Mormon Life - Parenting tag

Relating to Your Son or Daughter Experiencing Same-gender Attraction: Advice to Parents

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:02:00 -0600

by M. Catherine Thomas
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: In conjunction with today's featured article, "Our Story: Living with Same-sex Attraction" by Ty and Danielle Mansfield (click here to read), we offer this excerpt specifically for LDS parents of children who experience homosexual feelings.

The following is an excerpt from Voices of Hope: Latter-day Saint Perspectives on Same-Gender Attraction, taken from the chapter “Perspectives for Parents.” Click here to learn more.

Listening

As we look to our child, we may find it possible to identify some ways in which we have unwittingly made life more difficult for our child; and then we may consider offering a detailed apology. This is self-care as well as child care because our spirit knows when we have not measured up in a relationship; to heal ourselves, we have to come clean in the relationship. During this apology we will not mention the child’s failings, only our own. We will humbly ask forgiveness and ask how we can be more helpful. We will listen undefensively, as dispassionately as we can. Healing communication can then begin. Then, in addition to much listening, we may be able to share with our child, as time goes on, some points of view that can reassure both our child and us.

Shame and Guilt

Our child will likely be suffering from shame and feelings of unworthiness, even if he has not chosen to express his same-gender attraction sexually. He may have felt directly or indirectly the negativity, sometimes amounting to hatred and vitriol, being poured out, even by some members of the Church, on people dealing with same-gender attraction. His feelings of shame will interfere with his ability to draw close to the Lord for comfort.

Following are responses that two people have had as they have confronted both shame and guilt over their same-gender feelings and the issue of sex. A young LDS woman in her thirties who has just begun coming to terms, after a fifteen-year struggle, with her feelings of attraction for other women, and is wondering what this means for her, wrote me the following about her perception that, at their inception, same-gender feelings do not seem intrinsically sexual.

“It’s not about sex. Other people think that those who might be/are gay are struggling with immoral thoughts/feelings and behaviors. But what you will hear across the board is that the first feeling is that ‘I am different.’ As other teenagers or young adults start to explore with giddiness their crushes and dreamy thoughts of an ideal future, those with same-gender attraction start to try to figure out what is wrong with them. I think THIS is the battlefront.

“They begin to feel shame over their nonsexualized attraction to the same gender, where heterosexuals are encouraged in that attraction, understood, given boundaries to work within, etc. Ultimately, heterosexuals can find legitimate physical/sexual expression for that attraction, but many same-gender-attracted people freeze in that shame—never drifting to immoral thoughts/feelings/behavior, but having no route, or reroute, for that part of themselves—and begin to internalize this struggle.”

Another LDS young man who deals with this challenge wrote similarly:

“The shame is a huge problem. . . . I had similar feelings of being ‘different’ when I was younger, and while I occasionally fantasized about being physically close with other boys, I don’t recall it ever feeling sexual until well into high school—and even then I was so afraid of those feelings that I never allowed myself to acknowledge them. More often than not, I just wanted to feel close to other guys, or I would allow myself to overfocus on qualities in them I felt I lacked, and wanted, in myself.

“I remember once wanting to give my best friend a hug when I saw him, and he looked at me funny and asked if I was gay. That was in fourth grade, I think. All I knew about ‘gay’ was that it was bad, and the shame I felt in that moment led me to tenaciously avoid any behaviors that might be perceived that way. I disowned a lot of parts of my personality, and it’s only been in my adulthood that I’ve been learning to reclaim, reintegrate those parts, and learn to love men in the deep and intimate and healthy ways I only ever wanted anyway.”

Caring for your child would include helping him to let go of shame for the feelings themselves and reassuring him of the Lord’s love. Many people who experience same-gender attraction find that, despite the fact that they are dealing with a set of deeply disconcerting feelings, they can exist in a loving relationship with the Lord in the same system of faith, repentance, and having the Holy Ghost that anyone else can. In this way they are able to embrace a sense of worthiness that allows them to move forward spiritually as they manage these feelings within the bounds the Lord has set.

Elder Holland wrote on making the distinction between feelings and behavior: “While same-gender attraction is real, there must be no physical [sexual or romantic] expression of this attraction. The desire for physical gratification does not authorize immorality by anyone. Such feelings can be powerful, but they are never so strong as to deprive anyone of the freedom to choose worthy conduct. In saying this, let me make it clear that attractions alone, troublesome as they may be, do not make one unworthy.”

Labeling

People tend to behave according to the way they see themselves. Help him to take care with the labels he puts on himself. Lift your child’s sights to a vision of who he really is. Elder Dallin H. Oaks offers this counsel to a parent about what he might say to his child:

“You’re my son. You will always be my son, and I’ll always be there to help you. . . .

“Homosexuality . . . is not a noun that describes a condition. It’s an adjective that describes feelings or behavior. I encourage you, as you struggle with these challenges, not to think of yourself as a ‘something’ or ‘another,’ except that you’re a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and you’re my son, and that you’re struggling with challenges. . . .

“You’ve described a particular kind of challenge that is very vexing. It is common in our society and it has also become politicized. But it’s only one of a host of challenges men and women have to struggle with, and I just encourage you to seek the help of the Savior to resist temptation and to refrain from behavior that would cause you to have to repent or to have your Church membership called into question.”

Shaping a Life

As people dealing with same-gender attraction look at traditional lifestyles, they may not see where they fit in. One young man wrote me: “All of the talks at BYU on dating and marriage, including some in which we were told that if we weren’t dating ‘X’ number of times per week we weren’t magnifying our priesthood, left me feeling especially depressed, broken, and like I was failing God and everyone else around me. It wasn’t until I had a very powerful spiritual witness—in association with Isaiah 56:3–4, actually—that all I needed to do was my best to nurture my relationship with the Lord and to cultivate and follow the Spirit in my life (and whether I married in this life or the next, I was completely accepted of the Lord) that I felt so much of that burden of shame and guilt and depression and failure lift. The love I felt was overwhelming and taught me what my central focus should be. Prior to that, the cultural box I was being shoved into was spiritually and emotionally suffocating.”

Another young man, who chose to serve a mission even while dealing with the challenge of same-gender attraction, describes how he had been mentally and emotionally stuck in choosing the gospel way over the world’s way until he found that he didn’t have to live a traditional life and that, indeed, stereotypes can be ignored:

“I understood, finally, that I was an individual on my own path and that it was impossible to know where that would take me. I did have to make choices along the way, but I wasn’t limited by those stereotypes in my head. And the only thing I had to commit to was the gospel of Jesus Christ. The important distinction was between LDS culture, which isn’t necessarily true, and the fulness of the gospel, which is. When I realized that my path might not look like everyone else’s and that it was really just between the Lord and me, I felt a new confidence. I handed that map over to the Savior and let him navigate—I jumped into the driver’s seat. . . . If we truly trust the Lord, we don’t need to fear the unknown vistas that await us. We can listen to the Spirit and the compass of our hearts and look forward to that day . . . when we realize we have happened onto an answer and that it was the Lord who brought us there. But until then, there’s no reason we shouldn’t roll down the windows and breathe deeply, even if we’re not sure exactly where we are. It’s okay, the Lord does.”

Boundaries

At some point parents are faced with situations in which they wonder what boundary lines might be appropriate because their love for their child versus their sense of right and wrong can create conflict in their minds. Such situations might include whether to attend a marriage or commitment ceremony, or what role a potential partner might play within the family. Elder Oaks was asked: “At what point does showing that love cross the line into inadvertently endorsing behavior? If the son says, ‘Well, if you love me, can I bring my partner to our home to visit? Can we come for holidays?’ How do you balance that against, for example, concern for other children in the home?”

Can a parent’s love cross a line and inadvertently endorse homosexual practice? Elder Oaks responded: “That’s a decision that needs to be made individually by the person responsible, calling upon the Lord for inspiration. I can imagine that in most circumstances the parents would say, ‘Please don’t do that. Don’t put us into that position.’ Surely if there are children in the home who would be influenced by this example, the answer would likely be that. There would also be other factors that would make that the likely answer. . . . There are so many different circumstances, it’s impossible to give one answer that fits all.”

Elder Wickman emphasizes a parent’s need to avoid the pitfall of defending a child’s homosexual lifestyle: “I think it’s important as a parent to avoid a potential trap arising out of one’s anguish over this situation. I refer to a shift from defending the Lord’s way to defending the errant child’s lifestyle, both with him and with others. It really is true the Lord’s way is to love the sinner while condemning the sin. That is to say we continue to open our homes and our hearts and our arms to our children, but that need not be with approval of their lifestyle. Neither does it mean we need to be constantly telling them that their lifestyle is inappropriate. An even bigger error is now to become defensive of the child because that neither helps the child nor helps the parent. That course of action, which experience teaches, is almost certainly to lead both away from the Lord’s way.”

One mother remarks that she has said to her son: “‘I love you and respect your feelings, and I know you will respect mine. Because you were reared in the Church, you know what my standards are.’ He is fine with that because he prides himself on being an honest person.”

Elder Oaks mentioned that different circumstances may require different responses. After fasting and prayer, one set of parents in a home where there were no younger children chose to let the child and his long-term partner make the decision as to whether they would share a bedroom in the family home. The key seems to be Elder Oaks’s statement: “That’s a decision that needs to be made individually by the person responsible, calling upon the Lord for inspiration.”

Click here to read the companion piece, "Our Story: Living with Same-sex Attraction" by Ty and Danielle Mansfield.

Parenting in the Tech Age — Mormon Channel episode

Thu, 17 May 2012 12:09:00 -0600

source: mormonwoman.org

Mormon Life says: Click on the forwarding link to watch the episode. Continuing our topic of parenting in the age of the internet, here is a Mormon Channel episode on the new Tech Savvy show.

In this episode, “Parenting in the Tech Age,” host Elisa Scharton talks with Richard and Linda Eyre and Craig and Ken and Katie Craig about helping children draw boundaries with technology, avoiding entitlement, being aware of how technology changes communication (and how sometimes it shouldn’t!), teaching children to find the good.

Parental Hypocrisy

Wed, 16 May 2012 08:59:00 -0600

source: mormonopia.com

In meetings when I was bishop, and with my wife, I have occasionally made comments about parents doing things that they don’t want their kids to do. I’m obviously not talking about parents driving and not letting their pre-teens drive.

Mormon Parenting: Three separate testimonies of God

Fri, 11 May 2012 08:18:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Let us talk a little today about something that perhaps we should all think a little more about and something that we should try very hard to teach to our children.

Not long ago, an interesting conversation began in a priesthood quorum about the three personages in the Godhead.

After commenting about how unique we are in our LDS theology to believe in three separate and distinct members of the Godhead, the instructor asked an interesting question: “Which of the three do you feel you know the best and have the strongest testimony of?”

{Poll} Mother's Day vs. Father's Day

Thu, 10 May 2012 00:03:00 -0600

by Kate Ensign-Lewis
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Mothers and fathers are equally important in a child's life. How do the days in which we honor them compare?

Sunday will be my first real Mother's Day. Last year on that day, I was unhappily sitting in church, very pregnant, one day overdue with my son. Why couldn't he have arrived in time for Mother's Day? I thought. (Obviously the wound is still fresh.) But I digress.

More than anything, I've been looking forward to the simple joy of holding my own child on that day for quite some time. But even before I was really a mother, I had been honored along with other women in my past wards for being a future mother. I've seen flowers, heard songs, and eaten chocolate (no complaints there). Occasionally the men of the ward have taken over the women's non-Relief Society Sunday callings so those women could attend Relief Society.

On the other hand, I vaguely remember that Father's Day has been celebrated in these wards, though I honestly can't remember if my dad or my husband received any small gifts. However, growing up, my dad got just as much attention as my mom did on her day (with perhaps slightly fewer presents).

What's been your experience? How have the two days compared in your life, and do they get a different amount of attention?

Blending Families

Tue, 08 May 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by Jonathan Swinton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: In the Church there is a lot of focus on what is seen as the ideal family, but many people live in different circumstances than this stereotypical family.

When we talk about families, we frequently think of a certain ideal; a family where both parents are there, the kids are all little angels, and life at home is like living in a musical titled When There’s Love at Home. There is certainly merit in striving for a close-knit, loving home. However, real-life family for many people is vastly different from the ideal.

One in three people live in blended families. Though I am not a fan of labeling blended families, the term can highlight the unique challenge of fi nding tolerable ways to blend the lives, experiences, expectations, and dreams of all involved. I have seen some blended families that have been the family that many involved always wanted. I have seen others that are full of friction and trials. Finding ways to bring the worlds of multiple families and family members together is a trial few will appreciate if they have not lived it. However, the outcome can be very positive and rewarding if navigated well.

If you are part of a blended family, does it feel like oil and water? How do you blend? I have combined my experience assisting blended families and the work of nationally acclaimed blended family expert Dr. Patricia Papernow to highlight many of the common struggles and potential solutions that may help blended families come together.

Challenges children experience: Divorce and/or blending new families can be very difficult for children to navigate. Research has suggested that the biggest struggles children face are dealing with the loss of the family they once had or hoped to have and finding ways of maintaining loyalties in the new family setup. When parents divorce or a parent is lost to death, the children often maintain strong love for both parents. If a new step-parent and step-siblings are brought into the picture, children often feel guilty expressing love or feeling close to the step-parent or stepsiblings. They often feel this somehow betrays the love they have for the other parent or siblings. It is worse if the parents and/or step-parents don’t get along, and the children are aware of the friction. As a parent and/or step-parent, the best thing you can do is focus on getting along with all the adults involved. You don’t have to love each other, but try to help the kids feel that you all respect each other.

Challenges parents experience: The most common issue faced by parents and step-parents is finding middle ground when parenting styles differ. Parenting styles include a mix of firmness/permissiveness and kindness/hostility. If one parent is more permissive and kind while the other is more permissive and hostile, problems will result. Parents who use the same styles will likely find few problems meshing their styles. Try your best to align your styles and reach compromises. A brief aside: research has consistently shown that kind and firm parents will be the most effective.

The other parenting challenge that often surfaces is children responding differently to discipline from parents and step-parents. Research has shown that children generally respond better to discipline from their parents than their step-parents. The parents should be the ones to deal with tough discipline issues. Day-to-day issues should be dealt with by both parents and step-parents so the kids know all adults are to be respected. Make sure you are 100 percent consistent with each other on the day-to-day issues and avoid challenging each other in the presence of the children.

Challenges couples experience: When couples get married and create a new blended family, they are often a bit older than what we typically call newlyweds. They come into the new relationship with more experience, opinions, traditions, expectations, and established ways of living their lives. It is often difficult to align these realities and still feel love for one another. Couples should remember that if differences exist and you get your way, your spouse doesn’t get his or her way. Compromise is key. Focus on creating new ways of living that share both of your realities.

Blending families can be complicated. However, when blended families are created, they can be just what everyone involved wants and needs. If you focus on compromise and selflessness, your blended family can be wonderful.

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Dr. Jonathan Swinton, PhD, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Swinton Counseling in Utah. Visit swintoncounseling.com or call 801-647-9951 to learn more.

Dave Says: Time to Play It Smart!

Tue, 08 May 2012 00:03:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Our son is starting as a professional soccer player. How can we help him so he doesn't get caught up in a glamorous lifestyle?

Dear Dave,

Our son is 21, and he’s embarking on a career as a professional soccer player. He’ll only be making about $30,000 a year, and we want to know how we can help him manage this money and not get caught up in the idea that he has to live a glamorous lifestyle.

Karen

Dear Karen,

“Glamorous” isn’t the word I’d use to describe a $30,000-a-year job, even for a 21-year-old. I think the biggest thing here is to make sure he develops some emotional maturity and uses basic, common-sense guidelines to help keep things in perspective. If he makes a habit right now of budgeting and living on less than he makes, he’s going to have a lot easier time later on if he starts raking in the big bucks.

Help him prepare his heart for two things. First, that a career as a professional athlete will probably be a short run. Enjoy it, be smart, then prepare to move on to the next part of your life, and develop a different career track.

The second thing is that even if he beats the odds and ends up making a ton of money, he’s got to view the money as a responsibility and a privilege. This is when the common sense and maturity really come into play. You can’t run out and buy a bunch of houses and cars and expect even big money to last for long!

—Dave

- -

Dave Ramsey is America’s most trusted voice on money and business. He’s authored four New York Times best-selling books: Financial Peace, More Than Enough, The Total Money Makeover and EntreLeadership. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 5,000,000 listeners each week on more than 500 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.

To the Happy Couple: You've Been Warned.

Mon, 07 May 2012 10:17:00 -0600

source: middle-agedmormonman.blogspot.com

Mormon Life says: This dad wrote a letter to his newly-engaged son and his fiancee. It's a great resource to use for your own kids. The MMM family is going to have it's first wedding! I mentioned it the other day in the "Diddy Kong" post here. The good news is that they are still engaged, and the even better news is that we are all still happy about it - giddy, in fact. (Giddy in a "manly" sort of way.)

A short time after the engagement was made official, Monkeyboy and the future Monkeygirl came over to the house, along with the future in-laws. It was a chance for us to all get to know each other a little better, and to talk about wedding plans, dates, and all the crap things that come with a wedding. We started with a prayer, and then I asked if I could make a few observations. ("Observations" was code for the speech that I had written in my head over the previous few days.) I had a captive audience, and was my kitchen table...

More on parents’ ‘nothingness’

Fri, 04 May 2012 10:02:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

One of the great things about weekly columns is the almost instant feedback that we writers get and the opportunity it gives us to stay with a topic that seems to be generating unusual interest. Last week, this column was on the remarkable promises that King Benjamin made to parents who could remember their own “nothingness.” We have received so much response to and interest in that subject that we want to continue it for a couple of weeks.

Part of what makes the concept so interesting is its counterintuitive nature. Instead of the prevailing proactive, independent, do-it-yourself attitude, the "nothingness" notion is that we don’t really become something until we think of ourselves as nothing. God can’t truly use us and make us his own until we develop the deep humility that comes from understanding how completely insignificant we are. It is the great and divine paradox that we are less before we can become more. Jesus said, "He who would find his life must lose it.”

Dave Says: Don't Stay Down

Tue, 01 May 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Should I accept state assistance for children's insurance while I get back on my feet?

Dear Dave,

I just lost my job due to company-wide layoffs. I have an emergency fund, but I’m losing my health insurance. Our state has a program that covers children’s healthcare in these kinds of situations. Would it be okay to accept this for my kids until I find another job and things get better?

Paul

Dear Paul,

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with accepting help when you’re down or struggling. On the other hand, to define yourself as being down or struggling is a really bad thing. By this, I mean you should never just sit there, consider yourself helpless, and expect someone else to take care of you. Remember this: everyone falls down. Losers stay down, but successful people get back up!

If I woke up one morning and realized I had no insurance or couldn’t feed my family because I’d lost my job, I’d be out looking for work all day long, every single day. If that didn’t work, I’d pack everyone up and go find another place to work and live. At the very least I’d map out a plan to work and make money somewhere else during the week, then come home weekends.

You sound like a good dad, and I love the fact that you’re thinking about your kids. Do what’s necessary to take care of them right now, even if it means getting help from the state. Make sure you’re out there busting it, and trying to make something happen in the job market, too. You shouldn’t still be living this way six months from now!

—Dave

For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.

Mormon Parenting: King Benjamin's fantastic promises to parents

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 09:01:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Would you like your kids to “never transgress the laws of God?”

Would you like your children not to “fight and quarrel one with another?”

What most parents wouldn’t give for those two promises!

Well, in fact, they are two of the 10 promises listed by King Benjamin — promises that will be ours if we respond to the challenge they are predicated upon.

Is Parenting Getting in the Way of Your Marriage?

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by Jonathan Swinton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Your spouse will rarely demand as much from you as your children, so it's easy to get overwhelmed by the role of parent and neglect your role as husband or wife. Figure out if you suffer from this problem.

One of the most common types of couples who seek help from me in couples counseling are new empty nesters. They often say something like, “Now that our kids are gone, we don’t know what to talk about” or “We are having difficulty getting used to being alone together so much.” If you are an empty nester, does this sound familiar? If not, do you want to make sure this doesn’t happen to your marriage?

Depending on their age, children require that you feed them, change their diapers, give them advice, help them when they get hurt, help them feel comforted, play with them, listen to them when they cry, listen to them when they get excited, drive them to their practices, attend their concerts, go to PTA meetings—the list could go on forever. The fact is, children depend on you every day to exist, feel loved, and learn to navigate the treacherous growing years. In contrast, your spouse can care for his or her own needs to survive. The result is that parents spend too much energy on parenting and too little energy on their marriage.

Ask yourself the following questions to see if this could be happening to you:

1. Has it been more than a month since you went on a date with your spouse? If so, is the reason you justify not dating related to your kids?

I am a big advocate of dating in marriage relationships. Dating provides an excellent forum that can foster a healthy emotional connection—a necessary ingredient for healthy relationships. Dating was likely instrumental for you when you and your spouse fell in love. If it was so important then, it is even more important now, when so many other things pull your attention away from each other. I encourage everyone to go out on a date every week. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, and if you are creative, you can find necessary childcare.

2. Do your kids go to bed much later than you would like?

If you have had young children, you can probably relate to the many struggles parents face trying to get their kids to go to bed. However, based on my experience counseling couples, allowing your kids to stay up late can reduce the amount of one-on-one time you and your spouse share.

3. Do you always choose to play or interact with your kids instead of your spouse?

I am not trying to suggest that it is bad to play with your kids. However, too often parents focus too much on being parents and let their relationship slide. Your spouse needs your attention just as much as your children.

4. When you finally get some alone time with your spouse, do you multi-task, fold laundry, or work on some other parent responsibility during your alone time?

I know that managing the responsibilities of parenting, work, church callings, and everything else can be daunting. Even so, your relationship with your spouse deserves your undivided attention. It is easy to rationalize why everything else should take priority in the moment. However, moments easily turn into years without focused attention on your marriage.

I love children. As a father, much of my greatest joy, satisfaction, and meaning in life comes from my role as a father. Fulfilling that role is a responsibility I take very seriously, as I am sure most of you do as well. However, we also have roles to play as husbands or wives.

The Lord counseled that we should “love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (Doctrine & Covenants 42:22). I interpret this to mean that spouses should be our greatest commitment. The world is a demanding place, but we need to remember to keep our marriages as our top priority.

Fighting the Battle Against Pornography

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 00:07:00 -0600

by Briana Stewart
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Pull the rug out from under pornography. Brush up on why we need to worry, who pornography is affecting, how to prevent it, how to get help, and why—amidst this daunting plague—there is still overwhelming hope.

Pornography is an issue that’s been swept under the rug for years. But it’s 2012, and we’re running out of rugs. In a world where pornography is not only accepted but applauded, our brooms need to be used for clean combat rather than hidden anguish.

“We are being inundated with sexualized messages—even in the most benign places,” says Jill C. Manning, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of What’s The Big Deal About Pornography? “If we are not actively protecting ourselves and loved ones from these toxic messages, we risk leaving ourselves vulnerable to attack.”

And what a brutal attack it is. Men, women, children, spouses, family members—no one is safe from the damaging effects of pornography.

What’s more, it’s not enough to simply abstain from it. Latter-day Saints need to fight the clean fight and actively rid their homes of this mess of an addiction.

“The days of simply putting the computer in an open area of the house are long gone,” says Geoff Steurer, a licensed marriage and family therapist in St. George, Utah. “We are so past that simplified form of prevention, thanks to our world of in-your-face media. We have to be more active than we’ve ever been before. Because if we don’t, we’re going to lose this battle.”

The Big Deal

We’ve all heard it before—those subtle (and not-so-subtle) exchanges on movies and television that paint pornography in a jovial light. We’re talking the “boys will be boys” mantras, the “it’s not harming anyone” claims, or the “it saved our marriage” declarations.

But the truth is, pornography is neither harmless nor helpful.

“Pornography use is not simply a habit,” says Manning. “It is a mood altering, belief changing, relationship damaging, addiction forming, socially harmful, spiritually deadening, and life crippling practice through which one practices the ways of the adversary.”

And the statistics are equally alarming. In 2006, worldwide pornography revenue was more than $97 billion ($13 billion of which came from the U.S.).

According to Enough is Enough, every second, $3,075.64 is spent on pornography; 28,258 Internet viewers look at it; and 372 users type “adult” terms into search engines.

Every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is made in the U.S.

And perhaps most alarming, it’s been reported that 79 percent of young people’s unwanted exposure to pornography occurs in the home.

It was stats like these that propelled Pamela Atkinson, president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography, into battle.

“The more I learned about pornography, the more I knew I had to fight against it,” Atkinson says. “It’s spreading at such a rapid rate, and not just with individuals but with entire families. I just shudder when I hear people say it’s harmless.”

Church apostles and prophets are equally concerned with how pornography is affecting us. Just take a look at their official statement on pornography, which can be found on lds.org:

It is as harmful to the spirit as tobacco, alcohol and drugs are to the body. Using pornographic material in any way is a violation of a commandment of God: ‘Thou shalt not . . . commit adultery . . . nor do anything like unto it’ (D&C 59:6). Pornography is tragically addictive. Like other addictions, it leads people to experiment and to seek more powerful stimulations. Those who experiment with it and allow themselves to remain caught in its trap will find that it will destroy them, degrading their minds, hearts and spirits. It will rob them of self-respect and of their sense of the beauties of life. It will tear them down and lead them to evil thoughts and possibly evil actions. It will cause terrible damage to their family relationships.

And “evil” is no exaggeration.

“I’ve met with people whose lives have been altered by pornography to the point of destruction,” Atkinson says. “Many people are surprised to know pornography consumption can be the leading cause of sexual violence, assault, and even sex trafficking. In fact, a high percentage of sexual predators started with what they call soft-core pornography. There are no limits to its devastation.”

Keep reading on the next page to find out who is being affected, and its effects.

The Who

Pornography has historically been considered a man’s issue, but times are changing.

In addition to men, more women are partaking in it, children are being exposed at earlier ages, and marriages and families are suffering because of it.

“People think pornography is something people somewhere else do,” Atkinson says. “But it could be a family member, a neighbor, or someone at church—it’s everywhere, and we can’t ignore it anymore.”

Here’s a breakdown of the groups affected by pornography, along with the startling damages it can bring.

Men

Men are still the number-one consumer of pornography, and it’s a trend that has only continued to climb.

“Pornography shuts men down emotionally,” Steurer says. “And it’s not an issue of being sex crazed—which I think is often misunderstood. This is an addiction that covers up other emotions, and it can lead men to view women in a different way, affect the way they feel about themselves, and cause them to become moody and distant.”

Additionally, it can lead to an obsession with fantasy and distaste for reality.

“Oftentimes, they become less interested in their own lives and less interested in having sex with their spouses,” Steurer says. “In some cases, it leads men to take more risks that may lead to affairs or even criminal activity. They can become completely, totally different people.”

Women

The growing trend of women and pornography is a startling one, perhaps because it’s so seldom discussed. A big part of that is the explosion—and anonymity—of the Internet.

“The Internet is the great equalizer on many things, but sadly, it’s also the great equalizer with the pornography industry,” Manning says. “Instead of being a boys club, you have women who can now access this material in private online—women who wouldn’t have dared show their face in an adult video store 15 years ago.”

Part of the desire, Steurer believes, comes from the pressure women receive about their appearance.

“Women are being told at every turn that their power and influence comes from their bodies,” he says. “Back in the day, publications like Good Housekeeping and Ladies Home Journal were touting a message for women to rise up and be better homemakers and have better character. And now the message is not about serving your family, but about how hot you can be and how to satisfy your man. Women are being groomed to think of themselves as only sexual beings.”

And as a result, that grooming can spark curiosity and lead women to engage in online pornography sites, graphic romance novels, and the ever-growing trend of sexting.

“More women send nudity across their cell phones than men do,” Steurer says. “They think it’s what men want, and then they get hooked. Too often, their self worth comes from being accepted by men in this way, which only furthers their immersion into the pornography world.”

Youth

A number of research studies show kids being exposed to their first pornographic image at an average age of 11.

That’s Primary age, folks.

“Thanks to the media, kids are being taught at younger ages that pornography is an acceptable form of expression,” Steurer says. “And in homes where these issues are not discussed, they’re too young to realize what’s happening to them. They don’t understand the gravity of these messages, which are both subliminal and overt.”

Jan Garbett, president of Women For Decency, an organization that links women together in the fight against offensive content, wholeheartedly concurs.

“When we leave our kids to fend for themselves in sexual matters, it isn’t fair,” she says. “It’s like giving your sixth grader the keys to the Ferrari and saying, ‘Want to go to the beach? Great! We’ll meet you there.’ They are on this super highway in this incredible machine, but they don’t know how to drive it.”

Spouses and Family Members

Pornography can affect the marital unit on two levels. The first is a matter of one partner secretly engaging in pornographic material.

“It can literally feel as though your spouse has had an affair,” Steurer says. “As Latter-day Saints, we live in a world where we value monogamy, fidelity, and commitment, and when a spouse turns to someone else—even if it’s not a real, live person—the betrayal feels the same and the insecurities arise: ‘What’s wrong with me? Why am I not enough?’”

The second effect happens to couples who view pornography openly.

“Speaking as a researcher, there is no data that shows pornography is helpful to marriages—and that holds true for couples who consume it openly and mutually,” Manning says. “Actually, what we see is the opposite. There is a body of data growing that fully supports what our prophets and apostles have been telling us, and it’s that pornography undermines fidelity, trust, and intimacy in marriage.”

Regardless of how it’s viewed, the effects on marriages (and consequently families) are monumental. Below, Manning lists 10 such effects:

· Decreased sensitivity toward women

· Less progressive views of gender roles

· Increased risk of becoming aggressive, violent, and abusive

· Three times more likely to commit adultery and four times more likely to hire a prostitute

· Acquire an instrumental view of sexuality

· Increased risk of sexual dysfunction and dissatisfaction

· Decreased trust in partner

· Decreased desire to marry and have children

· Increased risk of separation, divorce, and job loss

· Diminished spirituality and respect of sacred aspects of life

Keep reading on the next page for prevention tips and resources for healing.

Prevention

With the world not taking the pornography problem seriously (or in many cases, even acknowledging it as a problem), it is imperative that LDS families take matters into their own homes.

“We need to be empowered to teach our children and families about this toxic topic,” Garbett says. “We all need to become more educated on prevention rather than merely worrying about it after the fact.”

Here are seven ways to maximize prevention in your home.

1. Look at your media access points.

“You have to look at all the media access in your home—Internet, mobile devices, television, magazines, books, etc.,” Manning says. “Examine those access points carefully and do what you can to filter or stop it.”

And while having the computer in an open area isn’t enough, it is still a crucial component.

“A child should never have a computer in his or her bedroom,” Atkinson says. “It opens them up to all kinds of dangers.”

2. Look at your spiritual/emotional access.

“Having internal filters is far more effective than running any sort of program on your computer,” Manning says. “Be honest with what makes your family vulnerable and what temptations you struggle with—and then cater your family media guidelines to those vulnerabilities.”

3. Establish a formal family media pledge.

“It’s important to not just think about guidelines for your family—write them down, print it out, and have each member of your family sign it,” Manning says. “Make an FHE out of it!”

4. Practice what you pledge.

“Example is one of the most powerful tools we have for our kids,” Manning says. “And if it means our own media intake is more wholesome because of it? All the better.”

5. Have open and honest discussions with your kids about sexual matters.

“We need to teach our kids about healthy sexuality, and it starts with our infants and toddlers,” Manning says. “A lot of parents are reluctant to talk to their kids because the subject matter makes them uncomfortable. But we live in a world where we don’t have a choice. If they don’t hear it from us, they’re going to hear it skewed and distorted from somewhere else.”

Manning and Steurer both highly recommend “A Parent’s Guide,” which is an official LDS Church booklet (and free download on lds.org) to teach your kids about intimacy.

“It’s actually old—written in 1985—and it’s one of the best out there without question,” Steurer says. “It’s so interesting, because so often the Church gets accused of being a little prudish when it comes to these areas. But it’s documents like these that give us the perfect foundation and language to teach our families. It’s so much easier to explain pornography to our kids—and why to avoid it—if they have a healthy foundation from a young age.”

6. Teach your teens about the serious penalties of engaging in pornography.

“Children need to be alerted to the potentially tragic consequences of their actions,” Atkinson says. “When they engage in activities like sexting, which is so popular with kids today, they are opening themselves up to potential issues with the law. They need to know that if there is a question in their mind, the content shouldn’t be sent.”

7. Have a plan.

Discuss a game plan with your children of what to do if they come across pornographic material. Ideally, they would turn it off, come to you, and discuss what they saw and how they felt.

“We have all kinds of drills at school—fire drills, earthquake drills—but we really need to have spiritual drills where we know what to do when we’re confronted with damaging content,” Manning says.

“We need to leverage our relationships with our kids,” Garbett adds. “We need to teach them in a way they will listen. We can’t frighten, offend them, or overreact. We need to calmly tell them how glad we are they came to us, and then talk about the problem and how to avoid it in the future.”

Help Wanted

If pornography has already plagued your family, the battle isn’t lost. Here are five steps to getting the help you need.

Come out of hiding.

“Tell somebody your story, which is one of the hardest things to do,” Steurer says. “Tell someone you trust—a spouse, a counselor, a bishop. You can’t [overcome] it in isolation.”

Seek professional help.

“Most people need a combination of counseling, group support, and ecclesiastical assistance,” Steurer says. “People who utilize all of these areas will have infinitely more success, and people who tippy-toe around the problem will continue to struggle. You can’t do this halfway.”

Learn about healthy sexuality.

“Understand the clear and distinct difference between pornography and healthy sexuality—way too many people aren’t clear on that,” Manning says. “If we are going to be responsible sexual beings, it behooves us to express our sexuality in ways that do no harm. We have not been put on this planet and blessed with the power of procreation to have it do harm.”

Challenge your brain.

“Part of getting help is learning how to discipline your mind,” Manning says. “Take up a hobby, find a new passion in your life, enroll in a class, challenge yourself.”

Find spiritual healing.

“Pornography is deadening to one’s spirit. There is nothing godly or of virtue to be found,” Manning says. “When we become addicted to anything, we become a slave to it, which takes us away from our divine center. That spiritual focus is crucial to healing.”

And in the unfortunate cases where our kids struggle with pornography, embrace them, help them, and guide them— without judgment.

“Parents have to create a safe environment to talk about the problem,” Steurer says. “Let your child know that he or she is not bad or evil. Teach them that what they are feeling is normal—pornography simply hijacked it. They got a false start, and now you’re concerned with protecting them and getting them help.”

Get Your Hopes Up

Pornography is a dark and heavy subject—there’s no getting around it. But we can’t be defeated by the filth.

In fact, Manning sees a clean sweep, even if it is years away.

“I compare it to what we’ve seen in the tobacco and cigarette industry. There was a tipping point with a large body of research that started to shift the culture tide,” Manning says. “A similar thing will happen with pornography. There will be a body of medical evidence that will show the harmful effects pornography has on the brain and on relationships—and our culture tide will start to shift. We are a long way from that, but the research gives me hope.”

Steurer is equally optimistic.

“Don’t be afraid of this,” he says. “People that confront pornography and get help become better people through the challenge. Stop running from the problem. Stop living in hiding. There is hope.”

And in the meantime? Fight, fight, fight.

“I was at a women’s conference where general Relief Society president Julie Beck made a rallying cry and told us women that we need to fight against the pornography infiltrating our society. It stirred my soul and made me want to say, ‘Hey, Julie, I’m there!’” Garbett says. “I don’t have all the time in the world, but I have a minute. We have to be courageous. We have to fear God more than man. We’re on the battle lines, and I’m ready to fight.”

And nothing irritates Satan more than a good, clean fight.

“When we feel apprehensive or hesitant to discuss these kinds of topics, we need to remind ourselves that the adversary would love nothing more than for it to be shoved under the rug,” Manning says. “But we can’t let that happen. There is too much to live for and too much to hope for.”

You can also learn more about the Church's Addiction Recovery Programs by clicking here.

This article was originally published in the March/April 2012 issue of LDS Living. Click here to learn more.

Dave Says: Boundaries . . .

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: My fiancé's adult daughter doesn't show responsibility. What do we do?

Dear Dave,

I’m getting married to a wonderful man, but his 19-year old daughter from a previous marriage is very irresponsible. She doesn’t want to make her own car payments and doesn’t want to work. Lots of days, she sleeps until noon and just lies around the house. He agrees that he’s been too lenient and that she needs to grow up, but doesn’t want to pull the rug out from under her. What do you think?

Kelly

Dear Kelly,

There are two problems here. One is financial in nature, and the other is a lack of boundaries. You’re walking face-first into both of them.

Marriage counselors will tell you if you can agree on four things – religion, money, children and in-laws – then you’ve got a good chance of having a successful marriage. You’ve got two of these yanking your chain right now - money and children - and they’re both wrapped up in one spoiled little girl. If you and dad really want to show her that you love her, you’ll make sure she starts learning some character and discipline.

I’d strongly suggest that you and your fiancé go through pre-marital counseling to make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to handling this and other issues. You might also want to read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud, together. Then, the two of you will have some tools to sit down and create a reasonable timeline for her re-education. Her dad, not you, needs to present this to her and explain that he’s made some mistakes by not requiring her to grow up and learn self-sufficiency. Then, he can lay out the ground rules and a monthly timetable.

It wouldn’t be cruel to require her to get a job during the first month, along with getting out of bed by 8 a.m. every day. During the second month, you could also require her to do some work around the house to help out. During month three she could be required to pay rent. This way, you’re stepping up the expectations gradually to the fifth or sixth month, when she’s moving out and taking care of her own responsibilities.

It’s all about love, Kelly. But it’s also about boundaries and expectations that will prepare children to function in the real world.

—Dave

For more financial help please visit daveramsey.com.

{Poll} Technology Boundaries for Kids?

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Kaela Worthen
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: It seems we can't function in life without our various technological devices, but they carry a lot of dangers and responsibility as well. When and how much can kids handle?

Growing up, the most advanced technology I had was a Super Nintendo that my mother begrudgingly allowed us to have, only after realizing we were using our friends for their video games and constantly asking to go to Toys 'R' Us solely so we could play on the demo video game consoles.

Today, the world is a bit different, and my younger siblings who still live at home have iPod touches that connect to the Internet, handheld video game consoles that do the same, and a cell phone for the elder one. Again, my parents delayed as long as possible before finally relenting this past Christmas.

The traditional rules I grew up with--no computers in the bedroom, no TV on Sundays--become blurry when an mp3 player can be used as both. And the statistics of how much time kids spend on these devices are staggering. Where do the boundaries lie? What age do you think is appropriate for kids to have such devices, and what restrictions (if any) do you put on them?

Wright Words: You can judge a tattoo by the sound of the voice

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 11:26:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

The little girl’s voice dripped with optimism. I couldn't see her face, but I could hear her just around the corner on the next aisle at the grocery store.

By her voice alone, I judged her to be 6 or 7 years old and she was engaged in a lively debate with her father about what she would be when she grew up. Her first two choices were "judo expert" or “the kind of astronaut that flies to Mars.”

I laughed out loud.

The voice continued, “What do you choose, Daddy?”

Advice I'd Give My 21-Year-Old Self

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by LDS Living Readers
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: We all know that when we’re older, hindsight is 20/20. What things do you wish you had known when you were younger? Enjoy these gems of hard-won wisdom from some of our readers.

Only care about what the Lord thinks and not other people. Everything else just seems to fall into place when that is my focus.

—Anne; Arizona

Volunteer. Someone could use your help and you’ll get a better feeling that lasts longer. You’re poor, so act like it—that is, in terms of spending. Learn about every good thing you can; the more you learn about something, the more interesting it will become.

—Danny McClure; Blacksburg, Virginia

Don’t get a credit card in college.

Listen to your parents and your friends. If they don’t like the person you’re dating, there’s probably a good reason.

Pick your battles. Decide what is worth fighting over and then don’t sweat the rest of it.

It’s fine for other people to “win” arguments.

Apologize even when you don’t think something was your fault. It never hurts, and if it mends fences, it’s good.

Worry less about what other people think about you.

—Rachel Ausband; Marblehead, Massachusetts

Words of wisdom I received from my grandmother: “I decided that life was too short to go around feeling offended, so I just decided to never be offended.” This mindset has saved me considerable emotional energy over the years. Try to see the big picture, give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and always make the choice to not be offended.

—Elizabeth Forsyth; Doylestown, Pennsylvania

Appreciate your parents. It’s hard sometimes—I remember all too well. But your time with them is so limited. Take the time to call them, check on them, go see a movie with them, or just hang out eating cookies. I promise that when you are older you will cherish those moments.

—Carol Stuart

Keep physically fit. That is a blessing you will be grateful for throughout your life. Eat well, work out regularly, and walk whenever you can. Walking is a great way to connect with your spouse once you get married. If you do it on a daily basis, it can be a great time to discuss family situations outside the home in a neutral surrounding.

—Debbie Justesen; Roseville, California

You can do anything but not everything.

You have your entire life to get married and have children; live a little first. Work, travel, and enjoy. You will eventually be a better mother and wife for taking time to become who you want to be.

Don’t worry about what others think. Be true to yourself and God. The rest will take care of itself.

—Jacqueline White; Springfield, Massachusetts

Develop a strong testimony because the decisions you’ll make in the next few years will be the most important decisions you’ll perhaps ever make.

—K.D. Paniagua; Nevada

Just having retired, I really wish I had started saving for retirement much sooner. Learn the tricks of those who are good with money and don’t get into debt.

—Ann Reynolds; Everett, Washington

You’re going to live to be 100, so don’t freak out when something doesn’t happen in a few months or a few years. It’s okay if you didn’t graduate in exactly four years. It’s okay if you didn’t get married by 25 like you’d always planned. For some things, you just have to go with the flow and let what will happen, happen. The timing will always work out, even if it is not the timing you wanted.

—Heather Galovan; Salt Lake City, Utah

Avoid mid-semester weddings if possible. Don’t take a career path that restricts you to only a certain geographic location.

—Mike McClure; Tazewell, Virginia

Organize your classes well and develop good academic skills as fast as you can. Don’t overload your schedule, even if you can still pass your classes. Be diligent and patient in your schoolwork and leave time for dating and earning a little extra cash to have some fun, too.

—John Leonard; Sacramento, California

When it comes to finding a future companion, it is more important to focus on being your best self for her rather than trying to find “The One.”

—Brian Bourgerie; Spring Lake Park, Minnesota

Take your time in school. Slow it down and enjoy life for where you are at right now. Some of the greatest times are missed or overshadowed by always being busy and wanting or needing to grow up. Remember the tortoise and the hare: slow and steady wins the race. Speedy and greedy leaves you tired and needy.

—Jay Tucker; Mesa, Arizona

When you have children, play with them—a lot! Read to them—a lot! Lie by them when you put them to bed each night and talk, maybe for only two to five minutes. These things will make all the difference in your relationship with them throughout the years.

—Gayle Halversen

Flossing is a hassle, but do it anyway. Your skin never forgets what you do to it; sunbathing will age you quickly. You’ll thank me when people think your younger siblings are older than you. Look upon the challenges and trials of your life as “all part of the adventure.” Read Hugh Nibley and other LDS scholars in conjunction with your scripture study.

—Lisa Howard; Adana, Turkey

Don’t go crazy thinking about your weight. You’ll look back 20+ years later and realize you looked pretty great and would give anything to be that size again. It’s all about perspective. Be kinder and more forgiving of yourself in thought.

Wear a high-level sunscreen every day! Your skin, especially your face, neck, and hands (yes, your hands) will thank you later with fewer wrinkles, blemishes, and sun spots in your 40s. Need proof? Just look at your mother’s face, neck, and hands. Now go get some sunscreen.

—Loralee Humphries; Henderson, Nevada

Sometimes it can be hard to believe in yourself and your abilities. Don’t take counsel from your fears; shoot high. This is your opportunity in life to be whatever you want to be. Once you have made up your mind, work hard and take daily action to accomplish your goal.

—David Jenkins; Yuba City, California

When things look really bad and you have done all you can do, take a long, hot bath, have a good cry (in the tub if possible), go to bed, and sleep. Things will always look better in the morning. This was the best advice my mother gave me when I was a teenager. It still holds true.

—Judith Adams Grant; Waycross, Georgia

Sweetie, you are worth so much more than you think right now! Spend some time learning all the wonderful things about yourself and then start thinking about getting married. Most of all, I love you, Mom and Dad love you, all of the family loves you, Heavenly Father and Jesus love you.

P.S. When you do have kids, take tons of pictures because they grow up so stinking fast that it seems like a blur.

—Bethany Seher; Murray, Utah

Don’t waste your time on Facebook, video games, or other stuff like it. Go out of your way and don’t be afraid to serve or talk to others about the gospel. Always be learning, improving, and developing talents.

Colin McKay; Mesa, Arizona

Take the bull by the horns and never look back. Don’t rely on someone else to make you happy; happiness is a choice and you should never let someone tell you different. You have more talent than you know, so don’t be afraid to show it and build upon it. Most of all, never make the mistake of thinking you are alone in your efforts. Treat a janitor as you would treat a CEO.

—Andrew Fry; Fernley, Nevada

Love is half how you feel about the other person and half how you feel about yourself because of that person. If you admire him/her like the sun, but whenever you are with him/her you feel like you are a toadstool, even though the words “I love you” are passing between you, you only have half of love—you’re not bringing out the best in each other. Find someone with whom you feel like a princess and who feels like he’s a prince because of you.

—Chris

When you get home from your mission, make sure to talk about other things when you go on dates.

—Vince; Pasco, Washington

Fill your bucket now! This is the one time in your life (if you are single) when you are independent and able to make decisions for yourself. Once you are married and have a family, you need to put others’ needs before your own. Thus, if there is something you have been dying to do, do it. Fill your mind with scriptural knowledge, knowledge from great books, and knowledge from people you know and trust. Create a “bucket” that is full of wonderful experiences and wisdom that you can draw from in the future when you need it for more difficult or stressful times.

—Debbie Justesen; Roseville, California

You cannot reap if you do not sow.

The task that takes the longest to complete is the one you never start.

True obedience to the gospel is more than just active avoidance of unrighteousness—it is active avoidance of unrighteousness coupled with active engagement in righteousness. Too often

the latter is forgotten or eclipsed by things that do not edify (D&C 50:23).

The pain of loneliness, disappointment, despair, and heartache is actually carving reservoirs into your soul that will later be filled with joy.

Carbohydrates will make you fat.

—Grant Hart; Grand Junction, Colorado

No, you don’t have it all figured out. No, you are not the person you have to be for the rest of your life. Let yourself change, let yourself learn, and let yourself grow.

—Amanda Taylor; Salt Lake City, Utah

Do you have more wisdom and advice not already included? Leave a comment below!

Check out some of the advice our Facebook friends gave here.

See what advice our LDS Living staff had for our former selves here.

Dave Says: Teaching and Tough Love

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: With two sons who are drug users who are irresponsible with money, we're not sure how to divide our will.

Dear Dave,

My husband and I need to update our will, but we’re not sure how to divide the money. All of our children are grown, including my three stepsons. The problem is that two of my stepsons are irresponsible with money and are drug users. Do you have any advice?

Colleen

Dear Colleen,

Typically, if you give money to a drug user they’ll use it for one thing: drugs. Your goal as a parent is to love them and teach them to the best of your ability. Buying their drugs upon your death doesn’t fall into either of those categories. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you deciding not to leave them any money as long as they’re involved in this kind of activity.

If it were me, I’d have a reading of the will when the changes are made. Then, I’d sit down with the family members and explain why you’ve updated the will in this manner. Let them know you love them and want what’s best for them, but you and your husband have decided you’re not going to take a chance on funding any misbehavior on their part.

Make sure you let them know, too, that things can change if they change. They might be mad and fuss about it, but that’s okay. Let them be mad. It’s perfectly all right for you to attach stipulations to any inheritance they might receive, especially when it’s for their own good!

—Dave

For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.

{LDSL Blog} Best of: Stories of the Week, Mar. 31-Apr. 6

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by LDS Living
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Check out which stories made up the best of LDS Living for the week of March 31 through April 6, 2012.

We all love a good story. And what better way to find out the best of the best than seeing what people found most interesting? For the week of March 31 to April 6, 2012, these are LDS Living’s top online stories:

Top 5 LDS Living Stories:

1. LDS man is 'World's Most Embarrassing Dad' {Emily McClure}

2. {Food Dish} Simple General Conference Recipes {Kate Ensign-Lewis}

3. Does giving your children Mormon names affect their future? {Mandy Slack}

4. {Lifestyle} General Conference Activities for Kids {Ashley Evanson}

5. How to Live to 100 {Dr. Thomas J. Boud}

Top 5 Mormon Report Articles:

1. Hatch: Obama camp will 'throw Mormon church' at Romney {Politico}

2. Highlights from 182nd Annual General Conference {LDS Church News}

3. Elder Harold G. Hillam dies at age 77 {LDS Church News}

4. LDS Church, neighbors clash over proposed 9-story MTC building {The Daily Herald}

5. LDS bishop allegedly defrauded Connecticut investors, members {Deseret News}