Mormon Life - Morality tag

FHE: Standards

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 00:05:00 -0700

by Shauna Gibby
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "May we ever be courageous and prepared to stand for what we believe." - Thomas S. Monson Conference Talk:
For more information on this topic read “Dare to Stand Alone”, by President Thomas S. Monson, Ensign, Nov. 2011, 60.

Thought:
I recall a time . . . when the standards of most people were very similar to our standards. No longer is this true. . . . May we ever be courageous and prepared to stand for what we believe.

(President Thomas S. Monson, “Dare to Stand Alone”, Ensign, Nov. 2011, 60.)

Song:
“Stand for the Right,” Children’s Songbook, p. 159

Scripture:
Therefore, hold up your light that it may shine unto the world. Behold I am the light which ye shall hold up—that which ye have seen me do. Behold ye see that I have prayed unto the Father, and ye all have witnessed.
(3 Nephi 18:24)

Lesson:
Show your family a picture of Daniel and his friends rejecting the king’s food and wine, such as Gospel Art Picture Kit, 114. Ask:

• What appears to be happening in this picture?
• Have you ever been in a similar situation, where you were offered something that was against your standards?
• What made it easy or difficult to resist the offer?
• What blessings have you received for keeping your standards?

Tell your family that the person in this picture is the prophet Daniel and that he was in a situation which made it particularly difficult for him to keep his standards. Take turns reading Daniel 1:1–20 and use the questions below as you read to help your family understand the story.

• What did the king of Babylon do to Jerusalem? (Verses 1–2, conquered it and carried away the treasures of the temple.)
• What happened to Daniel? (Verses 3–6, he and others were carried away captive and trained in the king’s palace.)
• Why would it be difficult for Daniel and his friends to refuse to eat and drink what was offered? (Verses 1–7, they were captives in a foreign land.)
• Which verse shows Daniel’s courage to keep his standards high? (You might want to explain that the king’s food and drink was first offered to the Babylonian idols. The law of Moses forbids Israelites to eat food that had been offered to idols.)
• How was Daniel blessed for his desire to keep the commandments? (Verse 9.)
• What was the prince of the eunuchs afraid of? (Verse 10.)
• What did Daniel propose as a test? (Verses 12–14. See footnote 12a to see what “pulse” is.) • How did Daniel and his friends appear after ten days? (Verse 15.)
• What other blessings did Daniel and his friends receive from the Lord? (Verses 16–20.)

After discussing the story, ask your family to think about why Daniel and his friends were so much wiser than the others. Write the following statements where everyone can see them and ask them which statement seems most correct:

• They were healthier and wiser because they ate grains and seeds.
• They were healthier and wiser because the Lord blessed them for their obedience.

Help your family understand that there is truth in both statements. The Lord blesses us when we are obedient, and there are reasons for the things He commands us even when we do not always know the reasons.

Role play some situations (age- appropriate for your family) to allow your family to practice refusing the temptation to do things they know are wrong.

(Dennis H. Leavitt and Richard O. Christensen, Scripture Study for Latter-day Saint Families: The Old Testament, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2009], p. 222.)

Story:
The chore I most hated as a boy was fixing fence. It was a hot, miserable job, and it was extremely boring. Hour after hour we would walk the miles of barbed-wire fence lines. We would stop where the cattle had stretched the wires or broken the posts and repair the damage. I knew how most of the holes and broken posts had been made.

It didn’t much matter where you put the fence; the cows always felt there was better grass on the other side. I’m convinced that the expression “The grass is always greener on the other side” was invented by a cow. The middle of the meadow could be full of good, green, grass, but the cows would wander the fence line looking greedily through the wire and eat the grass on the other side. Slowly the wires would stretch.

Not satisfied with this, they would eventually push against the wore, stretching their long tongues out as far as they could, and lick the grass into their mouths. In time the fence would break down, the posts would weaken, and huge holes would appear up and down the line.

The Lord has built some fairly sturdy fences to protect His children. There is plenty of good, green grass in the middle of His meadow, but far too often we look longingly through His fence to the entertainments, pleasures, ambitions, fashions, and desires of the world. Many Church members would never think of actually breaking out of the Lord’s protecting fence, but they see no harm in poking their heads through the wires t reach outside as far as possible. Occasionally some even want the Lord or His prophets to move the fence for their convenience.

I noticed while taking care of cattle as a boy that more often than not the cows did not go through the holes they created in the fence, but the calves did. Sometimes we would ride up the fence line and find a calf separated from its mother. Often it would be half starved and bawling to get back inside the fence next to the mother. The calves seemed to know how to escape through the holes the older cattle had made, but rarely did they know how to step back through those holes. If they were not found, sometimes they died.

This is the true tragedy of [resisting] the standards and counsels of the Church. Parents must be careful in their own pushing of the limits not to create holes that their children will slip through. Compromising, for example, on the type of movies we watch may create a hole that our children will crawl through to their own destruction. One generation’s exception becomes the next generation’s rule, as standards of behavior deteriorate. If the cows had stayed in the center of the meadow, no calf would have ever been lost.

(S. Michael Wilcox, Don’t Leap with the Sheep, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2001], p. 131-133.)

Activity:
Play “missionary tag.” All the players are paired up except the person who is it. The pairs link elbows and run as a team. If the person who is it manages to catch the team and link arms with one of the players, the other player has to let go and becomes it.

Refreshment
Million-Dollar Cookies

2 cups shortening
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon almond flavoring 4 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons cream of tartar

Grease a cookie sheet and set aside. In a large mixer bowl cream shortening, sugars, eggs, vanilla, and almond flavoring till fluffy. In another bowl sift flour, baking soda, and cream of tartar together. Add gradually to creamed mixture. Chill. Mold dough into 1-inch balls. Place onto prepared cookie sheet. Flatten each cookie with bottom of a drinking glass dipped in sugar. Bake for 10 minutes at 350° F. Cool on wire rack. Store in covered container. Makes 5 dozen cookies.

Variations: Add chocolate chips, chopped nuts, or raisins to batter before chilling. Drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheet and bake as above.

(Lion House Desserts, [Salt Lake City: Eagle Gate, 2000] p. 131.)

To get the PDF version of this lesson, click here.

{A&E} Ultimate Guide: Finding Clean Books

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:04:00 -0600

by Kaela Worthen
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: After running our article on sites for reviewing movie content a month ago, we received several requests for an article to screen books as well. Your wish is our command.

I’ll tell you a secret. I almost failed 8th grade because I read too many books. True story. That’s how much I love reading.

Fortunately and unfortunately, the world of literature is larger and more diverse than that of its cinematic counterpart. This means everyone can find something to appease their varying appetites for the written word. It also means sites to review books vary in the number and genre of books evaluated.

The other problem is the manner of evaluation—let’s face it, The Book of Mormon could easily be rated R in movie format. All the war chapters that comprise the majority of Alma, the grisly end of Shiz at the conclusion of Ether, the graphic despotism of Moroni 9? And let’s not get into all the icky sins of Sodom and Gomorrah and all the other such gems we find in the Bible. The lines aren’t quite as easily drawn when assessing the worthiness of literature, and everyone has their own standards for evaluation.

With those caveats, here are some sites that can help you out on your quest for the best of books. Some of them are personal blogs of people who do book reviews, and many of them include traditional book reviews that just happen to also touch on content or only feature books that are already “clean” (according to their personal definition), so feel free to check them out to see which one (or ones) fits your needs best.

Book review sites:

commonsensemedia.org

focusonthefamily.com

theliteratemother.org

goodcleanreads.blogspot.com

ratedreads.com

novelbookratings.com

readcleanbooks.blogspot.com

To check out our article on movie review sites, click here.

Your turn: How do you decide which books to read and which to ditch? Do you have your own book review site or one you use all the time that we haven't featured here?

—
Kaela Worthen is the associate editor at LDS Living. A self-titled “ultimate grammar nerd,” she also battles serious addictions to news and food websites and a compulsion to dance to the radio while driving.

Young Men Lesson 46: Avoiding Degrading Media Influences

Fri, 26 Nov 2010 00:02:00 -0700

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Be clean—in language, in thought, in body, in dress. Discussion Questions

How do I know what media is damaging or degrading to me? (see For the Strength of Youth [pamphlet, 2001], 17–19).
What effect does degrading media have on me?
How do I avoid degrading and excessive media? What can I do when I am unintentionally presented with degrading media?

"I Am Clean"

My dear brethren of the priesthood, what an inspiration it is to look into the faces of the 21,000 here in the Conference Center, with the knowledge that millions are gathered in church halls and other locations throughout the world. I regret that I am so old at a time when life is increasingly exciting.

As all of you know, I was ordained and set apart as President of the Church 12 years ago, specifically on March 12, 1995. Elder Ballard has pulled together some figures concerning those 12 years. I quote from his statement:

387,750 missionaries have entered the mission field, which represents almost 40 percent of the missionaries who have ever served in this dispensation—that is, 40 percent in the 12 most recent years of the 177 years since the Church was organized.
3,400,000 converts have been baptized, which is the equivalent of over one-fourth of the total current membership of the Church.
The total number of missions in the Church has increased from 303 to 344, with three more to be added soon.
Retention as measured by sacrament meeting attendance, priesthood ordinations, and tithing faithfulness has increased significantly.

Now, while all of this has been tremendously significant, I am convinced that with a little more dedication this wonderful recent past can be but prologue to a greater future.

Let us all put our shoulders to the wheel and push along, do our duty with a heart full of song. This cause needs work; let no one shirk. Put your shoulder to the wheel and push along. (See “Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel,” Hymns, no. 252.)

Now, I wish to move to a different matter. I spoke of this same thing many years ago. I repeat it because those who heard it then have long since forgotten, and those who did not hear it need to hear it. It concerns President Joseph F. Smith, who served as President of the Church from 1901 to 1918, altogether 17 years.

Joseph F. Smith was the son of Hyrum Smith, who was the brother of the Prophet Joseph and was martyred with him in Carthage. Joseph F. was born at Far West, Missouri, on November 13, 1838. He came out of Missouri as an infant. As a lad not yet six years of age, he heard a knock on the window of his mother’s home in Nauvoo. It was a man who had hurriedly ridden from Carthage and who told Sister Smith that her husband had been killed that afternoon.

When he was 9, he drove an ox team with his mother across the plains to this valley. At the age of 15 he was called on a mission to Hawaii. He made his way to San Francisco and there worked in a shingle mill to earn enough money to buy passage to the islands.

Hawaii was not a tourist center then. It was populated by the native Hawaiians, who were, for the most part, poor but generous with what they had. He learned to speak their language and to love them. While serving there he experienced a remarkable dream. I quote from his narrative concerning this. Said he:

“I was very much oppressed [when I was] on a mission. I was almost naked and entirely friendless, except [for] the friendship of a poor, benighted … people. I felt as if I was so debased in my condition of poverty, lack of intelligence and knowledge, just a boy, that I hardly dared look a … man in the face.

“While in that condition I dreamed [one night] that I was on a journey, and I was impressed that I ought to hurry—hurry with all my might, for fear I might be too late. I rushed on my way as fast as I possibly could, and I was only conscious of having just a little bundle, a handkerchief with a small bundle wrapped in it. I did not realize … what it was, when I was hurrying as fast as I could; but finally I came to a wonderful mansion. … I thought I knew that was my destination. As I passed towards it, as fast as I could, I saw a notice [which read B-A-T-H], ‘Bath.’ I turned aside quickly and went into the bath and washed myself clean. I opened up this little bundle that I had, and there was [some] white, clean [clothing], a thing I had not seen for a long time, because the people I was with did not think very much of making things exceedingly clean. But my [clothing was] clean, and I put [it] on. Then I rushed to what appeared to be a great opening, or door. I knocked and the door opened, and the man who stood there was the Prophet Joseph Smith. He looked at me a little reprovingly, and the first words he said: ‘Joseph, you are late.’ Yet I took confidence and [replied]:

“ ‘Yes, but I am clean—I am clean!’

“He clasped my hand and drew me in, then closed the great door. I felt his hand just as tangible as I ever felt the hand of man. I knew him, and when I entered I saw my father, and Brigham [Young] and Heber [C. Kimball], and Willard [Richards], and other good men that I had known, standing in a row. I looked as if it were across this valley, and it seemed to be filled with a vast multitude of people, but on the stage were all the people that I had known. My mother was there, and she sat with a child in her lap; and I could name over as many as I remember of their names, who sat there, who seemed to be among the chosen, among the exalted. …

“[When I had this dream,] I was alone on a mat, away up in the mountains of Hawaii—no one was with me. But in this vision I pressed my hand up against the Prophet, and I saw a smile cross his countenance. …

“When I awoke that morning I was a man, although only [still] a boy. There was not anything in the world that I feared [after that]. I could meet any man or woman or child and look them in the face, feeling in my soul that I was a man every whit. That vision, that manifestation and witness that I enjoyed at that time has made me what I am, if I am anything that is good, or clean, or upright before the Lord, if there is anything good in me. That has helped me out in every trial and through every difficulty” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 542–43).

The core of that meaningful dream is found in the reproof given by Joseph Smith to young Joseph F. Said the Prophet, “Joseph, you are late.”

Replied Joseph F., “Yes, but I am clean—I am clean!”

The result of that dream was that a boy was changed into a man. His declaration “I am clean” gave him self-assurance and courage in facing anyone or any situation. He received the strength that comes from a clear conscience fortified by the approbation of the Prophet Joseph.
This prophetic dream holds something for every man and boy assembled in this vast congregation tonight. It is an old saying among us that “cleanliness is next to godliness.”

Said Isaiah the prophet:

“Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil;

“Learn to do well; …

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool” (Isaiah 1:16–18).

In modern revelation the Lord has said: “Be ye clean that bear the vessels of the Lord” (D&C 133:5).

In a world that wallows in filth, be clean—in language, in thought, in body, in dress.

To each of you I say, be clean in your language. There is so much of filthy, sleazy talk these days. Failure to express yourself in language that is clean marks you as one whose vocabulary is extremely limited. When Jehovah wrote on the tablets of stone, He said to the children of Israel, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain” (Exodus 20:7).

The Lord has reinforced that commandment in words of modern revelation: “Remember that that which cometh from above is sacred, and must be spoken with care, and by constraint of the Spirit” (D&C 63:64).

Be clean in thought. Said the Lord, “Let all things be done in cleanliness before me” (D&C 42:41).

A filthy mind expresses itself in filthy and profane language. A clean mind expresses itself in language that is positive and uplifting and in deeds that bring happiness to the heart.
Be clean in body and dress and manner. Do not permit yourself to be tattooed. If you do, someday you will regret it. Only a painful and costly procedure can remove the tattoo.

Be clean and neat and orderly. Sloppy dress leads to sloppy manners. I am not so concerned about what you wear as I am that it be neat and clean. Remember Joseph F. Smith’s dream. As he was hurrying toward the mansion, he had a little bundle wrapped in a handkerchief. When he bathed himself and opened it, he found that it contained clean clothing. Whenever you administer or pass the sacrament, look your very best. Be sure of your personal cleanliness.
And so, my dear brethren, I might go on. I might discuss with you what is happening on the Internet and with the use of the computer that leads to degrading thoughts and actions. Suffice it to say it is totally unbecoming you as one who holds the priesthood of God. You are His chosen servant; you have been ordained to something holy and wonderful. You cannot live in the world and partake of the ways of the world. You must be above all of that.

Now, my dear brethren, may the Lord bless you. To you boys I say, get on with your education. When you marry, yours will be the obligation to provide for your family. The world of opportunity lies ahead of you, and education is the key that will unlock that door. It will be the door of the mansion of which Joseph F. Smith dreamed when he was a boy sleeping on a mountain in Hawaii.

God bless you, my beloved brethren. Speak with the Lord in prayer. Cultivate kinship with Him. He is the Almighty, who has power to lift and help. I pray that it may be so in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Young Men Lesson 39: Moral Courage

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 00:02:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Some time ago I had a delightful conversation with an impressive 16-year-old young woman. I discovered she was the only member of the Church in her high school. I asked her, “What is the most difficult challenge you face being the only member?”

She was thoughtful and gave a very astute answer: “It is believing something is true when everyone else believes it is false, and believing something is wrong when everyone else believes it’s all right.”

I asked her a second question: “Do you know Joseph Smith is a prophet of God?” Her response was, “I think so, but I’m not sure.”

This morning I would like to ask the youth throughout the Church, “Do you know?”

The first time I knew I had a testimony of Joseph Smith was when I was just 11 years old and my parents took me to Temple Square in Salt Lake City.

My favorite activity was to collect all the free stuff. I became very adept at working the system. I would ask, “Is this free?” After a positive response I would reach out my 11-year-old hand and say, “Thank you. Is that free too? Thank you!” On occasion someone might say, “No, I’m sorry; those cost five cents.” Undeterred, I would lower my head and, showing much disappointment, say, “Oh, I always wanted to read that pamphlet, but I don’t have any money. Thank you!” It worked every time. The truth is, I never read it. I just collected it.

However, on this particular trip, I was alone in our 1948 Chevrolet, waiting for my parents, when I became inescapably bored. In desperation I looked down at the seat and spotted my stack of free stuff. I picked up a pamphlet entitled Joseph Smith Tells His Own Story and began to read it.

I was riveted, and my heart was filled with joy. After completing it, I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror, and much to my surprise, I was crying. I didn’t understand then, but I understand now. I had felt a witness of the Spirit. My parents weren’t there. My sister wasn’t there. My Primary teacher wasn’t there. It was just me and the Spirit of the Holy Ghost. Now, this can happen to you, and something similar probably already has.

When seeking a testimony, those of you born into the Church may be looking for some spectacular spiritual feeling different than anything you have ever felt before. You may have heard converts testify of their conversion and wonder if you’re missing something. One reason it seems so spectacular to them is that it is new.

You have had the same feelings your whole life during family home evenings, youth testimony meetings, seminary classes, scripture reading, and on many other occasions.

Our missionaries are trained to help investigators recognize when they are feeling the Spirit. I remember on numerous occasions stopping in the middle of an intense, spiritual discussion and saying, “Let’s pause for a moment and talk about what you are feeling right now. You’re feeling like we’ve reminded you of things you had forgotten. You’re feeling that we are telling you the truth. You’re feeling peace. You’re feeling the Holy Ghost.”

I remember teaching an extremely intelligent woman who had a hard time accepting anything until she had nailed down every intellectual loose end. However, at long last we heard her say, “I cannot deny this feeling any longer.”

She joined the Church and was very happy for the next few years, but she gradually let her intellectual doubts creep back in and ultimately left the Church.

Fifteen years went by, and she came to visit our family. We took her to Temple Square. As we started up the circular ramp leading to the statue of the Savior, she paused and tearfully said, “Here comes that feeling again. My heart still yearns for what my mind won’t accept!” Once you have felt it, you can never forget it.

Spiritual witnesses come at a young age to those who are exposed to spiritual experiences. As parents, teachers, and leaders, we are good at making certain you understand the rules and commandments. We could improve on helping you gain a testimony of the principles and doctrine. Perhaps we could pause more often and help you learn to recognize the Spirit.

Once you recognize those feelings for what they are, your faith in them will increase. Soon you will find that you have developed a spiritual sixth sense which cannot be misled.

At 11 years of age, I knew Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I didn’t hear voices, see angels, or anything like that. What I felt was much more certain. My spiritual sense had been touched. I felt elation springing forth from the innermost part of my being, which is protected from all deceit. This spiritual sense vibrates only when activated by the Holy Ghost. How does this spiritual witness feel? It is as difficult to describe as the scent of a rose or the song of a bird or the beauty of a landscape. Nevertheless, you know it when you feel it. The scriptures give us some insights into these feelings:

“Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy; and then shall ye know” (D&C 11:13–14).

Sometimes the feeling is like a memory. We first learned the gospel in our heavenly home. We have come to this earth with a veil of forgetfulness. And yet lingering in each of our spirits are those dormant memories. The Holy Ghost can part the veil and bring those things out of their dormancy. Often my reaction to a supposedly newfound truth is, “Oh, I remember that!” “The Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost … [will] bring all things to your remembrance” (John 14:26).

My young brothers and sisters, I invite you to “experiment upon my words” (Alma 32:27). Will you read and pray about the Joseph Smith story?

The wonderful thing about knowing it is true is that you know simultaneously that God the Father and Jesus Christ live and stand at the head of this Church today. I gained that knowledge when I was 11, and now I stand before you as an ordained especial witness of Jesus Christ and testify it is true. I also testify that the Lord wants you to know it is true, and He “will [reveal] the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost” (Moroni 10:4). In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Choose Carefully Those You Date

Wed, 27 Nov 2002 08:26:00 -0700

by Gary and Joy Lundberg
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: No one says, "I’m going to date losers—I love misery." At the same time, many don’t think seriously about who they ask out or who they agree to date. Perhaps you need to stop and consider what kind of person he or she really is.

And while people don’t wear “I’m a loser” signs, you can look for clues to the kind of people they really are. Consider the following telltale situations:

Good Choices/Bad Choices
1. You’re talking about movies with friends. Garth, a guy you’ve been thinking you’d like to go out with, says, “My brother saw this movie and said it was awesome. Let’s go see it.”

Wow! He just asked you out! Your heart begins a bongo beat. Then you remember something.. Taking a deep breath, you say, “I think it’s rated R.”

“No big deal,” Garth counters. “My brother said there’re only a few bad scenes. Let’s go, okay?”

2. Nicole has a smile that makes you want to smile right back. You’re attracted to her and wonder what she’s really like. A crucial test is coming up at school, and Gil, a member of your study group, has a clever idea for cheating.

“No one will know,” he says. “We’ve got to pass this one, so we’ll do whatever it takes.” Nicole looks straight at Gil and says, “No way! We study hard, then we pass or fail—but no cheating!”

3. You’ve been wanting to go out with Kevin, but you don’t know him well. He’s a little shy, but sooo good looking. Everyone cheers when he’s on the football field. He’s every girl’s dream guy.

During a library conversation, your friends start talking about the photos on their driver’s licenses. Kevin pulls his wallet out to show his picture. You get a good look, but something else catches your eye—a picture of a temple.

“Hey, Kev,” his buddy says, “What’s that?”
“It’s a picture of a special place,” he replies. “I carry it as a reminder.”

4. You and several friends—including Amy, the girl you want to ask to homecoming—are on your way to a basketball game. Someone tells a joke and everyone laughs. Then someone else tells one and it gets contagious. Everyone’s laughing and having a great time. Then Kyle tells a joke he’d never tell if the bishop were present. Everyone laughs, except you and Amy. Kyle notes her lack of response and asks, “What’s the matter, Amy? Too young for a little adult humor?”

“No,” she responds. “I’m just sad to hear one of my friends tell a story like that.”

5. You’re at a school party where everyone’s dancing and having a great time. A cute guy you’ve noticed in social studies makes his way to you and asks for a dance. You happily accept. It’s a slow dance and he moves in close. Then you smell it on his breath. He’s been drinking!

6. Friends are talking about an upcoming party at Shara’s house. You’re not sure about going, but it would be fun to be with everyone—especially Shara. She joins in and says, “C’mon. It’s going to be fun. My parents are gone for the weekend and the house will be ours.”

That’s a red flag. She sees you hesitating and adds, “You need to lighten up and live a little. We’ll have some stuff there to help you out. C’mon.”

Only A Date?
We could describe other scenarios, but you get the idea. The clues are usually obvious.

“But it’s only a date,” you’re thinking. “I’m not going to marry that guy/girl.”

Do you know anyone who married someone he or she never dated? You marry who you date. You never know when a dating relationship may develop into more than just a friendship. Be extremely cautious about who you hang out with and who you accept dates from. President Hinckley said, “Choose your friends carefully. It is they who will lead you in one direction or the other . . . never lose sight of [this] fact.”

Saying “No” Politely
You control who you choose to be with. Never accept a date from anyone you don’t feel good about. If a polite refusal isn’t sufficient, be firm enough that the person won’t ask you again.

What would you say to Shara in situation #6? How about, “Thanks, but that’s not my kind of party.”

If she replies, “Loosen up! You’re missing a lot of fun,” just smile and say, “That’s the kind of fun I choose to miss!” Then change the subject or walk away. This leaves no question about your values. Give an excuse like, “Sorry, I’ve already made other plans,” she’ll try again later.

What could you say to the guy in situation #5 if he asks you to ride home with him? If you’re smart, you’ll keep your distance during that slow dance. He may take the hint and not ask you out. It’s not necessary to say, “No way, loser. I don’t go with drunks.” A simple “No thanks” should be enough. If he asks for another dance, offer the same response. There’s always a polite way to let someone know you’re not interested.

You Always Have a Choice
What if you live in an area where there are no Latter-day Saints your age to date? Don’t say, “I have no choice—there’s nobody else to date.” You always have a choice. When we were on a speaking assignment in Rhode Island, we asked a 17-year-old boy if he had a girlfriend. He said, “No, I’ve never had a date, let alone a girlfriend.”

This was a good looking, likable guy, so we were surprised and asked why. He told us it was his family’s standard to date only faithful Latter-day Saints. “There are no LDS girls my age, so I don’t date,” he said. “And it isn’t easy.” His sister had been in the same boat and didn’t date until she went to a college where there were other LDS students.

These teens hang out with friends of other faiths with high standards, but they don’t pair off and date. They don’t want to risk falling in love with someone they couldn’t marry in the temple. We were impressed with the faith and obedience of these young people. They understood the counsel of President Spencer W. Kimball, who said, “Right marriage begins with right dating . . . Do not take the chance of dating nonmembers, or members who are untrained and faithless. [You] cannot afford to take a chance on falling in love with someone who may never accept the gospel.”

We are convinced that the Lord will bless these faithful young people in wonderful ways. To the faithful He promises, “Thou shalt observe all these things, and great shall be thy reward” (D&C 42:65). There is no question that the reward will be worth the wait.

Use Moroni’s Measuring Rod
Just because a person shows up at church doesn’t mean he or she is living the standards of the Church. We don’t judge or condemn people—that’s the Lord’s job. But you must make judgments when deciding who to associate with.

Commenting on righteous judgment, Moroni said, “I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ . . . ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God. But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil.” (Moroni 7:16-17).

Satan’s Traps

Are people you meet in Internet chat stations likely to be good dating material? This kind of relationship can be extremely dangerous. Make it a rule not to chat on line with anyone you don’t already know. It’s even less safe than striking up a conversation with a stranger coming out of a bar. A person met on the Internet could be a forty-year-old pervert with evil intentions, pretending to be a terrific young guy or girl. People with serious personality defects and a horrible lifestyle may lead you to believe almost anything.

Never Count on Changing the Other Person
Sometimes people date those less worthy, hoping to bring them to a higher standard of gospel living. They think, “I’m sure he/she will like me enough to change.” This seldom happens. If you date people who lack high standards, you may end up marrying someone who will pull you down to his or her level. When you’re with someone who is already following Satan, you can easily fall. Protect yourself by refusing to date those who don’t live up to the Savior’s standards.

When people spiritually lose their way, it doesn’t mean they cannot change—but this may not happen. Invite them to listen to the missionary discussions or to atttend church functions. If they’re already members, encourage them to visit their bishop. Be kind, but don’t date people until they’ve repented. The risk is just too great.

What About You?
What kind of person are you? Someone a faithful Latter-day Saint girl or guy would want to date? Look carefully at your own values. Try to honestly determine whether or not you’re striving to live them.

When Margie said to her cousin, “I don’t know why such scummy guys always ask me out,” he was honest and said, “You attract these guys by the way you dress.” Margie didn’t get the message. She said “the good guys,” just weren’t asking her out. If you want to date decent people, you must be a decent person yourself.

Dating is always more enjoyable when both you and your date strive to keep the commandments. You have less to worry about and more to enjoy together as you seek wholesome activities.

Dating in groups can be especially enjoyable. Counsel from the First Presidency in For the Strength of Youth is clear on the subject: “When you begin dating, go in groups or on double dates. Avoid frequently dating the same person.” Choose well those you date and you’ll take a giant step toward protecting your sexual purity. You’ll be qualifying yourself for all the blessings the Lord has in store for you. He has said, “be thou faithful . . . and I will give thee a crown of life” (Revelations 2:10).

TV or Not TV?

Sat, 01 Jun 2002 12:29:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: I'm going to make a challenge here-are you sure you want to keep reading? Here it comes. Ladies and gentlemen (please imagine a drum roll somewhere in the distance), I challenge you...wait...I challenge thee (it sounds more, you know, like a commandment), I challenge thee to fast from TV for a month! No TV, no movies, no videos! If the television craze continues with the present level of programs, we are destined to have a nation of morons. -Daniel Marsh, President, Boston University

Ooh, isn't that a good quote? " . . . Destined to have a nation of morons." (If we insert one letter into the middle of the word we get, " . . . we are destined to have a nation of Mormons." That would be nice. Oh well.) Daniel Marsh made that comment in 1950, and the "level of programs" has changed dramatically since then. They're much worse than they used to be. There's more trash than ever before, and there's more to come! Have you ever filled a pot with hot water, then tried to drop a frog in it? Or have you ever put a frog in cold water and heated it up? Me neither. Sounds kind of rude. But it makes a great analogy. If you did drop a frog in a pot of hot water, what would happen? He would jump out! What if you put a frog in cool water, and heated it up slowly? The frog wouldn't notice the gradual change, he would get comfortable and, before he knew it, he'd be cooked! Hi, ho, Kermit the soup here.

Like that frog, we are all in "hot water." Television has changed over the years, but the changes have been so gradual that they've gone largely unnoticed. Meanwhile, we're getting cooked. When I was younger, one of my favorite shows was about a small-town sheriff, his deputy, his little boy, and his aunt who made great apple pies. They led a simple life, ate lunch at the diner, sang in the church choir, and went fishing. They also taught a good lesson in every show, while at the same time making us laugh. But times have changed, and television has changed too. It's getting hot in this pot, and people are beginning to notice. It's in all the papers. Let's read all about it, shall we?

Headline: Pediatric group suggests cutting TV viewing in half.

The scoop: Long-term television viewing is one cause of violent or aggressive behavior in children and contributes substantially to childhood obesity, the American Academy of Pediatrics said Monday. (Associated Press story appearing in the Daily Universe, 17 April 1990) < br>Headline: Turn on the TV and bingo: You're brain dead.

The scoop: Wat ching television is like doing nothing at all, only more so. That's essentially the conclusion Memphis psychologists came to after they wired up 31 kids, stuck them in front of a television set, turned on "The Wonder Years" and watched their vital signs plunge. "The metabolic rate during television viewing was even lower than it was during rest," the psychologists reported. (As cited in Deseret N ews, 28 February 1993, A2)

Headline: TV taking its bite out of academics.

The scoop: More than 40 percent of Utah County's school children spend more time watching TV than studying, according to their parents. Many experts sa y this has an adverse effect on the kids' mental ability and performance. (Mich ael Morris, Utah County Journal, 16 February 1993, A1, A3)

Television has become a part of our lives. Chances are, the most worn-out furniture in the house is facing the television. Unfortunately, the TV has replaced the library as the center of learning. We watch it, we plan our evenings around it, and we talk about it at school. How many times a day does someone say, "Hey, did you see ___ ____________ last night?" And we hope we saw _______________ last night, because we want to fit in.The question is this: Is there any nutrition in this mental diet that we call television? And who's in charge of the menu? What's cooking in Hollywood for us to swallow tonight? Suppose you walked into your favorite restaurant and saw the cook putting floor sweepings in your spaghetti. Would you e t it? Yuck! If you did, you'd throw up! What about the stuff you put in your brain? Your brain can't throw up. If you see something gross on TV, it's yours forever. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said:

The body has defenses to rid itself of unwholesome food, but the brain won't vomit back filth. Once recorded it will always remain subject to recall, flashing its perverted images across your mind, and drawing you away from the wholesome things in life. (As cited by N. Eldon T anner, Ensign, January 1974, 8)

Yes indeed, if television is food for our brains, we'd better talk to the cooks, and see what's happening in the kitchen! Newsweek magazine talked to the cooks almost ten years ago, and here's what they found out:

Hollywood really is different from the rest of the country. A survey of 104 top television writers and executives found that their attitudes toward moral and religious questions aren't shared by their audience.
Believe adultery is wrong: Hollywood 49% Everyone else 85%
Have no religiou s affiliation: Hollywood 45% Everyone else 4%
Believe homosexual acts are wro ng: Hollywood 20% Everyone else 76%
Believe in a woman's right to an abortio n: Hollywood 97% Everyone else 59% (Kenneth L. Woodward, "The Elite and How to A void It," Newsweek, 20 July 1992, 55)

The problem with the restaurant of television-or rather, the problem with us-is that we'll eat whatever they give us, whether we ordered it or not. Most of us don't plan what we're going to watch. We just plop down on the couch to "watch TV" and let it feed us whatever's on the menu. The point is, "we are what we eat," and perhaps we ought to pay mo re attention to our spiritual diets. Sometimes we're like the frog that is slow ly being cooked; in the comfort of the warm water, we go a little crazy. We think the thirteenth Article of Faith says, "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things, unless our favori te show is on." Or we think Moroni said, "Deny yourselves of all ungodliness; an d fast forward the bad parts" (see Moroni 10:32). We must not allow Hollywood to make us hypocrites! We say, "We believe" when we repeat the Articles of Faith. Well, do we? Do we really believe what they say? Moroni gives hard counsel when he says, "deny yourselves of all ungodliness." Is "all" a pretty high percentage? When Hollywood is criticized for its programming, the usual response is, "If you don't like it, turn it off." Hmmm, that's a new thought: Turn it off. What would happen to your life if you did? Here's another headline:

Headline: Turning off the tube may be 1st step toward turning on life

The scoop: People sometimes ask why I, a professor of communication, do not have a television in my home. Television presents a dilemma: Many of us find that it does not represent a productive or enriching use of time, but we nevertheless find it attractive as a source of entertainment and information. . . . Television seeks audiences for only one reason-to sell those audiences to advertisers. When I watch television, I am investing uncompensated time as a "commercials viewer" and my time is being sold to an advertiser by a network. No, thanks. I've got better things to do. . . . Television robs relationships of time. Relationships among friends and family members take time to develop-quantity time. . . . Television steals the time it takes to build and enjoy relationships, which are to my mind a lot more satisfying than sitcoms. (James A. Herrick, Deseret News Opinion/Editorial page, 16 March 1994)

I agree; we've got better things to do. We have our own goals and dreams to pursue! What do you think, my friend? Do you think you could turn the TV off for a week? Two weeks? A month? TV or not TV; that is the challenge. We could look at more headlines, but maybe we ought to bag all that and prove to ourselves what effect TV has on us. When Moroni wrote his last words in the Book of Mormon, he didn't try to prove it was true. He simply said, in effect, "read it for yourself, and ask God." Maybe that's the best way to come to a conclusion on this media-influence issue.

Would you like to try a little experiment? Do you have the courage? I'm going to make a challenge here-are you sure you want to keep reading? Here it comes. Ladies and gentlemen (please imagine a drum roll somewhere in the distance), I challenge you . . . wait . . . I challenge thee (it sounds more, you know, like a commandment), I challenge thee to fast from TV for a month! No TV, no movies, no videos! (Okay, end the drum roll and imagine a cymbal crash.)

Well, what do you think? Are you saying, "You've got to be kidding"? If so, I'll answer you. No, I'm not kidding. I did it myself-I fasted from TV for a whole month. It wasn't that bad. In fact, it was great. I had no idea it would affect me the way it did. If you feel you can't do it, I'll understand. I won't judge you unrighteously or anything. I'll still think you're great. Just write your pathetic, miserable excuse in the space below, you big party pooper.

Lame excuse ____________________________________________

One excuse you can't use is, "I don't have time," because television takes time. As for those of you who didn't write an excuse, who have decided to accept the challenge, may I offer you literary high-fives? And may I take a moment to express a few thoughts? I think you're wonderful, heroic, courageous, stupendous, marvelous, intelligent, terrific, outrageous, sensational, superb, splendid, fabulous, remarkable, fantastic, phenomenal, incredible, amazing, magnificent, miraculous, glorious, and nifty.

I'd like to make a few predictions. I did this little experiment myself a few years ago in February (okay, I picked the shortest month, but it's still a month), and I think I know what will happen to you.

Day One. You won't know what to do with yourself. You'll think, "Is Nintendo allowed?" (It isn't.) You'll say, "Mom, there's nothing to do," and she'll give you a list, starting with "Clean up your room." You'll never complain to her again.

Day Four. You'll begin to notice how much time you have, and it will be exciting. You'll compile a list of things to do during your TV fast: books to read, places to go, projects to complete, and so on.

Day Ten. You'll notice you're having a much easier time controlling your thoughts. You'll realize that the main place where "the truth and values we embrace are mocked on every hand" is on television. You won't be hearing the crass jokes and witnessing the illicit situations on prime time. You'll remember a scripture you once read: "For our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God" (Alma 12:14).

Day Fourteen. You'll find it's hard not to judge other TV watchers around you. It will seem like that's all everyone else ever does. You'll say to yourself, "Everyone seems so lazy all of a sudden-did I used to waste time like that?"

Day Sixteen. You'll find it much easier to concentrate when you read your scriptures or pray. You'll notice you don't have to take a minute and clean out your brain before such activities.

Day Twenty. You'll say, "Why didn't I try this before?" You'll be getting your homework done, you'll read good books, you'll exercise, you'll even have a cleaner room! (Mom will love that.)

Day Thirty. You'll think a lot on this day. You'll ask yourself, "Do I really want to start watching again?" You'll think about how we try to protect ourselves from things: We put dead-bolt locks on the doors, motion-sensor lights in the yard, and burglar alarms in the entrances to the house. To keep things warm inside, we buy double-paned glass, insulation, and weather stripping. Then we kneel down as a family and say "protect us from harm or accident."

But Satan is clever. He can find a way into our house. He can come right through the antenna (or the cable). Or we can actually pay money to rent his influence at the video store.

A month has passed, and now your experiment is over. If you start watching again, you'll notice that your vacation from television has increased your sensitivity. You'll realize that you used to be accustomed to the language of television, but now it will bug you. You'll hear the Lord's name taken in vain, and other crude language, and your mental taste buds will say, "Yuck, this is sick."

I hope you will take the TV or not TV challenge. I know you can do it because I did it. Try it! Prove it to yourself and see what happens. Keep a journal and take note of what abstaining from television does for your spirit. I can promise you four things: First, you'll have much more time. (They say the average daily television viewing per household is seven hours four minutes per day!). Second, you'll have an easier time controlling your thoughts. (You know what they say in the computer-programming business: "Garbage in, garbage out!"). Third, your spiritual sensitivity will increase. As you "deny yourself of all ungodliness" (see Moroni 10:32), you'll feel closer to the Lord. Fourth, you'll be more selective in the future. You won't just sit down to "watch TV." You'll choose carefully what you watch instead of punching the remote from a slouched position for three hours.

President Gordon B. Hinckley taught:

I am suggesting that we spend a little less time in idleness, in the fruitless pursuit of watching inane and empty television programs. Time so utilized can be put to better advantage, and the consequences will be wonderful. (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1997], 621)

Any powerful tool can be used as an awful weapon. Of course, there are excellent programs on TV, programs that can lift and inspire. Watch that kind of program when you choose to watch. But remember that Satan has found a way to use the media as a weapon as well. So, fellow frogs, maybe now would be a good time to jump out of the pot, because something's cooking, and I think it's us!