Big Deal About Pornography? “If we are not actively protecting ourselves and loved ones from these toxic messages, we risk leaving ourselves vulnerable to attack.”

And what a brutal attack it is. Men, women, children, spouses, family members—no one is safe from the damaging effects of pornography.

What’s more, it’s not enough to simply abstain from it. Latter-day Saints need to fight the clean fight and actively rid their homes of this mess of an addiction.

“The days of simply putting the computer in an open area of the house are long gone,” says Geoff Steurer, a licensed marriage and family therapist in St. George, Utah. “We are so past that simplified form of prevention, thanks to our world of in-your-face media. We have to be more active than we’ve ever been before. Because if we don’t, we’re going to lose this battle.”

The Big Deal

We’ve all heard it before—those subtle (and not-so-subtle) exchanges on movies and television that paint pornography in a jovial light. We’re talking the “boys will be boys” mantras, the “it’s not harming anyone” claims, or the “it saved our marriage” declarations.

But the truth is, pornography is neither harmless nor helpful.

“Pornography use is not simply a habit,” says Manning. “It is a mood altering, belief changing, relationship damaging, addiction forming, socially harmful, spiritually deadening, and life crippling practice through which one practices the ways of the adversary.”

And the statistics are equally alarming. In 2006, worldwide pornography revenue was more than $97 billion ($13 billion of which came from the U.S.).

According to Enough is Enough, every second, $3,075.64 is spent on pornography; 28,258 Internet viewers look at it; and 372 users type “adult” terms into search engines.

Every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is made in the U.S.

And perhaps most alarming, it’s been reported that 79 percent of young people’s unwanted exposure to pornography occurs in the home.

It was stats like these that propelled Pamela Atkinson, president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography, into battle.

“The more I learned about pornography, the more I knew I had to fight against it,” Atkinson says. “It’s spreading at such a rapid rate, and not just with individuals but with entire families. I just shudder when I hear people say it’s harmless.”

Church apostles and prophets are equally concerned with how pornography is affecting us. Just take a look at their official statement on pornography, which can be found on lds.org:

It is as harmful to the spirit as tobacco, alcohol and drugs are to the body. Using pornographic material in any way is a violation of a commandment of God: ‘Thou shalt not . . . commit adultery . . . nor do anything like unto it’ (D&C 59:6). Pornography is tragically addictive. Like other addictions, it leads people to experiment and to seek more powerful stimulations. Those who experiment with it and allow themselves to remain caught in its trap will find that it will destroy them, degrading their minds, hearts and spirits. It will rob them of self-respect and of their sense of the beauties of life. It will tear them down and lead them to evil thoughts and possibly evil actions. It will cause terrible damage to their family relationships.

And “evil” is no exaggeration.

“I’ve met with people whose lives have been altered by pornography to the point of destruction,” Atkinson says. “Many people are surprised to know pornography consumption can be the leading cause of sexual violence, assault, and even sex trafficking. In fact, a high percentage of sexual predators started with what they call soft-core pornography. There are no limits to its devastation.”

Keep reading on the next page to find out who is being affected, and its effects.

The Who

Pornography has historically been considered a man’s issue, but times are changing.

In addition to men, more women are partaking in it, children are being exposed at earlier ages, and marriages and families are suffering because of it.

“People think pornography is something people somewhere else do,” Atkinson says. “But it could be a family member, a neighbor, or someone at church—it’s everywhere, and we can’t ignore it anymore.”

Here’s a breakdown of the groups affected by pornography, along with the startling damages it can bring.

Men

Men are still the number-one consumer of pornography, and it’s a trend that has only continued to climb.

“Pornography shuts men down emotionally,” Steurer says. “And it’s not an issue of being sex crazed—which I think is often misunderstood. This is an addiction that covers up other emotions, and it can lead men to view women in a different way, affect the way they feel about themselves, and cause them to become moody and distant.”

Additionally, it can lead to an obsession with fantasy and distaste for reality.

“Oftentimes, they become less interested in their own lives and less interested in having sex with their spouses,” Steurer says. “In some cases, it leads men to take more risks that may lead to affairs or even criminal activity. They can become completely, totally different people.”

Women

The growing trend of women and pornography is a startling one, perhaps because it’s so seldom discussed. A big part of that is the explosion—and anonymity—of the Internet.

“The Internet is the great equalizer on many things, but sadly, it’s also the great equalizer with the pornography industry,” Manning says. “Instead of being a boys club, you have women who can now access this material in private online—women who wouldn’t have dared show their face in an adult video store 15 years ago.”

Part of the desire, Steurer believes, comes from the pressure women receive about their appearance.

“Women are being told at every turn that their power and influence comes from their bodies,” he says. “Back in the day, publications like Good Housekeeping and Ladies Home Journal were touting a message for women to rise up and be better homemakers and have better character. And now the message is not about serving your family, but about how hot you can be and how to satisfy your man. Women are being groomed to think of themselves as only sexual beings.”

And as a result, that grooming can spark curiosity and lead women to engage in online pornography sites, graphic romance novels, and the ever-growing trend of sexting.

“More women send nudity across their cell phones than men do,” Steurer says. “They think it’s what men want, and then they get hooked. Too often, their self worth comes from being accepted by men in this way, which only furthers their immersion into the pornography world.”

Youth

A number of research studies show kids being exposed to their first pornographic image at an average age of 11.

That’s Primary age, folks.

“Thanks to the media, kids are being taught at younger ages that pornography is an acceptable form of expression,” Steurer says. “And in homes where these issues are not discussed, they’re too young to realize what’s happening to them. They don’t understand the gravity of these messages, which are both subliminal and overt.”

Jan Garbett, president of Women For Decency, an organization that links women together in the fight against offensive content, wholeheartedly concurs.

“When we leave our kids to fend for themselves in sexual matters, it isn’t fair,” she says. “It’s like giving your sixth grader the keys to the Ferrari and saying, ‘Want to go to the beach? Great! We’ll meet you there.’ They are on this super highway in this incredible machine, but they don’t know how to drive it.”

Spouses and Family Members

Pornography can affect the marital unit on two levels. The first is a matter of one partner secretly engaging in pornographic material.

“It can literally feel as though your spouse has had an affair,” Steurer says. “As Latter-day Saints, we live in a world where we value monogamy, fidelity, and commitment, and when a spouse turns to someone else—even if it’s not a real, live person—the betrayal feels the same and the insecurities arise: ‘What’s wrong with me? Why am I not enough?’”

The second effect happens to couples who view pornography openly.

“Speaking as a researcher, there is no data that shows pornography is helpful to marriages—and that holds true for couples who consume it openly and mutually,” Manning says. “Actually, what we see is the opposite. There is a body of data growing that fully supports what our prophets and apostles have been telling us, and it’s that pornography undermines fidelity, trust, and intimacy in marriage.”

Regardless of how it’s viewed, the effects on marriages (and consequently families) are monumental. Below, Manning lists 10 such effects:

· Decreased sensitivity toward women

· Less progressive views of gender roles

· Increased risk of becoming aggressive, violent, and abusive

· Three times more likely to commit adultery and four times more likely to hire a prostitute

· Acquire an instrumental view of sexuality

· Increased risk of sexual dysfunction and dissatisfaction

· Decreased trust in partner

· Decreased desire to marry and have children

· Increased risk of separation, divorce, and job loss

· Diminished spirituality and respect of sacred aspects of life

Keep reading on the next page for prevention tips and resources for healing.

Prevention

With the world not taking the pornography problem seriously (or in many cases, even acknowledging it as a problem), it is imperative that LDS families take matters into their own homes.

“We need to be empowered to teach our children and families about this toxic topic,” Garbett says. “We all need to become more educated on prevention rather than merely worrying about it after the fact.”

Here are seven ways to maximize prevention in your home.

1. Look at your media access points.

“You have to look at all the media access in your home—Internet, mobile devices, television, magazines, books, etc.,” Manning says. “Examine those access points carefully and do what you can to filter or stop it.”

And while having the computer in an open area isn’t enough, it is still a crucial component.

“A child should never have a computer in his or her bedroom,” Atkinson says. “It opens them up to all kinds of dangers.”

2. Look at your spiritual/emotional access.

“Having internal filters is far more effective than running any sort of program on your computer,” Manning says. “Be honest with what makes your family vulnerable and what temptations you struggle with—and then cater your family media guidelines to those vulnerabilities.”

3. Establish a formal family media pledge.

“It’s important to not just think about guidelines for your family—write them down, print it out, and have each member of your family sign it,” Manning says. “Make an FHE out of it!”

4. Practice what you pledge.

“Example is one of the most powerful tools we have for our kids,” Manning says. “And if it means our own media intake is more wholesome because of it? All the better.”

5. Have open and honest discussions with your kids about sexual matters.

“We need to teach our kids about healthy sexuality, and it starts with our infants and toddlers,” Manning says. “A lot of parents are reluctant to talk to their kids because the subject matter makes them uncomfortable. But we live in a world where we don’t have a choice. If they don’t hear it from us, they’re going to hear it skewed and distorted from somewhere else.”

Manning and Steurer both highly recommend “A Parent’s Guide,” which is an official LDS Church booklet (and free download on lds.org) to teach your kids about intimacy.

“It’s actually old—written in 1985—and it’s one of the best out there without question,” Steurer says. “It’s so interesting, because so often the Church gets accused of being a little prudish when it comes to these areas. But it’s documents like these that give us the perfect foundation and language to teach our families. It’s so much easier to explain pornography to our kids—and why to avoid it—if they have a healthy foundation from a young age.”

6. Teach your teens about the serious penalties of engaging in pornography.

“Children need to be alerted to the potentially tragic consequences of their actions,” Atkinson says. “When they engage in activities like sexting, which is so popular with kids today, they are opening themselves up to potential issues with the law. They need to know that if there is a question in their mind, the content shouldn’t be sent.”

7. Have a plan.

Discuss a game plan with your children of what to do if they come across pornographic material. Ideally, they would turn it off, come to you, and discuss what they saw and how they felt.

“We have all kinds of drills at school—fire drills, earthquake drills—but we really need to have spiritual drills where we know what to do when we’re confronted with damaging content,” Manning says.

“We need to leverage our relationships with our kids,” Garbett adds. “We need to teach them in a way they will listen. We can’t frighten, offend them, or overreact. We need to calmly tell them how glad we are they came to us, and then talk about the problem and how to avoid it in the future.”

Help Wanted

If pornography has already plagued your family, the battle isn’t lost. Here are five steps to getting the help you need.

Come out of hiding.

“Tell somebody your story, which is one of the hardest things to do,” Steurer says. “Tell someone you trust—a spouse, a counselor, a bishop. You can’t [overcome] it in isolation.”

Seek professional help.

“Most people need a combination of counseling, group support, and ecclesiastical assistance,” Steurer says. “People who utilize all of these areas will have infinitely more success, and people who tippy-toe around the problem will continue to struggle. You can’t do this halfway.”

Learn about healthy sexuality.

“Understand the clear and distinct difference between pornography and healthy sexuality—way too many people aren’t clear on that,” Manning says. “If we are going to be responsible sexual beings, it behooves us to express our sexuality in ways that do no harm. We have not been put on this planet and blessed with the power of procreation to have it do harm.”

Challenge your brain.

“Part of getting help is learning how to discipline your mind,” Manning says. “Take up a hobby, find a new passion in your life, enroll in a class, challenge yourself.”

Find spiritual healing.

“Pornography is deadening to one’s spirit. There is nothing godly or of virtue to be found,” Manning says. “When we become addicted to anything, we become a slave to it, which takes us away from our divine center. That spiritual focus is crucial to healing.”

And in the unfortunate cases where our kids struggle with pornography, embrace them, help them, and guide them— without judgment.

“Parents have to create a safe environment to talk about the problem,” Steurer says. “Let your child know that he or she is not bad or evil. Teach them that what they are feeling is normal—pornography simply hijacked it. They got a false start, and now you’re concerned with protecting them and getting them help.”

Get Your Hopes Up

Pornography is a dark and heavy subject—there’s no getting around it. But we can’t be defeated by the filth.

In fact, Manning sees a clean sweep, even if it is years away.

“I compare it to what we’ve seen in the tobacco and cigarette industry. There was a tipping point with a large body of research that started to shift the culture tide,” Manning says. “A similar thing will happen with pornography. There will be a body of medical evidence that will show the harmful effects pornography has on the brain and on relationships—and our culture tide will start to shift. We are a long way from that, but the research gives me hope.”

Steurer is equally optimistic.

“Don’t be afraid of this,” he says. “People that confront pornography and get help become better people through the challenge. Stop running from the problem. Stop living in hiding. There is hope.”

And in the meantime? Fight, fight, fight.

“I was at a women’s conference where general Relief Society president Julie Beck made a rallying cry and told us women that we need to fight against the pornography infiltrating our society. It stirred my soul and made me want to say, ‘Hey, Julie, I’m there!’” Garbett says. “I don’t have all the time in the world, but I have a minute. We have to be courageous. We have to fear God more than man. We’re on the battle lines, and I’m ready to fight.”

And nothing irritates Satan more than a good, clean fight.

“When we feel apprehensive or hesitant to discuss these kinds of topics, we need to remind ourselves that the adversary would love nothing more than for it to be shoved under the rug,” Manning says. “But we can’t let that happen. There is too much to live for and too much to hope for.”

You can also learn more about the Church's Addiction Recovery Programs by clicking here.

This article was originally published in the March/April 2012 issue of LDS Living. Click here to learn more.

{A&E} Romance Novels: Another Form of Porn?

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 01:06:00 -0600

by Ashley Bardsley
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: As a librarian, I have the unique opportunity to help people find books to entertain and inspire. But one too many times I have seen women get caught up in the world of romance novels and lose sight of what is virtuous and lovely.

“…If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy we seek after these things.”

The whole 13th Article of Faith is, in my opinion, a great motto for how to live a happy life. I am a librarian. I have the unique opportunity to help people find books that in some way entertain and inspire. I hear a lot of feedback about authors, writing styles, story plots, and characters. I also see a lot of trends in the world of reading. It is regarding one of these trends that I would like to focus today’s post.

Romance novels.

Not Jane Austen romance novels; they're just fine. We're talking the mass-market produced novels with someone who looks like Fabio on the cover and explicit sex scenes as the primary content. Those ones.

Yes, we are going there.

I see women check out romance novel after romance novel like there is no tomorrow. I believe these books are a much more serious form of pornography than people realize.

Before you think, “Who is this blogger, and who gave her the right to say something so presumptuous?” Hear me out. I have heard women talk about these novels as their escape. That they love reading about the characters and questionable sections of the novels because it is so far from the life they themselves live. It is their guilty pleasure. I have seen these fictional fantasies take over existing relationships. Mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, brothers, sisters, friends, grandmothers, you name it, individuals who are wasting time in a trashy nowhere land rather than living their own lives. This librarian has seen it all.

Now, all reading is escapism to some extent, and I am in no way advocating against reading. However, a book that creates a world or relationships that make you want to escape so strongly that your current world and relationships are no longer satisfactory is not safe, and the feelings of lust that are produced by such material are not safe either.

Just today, a 17-year-old girl told me about the romance novel she was currently reading. She was genuinely surprised at how racy the book was. If a teenage, nonmember girl can see where to draw the line with these books, I think we can too.

I know that romance novels are not the only form of entertainment that is questionable; however, I think it is important to always ask ourselves, “Is this ‘virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy’?” Then to seek after those things.

Your turn: How do you decide what is and isn’t appropriate to read? Where is the line between an enjoyable story (or movie) that has romance in it and one that is pornographic?

Side note: Deseret Book just released a new brand of book called “A Proper Romance.” This brand new genre promises romance “at its very best—and at its cleanest” that still provides all the feel-good thrills and butterflies of your favorite chick flicks. The first book, Edenbrooke, is a Heyeresque Regency that should please all Jane Austen fans, comes out this Tuesday.

For more information about Edenbrooke and to watch the book trailer, click here.

Helping others avoid and overcome pornography: tips for leaders, spouses and parents

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 10:26:00 -0700

source: MormonTimes.com

Many times, people who have engaged in viewing pornography feel like they are lost and without hope. Pornography is addictive, but pornography can also be overcome, and having a good support system is essential. Below are tips for parents, church leaders and spouses of loved ones who are seeking help with their pornography addictions.

Teach and understand sacred sexuality.

Too often, individuals approach sexual relations with the attitude, “sex is dirty, nasty and inappropriate — and save it for the one you love.”

When a Husband is Addicted to Porn | Hope for LDS Women

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 10:50:00 -0700

source: mormonwoman.org

I admit it. As a website manager, I usually love looking at our site’s analytics. I’m always interested to see what kinds of questions people are asking about Mormon life and beliefs, and enjoy a glimpse into what LDS readers are looking for as well. But I confess that when this site was launched four years ago, I wasn’t prepared for some of the questions we’d get on a regular basis. Some of them break my heart. For example, following is a sampling of some of the phrases that show up in our Mormon Women analytics:

LDS church aids annual anti-porn week

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 11:10:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Morality in Media is set to kick off the 24th annual White Ribbon Against Pornography (WRAP) Week on Sunday, with LDS Family Services enlisted as one of the event's primary collaborators.

"This year's WRAP Week campaign will include collaboration with ex-porn stars, a neurosurgeon, the LDS Church's family services, filtering companies, scholars, therapists, Internet safety experts, feminist leaders and many more," Morality in Media executive director Dawn Hawkins said via press release.

Would Mitt Romney, Jon Huntsman Jr. prosecute porn? Morality in Media wants to know

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 11:17:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

President Barack Obama's administration has failed to initiate a single federal obscenity prosecution, and Morality in Media president Patrick Trueman wants that trend to change in a big way.

So with an eye to the future, the former chief of the Justice Department's Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section is launching a campaign asking all 2012 presidential candidates to clarify their stance on enforcing federal obscenity laws against producers and distributors of hard-core pornography.

LDS men launch youth anti-pornography campaign

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 00:04:00 -0600

by Whitney Sorensen - LDS Living
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Fight the New Drug aims to educate people--especially high school students--on the truth about the addictiveness of pornography.

You don’t drink it. You don’t inhale it. And you can’t inject it. But scientific evidence is beginning to show what general authorities have been saying for years: pornography can be as addicting as any drug--and just as harmful. Wanting to stop the spread of this addiction, four Utah State University graduates launched an anti-pornography campaign to educate youth about the addictive effects of pornography.

Founded in January 2010, the organization Fight the New Drug aims to educate people that pornography has the same effects on the brain as substance addictions like alcohol, nicotine, and other drugs. According to an article on the organization’s website, “viewing pornography tricks your brain into releasing the same pleasure chemicals that drugs do,” eventually building up stronger and stronger desires for the counterfeit relationships pornography provides.

Clay Olsen, one of the founders of Fight the New Drug, said getting the truth about pornography to youth is a major goal of the organization.

“We felt strongly that if youth just knew the harmful effects and the consequences of pornography . . . that many would choose to avoid it,” Olsen said.

Although all four founders of Fight the New Drug are Latter-day Saints, the foundation is not a religious campaign. Instead, the founders hoped the focus on science would reach a broader audience and encourage discussion about the evidence that pornography is an addiction. Olsen stressed that religious groups like The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been essential in the fight against pornography but Fight the New Drug aims to approach the issue from a different angle and open the conversation to people of all beliefs.

“It doesn't matter what set of beliefs you subscribe to, what political background you support--this in an issue that goes beyond those things,” Olsen said. “This is an issue that affects everybody.”

Because the issue is so important, Fight the New Drug has three main ways of spreading the message about the new drug: its website, high school assemblies, and college chapters. The website contains videos and articles about the topic and a place for visitors to sign up to become “a fighter,” someone who will actively stand up against pornography and spread the truth about the new drug.

Olsen and his colleagues at Fight the New Drug have already presented their message in three high school assemblies, and they have plans for more in the upcoming school year. While many of these assemblies will be in Utah, schools in both Louisiana and New York have expressed interest.

During the high school assemblies, Olsen worried that teens would not take the issue seriously or even want to discuss the taboo topic. As it turned out, most in the audience responded positively to the presentation (a video portion of which can be viewed online) and loved the scientific approach.

“It's cool to see young kids get excited and passionate and want to talk about a topic that nobody wants to talk about it,” Olsen said.

High school students are not the only young people with a passion for fighting this new drug. College chapters of Fight the New Drug were actually not launched by the organization itself. Rather, college students contacted the organization wanting to start campus campaigns of their own.

“We are a very new campaign, and so to have that kind of support already, we are very happy about that,” Olsen said. Currently, there are five college chapters of Fight the New Drug with at least seven more to launch in the next few months.

But no matter how it spreads the word about pornography as an addiction, Fight the New Drug is dedicated to making a difference in the fight against pornography.

“Stop being naive and stop swishing this heavy, heavy issue under the rug,” Olsen said. “We've got to address it for what it is, even if that means having a potentially difficult and challenging conversation.”

Facebook pages help anti-porn groups fuel discussion and activism locally and nationally

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 13:33:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: Another cool resource for combatting pornography. Tori Byers was shocked when she found it. The pornography belonged to someone close to her, which made the discovery harder to accept.

Looking for a way to help, she came across an ad that led to a Facebook page for the anti-porn movement "Porn Harms."

She's been regularly involved since.

Byers is one of more than 52,000 Facebook users connected to the "Pornography Harms" page. Morality in Media, the Washington, D.C.-based values group that runs "Porn Harms," launched the Facebook page in 2010 and attracted 12,000 followers in its first year. About 40,000 more have joined so far this year, tripling the group's audience. Other Facebook groups with similar goals, like the "Voices for Virtue" page run by Upward Reach, an Ogden-based group, have amassed thousands of followers as well through Facebook and other social networking.

New Mormon site protects families against pornography

Wed, 29 Jun 2011 11:00:00 -0600

source: moregoodfoundation.org

A new website, ProtectFamily.org, has been created to serve as a resource to all parents who wish to maintain a safe online environment–protecting their respective family standards– while encouraging and allowing family members to positively and pro-actively participate in engaging the online conversation through web access, learning, and social media. Protect Family is a combined effort between the More Good Foundation and Ken Knapton, author and Cyber Safety expert.

Pornography: 'Not a victimless act'

Tue, 10 May 2011 10:29:00 -0600

source: ldschurchnews.com

The consumption of pornography “breaks hearts,” said Mark H. Willes, president and CEO of Deseret Management Corporation.

Offering the keynote address at the 10th annual Conference on “Protecting Children and Families from Pornography and other Harmful Materials,” Brother Willes said popular culture teaches that pornography is no big deal, it doesn’t hurt anyone and everybody does it.

“If you don’t remember anything else I hope you remember this: This is not a victimless act,” he said, noting that pornography puts relationships, employment, healthy sexuality and well-being at risk.

More than 700 people gathered in downtown Salt Lake City on May 7 for the conference, sponsored by the Utah Coalition Against Pornography. The event, held in the Little America Hotel, also included several sessions on topics such as technology, prevention and recovery, the impact of pornography on marriages, and how to talk about dangerous things.

Ask Dr. Elia: Will my marriage survive his addiction to lust?

Tue, 15 Mar 2011 11:13:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Dear Dr. Elia,

My husband was addicted to porn for the last four years before we got married. We've only been married for 10 months, and I've been dealing with it since I saw the signs of lust and found out he was viewing porn on television the second month we were married. He claims he has stopped viewing any type of porn and just struggles with the lust. I can't go anywhere with him without him struggling and looking at other women's bodies. He's doing better than he was at first, but it's still hard for me. My question is how do we deal with this and keep our marriage? He is trying to change, but although he knows trust will take time, he wants me to connect fully with him emotionally. Is it possible for me to do that?

Thank you,Marie

Dear Marie,

That is a tough way to start off your marriage, but you're certainly not alone. I receive questions similar to yours every day. Although I have written several articles on this subject (see previous articles at www.mormontimes.com) I would like to share with you a couple of thoughts. Anyone who's been addicted to porn is also very capable of dishonesty.

Mitt, the Marriotts and the Fight Against Pornography

Sat, 29 Jan 2011 10:57:00 -0700

source: religiondispatches.org

Mormon Life says: The author makes an interesting point the mass media hasn't considered. Marriott hotels will be phasing out in-room pay-per-view pornography over the next five years, giving up about $100 million in revenues to do so.

(Lucky for them, Marriott guests will still be able to enjoy the Book of Mormon stashed in the nightstand drawer in Marriott hotel rooms, courtesy of the mega-Mormon Marriott family.)

The hotel chain says that the decision is economic: in-room porn profits have tanked because the porn industry has moved on-line.

But it’s being reported that the move is actually an effort to protect Romney against another round of flak from socially conservative and evangelical voters in Iowa, where the Marriott-porn issue flared up for a brief moment in July 2007. (Back then, Romney even came in for criticism from the LDS Church-owned Deseret News, in an editorial with the unfortunate title “The nasty taint of porn.”)

I don’t buy it.

Two Mormon Women’s Stories about Overcoming Pornography Addiction

Wed, 26 Jan 2011 09:36:00 -0700

source: mormonwoman.org

We are reminded that although we often talk about pornography being a male problem, an increasing number of women are being caught in the snare of pornography. Below, two Mormon women share their experiences with confronting and overcoming their pornography addictions.

The first story might come with a bit of a surprise; pornography addiction doesn’t always come in the form of looking at pictures. This Mormon woman was addicted to pornographic literature in the form of romance novels.

Healthy relationships: 'Preparing for Healthy Intimacy in a Sexually Toxic Culture'

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 10:34:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

There has "never, ever been a better time in history to develop a healthy, intimate relationship," a licensed marriage and family therapist said to single adults gathered at Utah Valley University on Jan. 15.

"On the flip side, we also live in a time when there have never been so many challenges to forming and maintaining intimate relationships," said Jill C. Manning, who has testified before a U.S. Senate subcommittee on the harms of pornography and is author of the book, What's the Big Deal about Pornography: A Guide for the Internet Generation.

Sister Manning and Dan Gray, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical director of the LifeSTAR Network, spoke to single adults about successfully preparing for marriage given the prevalence of pornography and other negative influences that impact today's dating culture.

The event, titled "A Message for Singles: Preparing for Healthy Intimacy in a Sexually Toxic Culture," was sponsored by S.A. Lifeline — a foundation established to support, educate and help those struggling with pornography addiction.

To those who are struggling with a pornography addiction, 'This is healable'

Mon, 17 Jan 2011 10:10:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

There has “never, ever been a better time in history to develop a healthy, intimate relationship,” said a licensed marriage and family therapist to single adults gathered at Utah Valley University on Jan. 15.

“On the flip side, we also live in a time when there have never been so many challenges to forming and maintaining intimate relationships,” said Jill C. Manning, who has testified before a U.S. Senate subcommittee on the harms of pornography and is author of the book, “What's the Big Deal about Pornography: A Guide for the Internet Generation.”

U.S. may adopt British proposal to ban Internet porn

Tue, 28 Dec 2010 09:28:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: Would this not be amazing? With no universal Internet safeguard in place to prevent children from accidentally accessing online pornography, the British government is proposing a new model for protecting minors: requiring Internet service providers to filter out all pornographic websites from the content piped into homes.

Two experts in American obscenity law agreed Monday that any provision similar to the new British idea would almost certainly be deemed illegal in the U.S. Additionally, they both believe that enforcement of federal laws already on the books would go a long way toward alleviating the threat Internet pornography poses to unsuspecting children.

Britain's plan, publicized last week by communication minister Ed Valzey, would require ISPs to employ a default pornography filter while also allowing any domicile to easily opt out of the filtering.

"We just want to make sure our children aren't stumbling across things (on the Internet) we don't want them to see," Parliament member Claire Perry said.

United Kingdom may force Net providers to block pornography

Tue, 21 Dec 2010 11:25:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: This is great news for the UK...can we please have this in the U.S.? The United Kingdom government may soon enforce policies to block all pornographic content from reaching British home computers unless users specifically request access, in a move designed to prevent children from viewing pornography.

British communications minister Ed Vaizey is set to speak with Internet providers in the U.K. next month to implement the changes. Providers would block all pornographic content by default, requiring those who wish to view it to "opt in."

"This is a very serious matter. I think it is very important that it's the (Internet service providers) that come up with solutions to protect children," Vaizey said, according to a Sunday report in The Guardian.

LDS Business College devotional: Fighting the "plague" of pornography

Thu, 18 Nov 2010 12:36:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

All must join in the fight against the modern "plague" of pornography, Mark Willes told LDS Business College students during their weekly devotional Nov. 16.

"Either you or somebody you know has this problem," said Brother Willes, president and CEO of Deseret Management Corporation. "The Lord is counting on you to help stem the tide of this plague."

Brother Willes spoke of some findings in research regarding pornography and the negative effects it has on individuals. Much of this research was done for the mass media campaign "Out in the Light," a collaborative initiative between Deseret Media Companies — including Deseret News, Deseret Book, Deseret Digital, KSL TV and KSL Radio — to educate, direct and unite women impacted by their husband's pornography addiction.

"Why is pornography so dangerous?" Brother Willes asked. "Because it is highly addictive, and once you are addicted you can never get enough."

To Break Your Addiction to Porn, Connect with Your Spouse

Thu, 11 Nov 2010 10:21:00 -0700

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

He just knew he’d be going to hell.

Throughout almost a decade of his life, Gene had resigned himself to the idea that he was hopelessly addicted to sex and would be spending the eternities suffering for it.

A year ago he was convinced by a mentor in his church who had traveled the road before that there was a way out. It would require, however, this friend insisted, complete and utter honesty. Deep down Gene felt that what he was hearing was true. So, as painful as he knew it would be, he decided to be 100% honest with God, the leaders of his church, and with his wife. "I threw myself at God’s feet and put my neck under his heel. I was at his mercy. I opened up about everything. I half expected to be struck by lightning."

Billions spent for porn sad loss to society

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 10:23:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: Sadly, Utah is the biggest culprit. The numbers are as shocking as they are incomprehensible — $3 million spent every second, $13 billion spent every year. And that's just in America. Around the world the number is nearly $100 billion.

And for what? NFL season tickets? National health care? Nuclear arsenals? Golf gear? Women's shoes?

None of the above.

Porn.

Every year America spends $13.4 billion and the world spends $96.7 billion on its porn habit.