Mormon Life - Inspiration tag

LDS teen tackles paralysis

Wed, 27 Oct 2010 00:31:00 -0600

by Erin Nelson
source: ldsliving.com

Weeks after an accident that left 16-year-old Tyler Schihabel paralyzed from the waist down, thousands have seen his spiritual and physical strength change lives.

Tyler fell 30 feet off a sand dune in Pismo, Calif. on Sept. 5. His chest hit the handlebars of his ATV and pinched his vertebrae, leaving him paralyzed. In that moment on the hillside he realized he couldn’t feel his legs, and with a calm strength, told his brother and friends not “to freak out.”

Days before the accident, the family had bad feelings about the trip with his friends. Tyler kept getting the feeling that something bad was going to happen and now accepts this new challenge as another lesson learned.

“Now I’m pretty good about following the promptings and knowing that everything happens for a reason,” Tyler said.

Tyler and his family firmly believe that this accident happened for a reason, even if understanding why isn’t clear to them now. Shelly, Tyler’s mother, believes that blessings come out of bad things. Even if it is hard for them to see what lies ahead, they are already seeing their family grow stronger together.

Days after the accident a Facebook account and blog were created in honor of Tyler where people could go to donate money towards his therapy. Through this networking, more than 18,000 followers have witnessed Tyler’s testimony and have been touched by his story.

David, Tyler’s father, said they have had hundreds of people post messages about Tyler’s strength and faith. One atheist commented about Tyler’s trial, saying there is a possibility of a God. Inactive ward members are returning to church and people who have waited years to be baptized are taking that step because of Tyler’s strong faith and dedication in what he believes.

Tyler speaks about his accident as something he should learn from and knows that God still loves him.

“In my mind, God didn’t punish me,” he said. “All things test faith and this has not affected my faith.”

For this Calif. teen, doing what he loves is still possible, even when faced with challenges that test his strength, inside and out. Staying physically strong involves hours of physical therapy to keep his upper body in excellent condition. He is learning how to handle his new wheelchair and using only his arms to support his body’s weight. Tyler has joined a wheelchair basketball team and has caught on quickly.

A few weeks ago, a 5K run was held in honor of Tyler to help raise money. More than 500 people showed up to race next to Tyler. He said the warm swelling in his chest and seeing unfamiliar faces is hard to explain. The feeling of support was so overwhelming and Tyler said it was “unbelievable that they would step behind me and help me out.”

Ward members all over Calif. have helped the Schilhabel’s family from the very beginning. Within hours of the accident, wards and stakes came together to support the family in any way they could. David said the cards, fundraisers, websites and reaction from ward members was overwhelming.

Tyler’s understanding of how much Heavenly Father loves him comes with his testimony that he must rely on the Savior for every detail and struggle. When there are days that seem harder and longer, Tyler is learning to allow his Heavenly Father to take what he can’t and help him when he must get up alone.

Tyler’s long-term goals involve serving a mission. One thing Tyler knows for certain is that he will walk again. “I have no doubt that I will accomplish that,” he said. Tyler and his family are working towards that goal by finding a post-therapy that will get him on his legs.

In the meantime, the Schihabel family is looking into setting up a foundation for children that are in Tyler’s situation.

Learning by Heart

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 12:03:00 -0600

by Sarah M. McConkie
source: MormonLife.com

“When I was born, the doctors said I had half a heart,” says Paul Cardall. “And essentially, that was right.”

Paul, who was born with congenital heart defect (CHD), says doctors didn’t know if he had long to live. His tiny heart was missing the tricuspid valve (tricuspid atresia), a vital passageway that carries blood from the right atrium to the right ventricle. Without it, the heart cannot properly oxygenate blood for the rest of the body.

Cardall pulled through: when he was 22 hours old, doctors performed an open-heart surgery that allowed him to live. But everyone knew that his life—however long it would be—would be difficult.

“I knew my heart had problems, and that was always in the back of my mind,” says Cardall. “But my parents used it as a teaching tool. I'd always get priesthood blessings before treatments, and we came to see it as a blessing God gave us.”

Cardall’s childhood was punctuated by constant cardiologist visits and surgeries. By the time he was 15, he’d had a walnut-sized blister removed from his heart, had undergone a Fontan procedure (reconstructive heart surgery that redirects blood directly from the right atrium to the pulmonary arteries), and had a pacemaker installed.

A Song of the Heart

Yet in the midst of all this, Cardall made a discovery: music. The death of a friend left him sad and troubled, but sitting at the family piano brought him solace. The gorgeous melodies he drew from the keys—although he’d only had a few months of piano instruction before quitting several years earlier—amazed his family. It was obvious that he had a gift.

By his late teens, he was playing at Nordstrom’s and at The Roof Restaurant at Temple Square. Everywhere he played, listeners requested CDs of his songs, so he recorded an album. Shortly thereafter, bestselling author Richard Paul Evans heard it and asked him to compose a musical adaptation of The Christmas Box. His career took off from there, and he now has his own recording label, Stone Angel Music. Yet Cardall’s CHD was always lurking somewhere in the background, and his fight was far from over.

In 2009, when Cardall’s health was at its lowest, he released Sacred Piano. Of his 13 albums, he says that one is his favorite. “I put together some of the most meaningful things I had done up to that point, hoping it would be something I could leave behind. It could have been my ‘last lecture’ for everyone I left here.”

Sacred Piano features the song “Gracie’s Theme,” which he wrote in honor of Gracie Gledhill, a little girl who suffered from CHD and died shortly after receiving her own heart transplant. “I was able to play ‘Gracie's Theme’ at her funeral,” says Cardall. “It was a way for me to honor her and all the kids she represents. I think she represents all those children who are called home early.”

Because of the unique nature of his heart defect, Cardall often received treatment in a pediatric unit where he was able to meet many “cardiac kids” like Gracie. “Being in that pediatric unit with so many little babies that had CHD was a beautiful thing. Not all of them make it, whether they get hearts or not, and that’s hard. But being there was truly sacred.”

Cardall isn’t the only one who loves Sacred Piano: earlier this year, Cardall’s “Sweet Escape,” a song from the album, ranked number one on ReverbNation’s global Christian/Gospel music chart.

Tragedy and Triumph

Throughout his musical successes, Cardall continued fighting CHD. Just over two years ago, doctors determined that his health had deteriorated to the point that a transplant was his only hope for long-term survival. His name went on the heart donor list. From there, all the Cardalls could do was wait. His wife, Lynette, and his 4-year-old daughter, Eden, cared for him and prayed for his heart each day—both for his slowly dying heart and for the heart that he would one day receive from a donor.

“My family gathered at one point to give me a blessing, and my dad talked about how 2009 would be a hard year, and how everyone would need to be there for me and Lynette,” says Cardall. “Who would have known that a year later two men in that room—my brother Brian and my grandfather—would have died, and I would still be here?”

In June 2009, the Cardall family unexpectedly lost Paul’s brother, Brian. In response to a bout of abnormal behavior attributed to Brian’s bipolar disorder, Brian had been Tasered by a police officer. Brian died as a result.

“The irony of it,” says Cardall, “was that I had [received] notice that I might not be around much longer, but that Brian died so suddenly, and in a way that could have been prevented had there been more training in the use of a weapon. It made me think about why I’m still here, and what a responsibility that is. I wanted to live for Eden—to see her grow up and be there for her.”

Then, after 385 days on the waiting list, a miracle happened: the Cardalls received word that a suitable donor heart had become available. On September 9, 2009, doctors performed a successful heart transplant. Cardall had beaten the odds again.

Moving Forward

These days, Cardall sees his cardiologist every three weeks and undergoes a heart biopsy every six weeks to ensure that his body doesn’t reject the donated heart. He’ll be on anti-rejection medication for the rest of his life. But his transplanted heart has done exceptionally well. In fact, he was even able to hike Mt. Olympus earlier this summer to commemorate the one-year anniversary of his brother Brian’s death.

Over the course of his illness and recovery, Cardall posted to his blog, mytricuspidatresia.blogspot.com. Many of these blog posts, as well as additional thoughts and reflections on his past, have been compiled into a book entitled Before My Heart Stops. It will be available at Deseret Book on September 9, 2010. The book’s release will mark the one-year anniversary of Cardall’s heart transplant.

“Some people don't need this kind of experience, I think, but I almost wish more people could have an experience like mine. It changes how you think and how you live when you know that your time on earth may be limited.”

Being Teachable

Fri, 01 Oct 2010 00:05:00 -0600

by Elder Robert R. Steuer
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: By being teachable, we activate the full force and blessings of the Atonement in our lives. True disciples of the Master are teachable. In just a few words, Abraham gives us much insight into why he was so greatly blessed. He lived a life “desiring to receive instructions, and to keep the commandments of God.”1 “Desiring to receive instructions” is more than a willingness to listen. When our desire to receive instruction is a greater force than our comfort in remaining as we are, we become teachable.

President Brigham Young taught our “first and foremost duty [is] to seek the Lord until we open the path of communication from God to our own soul.”2 Shortly after his death, the Prophet Joseph Smith appeared in a dream to Brigham Young and instructed him: “Tell the people to be humble and faithful, and be sure to keep the spirit of the Lord and it will lead them right. Be careful and not turn away the small still voice; it will teach them what to do and where to go; it will yield the fruits of the Kingdom.”3

How do we ignite this power of divine instruction in our lives? First, we need to start with a willingness to be instructed. While many naturally hunger and thirst after righteousness, others may be compelled to be humble.4 Some of us, rather than follow instructions or change ourselves, would simply like to change the rules. Naaman certainly wanted to be rid of his leprous flesh but went away in a rage when told by the prophet’s messenger to simply wash seven times in the River Jordan. It was inconvenient, a little thing, and he felt that the rivers in his land were better than the Jordan. But his leprosy was cured as he listened to his servants, changed his mind, and did “according to the saying of the man of God.”5 He was dramatically shown that there was a prophet and a God in Israel. We too must realize that God has governing laws6 and that His wisdom is greater than our own. Even Moses observed, after seeing God’s majesty and workmanship, “Man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed.”7

Second, we need to put ourselves into a proper frame of mind and heart. This comes by prayerful pondering and laboring in the Spirit.8 This labor is real labor. It includes the very active steps of seeking, hearkening, and studying the scriptures. When humbled and stripped of pride, our heart is softened and now we can focus on heavenly counsel and instruction. Lamoni’s father, the powerful Lamanite king, made just that change in focus, even prostrating himself to the earth, demonstrating his great commitment to know God. He declared, “I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at the last day.”

Click here to read the rest of the talk.

Message of Joy

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Jack Rushton
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Life may not be easy for Jack Rushton, but because of his resolve, he has inspired thousands of people with his story of faith and joy. In person, through writing, and through video, Jack uses his story to show that there is always a reason to continue living. Jack was injured in a body surfing accident 20 years ago, when he was 50 years old. While enjoying a beach vacation with his wife, Jo Anne, and their six children in Southern California, he decided to play in the waves with his 16-year-old son. Jack was riding a harmless-looking wave to shore when suddenly it pounded him into the sand, damaging his spinal cord beyond repair. As a result, he is paralyzed from the neck down and is dependent on a respirator.

Jack may be injured in body, but not in spirit. Despite his tragic accident, Jack keeps a positive attitude that many without his trials find difficult to maintain. What is most impressive is that he doesn’t use that attitude purely for his own benefit - he reaches out to others who are struggling and says, "Look, it's good to be alive."

Sharing the Story Through Jack's writing and videos, he has done many people a world of good. Since his YouTube video "It's Good to Be Alive" was posted two years ago, it's had 460,000 views. Viewers regularly write to Jack telling him what his message has meant to them. "Almost every day I get e-mails from people all over the United States, and places like England and New Zealand," he says, "and they are not members of the Church. They are people who have great faith."

Jack's message contains many stories of his life and includes a lot of humor, mostly playful jabs at his situation. "They love the humor. They are blown away that someone in this condition can have a sense of humor about what had happened," Jack says. In one part of his YouTube message, he talks about how he always wanted to be the best at something, but he never was. He said when he became injured, he thought, "You know, maybe I can be the best quadriplegic on a respirator that ever lived." But the next thing he knew, Christopher Reeve became paralyzed. "And I'm in competition with Superman!"

But Jack's fans consider him to be a hero in his own right. He's even saved lives. Jack tells of a time when he received an e-mail from a woman who had been considering suicide. She told Jack that she was in deep depression, but came across his YouTube clip "It's Good to Be Alive" and had to rethink things. "She was so embarrassed with herself that she let herself sink to that level," he says.

Jack says he's been prompted to share his story with others. "I came through [my situation] and felt like I had a message to share with others, that we need to have faith in God, and that it's only through His help that we can make it through this mortal existence. Even though I'm paralyzed and on life support, the quality of my life is so good, and I have a feeling of peace and joy that I never thought I would have. I just feel obligated to share that message."

"It's just overwhelming to me how badly people want hope like this," he continues. "We had no idea that this would happen."

Not a Slam Dunk For the first three or four years, Jack found himself able to function, but not much more. He simply lived and got used to his new way of life - being dependent on others, being dependent on the respirator, and doing all he could to heal. "It was not just a slam dunk," he says. "It took time." Jack recalls that he finally came to grips with what had happened to him, and that this was how he was going to live out the rest of his life. He would have to make the best of it. "I simply could not have done it without the help of the Lord and His spirit in my life. I owe everything to Him. The last fifteen or sixteen years have been really wonderful."

A Wonderful Companion Jack's inspiring story would not be possible if it weren't for his wife. Before the accident, Jack and Jo Anne had already been a very close-knit couple - married for 25 years with six happy children. While their relationship changed when Jack was injured, it was not for the worse. "In many ways, we are much closer to one another than we ever were." Jack says that the accident caused her to make a bigger adjustment than he did. At the time of the accident, she still had children in the house that she had to raise, but she rose to the occasion and shouldered the responsibility of running the household and taking care of Jack. "Her love and support has really kept me alive. She has been a great blessing."

Strength through Trials Jack's inspiring faith has proved a rock in his own family as well as those he has never met. He says, "I do believe that every one of us, at one time or another, will have challenges and obstacles that come into our lives. But if we have faith and are willing to keep the commandments . . . we will be able to overcome the challenges that come into our lives."

Jack concludes by saying that we will all have to make a choice. "Not one of us [can] escape mortality. My challenge is very obvious, but everyone has their own unique challenges that are not as visible as mine. We can either go away from God and lose our faith, or adversity can bring us closer to Him."

Heroes at Heart

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Kate Ensign-Lewis
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Each day regular people around the world wake up, wrangle kids, deal with the stresses of life, and go to bed again. But every once in a while, an otherwise typical person puts on an invisible cape and goes to work giving back to the rest of the human family. These are the stories of five such ordinary people - business owners, homemakers, public servants - who also happen to be doing extraordinary things.

These heroes, like most others, do not have x-ray vision or superhuman strength. They're busy people like the rest of us. They come from all different walks of life. In fact, the most common thing among them is they don't believe they’re anything special - they are just trying to serve the best way they know how.

Succoring Children in Poverty Naranjargal Thompson, Age 37 Homemaker Highlands Ranch, Colorado Falcon Park Ward

During the harsh winters in Mongolia's capital city of Ulaanbaatar, when the temperature regularly drops below -10° F, you're likely to see several children running around in rags. If you opened the sewer grates, you'd find hundreds more - huddled against the pipes in order to keep from freezing. Some of them choose life on the streets to escape abuse and neglect; some are the lost children of nomads, unable to find their families. All of them live with nearly no food and even less tenderness. These are some of the five thousand abandoned street children of Ulaanbaatar, the children Naranjargal (Nara) Thompson strives to help.

"I've worked with them and I've seen their suffering. And then also I've seen resilience. It's just amazing how those children - abandoned, surviving by prostituting and begging - can turn around and smile and be happy," says Nara, her voice full of tenderness. "This is what God is. It's about loving, forgiving, touching, serving."

Her name means "joyful sun" in Mongolian, and a pleasant warmth certainly radiates from this passionate mother of three. "I feel like the things that I have are just too much," she says, "so I should give more, and I should think of others more. If I do not show my love, what is it to me?"

Nara started her "projects" after joining the Church and leaving Mongolia to attend BYU. Following the example her mother had given, Nara found ways to serve the less fortunate, eventually settling on helping children. Her projects got bigger and bigger, until she merged them into Care 4 Kids Worldwide (care4kidsworldwide.org), her foundation. When she's not caring for her three boys, volunteering at their school, or serving in Primary, Nara divides her remaining time among ill children in America, orphans in Ukraine, and street children in Mongolia. But it is with the children in her homeland that Nara's heart most resides.

"Words cannot describe their destitution," she says, explaining that around 90 percent of them are sexually abused and live with disease of some sort. Because they are not technically orphans, these children do not qualify for government aid. And yet, despite being used and rejected, she continually sees their boundless love. For example, when Nara brought food and clothing last August, one four-year-old boy, who accidentally received a clothing package for an older child, refused to let Nara exchange it for clothes that fit - he planned on giving them to his mother when she "found" him. "When we see them suffer, we want to blame - their parents, the government," says Nara. "But they don't! They just shine through."

For now, Nara has found a station where about 60 children can stay and receive food. The ultimate goal is education, but basic needs must first be met - and she relies heavily on others to meet these needs. Valentina Anderson, co-founder of Care 4 Kids and Nara's "right arm," is a particular help to her, as are her supportive husband, parents, and in-laws. "It really boils down to all my friends and family and neighbors - and people I meet on the plane," she says. "It's nothing to do with me; I just know how kids live in poverty and they need things. Even in the United States - it might not be poverty we speak of in Mongolia or Russia, but it could be poverty of loneliness or incurable disease."

"I'm not trying to be an example to others," she continues. "I can't; I have my own faults. I'm just trying to live the gospel so that my children can see it and remember it. I'm an ordinary mother of three young children that loves the gospel and feels fulfilled to serve."

Uplifting Youth with Disabilities Trey Sexton, Age 17 Student Knoxville, Tennessee Farragut Ward

He learned the lesson at just 5 years old: people with disabilities may act differently than others, but that's where the difference ends. Asked by his kindergarten teacher to keep an eye on a classmate with Down syndrome, Trey Sexton played with the boy. "At first he definitely seemed a little different, but getting to know him, he was just a little kid like me."

This memory stirred nearly nine years later when Trey was at a University of Tennessee basketball game with his dad. When a group of people with various disabilities played basketball at halftime, twenty thousand people cheering them on, Trey said to his dad, "I want to do something like this for my Eagle project."

The project, Hoops for Hope, turned out to be more involved than expected. Trey wanted to provide a unique day during which children with Down syndrome would play basketball with their heroes on the UT basketball teams.

Gradually Trey recruited the support he needed. The first people to get on board were Bruce Pearl, head coach for the men's team, and Ken Johnson, director of operations, who were both eager to make the project a success. Trey also worked closely with Kelly Brickey, executive director for the Down Syndrome Awareness Group of East Tennessee. "I was most impressed by the fact that Trey came up with this idea on his own," Kelly says. "We get a lot from people with siblings or family members with Down syndrome, but he didn't personally know anybody with Down syndrome."

Trey also recruited sponsors to set up a scholarship for children with Down syndrome in the Knoxville area, through which the kids could participate in sports and dance programs. Through local businesses and radio stations, Trey was able to raise $10,000.

More than a few times, his dad recalls, "he was told that there was no way he could pull this off; he was just a thirteen-year-old kid." The Boy Scouts of America even initially rejected the plan, saying it was too complex for such a young boy. And yet Trey pulled it off spectacularly.

A wave of appreciative letters, e-mails, and phone calls came in; families said it was one of the best experiences they'd ever had with their children and begged for the opportunity to participate again. "I'd already been thinking it would be cool to try and do again," says Trey. "After getting all that, I knew it could be awesome for them." With commitments from the coaches to keep it an annual event as long as they had the say-so, Trey committed to do it again. The second Hoops for Hope event took place in 2009, with $6,000 raised for the sports scholarship.

Trey will continue to organize Hoops for Hope (hoopsforhopetn.org) until he goes on his mission, at which point his younger sister will take over. He also hopes to introduce the program in the Provo area when he attends BYU, and he'll participate in Tennessee as often as he can. It's just not something he can let go. "Having done this the last two years, any doubt I could have had that people with Down syndrome were different is just gone. They just have so much love to give if you're just willing to be their friend."

The next Hoops for Hope event is set for August 21, 2010.

(Re)Building Smiles Kelly Lineback, Age 47 Dentist Olathe, Kansas Stanley Ward

Teenagers with missing permanent teeth are commonplace on the Caribbean island of Roatan. Its prevalence doesn't make the situation any easier for natives, socially or professionally. It was to this reality that Kelly Lineback first visited the island, hoping to use her dental training to help Roatan islanders.

The vision started with Diana Demke, a friend of Kelly's who lives part-time on the island and always looks for ways to help the branch in Coxen Hole. Diana illustrated the situation for Kelly; together, and with the help of a local woman Kelly knows simply as Nurse Peggy, they were able to arrange for Kelly to come down and do dentistry.

That first year, 2005, it was just Kelly, her family, and the Demkes serving from 7 A.M. to 11 P.M. and stopping for only a few hours in the afternoon. "We were exhausted," says Kelly. It was evident that there were problems just one dentist couldn't address in a month's time, let alone a week, so Kelly set to work sharing her vision with others.

Kelly returned to Roatan with three more people in 2006, including her nephew, who distributed hygiene kits for his Eagle Scout. In her third year, 2008, she brought two more dentists, Sloan Jorgensen and Jacob Laudie, one hygienist, and another Eagle Scout family. This year the project had five dentists, two hygienists, and two Eagle Scouts.

Over the years, other helpers have included the missionaries, who keep the medical records; branch members, who clean the equipment, and the Millsap family, who arranges for everyone on the trip to have a complimentary stay at their resort, Banarama.

The difference just a few years have made is astounding. "You get these kids coming in with their four front teeth completely rotted," says Diana, "and [Kelly] fills those and does beautiful composites, and these kids are thrilled! They have smiles again."

Having just completed a very successful fourth trip in last month, Kelly is hopeful for the future. In past years, "it was almost pick-and-choose with patients. They might have ten things you can do, but we might only choose three, because there's still forty people in line," she says. But this year, with so many professionals, they were able to help hundreds more.

It just goes to show, Kelly says, that "you don't have to be in this big organized group that goes through a humanitarian organization. If you have the desire, you can make a lot of difference on your own."

Strengthening Iraqi Families Joan and Fareed Betros Producer, retired colonel and business developer Greenville, South Carolina Simpsonville Ward

In 2003, Joan Betros took a job to help Iraqi women improve women's and children's television programming. After all, it would give her a rare opportunity to be in the same place as her husband, Fareed, while he was on active duty in the military.

But during one meeting with the women, her real purpose in Iraq became evident. Joan spoke with a woman named Siham about the potential of Iraqi women to heal the nation; Siham just wished they could be more organized. "Madame Betros," she said, "you seem to be organized. Do you have an organizational model we could use?" The question stirred years of memories in which Joan, a long-time visiting teacher, had learned families' needs and given service. She put Siham's hand on her heart and told her she did indeed have a model; if she had permission to share it, she would make sure the women understood it.

"I felt as though I went into Iraq for a professional course," Joan says, "but I came out with a totally different attitude of what I was really there for."

And so, in 2005, Joan and Fareed founded Women for FUTURE (Families United Toward Universal Respect, womenforfuture.org) with a guiding light from Siham: "To heal our nation, you must heal our families, and the women are the key." Using modified versions of the visiting teaching and family home evening models (called "family guide program" and "family unity gatherings," respectively), FUTURE has taught women methods for uplifting the war-torn country from the inside out; after the visits, they report back to supervisors on what families need most - from basic aid to education.

These women have also gotten to participate in FUTURE's Hugs for Healing, which allows Gold Star Mothers (American mothers who have lost a child in the service) to meet with Iraqi women and interact as mothers. "I've found that when women get together and do that, it crosses all borders," says Joan.

The women of Iraq are, little by little, reaching out more into their communities. Some of the biggest changes are those that have happened inside the heart. Fareed says one of the biggest breakthroughs was Sunni, Shiite, and Kurdish women starting to work together. The women are also realizing, he says, "West can meet East - we can learn from them and they can learn from us. We're not there to change them; we're there to help them grow, and honestly, we grow right along with them."

"We're just facilitators with a vision," says Joan. "I'm hoping that we will be there to build the tapestry of the family back together again; that these incredible, powerful women will be able to use their talents, their intellects, their service-oriented natures to make that a better place to live and heal the nation."

--- Shortened from the original version, featured in LDS Living's July/August 2010 issue. Click here to learn more about all the people and causes we featured.

Hope Rising

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Jamie Lawson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: A family tragedy would lead this ordinary housewife down an unexpected path—one that would bring hope and healing to thousands of people half a world away.

Ten years ago Becky Douglas's life changed forever.

Her oldest daughter, Amber, lost her battle with bipolar disorder and took her own life while away at college. As a grieving Douglas sorted through her daughter's belongings, she discovered that Amber had been sending money to India to support an orphan. "I think because she suffered so much she had a real soft spot for others who suffered," Douglas recalls.

In lieu of flowers, the family asked that donations be made to the orphanage; so much money was collected that Douglas was asked to serve on the orphanage's board of directors. "I decided I'd better go to India to see first-hand what was going on," she says.

During her visit, Douglas found the orphanage to be clean and the children well cared for. "They actually had a lot by Indian standards," she says. But while driving through the city of Chennai, between the orphanage and her hotel, she was struck by the intense suffering of the beggars who assailed her car at every stop. Dirty and deformed, some with gaping wounds, these beggars were afflicted with a debilitating disease that Douglas thought was a thing of the past - leprosy.

"It's hard to admit, but it hurt to look at them," she recalls. "The suffering was palpable - I just wanted to turn away."

When Douglas returned home, she couldn't sleep. She kept seeing the image of one leprosy-affected woman, a young mother, who had crawled toward her car in Chennai. As Douglas rolled down the window to make sure their car wouldn't harm the woman as they pulled away, their eyes met. Those anguished eyes haunted Douglas, and she finally resolved that she would try to do something to help that woman. "I didn't even know where to start, but I had to do something."

She called four close friends, and together they created Rising Star Outreach, a nonprofit organization dedicated to serving leprosy victims in India and their children, who live with them in the leprosy colonies. But as the charity began to take shape and Douglas began to educate herself about the disease, she learned that in India people afflicted with leprosy lost much more than their health - they were treated as "untouchables," disowned by family members, and cast out of society because of the cultural stigma associated with the disease.

"Leprosy is considered to be the worst curse God can give a man," Douglas says. "It's a common belief that if you have this disease, you're being punished for a sin you committed in this life or a previous one."

Despite the fact that leprosy is curable and easily treated (in fact, the Indian government offers treatment free of charge), those afflicted with the disease are often too ashamed and afraid to seek treatment. They've been forced to abandon life as they know it to live in leprosy colonies on the outskirts of civilization and beg on the streets for survival.

To help leprosy victims and their families as much as possible, Douglas eventually determined that Rising Star Outreach needed to take a three-pronged approach: provide mobile medical care for people living in the colonies, create a safe learning environment for the children of leprosy patients, and offer micro business loans to help leprosy-affected individuals become self-sufficient. This formula has had great success, thanks in large part to the selfless volunteers who come from around the world to serve with Rising Star. "It will be the hardest work you've ever done, but when our volunteers come back, they feel like they have the power to change the world," Douglas says.

Mobile Medical Care Due to lack of resources and terrible living conditions, leprosy victims are often forced to use crude instruments in unsanitary conditions to treat their sores. But Rising Star is changing that by giving patients access to clean bandages and medications through its mobile medical clinic. A medical team makes visits to the leprosy colonies several times each month to properly care for wounds, treat other diseases such as tuberculosis and diabetes, and screen people for the beginning stages of leprosy. "If caught early on, a person can avoid any physical signs that he or she was ever afflicted with leprosy," Douglas says.

Volunteers also help leprosy patients care for their injuries. "Patients will sit on chairs while our volunteers wash their hands and feet," Douglas explains. "Leprosy patients don't have feeling in their extremities, so they often injure themselves, causing open sores or ulcers. Leprosy-affected people are treated as untouchables, but caring for their wounds requires a lot of touching," she continues. "There is a power to heal that is born from love and from touch."

Education Even if they are disease-free, the children of leprosy victims are also branded by the stigma and are forced to become street beggars like their parents. And because leprosy has a genetic aspect - only people with a positive component are susceptible to the disease - children of leprosy patients are in grave danger of contracting leprosy themselves. "Long-term exposure and poor living conditions put colony kids at much greater risk for developing leprosy," Douglas says.

But by providing colony kids a separate place to live and go to school, giving them nutritious meals, and teaching them proper hygiene, Rising Star Outreach has greatly reduced that risk. In addition, "the children at our schools learn computer skills and are taught English, which helps ensure their success in the future," Douglas says. "Indian companies will not hire them, but international companies don't care about the leprosy stigma. We're determined to take our kids and putting them at the top of Indian society by helping them become competitive in the international job market."

According to Douglas, there are almost two hundred children in Rising Star's elementary and secondary schools.

Micro Businesses For leprosy victims, street begging seems like their only option for survival. But thanks to Rising Star Outreach and their partnership with Padma Venkataraman, a well-known activist and daughter of a former Indian president, thousands of leprosy victims who were once beggars have been able to receive micro loans to build their own businesses.

"Business is a great vehicle to eliminate stigma and prejudice," says Douglas. "The stigmas kind of melt away when both parties are benefiting." As the micro loans are repaid, the money is loaned again to other families, giving even more leprosy patients the opportunity to enjoy a new way of life.

"Sadly, when you beg on the streets, the worse you look the more money you make," says Douglas. "It makes leprosy victims want to be the worst they can be. But when they start their micro businesses, they begin cleaning themselves up. The transformation, both inside and outside, is amazing."

*** What started as Becky Douglas's determination to continue her daughter's legacy of giving has turned into a thriving organization that is successfully breaking the tragic cycle of leprosy in India. "We've been invited to open up facilities in nearly every state in the country," she says. "It just goes to show that if you take the first step, God brings the world to you and you can do amazing things. Everyone can make a big difference."

To date Rising Star Outreach has helped more than twenty thousand people. Visit risingstaroutreach.org to learn how you can volunteer in India or help in another way.

--- Stay tuned on LDSLiving.com over August and September as Jamie Lawson documents her experiences of living and working alongside the leprosy victims of Rising Star Outreach.

The Blessings of General Conference

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Paul V. Johnson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Decide now to make general conference a priority in your life. Decide to listen carefully and follow the teachings that are given. It is a sacred responsibility to address you in this general priesthood meeting. I always look forward to attending these priesthood sessions with my sons. I have great memories of sitting by them in our stake center as we listened to the teachings of the General Authorities. These meetings made a difference in my life when I was a young man, and they continue to make a difference in my life now. I know they have been an influence on my sons and on millions of Aaronic Priesthood holders around the world.

I speak to you Aaronic Priesthood holders tonight. We live in an exciting and wonderful time. The fulness of the gospel has been restored and is spreading across the earth. The keys of the priesthood are on the earth, and saving ordinances are available to those worthy of them. There are millions of good people on the earth striving to do what is right in their lives and in their families and in their communities.

This wonderful time in which we live is also filled with peril. You live in challenging times where many temptations and dangers await you. You have already been exposed to some of those temptations and dangers. You may have even seen individuals whose lives have been damaged by succumbing to some of the evils so prevalent in the world.

How can you, as an Aaronic Priesthood holder, be safe in these challenging times so you can fully do your part in this great work and find true happiness in this life and the life to come?

It is not surprising that in the face of tremendous evil and temptation the Lord does not leave us to find our way on our own. In fact, there is more than enough guidance available to each of us if we will listen. You have received the gift of the Holy Ghost to direct and inspire you. You have the scriptures, parents, Church leaders and teachers. You also have the words of the prophets, seers, and revelators who live in our day. There is so much guidance and direction available that you won't make major mistakes in your life unless you consciously ignore the guidance you receive.

Tonight I would like to focus on one of these sources of guidance--the living prophets, seers, and revelators that we sustained today. In fact, I would like to focus on one of the main ways we get direction from them--general conference.

Conferences have been part of the Church since the beginning of this dispensation. The first conference was held just two months after the Church was organized. We meet twice a year to be instructed by the General Authorities and general officers of the Church. The proceedings of these conferences are available through various means, both print and electronic.

My mother loved general conference. She always tuned in the radio and TV and turned the volume loud enough that it was difficult to find a place in the house where conference couldn't be heard. She wanted her children to listen to the talks and would ask us from time to time what we remembered. Once in a while I went outside with one of my brothers to play ball during a Saturday conference session. We would take a radio with us because we knew our mother might quiz us later. We would play ball and occasionally take a break to listen carefully so we could report to Mom. I doubt my mother was fooled when we both happened to remember the same thing from an entire session.

That is no way to listen to conference. I have since repented. I have grown to love general conference, I'm sure partly because of my mother's love for the words of the living prophets. I remember listening to the sessions of a particular conference all alone in an apartment while I was in college. The Holy Ghost witnessed to my soul that Harold B. Lee, the President of the Church at that time, was truly a prophet of God. This happened before I went into the mission field, and I was excited to testify of a living prophet because I had come to know for myself. I have had that same witness about each of the prophets since that time.

When I was in the mission field, the Church didn't have the satellite system, and the country where I served did not have broadcasts of general conference. My mother sent me audiotapes of the sessions, and I listened to them over and over again. I grew to love the voices and the words of the prophets and apostles.

Recently I was reading the journal of my great-grandfather, Nathaniel Hodges, who was called on a mission to England in 1883. He told of coming to Salt Lake City to be set apart for his mission and attending conference while he was there. Listen to his description of that conference: "Went to meetings in large Tabernacle all day. There were splendid instructions given. The remarks of Joseph F Smith and George Q Cannon and President John Taylor were particularly powerful. I heard some of the oldest inhabitants say they never attended a more powerful and Spiritual Conference."

I think the members of the Church have similar feelings about each general conference. It seems that each is more powerful and spiritual than the last.

In order for the messages of general conference to change our lives, we need to be willing to follow the counsel we hear. The Lord explained in a revelation to the Prophet Joseph Smith "that when ye are assembled together ye shall instruct and edify each other, that ye may know ... how to act upon the points of my law and commandment." But knowing "how to act" isn't enough. The Lord in the next verse said, "Ye shall bind yourselves to act in all holiness before me." This willingness to take action on what we have learned opens the doors for marvelous blessings.

A year ago in the priesthood session of conference President Hinckley spoke about the dangers of pornography. I don't think I've heard a more direct prophetic warning to members of the priesthood. You young brothers who listened and heeded his words have already been blessed and will be blessed more than you can now understand. Your future family will reap great blessings because of your obedience. Imagine how the world would be impacted if every priesthood holder blocked pornography from his life in response to the prophet's counsel.

Every time we are obedient to the words of the prophets and apostles we reap great blessings. We receive more blessings than we can understand at the time, and we continue to receive blessings long after our initial decision to be obedient.

On the day the Church was organized, Joseph Smith received a revelation that included an important principle for all Church members. Speaking to the Church about Joseph Smith the Lord said, "Thou shalt give heed unto all his words and commandments which he shall give unto you ... for his word ye shall receive, as if from mine own mouth."

Now listen to the blessings promised to those who heed: "For by doing these things the gates of hell shall not prevail against you; yea, and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good."

Those are powerful promises that can keep us safe in these treacherous times. We need them, and the Lord will give them to each of us if we are willing to follow the prophets, seers, and revelators.

Decide now to make general conference a priority in your life. Decide to listen carefully and follow the teachings that are given. Listen to or read the talks more than once to better understand and follow the counsel. By doing these things, the gates of hell will not prevail against you, the powers of darkness will be dispersed from before you, and the heavens will shake for your good.

I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and has a perfect plan for His children. I know that Jesus is the Christ and that He lives. I testify that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored to the earth. We have true prophets, seers, and revelators on the earth today who have "the words of eternal life." To this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Just Keep Trying!

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Merrilee Boyack
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: The storms of life can be overwhelming spiritually, emotionally, and physically. But do you simply throw up your hands and hold your breath until the sun comes out? I've found that in trying times, it's best to just keep trying! Life sometimes feels like being in a riptide, those powerful currents that run underneath the ocean. If you're in one and you try to swim directly to shore, the riptide will drag you back out to sea. As you continue to try to make forward progress, it will sap your strength. Many people have died trying to make it to the shore in a riptide. The key to surviving is to swim parallel to the beach until you find a safe area where there is no riptide.

During difficult times in our lives, we swim sideways, hoping that the powerful forces that are buffeting us will slow down so we can make some forward progress again. Some days we're swimming strongly, some days we're just doggy-paddling along, and some days, we just float, trying to keep our heads above water. We just do what we can.

Do we curl up in bed and pull the covers over our head? Do we give up?

No!

In trying times, you just keep trying!

Choosing to Be Positive When faced with challenges, each of us has a choice presented to us: we can choose whether we will be weak or strong. It's interesting to ponder that choice.

I think it takes a lot of emotional energy to be weak. To be miserable and sad and depressed and discouraged and fearful takes a lot of work! Think of all the emotional energy that goes into those choices. It's pretty significant. Now consider how much emotional energy it takes to be strong. It takes effort to be strong and courageous and positive and brave, but I would contend that it takes less energy than choosing to be weak.

During my own fights in the last while, most recently with breast cancer, I knew I wanted to choose to be strong, but my choice was tested on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. I knew it was the right choice and the best choice for me, but it was certainly not an easy one.

I have come to look upon trials and tribulations for what they really are: strengthening opportunities. Doesn't that change how trials feel? Our challenges are tremendous opportunities to choose strength and to grow stronger as we do so.

So as we experience these "strengthening opportunities," what attitude should we choose?

Be of Good Cheer I like to take a long walk each morning and pray--it's a transforming experience for me--and even on the darkest days, I would make myself smile and say, "I am cheerful! I am happy! I am choosing to be positive!" Some days I said it through tears and pain. Many days. But each day I tried to choose to be cheerful, and that simple choice made an amazing difference.

One Sunday I was at church, conducting Relief Society. I was sporting an especially stylish cream-colored hat and looking pretty snappy, even if I was in a fog of chemotherapy. After the lesson, a woman came up to me and said, "Sister, I want to see your hair under your hat!"

I replied, "Oh, sister, I don't have any hair. I'm bald."

She seemed rather confused by that for a moment, even thought I had told her I was in chemo. "No, I want to see under your hat!"

I kept smiling. "Uh, sister, there's nothing under there."

But she was insistent and asked a third time.

So I lifted up my hat, and she gasped. "Sister! You are bald like a baby's bottom!"

I chuckled and said, "Yup, that's the truth."

She peered into my eyes and asked me, "But how can you be so happy and positive? You have no hair and you are sick. How can you be smiling?"

It was a moment when time stood still. I looked back into her eyes and said, "It's just hair. It will grow back. Every day I am faced with a choice. I can choose to be miserable and depressed, or I can choose to be cheerful and positive. I choose to be positive."

I can testify of the power of that choice. And when I was going through major chemical treatments, that choice was physically lifesaving. I would bound into my chemo treatments sporting my colorful Survivor buff of the week, the TV show's logo blazoned on the front. I would smile and laugh and chat with the other patients as we all sat hooked up to our IV's that were dripping liquid poisons into us. Bringing a positive attitude with me to my treatments made all the difference. Those who were negative and complained seemed to be suffering more than those who were willing to smile.

Choosing to Learn and Grow Many years ago, I was teaching Sunday School, and I asked the class to raise their hands if they had experienced a major adversity in their lives. Almost every hand went up. Then I asked, "How many of you would give up that experience?" All the same hands went back up--with enthusiasm. Oops! I realized I had asked the wrong question! "How many of you would give up all the learning that you gained from that experience?" The hands all went back down.

No one is thrilled over experiencing trying times. I doubt any of us have prayed to request trials and tribulations to come into our lives. But when they do come, they invariably bring blessings with them--if we let them.

Certainly we can endure trying times and not gain the benefit or understanding that is available to us. To obtain the full "good" from the experience requires a choice on our part. We must choose to approach these strengthening opportunities with an open mind of looking for learning.

I love this quote by Ronald E. Osborn: "Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow."

As we face trying times in our lives, we need to realize that within them are found great opportunities for growth that we could experience in no other way. We will find out what we're made of. So just keep trying!

--- Merrilee Boyack is an estate-planning attorney who conducts her law practice from home. She is also a professional lecturer, featured for many years at BYU Education Week. She and her husband, Steve, reside in Poway, California, and have four sons. Merrilee is the author of several books and talks, including Strangling Your Husband Is Not an Option; Toss the Guilt and Catch the Joy; and her most recent, In Trying Times, Just Keep Trying, from which this article is adapted. Now available at Deseret Book.

FHE: Inspiration

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:00:00 -0700

by Shauna Gibby
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "The invitation to ask, seek, and knock for divine direction exists because God lives and Jesus is the living Christ." - Russell M. Nelson Conference Talk: For more information on this topic read "Ask, Seek, Knock," by Russell M. Nelson, Ensign, Nov 2009, 81-84.

Thought: Every Latter-day Saint may merit personal revelation. The invitation to ask, seek, and knock for divine direction exists because God lives and Jesus is the living Christ. (Russell M. Nelson, "Ask, Seek, Knock," Ensign, Nov 2009, 81-84.)

Song: "Tell Me Dear Lord," Children's Songbook, p. 176.

Scripture: For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have. (2 Nephi 28:30)

Object Lesson: Objective: To demonstrate the effect of personal inspiration in our lives.

Materials needed: An alarm clock.

Procedure: Display the alarm clock. Ask the class if they ever lie in bed and, without looking at the clock, know that the alarm is about ready to go off? Point out that those instinctive feelings can be very strong.

Draw a parallel between this and personal inspiration we receive. Explain that we can be prompted or inspired to say or do things without prior thought. The feelings can be just as strong as the intuitive knowledge that the alarm clock is due to go off.

(Beth Lefgren and Jennifer Jackson, More Power Tools for Teaching, [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1991], p. 38.)

Story: In October of 1984, I returned from an assignment out of the state, arriving home at perhaps eight P.M. I discovered that an urgent telephone call had come from the mother and father of a young woman whose husband had been diagnosed as having a tumor on his brain. At the time he was a patient in the University Hospital. A blessing had been requested at my convenience.

My first inclination was to visit the hospital the next day, but then a prompting came ever so subtly that I should go to the hospital that very evening. Frances and I then drove through the winter snow to the University Hospital, where I was welcomed warmly by the young couple, and a blessing was provided.

As we left the hospital at about nine P.M., I paused at the exit when the thought entered my mind, "I wonder if my friend Hyrum Adams is still a patient here? It has been some months since I was here at the hospital giving him a blessing. Surely he would be discharged by now." The thought persisted, however, and after some difficulty, a custodian showed me to the switchboard area, where I inquired if Hyrum were still a patient. I was advised that indeed he was. After a difficult period of searching, I located the wing in which his room was situated. As we approached the door to his room, and knowing that Hyrum was terminally ill with cancer, I felt that perhaps I would enter into a room of pain and quiet. Upon opening the door, however, I found just the opposite. Assembled around Hyrum's bedside were three of his sons and a son-in-law. Hyrum was in his bed in a half-lying, half-sitting position. A string extended from one corner of the room to another, from which were suspended perhaps a dozen birthday cards. On a table was a lovely birthday cake with the inscription "Happy Birthday, Dad."

Hyrum recognized me, and a great smile came over his face as he exclaimed, "Brother Monson, my friend! How in the world did you know it was my birthday?" Of course I did not know prior to entering the room that it was his birthday. I mentioned to him that the Spirit of the Lord had directed me to his bedside, and surely we should acknowledge the kindness of our Heavenly Father and provide a blessing. Hyrum's fine sons and son-in-law joined me as we surrounded Hyrum Adams and gave him a priesthood blessing.

Before leaving the room, I sang in quiet tones the traditional "Happy birthday to you," embraced Hyrum warmly, and waved good-bye. This was the last time in mortality I was to see my longtime friend. He died a month later.

At his funeral service, I recounted this special experience and mentioned to the family that surely He who notes the fall of the sparrow had noted, with great impact, that twilight of Hyrum Adams' mortal life and had provided a moment of true inspiration for all of us who were in his room that special birthday evening.

(Thomas S. Monson, Inspiring Experiences That Build Faith: From the Life and Ministry of Thomas S. Monson, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1994].)

Activity: Play "Hot or Cold." Everyone leaves the room except for one person, who hides a small object, such as a coin, key, or thimble. Most of the object needs to be in plain sight. The rest of the family then returns to the room and searches for the object. When someone spots the object, he or she sits down and yells out some prearranged comment such as "Hot dog," or "I know where it is." The rest of the family continues to hunt until everyone has found the object.

If the object is difficult to find, the players can ask for help. The person who hid the object then tells the players, based on how close they are to the object, whether they are hot or cold. The closer they are to the object, the hotter they are. The one helping can use words such as "You are in the deep freeze," or "You are getting warmer," or "You are burning up."

When everyone has found the hidden object, the person who found it first gets to hide it, and the game continues.

Application: Sometimes we can solve problems by ourselves, but many times we need to listen for the direction of the Holy Ghost.

(Max H. Molgard and Allan K. Burgess, The Best of Fun for Family Night, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2003], p. 36.)

Refreshment Chocolate Caramel Bars

1 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 cups old-fashioned oats
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted
1 (14-ounce) bag caramels (48)
1/2 cup whipping cream
1 (12-ounce) package milk chocolate chips

In a large bowl combine first 6 ingredients to form a crumbly mixture. Unwrap caramels (let kids help). Melt caramels and whipping cream in a saucepan over low heat. Sprinkle half of crumbly mixture into a greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake at 350° F. for 10 to 15 minutes. Sprinkle chocolate chips over baked mixture and top with melted caramel mixture. Sprinkle remaining crumbly mixture on top. Bake at 350° F. for 15 minutes. Make a day ahead or several hours ahead to allow time for caramel to set. Makes 2 dozen bars.

(Julie Badger Jensen, The Essential Mormon Cookbook, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2004], p. 133.)

Click here to download the PDF version of this lesson.

Asking for Change

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:00:00 -0700

by Wendy Watson Nelson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Questions can be powerful! They can help us to see, feel, think, and do things differently. In fact, I have found that one of the most effective ways to change your life is to simply change the questions you ask yourself, your friends, and the Lord. I love questions! I love their ability to help us focus, to see things we've never seen before. The right questions can help us to understand things we've never understood, to think things we've never thought, and to have the courage to do things we've never had the courage to do. But not all questions are created equal. The kinds of questions you ask can either help you change your life for the better or ensure that you stay firmly stuck in a rut.

Let's consider the troublemaking question that begins, "Why am I so . . . ?" and ends with any number of self-demoralizing or sabotaging words or phrases. Most of us don't need much help writing a negative kind of question, do we?

Ask yourself, Is there a troublemaking question in my life that sneaks up on me and begins with "Why am I so . . . ?" Now, think about the influence that question is having on you, your life, and your relationships. Are you ready for some change?

Consider some alternative questions that can actually free your mind and heart and get you moving forward with your life. Focus on that same troublesome situation and ask yourself, How is that situation a problem for me? Answers to these questions help uncover the real problem. Go ahead - apply them to your situation. Can you feel some of your irritation, sadness, and frustration falling away? Same situation. Different questions. Different results.

The Hook Questions can linger in our hearts and in our minds in very useful ways, all the while inviting us to see things we haven't before. Have you ever noticed that question marks are shaped like hooks? That's because questions come with that little hook at the end; they hook thoughts and feelings and possible actions. One question can pull all of that into your heart and mind. That's a pretty powerful hook! And those thoughts, feelings, and actions that are drawn out work either for us or against us.

How can we use the connection between questions we ask and the resulting thoughts, feelings, and actions for our good? How can we change our questions, and therefore change how we think and feel about a situation, and therefore change what we can do?

Let's start by talking about solution-seeking questions. What kinds of questions can help you find solutions? Think about a difficult situation you are presently in. It's been tough slogging for a really long time - longer than you ever imagined. You continually try to make the situation better, and nothing seems to change. You feel discouraged. What happens to your mind and your heart when you "try on" the following question: "What can I do to learn from this difficult experience?"

This question can be extremely useful as we continue to discover that our timing is not the Lord's timing. When we wish that something would end, and yet it doesn't, asking this question can help us continue to put one faith-filled footstep in front of the other. To see some things we haven't seen. To be encouraged to try some new things so we can learn what there is to learn. To pray to know what the lessons are.

Three Kinds of Questions Now and then, we realize we've become disconnected from life - from the people and activities that are important to us - and we may not know why. Questions can be a great way to reconnect and move forward with these relationships. Specifically, there are three kinds of questions that can increase our ability to see things previously unseen. These kinds of questions can change our conversations with others, dramatically change our understanding of others, and even change their understanding of themselves. These questions can gather information and introduce information simultaneously. That's what makes them so effective.

Difference Questions Difference questions are based upon the idea that difference is information. For example, we know that something is cold because something else is hot. These kinds of questions explore differences between people, relationships, and situations. They use words such as "most," "least," "best," or "worst." Let's consider an example.

To a daughter whose father has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, a helpful difference question might be, "Are you more concerned about your mom or your dad since your father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's?" Now, that question might not just gather information, it may also introduce new information. The question might help the daughter think about something she hasn't yet considered. For example, with all the upheaval surrounding her father's diagnosis, the daughter may have been so focused on her father that she may have forgotten entirely about what might be happening with her mother as a result of the diagnosis. Can you see how asking just one question can trigger some great thinking and conversations?

Behavioral Effect Questions Just as the name suggests, behavioral effect questions explore the effect of one's behavior on thoughts and feelings and other behaviors. To a friend whose son has not been coming home on time, you may want to ask, "When your son comes home late, what thoughts do you have?" This simple question can invite your friend to explore the effect her son's behavior has on her thoughts. For example, does she tell herself that she is a bad mother? What fears arise in her mind? All of that can be explored by having her respond to just one question.

A behavioral effect question can also be posed to explore the effect of someone's behavior on his or her own thoughts, feelings, and actions. For example, here are some behavioral effect questions that might be asked of a person who is stuck in a vicious cycle of irresponsible eating and weight gain: "When you find yourself eating in a manner that guarantees you will gain weight, just after you have a made a pledge to eat healthily, what do you tell yourself? How do you feel? What do you do then?"

What If Questions The what if question invites exploration of possibilities, alternative actions, or meanings. It invites us to think of things that haven't happened yet, but could.

Let's consider an example. To a woman whose husband has lost his job, a what if question might be: "If your husband were to find a job tomorrow, is there anything about the situation that would concern you?" This is an unexpected question, as most women would be happy to have their husbands find new employment. But perhaps there are some things - about the new job or about having her husband away after enjoying him being home - that would be useful for this woman to think about and acknowledge.

What if questions can be useful to invite people to think of alternative outcomes of a situation. Also, when someone is so certain that a particular action means one thing, helping them to consider another view of the situation can open their mind to another possible meaning for the very same behavior and can be helpful. Don't let the what ifs inspire fear - let them enlighten you so that you know how to deal with a potential situation.

More than anything else, I want you to recognize that learning to ask meaningful questions really can change your life. This was never better exemplified than when a young, fourteen-year-old boy accepted the familiar invitation from James - "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God" - and decided to ask God which church he should join. That single question not only changed his life forever but also changed the world. Truly, questions can be powerful agents of change. So go ahead - start asking for change in your life!

--- Wendy L. Watson Nelson holds a PhD in family therapy and gerontology. Prior to her marriage to Elder Russell M. Nelson on April 6, 2006, Wendy had been a professor of marriage and family therapy for twenty-five years. She taught at the University of Calgary in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and at Brigham Young University. She is the author of several books, including her new book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, from which this article is adapted. Now available at Deseret Book.

Worth the Effort

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0600

by Elia Gourgouris
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Many of us have been reminded that love is the most significant word in the first two commandments. First we are to love God and then we are to love our neighbors. We have also been reminded that the second commandment does not end with loving everyone else because it says, “…as thyself.” But why would that last statement be included? Over the years I have witnessed many people serving others constantly, and they only realize later that they feel depleted, depressed, and even resentful. Loving ourselves does not mean being self-indulgent, oblivious to the needs of those around us. It simply means putting "gas in our tank" in order to build a sense of self-worth and proceed productively and happily with our mortal existence.

Comparison

There are four aspects of loving ourselves, or showing self-compassion, that I've found to be the most beneficial. The first has to do with a "forgotten" commandment: Thou shalt not compare. Every time we compare we make a judgment: either we're better than others or they're better than us. Typically men compare in order to come out on top, thinking of how they're better off than others.

On the other hand, when women make comparisons, they usually end up feeling like others are better. "She's a better mom, cook, homemaker, scriptorian," and so on. In my twenty years of professional experience, I've found that every woman has the capacity to lament her abilities; even "Sister Smith," who arrives at church fifteen minutes early with her eight behaved children, can be found lamenting the fact that her mother did it better with fourteen children.

Only one comparison avoids this unpleasant and self-defeating predicament: comparing ourselves to ourselves. How does this work? Look at your life now, and compare it to last year, five years ago, or even twenty years ago, in some vital areas: spiritual, physical, emotional, relational, financial, etc. Then the question to ask yourself is, how am I doing? If the answer is that, overall, you're doing better in one of these areas now than in the past, is that a prideful statement? Actually no, it's a factual statement, so give yourself some credit and acknowledge that improvement! Saying something positive to yourself from time to time is like putting gas in the tank.

What if you were actually better at something twenty years ago than you are now? The first follow-up question should be, is this still a priority? For example, I weigh more in my forties than I did as a teen; is that a result of a change in priorities? No, it's just how life goes. Yet I still make those comparisons and beat myself up. Then, let's say I was more diligent in my prayers and scripture study ten years ago than I am now, four kids later. In this case however, spiritual nourishment is a priority in my life. So the question becomes, what will I do about it? Rather than beat myself up for not being good enough, I need to figure out what I am willing to do to get back on track.

Avoiding comparisons and then clarifying our priorities and creating a specific plan of action is one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves. As we do it consistently, others around us will notice and we can become an inspiration for them as well.

Perfectionism

The second aspect of becoming more loving toward ourselves has to do with the "sin of perfectionism." Most of us have become confused about what it means to become perfected. Elder Russell M. Nelson gave a wonderful talk in 1995 called "Perfection Pending" in which he discussed this topic. He said that the word telios, from the original Greek Bible, was misinterpreted as "perfect" in the English Bible. In fact, it means to become completed, not perfected. Now I'm not an expert in the scriptures, but I do know my Greek. Elder Nelson was right.

After all we can do, we still need the Savior to complete us. Understanding this relieves the pressure for perfection. We know that God gives us weaknesses to humble us, and after we humble ourselves, weaknesses can become strengths. So you see, He will continue to give us weaknesses, but only so we can become stronger.

We're not meant to be perfect, but if we don't follow the program, our weaknesses will remain weaknesses. We'll simply be imperfect and weak. Additionally we usually tend to hide or avoid dealing with our weaknesses. I did it for twenty years!

I was painfully shy growing up, and it got worse after we moved from Greece to the United States. I hated that I sounded different, so speaking in front of people was extremely painful. It went far beyond the anxiety most people feel, and I managed to get to graduate school without doing any presentations.

It was in graduate school when I was introduced to the gospel. The only obstacle to my baptism was that I knew Church members were regularly asked to speak. Eventually the missionaries promised me that I would never have to speak. But the Sunday after my baptism, Fast Sunday, the stake president asked me to share my testimony in front of 250 people. After the bishop finished his testimony and opened the floor, I literally ran down the center of the aisle and got to the podium.

I was in my mid-twenties and had never spoken to a group larger than four people. Miraculously I received so much positive feedback that it changed my whole outlook on public speaking. My biggest weakness has become one of my biggest strengths.

Embracing rather than avoiding our weaknesses will not only make us better people but will also give us the confidence we need to achieve our eternal potential.

Perspective: Basement or Penthouse?

How we view circumstances and life's events encompasses the third aspect of learning to be more loving. So what is the "basement perspective"? That's when we feel trapped, meaning there are no doors, windows, or exit signs - just darkness. We often go to the basement when we feel like there's no way out of our problems.

On the other hand, the "penthouse perspective" finds us at the top. We have a great view, with lots of options and lots of light. There's hope for solutions, and we have the type of resolve that says, no matter how difficult the circumstances, an open mind and a willing heart make anything possible.

Now we all go to the basement from time to time. The main point, however, is how long we stay there and how we get out. So here's the goal: If you are a person who sets up a permanent camp in the basement, you can try to occasionally get out and see the light. If you go and stay for weeks, maybe you can reduce it to a few days, and so on.

As for getting out of the basement, imagine you're in an elevator and the button says B, for basement. Mentally push P (as in penthouse). The P button represents the quickest way up the elevator. In reality, P stands for prayer. There's no better way to escape from the hopelessness of the basement mentality. We may not necessarily find a solution to our pressing problems, but our perspective will certainly change. It gives us an eternal view of our temporary circumstances.

Optimist or Pessimist

The fourth aspect of becoming more loving has to do with becoming more optimistic. So what is the real difference between seeing the glass half empty and the glass half full in life? The optimist wakes up every morning, looks out the window, and expresses gratitude. The pessimist wakes up the same morning, looks out the same window, and dreads the day ahead. Clearly nothing bad has transpired just yet, but there's lament for the new day.

The day begins and both are wearing their expectations on their sleeves. Everything that will take place during the day will be viewed through their unique lenses. For instance, both people get a flat tire on the way to work as they're exiting the freeway. The optimist is grateful because the flat happened as the car was slowing down and not while it was traveling on the freeway at seventy miles per hour. The pessimist pulls over at the same freeway exit, and thinks, "Why do these things always happen to me . . . now I'll be late for work, and my boss will probably fire me."

The quickest way to turn pessimism on its head is to change the questions we ask ourselves. Begin by monitoring what questions you're already asking. If it falls in the category of, "What's wrong with my life, my kids, my bishop, my spouse?" you'll get very long responses. Negativity rules.

Instead ask, "What am I grateful for?" or "What do I admire about my spouse?" The brain can't help but answer questions. Eventually, your brain will be swimming in endorphins, and feelings of optimism will abound. The beginning of change really could be that simple.

So there you have it: a future where you follow the second commandment to a T. Embracing your weaknesses, a broader perspective, and an optimistic view, all in the absence of comparisons, will literally transform your life! You'll like the result. I promise.

Anything but Ordinary

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:00:00 -0600

by James N. Kimball and Kent Miles
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Throughout the world, LDS women are quietly inspiring others, doing their best to live the gospel while negotiating the waters of modern-day life. What would it be like to discover each of their stories? All would no doubt include challenge, strength, heartache, and inspiration. While each LDS woman has unique talents and life circumstances, they all have a common thread of service and faith that transcends culture, language, and background. With that, here are glimpses at the stories of four "ordinary" women living extraordinary lives. Tsobinar Tadevosyan Gulag Survivor, Teacher | Yerevan, Armenia

I was born on July 6, 1930, in Tbilisi, Georgia. Both my parents were Armenian. They were survivors of the genocide of 1915 in Turkey.

In Georgia, in 1949, the KGB started arresting Armenian families. All the intelligent, educated people were being arrested. They just disappeared. It was happening all around us. And every day, when we'd see someone we knew, we'd give each other hugs and start crying. We were so happy that we were still there, that we had not been sent to prison.

I had not met my husband yet, but on June 14, 1949, the KGB arrested his family. They were arresting whole families and sending them to Siberia. It was not a prison, but a forced relocation. Those who resisted were arrested and taken to the KGB building in Tbilisi. There were trials, beatings, killings, and disappearances.

My brother knew that they would eventually arrest him. He said if we didn't do anything, we couldn’t change anything. He decided to print brochures warning people to be careful. He denounced what the KGB and the government were doing, crying out that it was not right. In the mornings and late at night he would post these brochures on walls around the neighborhood. After that he started going to theaters and cinemas. In the middle of the show he'd throw the brochures from the balcony.

I think he was right in what he was doing. He was one of the few who stood up. He knew that they would catch him. He sacrificed himself for the nation, not only for Armenians.

When my brother was arrested, I was teaching at a school very far from Tbilisi. There were no telephones. I didn't know what was happening to my family. Two days after they had been arrested, the KGB came to my village and arrested me. They just came into my classroom and took me away.

I arrived in the Gulag on October 12, 1952. All my family had been arrested, and they received longer sentences than I did. I got ten years in prison and five years probation.

I was in a building that had two floors filled with bunk beds. We were packed like fish. The room was made for fifteen people, but more than fifty lived there. They gave us black wool clothes to wear, and we were taken to the woods where we worked cutting trees and draining the swamp. Ten months of the year it was snowing. Ten months! Every day I prayed. I was praying for my mother. I was praying for my brother - I didn't know that he had already been killed. I was praying for his children.

In prison I always had big, big hope. I knew that everything would be okay in the end. I was always telling my friends, "The time will come. Our lives will change. It will not always be this way." My nickname was the Idealist. All those years in Siberia, I was trying to take something from life, to learn something. I practiced my Russian. When I saw someone doing something interesting, I would try to learn from them.

Though prison was hard, the people there were the best people of our country. They were the thinkers, the scholars, the artists and poets - some of the most moral men and women. They were the ones who dared to speak out against injustice. It was a profound and even joyous experience to be among them.

I stayed in prison for four years and eight months. It was only because of my Heavenly Father that I survived. Only my faith and my prayers saved me.

At the time of Stalin's death in 1953, the government was giving amnesty to some of the prisoners. But not me - they were not going to let me go yet.

In 1956, I was called in a second time before a panel of nine people. They started asking me questions, so I told them my story. They asked me, "Was your brother right? Did he do the right thing or not?" I said, "Yes, I think that he did right." I told them, "I'm not guilty of anything. I want to be a normal citizen, and if you think I'm guilty just shoot me. I don't want to live without any rights. And I don't want to speak with you any more because nobody will understand me."

Another one of these men had once been a prisoner. He said, "No, don't think that way. I was in prison, too, and I understand you." This old man said he knew my case.

***

In the beginning, there had been four thousand women in the prison, and now there were only forty remaining. One day [after the second hearing] I kneeled down on the floor and started crying. I couldn't take any more. I prayed, Please open one window for me and help me get out of this prison.

And it was the next day that the panel called me back again - my birthday, July 6. They said, "We have decided to let you go." They let me go.

The years I spent in prison . . . it was like a big school. All the people who went through this school got cleaner inside. It was a purifying experience.

My advice to others is that when they have hard times - and there will always be hard times - be still. The first thing to do is pray. Always pray. And have faith and hope.

*In 1997, following years of Church activity, Tsobinar traveled to Salt Lake City to be baptized with her son, where he and his family had emigrated. She passed away in 2006.

Carol Gray Homemaker, Humanitarian | Sheffield, England

My parents joined the Church when I was about five. It's challenging to be a member of the Church in England. We have to work hard for everything, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm the sort of person that when my back's against the wall and I've got a challenge, that's when I fight my hardest.

[The Spirit] has prompted me many times in my life. It [came to me] one day when I was watching the Balkan War on the news. We were watching the awful things happening there day after day, night after night, and although I didn't want to see it, I was compelled to put it on every day to see how things were going off.

One particular night, I was watching a program on all these women who had been released from the Serbian camps. I saw the looks on their faces. I felt I needed to do something, but I didn't know what.

I spent three or four days on my knees - not all the time, obviously, but a lot of time on my knees - pleading with the Lord to help me know what he wanted me to do. I rang up several charities that worked in Bosnia. I asked them if I started collecting donated items, what would be helpful, and would they take it on their convoy?

It was just before Christmas 1992, and I went and saw my bishop and proposed that the Relief Society sisters get involved in some compassionate service outside of our area. Within three weeks we had collected thirty-eight tons of aid. We worked day and night boxing and packing all the stuff. People who would never walk into an LDS chapel came in and stood side by side with the Latter-day Saints - sang with them and laughed with them as they boxed and packed.

I'd already arranged with a local transport company to deliver the cargo to London, where a charity was going to take it off our hands. Two days before, the charity rang me up and said that they were sorry, but they couldn't take it. So now we had all this aid and no way to get it to Bosnia. I was absolutely devastated.

Then there was an article in the paper that my husband noticed. It said, "Convoy of Hope bound for Bosnia. Anyone wishing to join the convoy should ring this number." I rang them up, hoping they would take our cargo. They wouldn't. Instead, they said, "We would love for you to join us."

I phoned a lot of friends, both inside and outside the Church, who had big vans and trucks, and many of them came and joined my convoy. One of my daughters came, too. There were 110 vehicles on that first, humungous convoy. It took ten days of driving; 2,500 miles.

We arrived in the Croatian capital, Zagreb, and there was a large meeting held. There were four hundred drivers altogether. We were asked if any of us would volunteer for the crisis area. My daughter and I looked at each other and thought, We've not driven all this way to stick this stuff in some warehouse. We're off to the crisis area to give it to the people.

That first experience was unbelievable. We went through minefields. We went through an area where almost four hundred people had just been killed. It changed me completely. Nothing could have prepared me to see all the people with their sunken, hollow, lonely eyes. On our journey back, I realized that somehow the Lord had gotten me into something I couldn't turn away from. A month later, I organized another convoy, and the month after that, another one; and that's how it went. I've been on twenty-three convoys. We took more than four million pounds worth of aid.

I've learned a lot [through this experience]. I've learned that as individuals, each of us can make a big difference, regardless of how small we are or how insignificant we think we are. I'm just an ordinary English housewife who got involved in this crazy adventure. I've learned to love my Savior very much. It's been quite an incredible experience.

***

My last convoy to the Balkans was in 1999. Then in 2000, I was invited by LDS Humanitarian Services to visit Africa. We flew to Ghana to assess the situation and see if we could help in any way.

I always had a dream to build an orphanage in Africa. There are so many children who grow up without their parents due to the AIDS epidemic, other diseases, and poverty. I wanted to give these children an environment that would be as close as possible to being raised by a family.

I returned in 2001 and bought thirty-six acres of land. [Through my charity, Hugs International,] we began building houses that would each accommodate ten to twelve children, a momma, and another caregiver. We called the site Mmofra Tromm, which means "children's garden."

In 2006, we opened the school, and from its small beginnings it has grown and flourished. It now hosts four hundred students. The next plans are for a medical center that will reach out to forty villages in the surrounding area. We will always try to shelter and protect those in need.

Maria Consuelo Dimaya Former Communist Guerilla Medic, Teacher | Santa Rosa, Laguna, Philippines

I've been a member of the Church for almost twenty-seven years. I have nine children - seven are living, and I lost two in infancy.

I was raised in Manila, the capital of the Philippines. I grew up Catholic. I studied at an exclusive girls' school and later transferred to a private high school. Afterward, I went to the University of Santo Tomas and studied nursing for three years. I never took it up as a profession because in 1972 I got involved with a movement that was fighting against the Marcos dictatorship. I became involved because my cousin, whom I was rooming with, was a leader of the MAKIBAKA. This was a woman's organization that was the counterpart to the men's organization opposing Marcos.

I recognized that there were social problems in my country. I saw poverty all around me every day. But I thought, Well, that's life. There's nothing you can do about it. But after reading my cousin's literature, I realized that you can do something about it. So I decided to join my cousin in the movement.

My cousin was blacklisted by the government and had to leave school. Not long afterwards, following a major demonstration, I was blacklisted and jailed, too.

My father did not visit me in jail, nor did he bail me out for fear of associating with me. When I was released, the police followed me everywhere. My cousin contacted me and said the movement would pick me up and take me into the underground. I wound up in a safe house in Manila, and that's where I met my husband.

We learned that we would both be sent to Angeles City, Pampanga, to staff a hospital that was being built by the Communist Party of the Philippines (CPP). We worked with doctors in the operating room, learning first aid procedures, but at the same time we were providing support for the CPP and its military wing, the New People's Army (NPA). Any of their people who were wounded in encounters with the military were sent to us.

After a while, my husband was sent to the mountains, where people were being shot. I was already pregnant with our first child and I stayed behind, running the hospital. What I didn't know was that one of our patients had been caught by the government and tortured. He finally gave in to the pain and told where the hospital was located.

One afternoon I was alone in the hospital and I locked it up to take a nap. Somehow the troops broke in and I was awakened by a gun barrel poking me in the face. Ten men in army uniforms surrounded me.

"No sudden movements," they told me. "Just stand up and turn around." They were looking for one of our commanders and I told them, "He's not here. Go ahead and look around, but there's no one here but me."

Often female prisoners were raped or even killed, but for some reason they didn't touch me. But I still didn't escape torture. I was beaten with the stock of an M16 rifle. They wanted me to tell them where my husband was.

I was taken to the military camp in Angeles, Camp Olivas, for tactical interrogation. They asked me questions, and if I didn't give the answer they wanted to hear, they slapped me. I withheld my real name, so my parents never learned that I had been taken.

I finally had to tell the military that I was pregnant with my first baby. They sent me to a hospital to make sure that the beatings hadn't damaged my baby. Luckily, everything was fine. When I got back from the hospital, they kept me with the other female prisoners.

After the birth of my first child, we lived in the prison for another year. I applied for amnesty on grounds that prison wasn't a healthy place to raise an infant. After a series of conferences, the military agreed to grant me amnesty on the condition that I report in weekly. They wanted to make sure the child was well and I was no longer with the opposition. My husband heard through underground sources that I had been released.

Eventually we managed to set up a meeting. My husband promised to find a way we could all be together again in the underground. One day he sent word that I should pack my belongings and meet him at a certain time and place. I went there and waited, but he never came. I learned through friends that he had been taken prisoner and was being tortured. Even today, he still feels some pain as a result of his beatings in prison.

***

My husband was held prisoner for eight months. After he was freed, we went to Cebu City, where his family lived. It was about this time that we first became acquainted with the Church. My husband's cousin was working for the LDS Church Educational System, and he was transferred to Cebu to help establish the seminary program there. He and his wife told us a little about the Church. Later, we met the missionaries. About a year and a half later, in 1975, we were both baptized. Eventually my husband and I served a mission in Tacloban City, in the Visayan Islands.

We found that the Church gave us opportunities to work to improve the social conditions in our country. One of the most important factors in changing the culture of poverty is the change that is made inside a person, and the Church showed us that if you have the desire to make that change, everything outside will change, too.

I taught seminary for eighteen years and LDS Institute for two years. That experience taught me so much. In fact, I've learned more through my experiences in the Church than I ever did from my experiences in the hills.

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Historian, Pulitzer Prize Winner | Cambridge, Massachusetts

Sugar City, Idaho, was lively for a tiny little town of nine hundred people when I grew up there. The whole town washed away in the Teton Flood of 1976. By then, my parents had moved to Idaho Falls, but we went back that year to visit. There were two or three buildings standing that I could remember. Even trees were washed away.

My mother was the only one in her family who was active, even though she wasn't baptized until she was sixteen. Her father was never a member of the Church, although his parents had been among the handcart pioneers.

Because my dad was a teacher and school superintendent, there was always a strong emphasis on learning in our house. [I escaped] our tiny little town through books and magazines.

One day something came across [my dad's] desk about scholarships and SATs. In those years, they didn't give the SAT or ACT at our high school. My dad thought, Oh, why not? He was always very proud of us. "Why don't you take this exam, and maybe you could get a scholarship?" They had to set it up especially for me. I was the only kid in Madison County who took the SAT that year.

I [received] a national scholarship. It asked me to list my first-choice school. By then my older brothers were out of the military and at the University of Utah. My grandparents still lived in Salt Lake, so we just wired back, "University of Utah." That's about as much thought as I gave it.

Eventually I found my way to the English department. I received a good education at the U, but my assumption was that I would get married and have children. After that, I didn't know what else. I was perfectly happy. I was active in the LDS Institute of Religion. I met my husband, Gael, there and we married while still in school.

When we married, there was never a thought that I would quit school. The way we saw it, I had a scholarship, I should use it.

After I graduated, we moved to Massachusetts and our first child, Karl, was born. Gael was doing his PhD in chemical engineering at MIT. We lived there through the 60s, and in a way it was my second education. Even though I was never in a classroom, living in Boston was my graduate school - being part of the LDS community, with the civil rights movement taking off and being involved in that in a modest way.

One experience that was important in terms of my development as a writer was editing a Church-sponsored guidebook called A Beginner's Boston. There was a continual flow of students and other newcomers, and the Cambridge Ward was always organized to orient people.

By that time I realized that there was life after marriage. Although I loved doing things in the Church, I always tended toward overkill. At some point you realize all your energy is not going to fit into that little package of teaching once a month in Relief Society. I think that happens to a lot of women.

So Gael and I came up with the money for me to take one college course. We thought that if I got a master's degree in English, at some point I could teach part-time. It was a one-year program that took five years for me to do.

Now, an important point here: in the early 60s, the women's movement was gradually starting. In 1963, I read Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique, and I think that had a lot to do with my direction. The way I read it was maybe not the way everyone read it, but I read it as saying, "You have a long life and you need to have a 'life plan.'" So getting this master's was my life plan toward sometime in the indeterminate future when I might not be totally engaged with my children.

***

Gael and I always had a great partnership, but it had been pretty traditional in the way we divided things. In thinking through all of this, it became clear that there were lots of different ways to live your life.

I absolutely adore learning and have always felt comfortable doing it - not that it isn't hard work. So Gael and I worked out this deal. We figured he was perfectly capable of making breakfast and getting the kids out to school. I'd be upstairs working and I could hear everything going on downstairs. It meant I could work from five in the morning until 11:30 a.m.

I got my BA in English in 1960, an MA in English in 1971, and my PhD in history in 1980. During those years, Gael and I raised five children.

Our kids are good kids and have succeeded in part because I wasn't a stereotypically good mom. It's kind of ironic. If I had known that when I was younger, I'd have been much more peaceful about my life.

At first [after earning my PhD] I had an adjunct position at the University of New Hampshire in the humanities program. I did that for about four years. By then my first book, Good Wives, was published. Then I went into a full-time faculty position.

My second book, A Midwife's Tale, which was published in 1990, changed my life. I won the Pulitzer Prize for that book in 1991. I had applied for a Guggenheim Fellowship the year before, just after my book came out, and there was a blank in the application that said "Awards." I remember typing "None." And in the next year I had almost every award that you could get for that one book, which is sort of bizarre. The Harvard professorship [that followed] was an unexpected opportunity.

And so I say to women, go out and change the world. Whether you're seven or seventy, there's work out there to be done, go to it! But you have to be educated. If we listen to our general Relief Society presidency and do what they're saying, we'll be in great shape.

Adapted from Mormon Women: Portraits & Conversations; Handcart Books. Now available at Deseret Book and amazon.com.