Mormon Life - Internet tag

{Poll} Technology Boundaries for Kids?

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Kaela Worthen
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: It seems we can't function in life without our various technological devices, but they carry a lot of dangers and responsibility as well. When and how much can kids handle?

Growing up, the most advanced technology I had was a Super Nintendo that my mother begrudgingly allowed us to have, only after realizing we were using our friends for their video games and constantly asking to go to Toys 'R' Us solely so we could play on the demo video game consoles.

Today, the world is a bit different, and my younger siblings who still live at home have iPod touches that connect to the Internet, handheld video game consoles that do the same, and a cell phone for the elder one. Again, my parents delayed as long as possible before finally relenting this past Christmas.

The traditional rules I grew up with--no computers in the bedroom, no TV on Sundays--become blurry when an mp3 player can be used as both. And the statistics of how much time kids spend on these devices are staggering. Where do the boundaries lie? What age do you think is appropriate for kids to have such devices, and what restrictions (if any) do you put on them?

The Delights and Dangers of Media

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:05:00 -0700

by Briana Stewart
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Oh, multimedia. We love you. We loathe you. We can’t imagine our thumbs without you. While this reality of modern life can leave us at a loss for controlling exposure, we can start by looking at the truth and consequences.

The average youth devotes nearly eight hours to media every day. (Why yes, that is more than a full-time job.) Forty-three percent of children ages 4 to 6 have a TV in their bedroom. Seventy percent of teens have their own video game console. And in 64 percent of American homes, the TV is on during mealtime. But whether our media T-shirt dons “I heart” or “I abhor,” the responsibility lies squarely with the “I.”

“The media is like any other tool. You can use it in a positive way or a negative one,” says Brad J. Bushman, a professor in the school of communication at Ohio State University. “Think of it like an ax. An ax can be used to chop wood for the fireplace to keep you warm for the winter—or it can be used to murder someone. It all comes down to the way we choose to use it.”

And we definitely do have choices: television, movies, computers, video games, tablets, books, iPods, magazines, smartphones, the Internet. Each has the capability of enhancing and entertaining our lives, and each can just as easily invite (and glorify) content that is violent, sexual, aggressive, or profane.

What you see is clearly what you get. “The choices we make in media can be symbolic of the choices we make in life,” said Elder Russell M. Ballard, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, in a 2003 general conference address. “Choosing the trendy, the titillating, the tawdry in the TV programs or movies we watch can cause us to end up, if we’re not careful, choosing the same things in the lives we live.”

Church Members and the Media

Samantha Murphey is a media maven.

As a child, she was an avid reader who wanted to be a newspaper reporter. She thought about the way stories were told in the programming she viewed, and although “it may sound silly,” she says watching programs like “Boy Meets World” and “Remember the Titans” helped her develop her own creative style.

Now, as a married woman in her 20s, she’s a journalist, blogger, and creator of the website “Scarlett, Called Scout,” which details “girly things, deep things, and girly deep things.”

“Media makes me feel connected to the world beyond my daily human interactions,” says Murphey, who currently resides in Georgia. “It’s a source of news, entertainment, education, and communication.”

But even as someone who’s keyed up by technology, she knows her limits.

“It can make me feel connected, engaged, and edified if I use it wisely—or sapped of energy and motivation if I abuse it,” she says. “The media can be a real timesucker if you’re not careful.”

That fluctuation between feeling edified and feeling sapped by the media is likely common for Latter-day Saints. But the “careful” component is where things get atypical.

“If you take a typical LDS neighborhood, families are pretty consistent with their standards when it comes to things like sex before marriage, drug use, cigarette use, etc.,” says Sarah Coyne, an assistant professor of family life at BYU. “But when it comes to media standards, we’re really all over the place. Some have extremely strict rules, others have no rules at all, and the rest are somewhere in between.”

Why the disconnect?

“A lot of people don’t believe in the studies. They think what they watch doesn’t affect them, so they watch what they want, when they want,” Coyne says. “None of us want to think we are susceptible.

In many ways, it’s convenient not to believe.”

“People tend to think they’re not affected when it comes to things that are harmful,” Bushman adds. “Whether that’s . . . driving fast or watching a TV show—people generally think they are immune. The truth is nobody can escape the consequences.”

Watch Out

So what should we be on the lookout for? The list is akin to the “Sunday School answers,” in that we already know (and know better). Namely, sexual content, violence, profanity, verbal aggression,

substance abuse, and negative body images, which are well known and well documented in their effects.

“When it comes to this kind of content, you’re really taking a gamble—you can desensitize yourself,” says Keven R. Downs, a licensed clinical social worker in Utah. “And that’s doubly true when it comes to

your kids. When they’re exposed to things they’re not developmentally ready for, there’s potential for great harm. You might not see the effects today, but it can come out later in life.”

Equally damaging is content that is subtler in nature.

“Often media’s most devastating attacks on family are not direct or frontal or openly immoral,” Elder Ballard said in that same 2003 conference address. “Intelligent evil is too cunning for that, knowing that most people still profess belief in family and in traditional values. Rather the attacks are subtle and amoral—issues of right and wrong don’t even come up. Immorality and sexual innuendo are everywhere, causing some to believe that because everyone is doing it, it must be all right. This pernicious evil is not out in the street somewhere; it is coming right into our homes, right into the heart of our families.”

And it’s something members are catching onto.

“I’m not most offended by a specific type of objectionable content, but by objectionable content that is subversive,” Murphey says. “Often writers or producers infuse harmful political or commercial messages into their works but do so subtly, so that viewers are influenced without even realizing it. It’s much more effective, and therefore much more dangerous, than overt offensive messages. Blatant offensive content can be scarring and can cause an erosion of spirituality, to be sure, but subtle offensive content can cause paradigm shifts that are deep-rooted and binding.”

What’s more, it’s not just the quality of programming we need to watch out for—it’s quantity. According to The Kaiser Family Foundation, 66 percent of American kids own a cell phone, and they spend more time watching TV on their phones (49 minutes a day) than actually talking on them (33 minutes a day). Almost 50 percent of kids use media while doing homework. And the Media Violence Resource Center reported that the video game industry made $20 billion in 2010 thanks to the 300 million video games that were sold.

“There’s such an addictive quality to the media,” Downs says. “And it can have some seriously powerful consequences.”

Chief among them? Being devoid of the Spirit. “The Spirit can’t dwell in homes corrupted by damaging media content,” Coyne says. “It just can’t.”

Not “Just” Violence

One area that should be singled out is violence—if for no other reason than it’s typically downplayed.

“Violence is everywhere—it’s in fictional TV shows, in our news programs, and even in our kids’ cartoons,” says Coyne, who has conducted numerous studies on the effects of media violence. “There’s a general desensitization going on. We’re not accustomed to seeing sexual content at a young age, so we tend to be more aware of that when we see it later in life. But when it comes to violence, we’re just used to it.”

And she’s not kidding. According to the Media Violence Resource Center, by the time the average U.S. child starts elementary school, he or she will have seen 8,000 murders on television. For every 10 minutes of playing video or computer games, boys between the ages of 8 and 18 will see between two and 124 acts of violence. In video games rated as Teen or Mature, players will see more than 180 violent acts every 40 minutes, or 5,400 violent acts per month.

“It’s unbelievable to me that people don’t see how harmful media violence is, especially when the research is far more clear than any other area,” says Bushman, who is well known for his research on the

effects of violence in the media. “It’s what I’m most concerned about.”

So how harmful is all this violence, really?

“It can increase our aggressive thoughts, angry feelings, and even increase our blood pressure,” Bushman says. “It can also decrease feelings of empathy and compassion.”

“Some kids who have been exposed to horror films have shown the same symptoms of children who’ve been traumatized,” Downs adds.

Equally dangerous (and often confusing) is when even the media’s “heroes” are using violence as a way to solve problems.

“I really don’t like violence because it is so glamorized in the media,” says Natalie Hollingshead, a Utah mother of two. “Even the so-called good guys on TV or in movies use a lot of violence, and I think it’s gradually numbing viewers. The violence is so elaborate that it is ‘cool,’ which really worries me as a parent.”

And it’s not just physical violence, either. Relational aggression can have similarly damaging effects.

“The media is overflowing with awful examples of how to speak to and treat other people,” says Coyne, who conducted a study on the effects of the aggression we witness in reality TV. “We need to be careful of every program we bring into our homes.”

To read the full article and get expert advice on setting boundaries for the media in your home, check out the full article in LDS Living's January/February 2012 issue. Click here to subscribe.

{LDS How} Youth Can Share the Gospel

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:03:00 -0700

by Mandy Slack
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Teens are already self-conscious without adding the intimidation of trying to share the gospel. Want to learn a few simple steps for being a member missionary at your tender age? We're here to help.

I gave away a Book of Mormon for the first time in between science and history when I was in eighth grade. I’d like to say I did this just because I wanted to, but it was actually a requirement for Personal Progress. I chose to give the book to Heidi, my kindest and most religious friend (she went to church and a youth group every week). The creators of the Personal Progress program must have intended for me to make this a memorable, edifying experience, but, instead, I wrote a few lines in the cover of the book and handed it to Heidi during our passing period. I didn’t explain anything about the book, just said a few awkward words and went on to class. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, it was simply that sharing the gospel seemed scary to me.

While I doubt anybody out there is as awkward as I was (and probably still am), I imagine that some youth feel the same fear when they hear the word missionary coupled with the word work. We all know it’s something we need to do, but opening our mouths about the Church can seem daunting. Hopefully these ideas will help the fear dissipate and let the joy of missionary work kick in.

Share the gospel online

Admit it, you get on Facebook at least once a day. Why not share the gospel in between chatting with your friends and studying every picture of that cutie from your math class? Sharing the gospel through social media or other websites can be easy and unintimidating for you and your friends. The Church has made it easy to share the gospel online; all you have to do is click a button to get a video or article on your Facebook, Twitter, or blog. For more ideas of how to share the gospel online, check out these suggestions.

Invite your friends to activities

You may feel like it’s a big commitment to invite your friends who may not have been going to church their whole lives to sit through a three-hour, super spiritual meeting. That’s okay! Invite them to youth dances or fun mutual activities—these are still uplifting and a great way for them to get to know other Church members their age but not so churchy that either of you will have to feel awkward. All you’re doing is inviting a friend to hang out with you and some other friends. You can do that, right?

Invite your friends to your house more often

I realize this sounds super simple and not much like missionary work, but even if you don’t have the perfect family (no worries—none of us do!), your friends will probably feel something different at your house. They’ll start to wonder about little things your family does, like blessing the food or eating dinner together. They’ll notice how much the gospel is a part of your lives and may start asking questions about that picture of a white, many-spired building on the wall or a painting of Christ. Whenever there are non-LDS people around my family, I realize how much we talk about the Church and the gospel. This has led to some awesome missionary experiences for us.

Go out with the missionaries

Find out if the missionaries in your ward or stake are teaching youth and offer to go with them to a lesson. Their investigators will probably like to see that there are other youth interested in religion, and they’ll be more likely to come to church if they have a friend. You can let the missionaries know beforehand how much you want to speak. If you’re feeling a little insecure, you can just help answer a question or two (with an answer you’ve probably known since you were in Sunbeams). If you’re not so shy, this is also a great opportunity to share your testimony with someone who could really benefit from hearing it.

Wear a CTR ring or something else church related.

The majority of people that don’t belong to the Church probably have no clue what CTR stands for. If your ring is big enough, people will probably ask you about it once in awhile. In the commentary of “How to Share the Gospel,” an article featured on lds.org, one girl shares a missionary experience she had while wearing her Young Women medallion: someone asked her why she was wearing a necklace with the Disneyland Castle on it, and she had the opportunity to explain more about the “castle.”

Prepare answers for potential questions

You don’t have to be a gospel scholar to be a missionary, but it may help to make a list of questions your friends might ask, along with clear answers for each question. This will help you feel more confident when the Church comes up in conversation—you won’t have to hide behind your lunch and pretend you didn’t hear anything. For ideas of questions that your pals might have, read through these frequently asked questions at mormon.org/faq/.

RootsTech Conference brings genealogy to digital age

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:14:00 -0700

by Emily McClure
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Email, MP3s, cell phones, personal GPS devices - technology touches every part of our lives, and genealogy is no exception. This week at the RootsTech Conference, innovators and genealogists are uniting to forecast some of the exciting developments for family history.

The parents and grandparents of this generation know better than anyone how quickly technology can evolve. They watched as the music record morphed into the cassette tape. After what seemed a comparatively short time thereafter, they saw the CD come to life, and before they could catch their collective breath, the MP3 player and iPod arrived. The growth of the music technology business is fairly simple to track, but technology in general is an ever-evolving phenomenon, and many people, young and not-so-young alike, have difficulty keeping up with it.

Genealogy, like every other industry, is experiencing its own burst of technology evolution. Fledgling genealogy technologists may be unsure of possible options for digitizing their history, or perhaps they simply doubt their ability to use current technology. The annual RootsTech Conference in Salt Lake City this weekend has been designed specifically to provide technological support to genealogists everywhere. The conference is notoriously popular, offering lectures and training to over 4,000 registered participants a year and streaming online to thousands more.

Paul Nauta, public affairs manager for FamilySearch, says that technology shouldn’t be a source of fear but simply a means to provide the best possible preservation of family records. Some genealogists see no reason to move on from their tried-and-true preservation devices, such as CDs, DVDs, and microfilm, but even those methods are showing their antiquity.

“CDs and DVDs have become a thing of the past,” said Nauta. “A lot of people are shocked to find out that there’s noticeable degradation in the quality of a CD within 5 years. DVDs are beginning to show degradation after 10 years.” Even flash drives, the most current of the mass storage devices, appear to be losing some ground. Nauta predicts that the flash drive will be a thing of the past within five years, and its replacement will likely be something known as “the Cloud.” Enter the Digital Age.

Cloud computing is a term that has only recently become popular among the everyday technology consumer. In general, “the Cloud” is a term used to describe all the data that is floating around internet space, like the cloud that surrounds Apple or Amazon. For most consumers, this storage system allows documents to be saved online without users facing the hassle of trying to transfer documents from flash drive to computer.

This concept is particularly useful in family history research; genealogists can store their data in a secure site, like familysearch.org, without the worry of losing it or transferring data. The Cloud also allows multiple users to edit a single page, like a page on Wikipedia or on a Google doc. For genealogists, this means that multiple family members can contribute different accounts of family history to an online family tree.

Mobile apps also rank high in genealogical significance. Technologists predict that within the next five years, computers will be less and less common, as nearly a third of the world’s population will be using the smart phone. Nauta confirmed this prediction, noting that many countries, rather than try and play catch-up with developing technology, can easily stay current with an app: “You’ve got a vast majority of second- and third-world countries who are pretty much moving along with the rest of the world and are having more and more access to portable technology to allow them to get involved.” Many family history companies are offering a variety of apps to make the process of genealogy more user-friendly.

Aside from the world of mobile apps and cloud computing, there are companies that offer digitization of family history files. This year’s RootsTech Conference will be offering information on digitizing family books that may be too valuable to pass back and forth between family members. Having a digital version of the book allows multiple family members to view the history without the possibility of losing or damaging a physical document.

The challenge of learning to apply all the new technology may seem daunting to genealogists, but keeping up with genealogical technology, since it is based on software and the Internet, is much easier than the physical upgrades of cell phones, iPods, or computers.

And the amount and manner of technology used in family history is purely based on personal preference. Many people use technology to do family history every day without realizing it, whether it’s uploading a family photo on facebook, blogging about a family reunion, or printing out photographs for a scrapbook. “Is that family history? You bet it is!” said Nauta.

The RootsTech Conference begins Feb. 2 and concludes Feb. 4. Rootstech.org provides further information on lecture topics, times, and registration for those interested in upping their ante in family history.

{Single Saints} E-mail Dating: An Impossible Proposition?

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:03:00 -0700

by Vera Taylor
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: E-mail dating is a mixed bag. In my experience, it generally doesn't work, but there are a few things that can contribute to success.

There have been several times in my life where I’ve been set up over email. Always it is because the guy lived in another state (or country). I call this email dating. Email dating (in my experience) is never a good idea. Let me explain.

The first email dating experience I had was with a millionaire who lived abroad–and that is exactly how he was described to me. We wrote back and forth, really long and engaging emails every couple days for about 6 weeks. He was coming to my city for a visit and we were to finally meet then. The anticipation was pretty high for this date—I assumed our natural email rapport would translate in person. Short story: it didn’t. No matter, this was only my first experience with email dating and I assumed like all dating, the success rate is pretty low so I didn’t think too much about it.

About a year or so later I was set up with a new guy. This guy also lived abroad and this time the emails were even better. We wrote . . . a lot. Daily long emails were exchanged detailing our likes, dislikes, stories from our pasts, hopes, dreams, and little details about our day. I liked him (a lot), and he liked me back.

We took the intermediate step of talking on the phone before we met. The first time we talked it was a little jarring. We didn’t have the same flow our emails enjoyed and I didn’t love it. (I am sure this experience raised alarms in my mind but I just pushed them away as I was unwilling to question my feelings.) I was relieved the next day when I had a new email waiting for me and my “boyfriend” was back. We debated exchanging pictures and decided against it–we thought it would be better that way. (I know.) About 2 months into our virtual courtship we met. We even decided to meet on the street, it was all very romantic. We met and…nothing. He was perfectly nice and all but still…nothing. We both felt it right away. What I realized was the guy I thought I knew and really liked was part imaginary. In a way, he was me.

I vowed to never again invest myself in email dating. I am not going to say I refused to get set up with men over email after that, I still dabble. But always with a wary and rationally minded head. You see, on email you can edit yourself–most people put their best selves forward in writing. When you read the emails of your “date” you read the email in your head, using your voice and inflections. You fill in the gaps of what you don’t know about the person based on your own experience and past history. What it comes down to is this, whatever connection you are making, there is nothing that can replace the connection you establish in person.

So for what it is worth, here are my simple guidelines to successful email dating:

• Use email for a general introduction and only ask light-hearted get to know you questions.

• Stay away from detailing your life’s history, flirtatious admissions of interest, or sharing personal details you would normally confess only to close friends.

• Remind yourself at all times: I don’t actually know this person.

• Exchange photos. Having an image in your head of what the person actually looks like helps keep your reality meter in check.

• Meet. That is all, just meet—even if it means flying to see him/her. My rule of thumb is: if they live locally, meet within 3 email exchanges. If you are out of state or country, do your best to meet within a month.

{LDS How-to} Share the Gospel Online

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 00:03:00 -0700

by Alexa Justesen
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Practical (and easy) instructions for something we all know we should be doing.

Everyone and their dog seems to have some sort of online profile today, if not five or six. (Really though, my friend actually made a Facebook page for her dog.) Because it’s now so much easier to communicate, Church leaders have encouraged members to use social networking to share the gospel. Elder David A. Bednar recently said, “It is no coincidence that FamilySearch and other tools have come forth at a time when young people are so familiar with a wide range of information and communication technologies. Your fingers have been trained to text and tweet to accelerate and advance the work of the Lord—not just to communicate quickly with your friends.”

Facebook, Twitter, and blogs have exploded in the last few years, and while some people claim that having so many profiles is not healthy (or even safe), there are also great ways to use each of them to do missionary work. Below are the most popular social media websites and some creative ways to use them to teach the gospel.

Facebook

With more than 800 million active users worldwide, this website is the perfect place to start doing online missionary work. I have been constantly amazed by how creative people are getting when it comes to sharing the gospel through Facebook. When the Church started their Mormon Messages videos, my LDS friends began posting the videos on their walls. Facebook is pretty user friendly (which is fantastic for computer-incompetent people like me), so it’s easy to share these videos or even general conference clips. Post your favorite scripture or gospel quote in your status box, leave a link to a great devotional or CES fireside, or post a picture of your favorite temple. Facebook is perfect for everyone, from the shy member missionary who doesn’t know quite where to start, to the one who is eager to share the message with everyone.

Twitter

With millions of users and growing, Twitter is the on-the-go way to share the gospel. Because each “tweet” can only be 140 characters long, it’s best to leave a short and simple message. Leave a link to mormon.org or tweet a great quote. In fact, Mormon social media-ites got a good laugh recently when hip-hop mogul P. Diddy tweeted a quote by Elder L. Tom Perry. Diddy did his missionary work without even realizing it!

Blogs

I think it’s pretty safe to say that if you’re a 20- or 30-something married person with a dog and a baby on the way, you or your spouse probably has a blog. If you’re a single female college student, you probably have a blog, too. Whether you use Blogger, Wordpress, or Tumblr, blogs are the new-fangled form of journaling, and they’re the best and most expressive way of sharing the gospel. Missionaries in a few missions are even required to keep a regular blog about their experiences. Blogs allow you to write whatever you’d like. On my own blog I like to occasionally write about my testimony or share quotes from a favorite talk.

Don’t worry, though—if you don’t feel comfortable bearing your testimony, it can be much subtler than that. If you’re blogging about your life, Church-related things are bound to come up, even if just in passing. When they do, you can link to lds.org, mormon.org, specific talks or videos, or anything else LDS related.

Mormon.org Profile

Recently the Church revamped its website for investigators, mormon.org. Now, each member of the Church can create a profile--a page where you can share your testimony, how you found the Church, etc. This new campaign allows members to chat with investigators, to answer common questions, and share their testimonies. You can include a photo and your story as well as read the stories of others.

See examples of mormon.org profiles: mormon.org/people.

Get started creating your own: mormon.org/create.

Pinterest

I can just hear the men reading this sighing in collective disgust. I haven’t met many who want to agree with the amazingness of Pinterest. But if you’re female, you get it, right? Pinterest is the newest, and perhaps my favorite, form of social media. While very different from the others mentioned above, it is possible to share the gospel this way. Pinterest is like an online bulletin board that allows you to “pin” pictures, recipes, and quotes you find from other websites. Basically, you can keep everything you find on the internet in one convenient location. Others can see your pinboards and repin them to their own, thus creating a viral effect. I’ve found wonderful gospel-oriented talks and quotes that can easily be shared. Pinterest is a bit more image-related, but because the Church has so many beautiful images of the Savior and temples, you are guaranteed to have people take notice. (You could also, ahem, pin your favorite LDS Living articles!)

So there you have it. From me, a social media nerd, to you, I hand over some of my favorite ways to teach others about the gospel. Now grab your computer and get to work!

LDS General Conference PDFs and EPUBs Online

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 12:41:00 -0600

source: ldsmediatalk.com

If you are a regular reader of LDS Media Talk, you’ve learned when the talks, video, and audio from the October 2011 LDS General Conference have been posted online. You also know there is a video of highlights from the conference, as well as conference highlights selected especially for youth.

Available Formats of LDS Scriptures

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 10:45:00 -0600

source: ldsmediatalk.com

Mormon Life says: A useful list in the digital era. Did you know that scriptures.lds.org not only has the scriptures text, but also audio recordings to listen to online or download MP3 files to use on other devices? This includes the Holy Bible (both Old Testament and New Testament), Triple Combination, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price.

A new page Available Scriptures Formats also lists additional ways to access the scriptures.

Why Do I Need an LDS Account?

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 10:40:00 -0600

source: ldsmediatalk.com

Mormon Life says: The Church is only going more and more digital, and having an LDS account is both helpful and increasingly necessary. If you don't have an account, this article will tell you how to register. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints offers a lot of online information and services, much of which is personalized to your identity and Church calling. For example, on LDS.org you can sign in and view your ward directory and calendar. You can access resources specific to your calling. You can view Church buildings and sites near your location. There’s even a Study Notebook where you can highlight passages and create journal entries. In fact, there are dozens of new Church websites offering similar personalized experiences. To access these and other resources, you need an LDS Account. What Is LDS Account? Your LDS Account provides you with a single user name and password to access all Church websites. One of the benefits of having an LDS Account is that it uses your membership record number to access information about your calling, location, ward, and family. Church websites draw upon this data to personalize the information shown to you and to expand the resources you can access.

Online Dating that Clicks

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 00:05:00 -0600

by Briana Stewart
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Are you flirting with online dating? Consider this the LDS singles' ultimate guide to navigating the digital world of relationships.

Boy meets girl? If only it were always that simple.

Between demanding schedules of work, school, family, and church, it can be difficult to stop and smell the potential roses. So in this 2011 world of “Nice to Tweet you,” many LDS singles are initiating their first encounters in a decidedly digital way.

Here are 20 points—broken up into four categories—that will tell you virtually everything you need to know.

The Pros
1. Where It’s At
Where have all the good men (and women) gone?

“It is becoming increasingly difficult for LDS people to meet a potential spouse once they’re out of college,” says Alisa Snell, a dating coach and marriage and family therapist in Utah. “You’re just not in front of the masses, which translates to fewer opportunities.”

Holly Coleman, 36, can’t argue there.

“You get to the point—especially in my age group—when you feel like you’ve met every eligible person in your circles,” says Coleman, who met her husband on eHarmony and married him in 2011. “Going online opens up possibilities to meet more people.”

2. Professionally Speaking
Need another perk? The type of crowd online dating attracts is typically older and more successful.

“This type of dating usually draws in people of the professional world,” says Snell, who has created a series of dating books and DVDs known as “It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique” (itsyourtechnique.com). Not to mention the online world can give you a buffer in case the relationship fizzles.

“Many men don’t date women in their singles wards just so they can avoid awkward encounters if it doesn’t work out,” Snell says.

3. Girl Power
Have hesitations about approaching men? Online settings can give you that extra boost of confidence.

“I actually think I’m better at online dating,” says Chloe Andersen, 33, a New York City resident who’s been online dating off and on for the last seven years. “When I date online I’m confident, whereas in normal single situations I can get insecure and be reduced to a high school junior. I think it’s the control. I love having a say in who I meet and who I date.”

4. Variety Show
One of the best attributes of online dating is the variety. If one site’s not working for you, try another. Below are just a handful of websites LDS singles commonly log on to.
· ldssingles.com
· eharmony.com
· match.com
· ldsmingle.com
· ldsplanet.com
· singlesaints.com

5. Clicking Couples
Simply said: Online dating can work.

“Some people think online dating is unnatural,” says James Green, general manager of ldssingles.com. “Members of the Church would be surprised at the shocking number of people who have met their spouses [online]. It’s a place where singles can go and meet other singles without pressure from their ward members or families constantly telling them to get married.”

The Profile
1. Picture This
Want to date online but don’t want a picture on your profile? Good luck with that.

“You have to have a photo—it’s your crucial first impression,” says Snell, who met her husband of nine years on ldssingles.com. “No one will contact you if there isn’t a photo.”

When you do post a picture, post a few. And pick shots where you actually look, you know, like yourself.
“The last thing I want to do is meet someone and have them say I don’t look like my picture,” Andersen says.

Oh, and guys? Try not to post pictures where’s it’s obvious you’ve cropped out an ex-girlfriend. “Women will notice it in a second,” Snell says. “And it won’t be in a good way.”

2. Truth Be Told
Exaggerating or misleading people with your profile will get you nowhere. Honest.

“You have to be truthful,” says Andersen, who’s been on sites from eharmony.com to ldsmingle.com to match.com. “I’m not saying you have to tell all your deepest secrets, but you can’t misrepresent yourself.”

What’s more, it’s not good enough to just be honest. You have to be authentic.

“Be yourself,” Coleman says. “If you try to be someone you think other people are looking for, you’re going to have an epic fail on your hands—and fast.”

Maren Timmerman, 30, an LDS single living in California, knows what Coleman is talking about.

“I once met a guy, and the pictures he posted of himself were from fi ve years ago,” Timmerman says. “I thought, ‘If you’re lying about your appearance, what else do you lie about?’”

3. Cast a Spell
Spelling errors are distracting.

“I didn’t realize this at the time I signed up for eHarmony, but I judge men on their spelling,” says Coleman, who now lives in Oregon with her husband. “If I saw a profile with grammar and punctuation problems, I moseyed right along.”

4. The Long and Short of It
You should spend serious time putting together your profile, but it shouldn’t take potential suitors serious time to read it.

“Your profile shouldn’t be longer than three paragraphs,” Snell says. “If it takes too long to get to know you at first glance, people won’t get to know you, period.”

5. Be Refreshing
When your profile isn’t working, get working on it.

“Edit your profile often,” Green says. “If your introduction isn’t sparking someone’s interest, try expressing yourself in another way.”

And if you’ve been online for a while with no real activity, try, try again.

“If you’ve had your profile up for more than six months, close it and start a new one,” Snell says. “People tend to search for who is new to the site.”

The Safety Net
1. Going Public
When you set a time to meet, shout it from the rooftops (but not your identifiable rooftop).

“Meet in a public place, and don’t share addresses with each other,” Snell says. “Tell a few people where you’re going and what time you expect to be home.”

And that phone number you give out? Here’s a wake-up call: “Be sure your telephone number is unlisted so it can’t be tracked to an address,” Snell says. “You can’t be careful enough about this in the beginning.”

2. Name of the Game
When it comes to giving out names, keep it short—as in first names only.

“Someone with sincere intentions won’t have a problem with that,” Snell says. “If a person keeps on pressing you for specific information, that’s a big warning sign.”

3. No Kid-ding Around
If you’re a single parent, keep those kids a mystery (with the exception of their actual existence).

“Your profile will typically say whether or not you have kids, but beyond that, don’t go into details about your children until you’re in an actual relationship,” Snell says. “Also, don’t post pictures of your kids on your profile.”

4. Clean Sweep
If the conversation rapidly turns intimate or inappropriate, nix the contact just as quickly.

“When people want to meet immediately or late at night, that’s a big red flag. Same goes for people who engage in sexual conversations,” Snell says. “No one who wants a real relationship is going to go
down that road.”

Steve Carter, 32, couldn’t agree more.

“We have to be careful,” says the Utah single, who has dated online for the last two years. “There are people out there with bad intentions, and women have to be especially careful about the image they portray. When you have pictures with cleavage or tight clothes, you’re going to attract the wrong kind of attention.”

5. Tried and Trusted
When it comes to online dating (and traditional dating, for that matter), instincts trump all.

“If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. It’s more important to be safe than polite,” Green says.

The Common Mistakes
1. Church Talk
While meeting other LDS singles is the goal, talk about more than just religion.

“Be careful not to describe yourself in completely religious terms. There is more to you than just your religion, and it can sometimes come across as judgmental,” Snell says. “Don’t build your whole profile off of how many callings you’ve had or inspirational quotes solely from the scriptures. You want them to know religion is a crucial part of your life, but show them you have other interests as well.”

2. Pressure Cooker
Just because you’re meeting people online who are looking for marriage, don’t start picking out the wedding china.

“A lot of people put too much pressure on these relationships before they’ve even met the person,” Andersen says. “And it creates all kinds of expectations that are impossible to live up to.”

And don’t forget about pressure’s first cousin: perfection.

“Be flexible in your requirements for Mr(s). Right. Perfection doesn’t exist,” Green says. “Realistically, the perfect person for you won’t always fit your initial list of criteria.”

3. Can’t Wait
If you’re both interested in meeting each other, don’t wait out your welcome.

“Meeting online is a great segue, but it can’t take the place of a traditional relationship. I take everything with a grain of salt until I meet someone face to face,” says Carter, who is in a serious relationship with a woman he met online. “It’s too easy to fill in the gaps of what we don’t know with what we’d like the situation to be. We paint this image of the person in our mind, and the longer you wait to meet, the more inaccurate that image will be.”

4. A Hot Mess
As attractive as you might find the person you’re conversing with, be careful not to be too forward about it.

“Whatever you do, don’t ever call a woman hot or sexy,” Snell says. “It’s certainly not going to make them feel safe and secure.”

5. TMI, Folks
It can be tempting to share intimate details of your life when you’re in the comfort of your computer screen, but keep things casual—especially in the beginning.

“Don’t bring up a lot of personal details right off the bat,” Snell says. “Most relationships—whether they begin online or not—don’t last more than four to six weeks. So there’s no need to tell someone the most intimate details of your life when you have no idea if it will go anywhere.”

If you take away nothing else, let it be this: Online dating is no waste of time. It’s all about using the right keys.

“You have to sort through a lot of profiles, and you have to be persistent,” Coleman says. “Don’t get discouraged, which is easy to do. I always say this was the worst experience with the absolute best return on investment.”

LDS men launch youth anti-pornography campaign

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 00:04:00 -0600

by Whitney Sorensen - LDS Living
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Fight the New Drug aims to educate people--especially high school students--on the truth about the addictiveness of pornography.

You don’t drink it. You don’t inhale it. And you can’t inject it. But scientific evidence is beginning to show what general authorities have been saying for years: pornography can be as addicting as any drug--and just as harmful. Wanting to stop the spread of this addiction, four Utah State University graduates launched an anti-pornography campaign to educate youth about the addictive effects of pornography.

Founded in January 2010, the organization Fight the New Drug aims to educate people that pornography has the same effects on the brain as substance addictions like alcohol, nicotine, and other drugs. According to an article on the organization’s website, “viewing pornography tricks your brain into releasing the same pleasure chemicals that drugs do,” eventually building up stronger and stronger desires for the counterfeit relationships pornography provides.

Clay Olsen, one of the founders of Fight the New Drug, said getting the truth about pornography to youth is a major goal of the organization.

“We felt strongly that if youth just knew the harmful effects and the consequences of pornography . . . that many would choose to avoid it,” Olsen said.

Although all four founders of Fight the New Drug are Latter-day Saints, the foundation is not a religious campaign. Instead, the founders hoped the focus on science would reach a broader audience and encourage discussion about the evidence that pornography is an addiction. Olsen stressed that religious groups like The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been essential in the fight against pornography but Fight the New Drug aims to approach the issue from a different angle and open the conversation to people of all beliefs.

“It doesn't matter what set of beliefs you subscribe to, what political background you support--this in an issue that goes beyond those things,” Olsen said. “This is an issue that affects everybody.”

Because the issue is so important, Fight the New Drug has three main ways of spreading the message about the new drug: its website, high school assemblies, and college chapters. The website contains videos and articles about the topic and a place for visitors to sign up to become “a fighter,” someone who will actively stand up against pornography and spread the truth about the new drug.

Olsen and his colleagues at Fight the New Drug have already presented their message in three high school assemblies, and they have plans for more in the upcoming school year. While many of these assemblies will be in Utah, schools in both Louisiana and New York have expressed interest.

During the high school assemblies, Olsen worried that teens would not take the issue seriously or even want to discuss the taboo topic. As it turned out, most in the audience responded positively to the presentation (a video portion of which can be viewed online) and loved the scientific approach.

“It's cool to see young kids get excited and passionate and want to talk about a topic that nobody wants to talk about it,” Olsen said.

High school students are not the only young people with a passion for fighting this new drug. College chapters of Fight the New Drug were actually not launched by the organization itself. Rather, college students contacted the organization wanting to start campus campaigns of their own.

“We are a very new campaign, and so to have that kind of support already, we are very happy about that,” Olsen said. Currently, there are five college chapters of Fight the New Drug with at least seven more to launch in the next few months.

But no matter how it spreads the word about pornography as an addiction, Fight the New Drug is dedicated to making a difference in the fight against pornography.

“Stop being naive and stop swishing this heavy, heavy issue under the rug,” Olsen said. “We've got to address it for what it is, even if that means having a potentially difficult and challenging conversation.”

President Eyring on Technology

Wed, 24 Aug 2011 09:50:00 -0600

source: ldsmediatalk.com

Mormon Life says: A good reminder about where technology stands in relation to our priorities. “The Lord’s plan is to advance ever more rapidly His word and His works and the effects of His gospel throughout the world,” President Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency, said.

He noted that the Lord “has revealed the technology that enables the Church to take full advantage of these advances,” but added that while technology can and does bless lives, “never forget that while we have computers, cameras, microphones, fiber-optic networks, clouds, and satellites, we have failed if we do not rely on the Holy Ghost.”

Mormons are Taking Over the Internet!

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 16:45:00 -0600

source: bycommonconsent.com

Mormon Life says: Great commentary on a recent article from the Washington Post (which we featured a couple days ago). The Washington Post has an interesting article about the church’s success with search-engine optimization, PR, and “controlling its image” online. There’s plenty of hyperbole in the article (have we really “infused SEO into [our] culture?” C’mon), some sloppy sourcing (of course a Protestant digital strategist says Mormons are taking over the web), and a misuse of the word “bloggernacle.”

But there were also some nuggets we can learn from, and plenty we should be discussing.

One of which is the effect of our own success: We’re an incredibly savvy church when it comes to online marketing. Mormon ads are everywhere online, our content ranks highly in search engines, and comment boards around the web are full of LDS commenters testifying and correcting (and arguing).

Mormons using the Web to control their own image

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 11:53:00 -0600

source: washingtonpost.com

Mormon Life says: Highlights the Church as a web- and marketing-savvy religion -- and what a big difference that makes to our message. It's pretty impressive. Try this. Type “church,” “Old Testament” or even “friend” into Google, and the Web site of the LDS church, the Mormons, pops up near the top of the list.

In the age of the Internet, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has found a way to dominate what is arguably today’s most important information source: the search engine.

It’s all about Mormons controlling their own image, church officials say. They’ve been doing that for a century or more. And now, with two of their own vying for the Republican nomination in the 2012 presidential race, and a Broadway hit and reality television generating huge interest in the denomination, much is at stake.

Facebook.com/LDS Surpasses 500,000 Likes

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 12:00:00 -0600

source: ldsmediatalk.com

This weekend, the official Facebook page for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints surpassed 500,000 “likes.” That’s grown from 300,000 fans a year ago.

According to the Facebook Page Leaderboard, the Church’s page at Facebook.com/LDS ranked #11 in the category of Church/Religious Organization in number of fans.

Stopping Cyber Bullies

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:00:00 -0600

by Jamie Cline
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: As youngsters, we all recognized the bully—that black-jacketed kid who burned ants with a magnifying glass. Yet we also knew that if push came to shove, our parents could protect us. But kids today are encountering a new generation of bullies. In the technological age the tables have turned, and it is much more difficult for parents to protect their children from bullying. The new bully on the block is faceless and nameless - anyone with access to a computer or cell phone. Unfortunately, many parents are uninformed about this new trend and don't know how to respond to "cyber bullying" and its devastating emotional effects. After all, bloody noses and black eyes are much easier to nurture than emotional wounds, but there are ways for parents to help their children overcome the effects.

What is Cyber Bullying? Cyber bullying takes on many forms. There are websites ("online slambooks") on which people post hurtful messages and pictures about a person. Mean or threatening e-mails and text messages are other methods. One of the most popular forms is faking an identity through e-mail or social networking (such as Facebook or MySpace), using it to gain the confidence of an unsuspecting person, discovering personal information about him or her, and then posting it online.

Emotional Effects The most publicized cyber bullying incident to date is the Megan Meier case. In this instance, thirteen-year-old Megan was contacted by a boy named Josh Evans a few days after setting up a MySpace account. She became close online friends with this boy. However, a few months later, the messages took on a hurtful tone. The last message he indicated that "the world would be a better place" without her, and she took her life that same day. It was later discovered that a neighbor and her mother, Lori Drew*, had created the persona of Josh Evans and had used the account to punish Megan for gossiping.

Cyber bullying is often more damaging than verbal or physical bullying. Unlike traditional bullying, it can continue 24/7 because there is no "school day" for a website. Also, the messages are often posted for anyone to see. Anonymity shields cyber bullies from punishment, and unlike face-to-face bullying, where one can see the effects and possibly feel some remorse, cyber bullying cuts off the perpetrator from the consequences. Because there is rarely any feedback, the bully can participate without feeling as though he or she has done any harm.

Cyber Bullying and Your Child To help prevent your child experiencing this trouble, consider these signs, which researchers have found cyber-bullied children and teens to show: If your child consistently seems upset or anxious after using a cell phone or computer, he or she is most likely a victim. Other signs include avoiding friends, school, and activities.

Helping your child respond well to such acts can be a difficult process. Parents may find the following options valuable:

Have Internet guidelines. Websites such as Facebook and MySpace can be a great way to keep in touch with friends, but think hard about whether your child should set up an account. You might tell your child that he or she can set up an account if you know the password. There are also web-monitoring programs which can track your child's computer activities and conversations.

Don't ignore it. For years children have been told that ignoring the bully will make him or her stop, but Dr. Susan Lipkins, a bullying specialist, reports that 50 percent of the time the bully will stop when told to. Suggest that your child send the bully an assertive message telling him or her to stop.

Keep the messages. This may sound odd, but if the bullying gets to the point where you are going to press charges or alert the school authorities, you are going to need proof. This includes text messages, e-mails, websites, and instant message records.

Although you should keep the messages, don't leave them in your child's inbox. If the offense is an e-mail or instant message, forward it to your e-mail address or take a screen shot (a picture of the computer screen) by pressing the "Prt Scr" or "Print Screen" key (usually found at the top right of a keyboard); paste it into a blank document. Text messages can be forwarded to your phone, but make a note of the bully's phone number before deleting the message from your child's phone.

Report the bully. If the bullying continues after your child tells the bully to stop, take the next step, whether by filing a complaint to a website director or the school. Cyber bullying is generally a direct violation of the terms of use of a website. You can usually alert the bully's behavior to the website director by going to the "help" section of the site and searching for "report." Typically the bully will be suspended from the site for a certain amount of time.

If bullying is done through the district Internet system, contacting school authorities might be your best option. A school has the ability to give formal discipline to a child and contact the child's parents.

More information on these and other useful tips can be found at stopcyberbullying.org.

Above all, be open with and supportive of your son or daughter. Ask questions and foster a trusting relationship through understanding and guidance.

*In the first ever U.S. federal cyber-bullying case, Drew was convicted for felony conspiracy and three counts of misdemeanor unauthorized computer access. A federal judge has since dismissed the case, acquitting Drew of all charges.

Internet Rules and Tools

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0600

by Ashton Kelley
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: For good or bad, the Internet is a way of modern family life. Navigating the Web safely can be difficult, but with a few rules and tools, it is entirely possible. The Internet has endless resources available at the click of a button. It allows us to do genealogy more efficiently than ever before. It helps us to keep in touch with friends and family, and it even enables us to shop from home!

Still, as with many good things, there are also drawbacks. The Crimes Against Children Research Center has found that one in five U.S. teenagers who regularly log on have been approached by sexual predators via the Web. And we all know about the increased risks of identity theft, the opportunity for cyber bullying, and the number of pornography sites.

But don't lose hope! There are six practical steps you can take to help you guard your family from danger in cyberspace.

Step 1: Get motivated! Before you can set up precautions, you have to know how to navigate your computer and the Internet. You may find that your children know leagues more about your computer than you do. So use this opportunity as a bonding experience and recruit your kids to help!

Step 2: Put safety before trust. Too often parents determine not to monitor their child's Web activity because they want to show trust in their children. There are other ways to do that. When it comes to the Internet, it's not about trust; it's about safety. It may be that your child is being watched by a predator without even knowing it. And, if any irresponsible or illegal activity is occuring on one of the devices you own (including cell phones), it won't be your child who's held accountable for it - it will be whoever owns the technology. If something inappropriate is being viewed on your computer, that Internet service provider (ISP) is probably registered to you.

Just to make it clear how important the issue of security is, consider a scenario. Say your child has a friend over regularly. Though neither you nor your child view anything inappropriate online, the friend has been viewing child pornography in your home. If the content is traced back to your ISP, you will be held responsible. You have no way to prove it was the friend. If for no other reason than keeping your own name off any sort of watchlist, it is crucial to keep an eye on all technological activity in your home.

Step 3: Understand the risks. In a presentation on Internet safety in April 2009, Marsali Hancock, president of the Internet Safety Keepsafe Coalition, discussed three safety touch points involved with online activity.

Contact: Who are your children contacting through the Internet? Are they meeting new friends online? Making friends online doesn't need to be forbidden, but it should be monitored very closely.

Content: Are there any parental controls or filters activated on your systems? If not, guaranteed at some point your children will stumble across offensive pictures or articles. They don't even have to look for it.

Conduct: How are your children behaving online? It is not uncommon for well-behaved children to have a different set of behaviors online. So check in with them frequently about the importance of kindness, on- and off-line.

Step 4: Know what to look for. Protecting your family in the cyberworld is not only about the Internet, but all electronic communication. You'll want to set parental controls on all desktops and laptops, cell phones, games consoles, and iPods with wireless access. Parental controls should be available on all of them, and they should be utilized. The Center for Missing and Exploited Children reports that only one third of U.S. households with Internet access protect their families with filtering or blocking software.

Still, your children can bypass the parental controls on their cell phones. And that Internet access is not monitored! Consider contacting your phone company to have cell phone Internet access blocked.

Step 5: Stay involved. Marsali Hancock also suggests you stay up-to-date with your kids. She warns, "If you're giving your kids privacy online, then everyone in the world knows what your kids are doing online except you." Here are three ways to stay involved:

Keep Current: Put an effort into keeping yourself familiar with whatever Internet involvements your kids have. Do they have Facebook or MySpace accounts? If so, then you need to get one too. What are their favorite websites or chatrooms? Make sure that you are spending time on those sites so that you can know what they're dealing with.

Keep Communicating: When all is said and done, there's only so much monitoring that you can do. It is important to communicate with your children. Help them understand the dangers of Internet activity and let them know what kind of behavior you expect. Also teach them about all of the wonderful resources available, and encourage them to seek out the content that will improve their lives. If they want to find a way around you, they will. So make sure that you're facilitating open communication.

Keep Checking: Do random checks on your child's Internet or cell phone history. They may have come across something accidentally; they may even be getting mean text messages. If so, you'll need to talk to them about what they've seen or read. Checking on them can provide great teaching opportunities.

Step 6: Make it a bonding experience. Make a family experience out of keeping your home safe. Sit down as a family and discuss your concerns. Allow your children to share with you what they hope to get from the Internet, and decide as a group what you want to do about it. Then, when you've come up with some goals as a family, ask your children to help you make it happen. Have them show you parental controls and look some up together. Then have everyone leave the room so that you can set the password. Parental controls are also available for game consoles, iPods, and cell phones.

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