Mormon Life - Happiness tag

Religious people are happier, studies show

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 10:03:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

One of the most interesting and provocative social analysts in America today is Arthur Brooks, currently president of the American Enterprise Institute.

In his 2006 book "Who Really Cares," Dr. Brooks summarized scores of academic studies demonstrating that religious people give far more to charity — even to non-religious charities — than do the non-religious. They're also more likely to volunteer to serve with such charities, as well as to assist family and friends, to donate blood, to give food or money to homeless people on the street, and even to return change mistakenly given to them by a cashier.

Young Women Lesson 6: Finding Joy Now

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:02:00 -0700

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family." - Thomas S. Monson

Discussion Questions

• Many people seem to have a negative outlook on life. How can we avoid this attitude and help others look at things in a positive way?

• How does listening for and being aware of ideas or promptings from the Holy Ghost increase the potential for joy?

• How does trusting in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ affect the joy we feel in our lives?

• How do obeying the commandments and keeping covenants increase our happiness and joy?

Excerpt from "Finding Joy in the Journey" by President Thomas S. Monson, October 2008 General Conference:

My dear brothers and sisters, I am humbled as I stand before you this morning. I ask for your faith and prayers in my behalf as I speak about those things which have been on my mind and which I have felt impressed to share with you.

I begin by mentioning one of the most inevitable aspects of our lives here upon the earth, and that is change. At one time or another we’ve all heard some form of the familiar adage: “Nothing is as constant as change.”

Throughout our lives, we must deal with change. Some changes are welcome; some are not. There are changes in our lives which are sudden, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, the loss of a possession we treasure. But most of the changes take place subtly and slowly.

This conference marks 45 years since I was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. As the junior member of the Twelve then, I looked up to 14 exceptional men, who were senior to me in the Twelve and the First Presidency. One by one, each of these men has returned home. When President Hinckley passed away eight months ago, I realized that I had become the senior Apostle. The changes over a period of 45 years that were incremental now seem monumental.

To read the full talk, click here.

Young Women Lesson 44: Avoiding Crisis Living

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:05:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality." -Robert D. Hales Discussion Questions
• In what areas of your life do you procrastinate? What affect does it have on you and on those around you?
• How do you choose between “good, better, and best”? (See Dallin H. Oaks, “Good, Better, Best,” Ensign, Nov. 2007, 104–8.)

Excerpt from "Becoming Provident Providers Temporally and Spiritually," by Elder Robert D. Hales, April 2009 General Conference:

How blessed we are to be led by a living prophet! Growing up during the Great Depression, President Thomas S. Monson learned how to serve others. Often his mother asked him to deliver food to needy neighbors, and she would give homeless men odd jobs in exchange for home-cooked meals. Later as a young bishop, he was taught by President J. Reuben Clark, “Be kind to the widow and look after the poor” (in Thomas S. Monson, “A Provident Plan—A Precious Promise,” Ensign, May 1986, 62). President Monson looked after 84 widows and cared for them until they passed away. Through the years, his service to members and neighbors throughout the world has become the hallmark of his ministry. We are grateful to have his example. Thank you, President Monson.

Brothers and sisters, as did President Monson, our children are growing up in times of economic uncertainty. Just as our grandparents and great-grandparents learned vital lessons through economic adversity, what we learn now, in our present circumstances, can bless us and our posterity for generations to come.

Today I speak to all whose freedom to choose has been diminished by the effects of ill-advised choices of the past. I speak specifically of choices that have led to excessive debt and addictions to food, drugs, pornography, and other patterns of thought and action that diminish one’s sense of self-worth. All of these excesses affect us individually and undermine our family relationships. Of course some debt incurred for education, a modest home, or a basic automobile may be necessary to provide for a family. Unfortunately however, additional debt is incurred when we cannot control our wants and addictive impulses. And for both debt and addiction, the hopeful solution is the same—we must turn to the Lord and follow His commandments. We must want more than anything else to change our lives so that we can break the cycle of debt and our uncontrolled wants. I pray that in the next few minutes, and throughout this conference, you will be filled with hope in our Savior, Jesus Christ, and find hope in the doctrines of His restored gospel.

Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality. Let me assure you that your situation is not beyond the reach of our Savior. Through Him, every struggle can be for our experience and our good (see D&C 122:7). Each temptation we overcome is to strengthen us, not destroy us. The Lord will never allow us to suffer beyond what we can endure (see 1 Corinthians 10:13).

To read the full talk, click here.

The naive newlywed and the realities of marriage

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 11:18:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

Mormon Life says: A sweet column about the difficulties and beauties of marriage. My little sister got married last month. As she and her new husband drove off in a flurry of pink tulle and clanking cans, my aunt and I turned to each other with the same words on our lips: “They just have no idea.”

They have no idea what life is going to sling in their direction. They don’t know about the stress of a new job, crippling finances and a cross-country move. They don’t know about kids who come along with physical or emotional challenges. They can’t see the difficulty of merging two different parenting styles onto a single child.

They can’t foresee those early mornings when he’s at church meetings and she’s trying to put tights on her 2-year-old while the 4-year-old wipes chocolate on his church pants.

Money can't buy a stable marriage, BYU study says

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 12:35:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

Mormon Life says: Proof yet again that the scriptures are true ("where your treasure is . . ."). You can buy cars and houses, boats and vacations, jewelry and jets. But you can't buy a really good marriage.

And the more that material things matter to you, the poorer your marriage is likely to be, according to new research from BYU.

Couples who care less passionately about money and possessions tend to be happier, according to the study, published Thursday in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy.

New Testament Lesson 40: "I Can Do All Things through Christ"

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 00:05:00 -0600

by Ted L. Gibbons
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Paul's letter to the Philippian saints has been called the "happy letter." In this lesson, find out about the fruits of righteousness, as well as Paul's stirring words in Colossians and Philemon.

INTRODUCTION

“Indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul. . .” This phrase from the 13th Article of Faith suggests a link between the members of the Church and Paul’s writings. That link is found in Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Joseph, in the midst of his trials and persecutions–indeed, from the beginning of his ministry, identified with Paul. Paul’s defense of his vision and conversion before Agrippa and others must have reminded Joseph of his constant need to defend himself before his detractors. He wrote

However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise. So it was with me. . . . (JSH 1:24,25)

It was probably more than the similarity of conversion and the divine mandate to bear testimony that made Joseph identify with Paul. Part of that intimacy must have come from the parallel determination to do the will of God regardless of the personal hazard or difficulty involved. It was Paul (but might as well have been Joseph Smith) who wrote

13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (Philippians 4:13, emphasis added)

Thus Joseph, when he paraphrased Phil. 4:8, wrote:

. . . we believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things and hope to be able to endure all things. (Article of Faith #13, emphasis added)

Nephi understood. In his most famous of statements (1 Nephi 3:7) he declared that he would be obedient, because he knew that God would not make an impossible demand of him. He knew he could do all things through Christ, who would strengthen him.

The books of Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon tell us some of the things we must do to have the strength of Christ at work in our lives.

I. PAUL ENCOURAGES THE PHILIPPIAN SAINTS TO FOLLOW CHRIST

This letter to the Philippian saints has been called the “happy letter.” In Acts 16 when Paul was unjustly accused, illegally beaten, and unlawfully imprisoned, he terrified city officials by announcing that he was a Roman. (See Acts 16:22-37) It may be that Paul’s price for silence regarding this breach of Roman law was that the rulers leave the church in Philippi alone. There are no great problems addressed in this letter, no stirring calls to repentance, no reproof nor rebuke, but rather a gentle admonition to the believers to “be filled with the fruits of righteousness.” (1:11) Those fruits can fill our lives only as we follow Christ implicitly. Philippians suggests at least five wonderful ways to do that.

A. Paul is writing this letter from Rome, where he is in bondage (1:7,13) But even in those conditions he teaches that we should let our lives be an example of the goodness and glory and grace of Christ. In 3 Nephi 27:27 the Lord asks, ‘What manner of men ought ye to be? Even as I am.” Paul wrote:

13 So that my bonds in Christ are manifest in all the palace, and in all other places;
14 And many of the brethren in the Lord, waxing confident by my bonds, are much more bold to speak the word without fear.

15 Some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife; and some also of good will:

16 The one preach Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction to my bonds:

17 But the other of love, knowing that I am set for the defence of the gospel.

18 What then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretence, or in truth, Christ is preached . . . (Philippians 1:13-18)

The question we must ask ourselves here is this one: “What kind of Christ does my life preach?” If someone were to learn all he or she would ever know about Christ from watching me follow him and live his gospel, how accurate would his perception be? Do we preach a Christ of contention and strife, or a Christ of love and good will?

B. Our lives must be a blessing to others. Paul had no fear of death, for that event would increase his closeness to his Redeemer, but he knew that his converts still needed his influence in the flesh. He wrote:

20 According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether [it be] by life, or by death.

21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

22 But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not.

23 For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better:

24 Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.

25 And having this confidence, I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith... (Phil. 1:20-25)

Acts 10:38 gives a wonderful insight into the ministry of Christ. This verse tells us that

. . . God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good ...(emphasis added)

Jesus went about doing good, blessing the lives of others. My mother passed away several years ago. She had been widowed twice, losing her first husband to kidney failure and her second to cancer. She had lost much of her hearing and then most of her eyesight. In her final months she was essentially confined to a bed and a chair where she listened to the scriptures on tape and memorized the hymns of the Church. But that was not enough. She had a need, a passion, to do good. And so she decided to make Afghans for all of her grand- and great-grandchildren. She went to work, spending about 50 hours on each creation. When she was finished, 100 of them had been given to her loved ones. She took the remnants of the yarn for one final production, which she gave to me. It is an explosion of diversity and color, and it is a testimony to the love of one who was anxious to go home to her family, but who, while she was in mortality, was determined to do good so that her life could bless the lives of others.

C. We must love one another and care for each other. Paul wrote:

2 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, [being] of one accord, of one mind.

3 [Let] nothing [be done] through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:

One winter night at about 1:00 a.m., a son came in from a date and announced that the neighbor’s sprinklers were on. It was January. The temperature was well below freezing. Six inches of snow were on the ground. My neighbor is a lovely, elderly woman, a widow of five or six years. I dressed and went to her home to wake here. We tried the valves but the water remained on, the silver drops reflecting a nearby streetlight in a continuous cycle.

I am not a plumber. Once I realized that the shut off valve would not shut the water off. I called for help. A contractor in the ward who did not know plumbing any better than I knew it, did know someone who installed sprinklers. He made a second call. At 2:00 a.m. a man appeared with a shovel and other tools and found a way to stop the flow of water. When the water was off, he suggested that my neighbor wait for spring to repair the rupture that had caused the problem. He prepared to leave and a thankful woman tried to pay him. He would not hear of it. He was the servant of the Savior, doing the Savior’s work, practicing pure religion in the middle of a winter night at the home of a perfect stranger, looking not just on his own things, but on the things of others. Paul would have loved such a man.

D. We must be blameless and harmless regardless of our surroundings. Paul taught:

Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world . . . (Phil. 2:14,15)

Laman and Lemuel were murmurers, their constant complaining a cross of iron on the back of their parents and brothers. We have all seen such attitudes around us, when it is time for a service project, or the assessment for the Friends of Scouting comes due, or the Bishop extends an invitation to serve in the nursery. I remember when the Bishop called me to coach the Senior Softball team in our ward. I wasn’t particularly excited, but I expected to be there for the games anyway. I loved to play softball. But as a concluding comment to the call, the Bishop remarked, “I think you ought only to coach, not play.”

That put a new slant on things and my immediate inclination was to do some serious disputing and some extensive murmuring. But somehow I was helped to understand that this was a test–a matter of sacrifice. I bit my tongue and served: perhaps not with brightness and enthusiasm, but I served.

We are invited to live without blame and without inflicting harm in a world determined to point the finger of culpability and responsibility in any direction but inward. What a terror it would be to become a stumblingblock to the conversion or reactivation of one of our brothers or sisters.

I remember when one of only two non-member families on our block in Logan was scheduled for baptism. What a delight it was to members of the ward that Brother Whoeveritwas had finally seen the light. But the baptism never took place. The day before the service was scheduled, the newly converted but unbaptized brother saw the High Priest Group Leader drinking coffee in a downtown café. Perhaps this investigator was looking for an excuse to back out, but he said (as it was told to me) “If he can’t live his religion, there is no way I can live it.”

In this context, consider the language and lesson of I Corinthians 8. Corinthian saints have written to Paul asking for permission to eat the meat left over from pagan sacrifices. Paul’s response includes an observation that meat is not the real issue here.

". . .meat commendeth us not to God: for neither, if we eat, are we the better; neither, if we eat not, are we the worse" (I Cor 8:8).

His message seems to be that eating meat offered to idols is an acceptable practice, since “we know that an idol is nothing in the world, and that there is none other God but one.” (1 Cor. 8:4)

But Paul sounds a solemn warning to those of us who would be blameless and harmless “in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation.”

“But take heed,” he says, “lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumblingblock to them that are weak.” (1 Cor. 8:9) What a terrible thing it would be if one weak in the faith saw a faithful member eating meat that had been sacrificed to an idol, and from that observation took license worship idols or to partake of things that were truly forbidden.

“But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ.” (1 Cor 8:12)

I was standing in front of a 7-11 in Durham, N.C. one hot summer day drinking a Coke. With me was a non-member, one with whom I had had many extended and serious gospel conversations. He watched me guzzle in silence for a time and then said, “Gibbons, you are a real hypocrite.”

“Me?” I responded. I was wounded by his observation.

“You make such a big deal about the caffeine in tea and coffee, but you drink Coke constantly.” He said more, but I had heard enough. Never mind that the cola drink would not prevent me from getting a temple recommend and taking the sacrament. Never mind that better men than me drank the stuff regularly. This liberty of mine had become a stumblingblock to one who was weak. And regardless of any questions my Stake President asked or did not ask, for me to drink Coke under those circumstances was a sin. That was one of the few times I have instantly and successfully repented.

Paul’s concluding thought on this matter is a favorite verse from the New Testament. Forgive my paraphrasing:

"Wherefore, if Coke make my brother to offend, I will drink no Coke while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend." (1 Cor 8:13, author’s edit)

E. Christ must come first in our lives. Nothing can take precedence over our love for him and our relationship with him. Paul explained: "But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ" (Phil. 3:8).

Elder Maxwell expressed this very thought as follows:

Let others, if they choose, advocate lesser lords or causes for mankind. Only Jesus, truly and fully, advocates the basic and central cause of mankind. Christ's advocacy is advocacy with perfect empathy and mercy. Being sinless Himself, the wounds and scars He bears are actually ours. After all, He was "wounded for our transgressions." He loved us so dearly that He voluntarily laid down His life for us. Furthermore, even though He gives us demanding commandments and stern tasks, He has mercifully promised to prepare a way for us to keep and to fulfill all of them. (Neal A. Maxwell, Even As I Am, p.33 - p.34)

What is there about the Savior of us all that would cause us to offer this kind of allegiance? He can do things for us that no other lord or cause could ever do. He can

. . . change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself. (Phil. 3:21)

Thus Paul implores us that we “stand fast in the Lord.” (Phil. 4:1)

II. PAUL REMINDS THE COLOSSIANS THAT REDEMPTION COMES ONLY THROUGH CHRIST.

No matter how difficult or depressing life becomes, we have hope for something finer. Mortality is not all of our existence, nor is it the most important part of our existence. This life is a test, an opportunity for us to prepare for something much more important, something better that comes later.

We give thanks to God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you, Since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus, and of the love [which ye have] to all the saints, For the hope which is laid up for you in heaven, whereof ye heard before in the word of the truth of the gospel; Which is come unto you, as [it is] in all the world; and bringeth forth fruit, as [it doth] also in you, since the day ye heard of it, and knew the grace of God in truth . . (Col 1:1-5)

Our faith in Christ must give us hope of something “which is laid up in heaven.” And that hope “bringeth forth fruit.” We live our lives differently both in times of joy and in times of sadness because of that hope. Someone watching you deal with a crisis has probably asked you, “How can you keep going? How can you keep smiling? How can you keep believing?” Whatever answer you may have given was based in part at least on the hope that has come to you through your faith in Christ. Your willingness to continue in spite of pain and opposition is based on your longing to

. . .walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing [that is, to please the Lord in everything,] by being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light. (Col 1:10-12)

The goodness of the Father has brought us from our sins unto the fulness (Col 1:19) of Christ, and offered us the immeasurable glories of heaven, and a reconciliation with the Father of us all.

And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in [your] mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight: If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and [be] not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, [and] which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister . . . (Col. 1:21-23)

In order for this to happen, we must “continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away” from the place where the Lord has planted us. What does it mean to be settled? The Lord suggested a meaning in Luke.

Wherefore, settle this in your hearts, that ye will do the things which I shall teach, and command you. (JST Luke 14:28)

We should let our hearts be settled, not “carried about with every wind of doctrine.” Our conduct and our words should communicate this to the world: “Here I stand and I will not be moved.”

We are expected to be grounded. Paul suggests this understanding of that idea:

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what [is] the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. (Eph. 3:17-19)

And how do we accomplish this? We who are the elect of God and who are waiting and hoping for the redemption of Christ?

I.    “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” (Col 2:2)
II.    “Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” (That is, put off the natural man, which is an enemy to God. See Mosiah 3:19)
III.    “. . .put on the new [man] . . .Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. (Col 3:10,12-14)
IV.    Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom . . . (Col 3:16)
V.    And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; (Col. 3:23)
VI.    Continue in prayer . . . (Col. 4:6)
VII.    Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. (Col. 4:6)

III. PAUL ENCOURAGES PHILEMON TO BE FORGIVING TOWARD ONESIMUS

Philemon lived in Colosse. He was, in the pattern of the day, a slave owner. In fact the Roman Empire at this time included about 10,000,000 slaves. One of Philemon’s slaves, Onesimus, had apparently stolen something from him (see v. 18) and then had run away to Rome where he met Paul and was converted. Under Roman law, Onesimus’s actions were punishable by death, but Paul wrote to ask Philemon to forgive whatever debt Onesimus owed, and to accept him as a brother in Christ. In fact, Paul offered himself as surety for the loss suffered by Philemon: “If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account.” (Philemon 1:18)

You can identify with this dilemma. Suppose a non-Mormon friend or neighbor has stolen your new Lexus and fled to Salt Lake City where, by great good fortune, he encounters one of the Twelve. While you are stewing and fuming at your loss, a letter comes from the Church Administration Building, from the office of a prophet, seer, and revelator. The letter tells you how a church leader met your corrupt neighbor, and of his conversion to the Gospel.

“I know what he has done to you,” he writes. “If the debt must be paid, send the bill to me. I’ll take care of it. But receive this man not as a thief, and not even as a neighbor, but as ‘a brother beloved, specially to me, but how much more unto thee, both in the flesh and in the Lord.’” (Philemon 1:15)

How would you react to such a letter? What bill would you send? What grudge would you nourish?

Someone once suggested to me that I read Philemon as though it were a letter from the Savior to me, asking me to forgive someone. You might consider reading it in that way, all the while asking yourself these questions: “Whom do I need to forgive?” and “How can I let the Lord know that I have done so?”

CONCLUSION
It seems to me to be impossible to read very much of Paul without a change of heart. This persecutor of the Christians, this participant in the martyrdom of Stephen, this most zealous of Pharisees found himself at the feet of the Savior, and allowed his life to be transformed by the Love of the Christ. From that moment to the end of his life (and certainly in the multitude of years since spent in the Mission Fields of the spirit world) Paul toiled and prayed and preached in a monumental effort to share the goodness of what he had found. We who have been born of the Spirit and who have this same hope can do no less. We must forgive all men, follow Christ and claim the redemption offered to us by the ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ.

{Lifestyle} Finding More Joy in Womanhood

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 00:05:00 -0600

by Connie Sokol
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: We all lose that lovin' feelin' towards womanhood from time to time. But between the endless amounts of to-dos, the responsibilities, and the occasional snotty nose, there's more than enough room for pure joy in being a woman.

Sometimes I observe women—at church, the grocery store, the park playground. And single or married, what I most often see is a plethora of the “Mom Stance”—hands on hips, furrowed brow, and NO SMILE. It plagues us all, this serious business of daily living. Even Sister Julie B. Beck shared in a talk from the 2010 Women’s Conference that as she lamented what she could do better, her daughter said, “You could smile, mother. You could smile.”

So what would help us smile, get the joy back, and feel juiced about life as a woman, wife, and mother?

Be yourself—your best self. Why are we women so consumed with looking sideways for approval? Sister Patricia T. Holland says, “The Lord uses us because of our unique personalities and differences rather than in spite of them. He needs every one of us, with all our blemishes and weaknesses and limitations.” Ask Heavenly Father to help you see your unique strengths and abilities, without comparing yourself to the Neighbor of the Size-2 Waist. Sister Chieko Okazaki once recalled coming to teach in Utah from Hawaii. Being of Japanese descent—and it not being too long after World War II—she was concerned about possible negative reactions. Sure enough, the principal called and said three parents asked for their children to be withdrawn from her class. She didn’t stress, get mad, or eat cheesecake. Instead, she played to her strengths. Making a bright fuscia-colored dress with matching bow, she stepped out confidently onto the playground, gathered her awe-struck class, and loved them like her own. Later the principal said that the three parents had asked for the children to be reinstated.

Find a personal purpose or passion. Women are natural creators, and we’re even encouraged to be so. Find what you like to do. If you don’t care to scrapbook, don’t do it!
No 11th commandment says “Thou must delight in doo-dads.” Whether it’s painting, singing, photography, or raisin-jewelry making, find what brings you joy, then share it. One friend recently emailed me that she is participating in the New York City Marathon this fall, pushing the wheelchair of a disabled friend. Elder M. Russell Ballard has counseled us to “find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children.”

Have fun! When was the last time you remember having non-productive fun? I was invited to speak at Brigham Young University–Hawaii for their Education Week. My husband and I decided to take our high-school graduate son for his senior trip. Out of all the amazing and fantastic things we did together that week, his favorite experience was “when you and dad and I were getting tossed in the sand and the waves.” He reveled in seeing us have fun (also known as teenage recreational torture).

What makes you laugh and feel happy? Maybe it’s a no-chores Friday, ending housework at 5 p.m., or actually swinging on the swings with your children at the park (and telling them to pump their own legs!). Delight in the day. Find the perk and you’ll find the joy. One day while walking out of a bookstore I heard over the intercom something like, “Fresh, hot blueberry scones, right out of the oven.” I was there before you could say melted butter. And it was absolutely scrumptious—so tasty that I had to call my husband as I drove and share that it was the best scone in the world (and so sorry that I hadn’t bought one for him, but there would be nothing left). Forget being a martyr and start having more fun in daily life.

This week, give one of these tips a try. Joy is a conscious choice—if we look for it, ask for it, and delight in it, we will find it, and often. And usually in the most simple and delectable of things in life.

---
Connie Sokol is a mother of six, presenter, and author of Faithful, Fit & Fabulous. Enjoy her blog and tips, and share your thoughts at 8basics.com.

Suggestions to find happiness and achievement

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 13:23:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

Brigham Young University President Cecil O. Samuelson, who is also a member of the Seventy, welcomed students and faculty back to campus during the first campus devotional of the new year on Jan. 4 in the Marriott Center. His wife, Sister Sharon G. Samuelson, also spoke to students.

In his address, he shared seven suggestions, gleaned from personal experiences and observing others, that help students find happiness and achievement during their college experience.

"None should be surprising and all might be self-evident," he said. "All are significant and deserve our attention."

1. Self-awareness.

"All of us need to have a clear awareness of who we are, what we represent, and how we affect and influence other," he said. "At BYU, virtually all of us understand that we are literally spirit children of our Heavenly Father. This insight should and must color all decisions and choices we make in our lives, including and especially how we treat others in our families, classes, Church groups, neighborhoods and certainly strangers as well."

FHE: Happiness

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 00:06:00 -0700

by Shauna Gibby
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. Conference Talk:
For more information on this topic read "Happiness, Your Heritage", by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign, Nov. 2008, 117–20.

Thought:
Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Happiness, Your Heritage", Ensign, Nov. 2008, 117–20.)

Song:
“If You’re Happy and You Know It,” Children’s Songbook, p. 266

Scripture:
And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it. (Mosiah 2:41)

Lesson:
Explain that the scripture Doctrine and Covenants 61:36-37 gives us two reasons why we should be happy (be of good cheer). Before turning to the scripture, have the family guess what these reasons are. They will probably give many reasons for being happy. Agree, but do not, at this point, tell them whether or not they have guessed the reasons given in the scripture.

When they are through guessing, tell them to turn to the scripture to see if they guessed the reasons given there. The two reasons given are wonderful ones that we sometimes don’t think about. Discuss the two reasons with the family. Some of the following ideas my be helpful:

1. Jesus is in our midst; that is, he is with us and has not given up on us. Sometimes, when we are experiencing bad times or facing difficult decisions, we may feel alone, but this scripture gives us hope. Jesus can give us comfort and direct us if we accept his help and reach out to him. He is already reaching out to us.

2. Jesus promises us the blessing of the kingdom if we humble ourselves and follow his teachings and promptings. Even though we may have problems to deal with here, he wants us to look ahead to the blessings available to us in this life and in the hereafter, and he wants us to be of good cheer.

(Allan K. Burgess and Max H. Molgard, Fun For Family Night: Book Two, Church History Edition, [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1992], p. 183.)

Activity:
Give each family member a pencil or pen and a piece of paper.

Turn out the lights and have all family members close their eyes. Tell them that peeking will not be allowed.

Have everyone draw a picture of a beautiful lake with mountains in the background and trees around the edge of the lake. Tell everyone to draw a boat on the lake with members of your family in it. Tell them to do the best they can with their eyes closed.

When they are finished, turn the lights on and have them share their handiwork. Chances are the pictures will be barely recognizable.

Have them turn their papers over and draw the same picture again, this time with the lights on and their eyes open. Compare these to the first drawing.

Tell the family that drawing in the dark is like trying to go through life without the help of the light and direction that Jesus gives us. He wants us to be happy now and enjoy life in spite of the difficulties that we face.

(Allan K. Burgess and Max H. Molgard, Fun For Family Night: Book Two, Church History Edition, [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1992], p. 183.)

Story:
I’ve been thinking about laughter.

I think it’s in the Reader’s Digest that they call laughter “the best medicine.” Have you had times when a good laugh did make you feel like you’d had a dose of needed medicine? Do you ever hear or see or read or experience something and wish you could laugh even harder than you do? I probably feel that way too often, but I can't really explain what I mean. I just know I love to laugh.

One winter’s morning during a snowstorm I took my mother to the lab for some blood tests. We had to drive about twenty-six miles round-trip, and it was “white knuckle” driving for sure. We saw a bunch of “fender-benders”--accidents where no one was seriously injured but a whole lot of people sure had their day ruined. We were headed home and going around a corner very slowly. I would estimate we were going one mile an hour, if that. The car hit black ice, and slowly we headed for the curb and hit it with a “thunk!"

I asked Mom instantly, “Are you okay?” She said she was. I got the car away from the curb and we continued cautiously and slowly up the road. Then I said, in an oh-so-sarcastic kind of way, “So I suppose you’re going to sue me for whiplash . . .” Instantly she jumped in with some moaning, holding her neck. “Oh . . . ohhhhh . . . oh, my neck hurts . . . oh, I can’t move my head . . . oh dear, I have to call . . .” and she tried to say the name of one of the lawyers who advertises on TV that you should contact them in the event of an accident. It was so spontaneous and so hilarious that we both laughed until we were screaming unbecomingly. We eventually came up for air, but Mom kept the fun going for several days, calling me the next morning and moaning and whining about her whiplash the minute I answered.

Often, laughter is the shortest distance between two people, including two people who don’t have a common spoken language. And it can be like a needed break, a tiny vacation even.

I grew up in a home where there was happiness and laughter. We now just have to give the “punch lines” to get the laughter started at jokes and experiences that go way, way back. Try saying “It’s either a skunk or a weasel!” to someone in my family and see what happens!

Lighten your day by thinking about your own “family funnies.” This will really lift your spirits.

(Mary Ellen Edmunds, MEE Thinks [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2004], p. 20.)

Refreshment:
Lime Fizz

5 fresh limes, juiced (about 1/2 cup)
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups pineapple juice
1 quart lime sherbet
1 16-ounce bottle lemon-lime soda
Maraschino cherries, for garnishing
8 thin half-slices lime, for garnishing

Place lime juice, sugar, and pineapple juice in a blender and process for 30 seconds. Add half of the lime sherbet and process again for a few seconds. Pour juice mixture into eight 10-ounce glasses (two-thirds full). Fill glasses almost to the top with lemon-lime soda. Top each cup with a scoop of sherbet. Garnish with a maraschino cherry and a half-slice of fresh lime. Serve with straws. Makes 8 servings.

(Lion House Christmas, [Salt Lake City: Shadow Mountain, 2006], p. 1.)

*For a printable PDF, click here.

USA Today: Happiness is having friends at church

Wed, 08 Dec 2010 09:49:00 -0700

source: usatoday.com

Mormon Life says: Attending church has been proven to increase a person's happiness. Of course, the LDS community already knew that! Attending religious services regularly and having close friends in the congregation are key to having a happier, more satisfying life, a study finds.

Even attending services irregularly — just several times a year — increases a sense of well-being, so long as there is a circle of friendships within the community and a strong, shared religious identity.

That's the key finding of a study released today in the December issue of the American Sociological Review.

Numerous studies have shown that religious people report a higher level of well-being compared with the non-religious, says Chaeyoon Lim, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and lead author of the study. But what aspect of religiousness — church attendance, prayer, theology or spirituality — accounts for this level of life satisfaction has been unclear.

Adventures in Smiling

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Janene Wolsey Baadsgaard
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Getting people to smile on demand is a bit tricky. Attempts to get my sizeable family bathed, dressed, and looking pleasant for a picture is like medieval torture. Just saying the words “family portrait” makes me break out in a cold sweat. When my unenthusiastic family is finally lined up for this mother-initiated activity, I feel great compassion for our frazzled photographer.

"Pull that finger out of your nose," the photographer says. "Would the teenager on the back row take off the sunglasses? Now on the count of three, everybody look at me and say 'pickles.' One, two, three--pickles!"

Why do we want to see ourselves smiling in pictures? Why not just snap a realistic photo of family members milling around showing their true mood at the moment? Because we all look and feel better when we smile.

While insisting others smile can be a cause of great frustration, getting ourselves to smile will always bring us joy.

I remember a time when I was worried about one of my teenage sons. I prayed long and hard asking God to teach me how to love my son. The impression I received was simple: smile. This answer perplexed me. Still, I gave it a try. I began smiling at my son more often. I made an effort to catch his eye and smile at him during breakfast and supper. I noticed myself appreciating him more and becoming keenly aware of his courage in the face of adolescence. I wasn't sure at the time if he noticed, or if it meant anything to him--teenage boys aren't famous for expressing tender emotions. Some time later I received a letter from this son, who had become an adult:

"Dear Mom, thank you for smiling at me. When I was making my most difficult decisions, I would see your face in my mind, smiling," he wrote. "I knew you loved me, and it made all the difference."

Smiling is also a great way to meet new people. Once I was sitting in the Marriott Center at BYU during a Women's Conference. I was one of the speakers that day, but none of my family or friends could make it to listen to my talk. I was feeling sad and alone, even though there were thousands of women all around me. At that very moment, the woman sitting next to me turned and smiled.

It felt like she'd tossed me a ball of sunshine. Instantly, I no longer felt alone or sad. I had the impression that if this woman and I knew each other, we would be friends. It occurred to me that I was surrounded by family and friends--I just hadn't met or smiled at them yet.

We unlock our personal power for good when we offer the gift of a genuine and loving smile. Turning up the corners of our mouths helps us spread sunshine everywhere we go. So on those days when we feel inferior, worried, diminished, sad, or lonely, we need to get out there and start smiling. I've learned my day usually goes the same way as the corners of my mouth.

--- Adapted from 15 Secrets to a Happy Home, by Janene Wolsey Baadsgaard; available at Deseret Book.

Just Keep Trying!

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Merrilee Boyack
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: The storms of life can be overwhelming spiritually, emotionally, and physically. But do you simply throw up your hands and hold your breath until the sun comes out? I've found that in trying times, it's best to just keep trying! Life sometimes feels like being in a riptide, those powerful currents that run underneath the ocean. If you're in one and you try to swim directly to shore, the riptide will drag you back out to sea. As you continue to try to make forward progress, it will sap your strength. Many people have died trying to make it to the shore in a riptide. The key to surviving is to swim parallel to the beach until you find a safe area where there is no riptide.

During difficult times in our lives, we swim sideways, hoping that the powerful forces that are buffeting us will slow down so we can make some forward progress again. Some days we're swimming strongly, some days we're just doggy-paddling along, and some days, we just float, trying to keep our heads above water. We just do what we can.

Do we curl up in bed and pull the covers over our head? Do we give up?

No!

In trying times, you just keep trying!

Choosing to Be Positive When faced with challenges, each of us has a choice presented to us: we can choose whether we will be weak or strong. It's interesting to ponder that choice.

I think it takes a lot of emotional energy to be weak. To be miserable and sad and depressed and discouraged and fearful takes a lot of work! Think of all the emotional energy that goes into those choices. It's pretty significant. Now consider how much emotional energy it takes to be strong. It takes effort to be strong and courageous and positive and brave, but I would contend that it takes less energy than choosing to be weak.

During my own fights in the last while, most recently with breast cancer, I knew I wanted to choose to be strong, but my choice was tested on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. I knew it was the right choice and the best choice for me, but it was certainly not an easy one.

I have come to look upon trials and tribulations for what they really are: strengthening opportunities. Doesn't that change how trials feel? Our challenges are tremendous opportunities to choose strength and to grow stronger as we do so.

So as we experience these "strengthening opportunities," what attitude should we choose?

Be of Good Cheer I like to take a long walk each morning and pray--it's a transforming experience for me--and even on the darkest days, I would make myself smile and say, "I am cheerful! I am happy! I am choosing to be positive!" Some days I said it through tears and pain. Many days. But each day I tried to choose to be cheerful, and that simple choice made an amazing difference.

One Sunday I was at church, conducting Relief Society. I was sporting an especially stylish cream-colored hat and looking pretty snappy, even if I was in a fog of chemotherapy. After the lesson, a woman came up to me and said, "Sister, I want to see your hair under your hat!"

I replied, "Oh, sister, I don't have any hair. I'm bald."

She seemed rather confused by that for a moment, even thought I had told her I was in chemo. "No, I want to see under your hat!"

I kept smiling. "Uh, sister, there's nothing under there."

But she was insistent and asked a third time.

So I lifted up my hat, and she gasped. "Sister! You are bald like a baby's bottom!"

I chuckled and said, "Yup, that's the truth."

She peered into my eyes and asked me, "But how can you be so happy and positive? You have no hair and you are sick. How can you be smiling?"

It was a moment when time stood still. I looked back into her eyes and said, "It's just hair. It will grow back. Every day I am faced with a choice. I can choose to be miserable and depressed, or I can choose to be cheerful and positive. I choose to be positive."

I can testify of the power of that choice. And when I was going through major chemical treatments, that choice was physically lifesaving. I would bound into my chemo treatments sporting my colorful Survivor buff of the week, the TV show's logo blazoned on the front. I would smile and laugh and chat with the other patients as we all sat hooked up to our IV's that were dripping liquid poisons into us. Bringing a positive attitude with me to my treatments made all the difference. Those who were negative and complained seemed to be suffering more than those who were willing to smile.

Choosing to Learn and Grow Many years ago, I was teaching Sunday School, and I asked the class to raise their hands if they had experienced a major adversity in their lives. Almost every hand went up. Then I asked, "How many of you would give up that experience?" All the same hands went back up--with enthusiasm. Oops! I realized I had asked the wrong question! "How many of you would give up all the learning that you gained from that experience?" The hands all went back down.

No one is thrilled over experiencing trying times. I doubt any of us have prayed to request trials and tribulations to come into our lives. But when they do come, they invariably bring blessings with them--if we let them.

Certainly we can endure trying times and not gain the benefit or understanding that is available to us. To obtain the full "good" from the experience requires a choice on our part. We must choose to approach these strengthening opportunities with an open mind of looking for learning.

I love this quote by Ronald E. Osborn: "Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow."

As we face trying times in our lives, we need to realize that within them are found great opportunities for growth that we could experience in no other way. We will find out what we're made of. So just keep trying!

--- Merrilee Boyack is an estate-planning attorney who conducts her law practice from home. She is also a professional lecturer, featured for many years at BYU Education Week. She and her husband, Steve, reside in Poway, California, and have four sons. Merrilee is the author of several books and talks, including Strangling Your Husband Is Not an Option; Toss the Guilt and Catch the Joy; and her most recent, In Trying Times, Just Keep Trying, from which this article is adapted. Now available at Deseret Book.

Word of Wisdom: The Fallout

Thu, 04 Jul 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Not everyone likes the sensation, but most people who get high would say they're having a great time. Eating hot fudge sundaes is a great time too, but those who keep doing it can wind up paying a pretty "hefty" price. Every choice comes with consequences, and those consequences have a way of adding up. The Fallout

Not everyone likes the sensation, but most people who get high would say they're having a great time. Eating hot fudge sundaes is a great time too, but those who keep doing it can wind up paying a pretty "hefty" price. (Okay...I'm speaking from personal experience!) My point? Well, you've heard it before, so brace yourself because I'm going to say it again: Every choice comes with consequences, and those consequences have a way of adding up. This feels terrific when they're pleasant, but the thrill falls a little flat when they're not.

Don't get me wrong. Fun counts a lot in a well-balanced life, but how and where you find it counts too. Let's face it, being able to have a good time with yourself and those around you is a trait worth pursuing. People who can entertain themselves and their friends are in demand because they know how to turn a boring day or random activity into something better. This kind of talent is an awesome resource, but it comes more easily to some of us than others. Are you ever one of those "others"? If so, consider that developing your unique and very personal ability to make fun happen pays off in a big way. It guarantees a happier life, even during hard times. Will it require work? You can bet on it, but you can also bet on at least two lasting rewards: inner strength and emotional maturity.

The stumbling block to all this is pretty obvious. Sometimes we don't feel like putting in the effort. When we get lazy (who, me?), the idea of something for nothing begins to sound like a real deal. How about the guy who wants good grades but doesn't want to work for them? Maybe he finds a TA who agrees to give him an answer sheet for every test. Suddenly he has more A's than he knows what to do with. Of course, there is a slight hitch. Now he depends on that TA for every one of those grades. Can you guess what happens next? One day the TA gets caught, or maybe he just quits coming through with the goods. Not only do our friend's A's disappear, but now he has no clue how to get them back. While everyone else has been learning all along, this kid hasn't picked up a thing. The outcome? He flunks the class. Why? Because he no longer knows how to succeed taking the test on his own power.

Life is much the same way. Every time someone depends on a drug to make him feel good by artificially altering pleasure centers in the brain, he misses a chance to develop the skill of making his own fun—or even dealing with his own disappointments. By depending on something outside himself to do something he could do on his own, he loses power. He also puts up a big "Keep Out" sign for the Spirit, one of the few things "outside himself" worth inviting in!

When people's kidneys fail, their health and well-being depends on dialysis. A large and cumbersome machine cleans their blood every day. Would anyone ever choose this voluntarily? Not likely! Being a self-contained unit allows freedom and independence, two things we all enjoy. For example, would you rather take a thyroid pill or have your own thyroid working—take insulin or have a strong, healthy pancreas that makes its own? These are good questions, and so is this one: Are you willing to risk facing the ugly side of chemicals when you have everything you need to produce a natural high right in your own brain? Only you can come up with that answer.

And while you're at it, here's another interesting question: Does the capacity for making real fun shrink when you depend on outside methods? Scientists say it does. Our minds come equipped with the power to generate the endorphins we need. Endorphins are natural chemicals in the brain that bring pleasure and reduce pain. These "good-mood-makers" are released when we run, when we smile, and even when we think happy thoughts. The more we call upon them ourselves, the better they become at responding. On the other hand, the more we trigger them artificially, the more out of whack they become—and the more dependent upon outside help.

Here's another good analogy (I know, you've already done your time in English class today, but hang with me a minute): Some people take prednisone to control asthma. Because this medication performs many of the same functions as the adrenal glands, those who take it for awhile become dependent upon it. The drug actually suppresses the function of their own adrenals. In other words, the glands begin to shut down because a drug is doing their job for them. Those who go off large doses of prednisone abruptly run the risk of death from adrenal failure. Now that's drug dependence!

Endorphins are the same. Natural production in the brain is greatly reduced for people who rely upon alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. A person's ability to use his own mind and power to adjust and manage moods, thoughts, and life in general takes a big hit when he begins to depend on something outside himself. This is particularly unfortunate for teens, who are in the process of becoming adults. Coping skills fall by the wayside, which means emotional maturation either slows down or comes to a dead end. Before long, too much control has been handed over to whatever substance is used. At this point, even freedom over personal destiny has been left behind. The pathway is clear, but is it worth taking?

Fun, after all, is supposed to be just that—fun—from start to finish! My suggestion? The next time you're looking for a ray or two of sunshine, do yourself a favor: Make sure you're getting the real thing. (And check out the "price" while you're at it!) Nobody likes to be cheated, and staying in charge of your own destiny sure beats the reverse. Young people who chemically produce moods and feelings end up settling for less than they deserve and paying too much for it. They get lots of bitter with not enough sweet, and their personal resources are ignored or wasted. Why are they willing to put up with this? For the same reasons all of us put up with things we shouldn't: We don't know how much better things could be. We don't realize how powerful we truly are. We haven't learned when to call upon that power, where it comes from, or how to feed it.

Or maybe we do know these things. Maybe we know in our heads, but not in our hearts. Could this be your situation? The last time you sang I Am a Child of God did you find yourself really believing the words? Were you reminded that a spark of His divinity belongs to you?—that you have a righteous, spiritual power ready and waiting to be used? Knowing is half the battle, but the other half is doing. Are you doing enough to develop your divine inheritance? Can you count on your capacity (with God's help) to make your own fun, face your own fears, lift your own depression? Or are you relying on something outside yourself? Someone other than God? (Let's don't even go there!)

These are questions for you alone, and what you do with the answers is something you alone must decide. My request is that you think about each one carefully, remembering that change is always possible. Are you drug-free? Great! Continue to fortify yourself by increasing your own capacity to enjoy life. Are you dabbling in drugs...depending on drugs? Then think seriously about quitting, and don't be afraid to ask your bishop and others for help. You will probably need it. What's more, you will probably like it! "Repentance," as one young man put it, "is a much better high. As hard as it is to go into the bishop's office, knowing you are forgiven is one of the best feelings you'll ever have."

Have you ever thought of repentance that way, as one of the "best feelings you could ever have?" If that kind of high sounds appealing, you'll be glad to know that alternatives to drinking and drugs are surprisingly easy to find. Happiness is a byproduct of knowing what to look for and learning how to keep your balance. Working hard—believe it or not—is part of that formula. So is making time for wholesome fun and spiritual activity. Capture the flag, flashlight tag, touch football, picnics, hikes, swimming, snowboarding, team and other sports, family activities, service projects, a favorite hobby, EFY, upbeat music, art, building or creating something, enjoying nature, talking to friends, reading the scriptures, praying, listening for the Spirit, seminary, various church meetings—all are excellent resources for fun and joy in our lives. Even better, they're in good supply. Best of all—they're free! (And I'm not just talking about money, either. Is anything more freeing than the freedom from bad consequences? How about the freedom from outside control?) Taking and keeping the power to choose your own destiny is what freedom's all about.

So what do you think? It looks like there's a lot to be said for the "just say no" approach. And we haven't even talked about relationships yet. Can relationships be seriously affected by substance use? Let's hear what one 17- year old girl has to say: "When I was using drugs, I quit hanging out with most of my old friends. I told myself they gave up on me, but really I started pulling away from them. I felt like an outsider at church, like I wasn't a part of the group. I really don't know how to explain it: I just felt darker. The thing is that I could only realize how bad I was feeling after I began to change my life around."

A high school senior made this comment: "I pretty much dumped on my friends from before. When we got to high school I thought they were dorks. This year they turned out to be the only friends I had. I'm actually surprised they still want to hang out. What I found out is that it's hard to stay friends with people who are more into getting high than [being friends with] you. I'm not putting them down or anything because I was the same way. If I couldn't smoke out or at least drink, I didn't go."

What about relationships with parents? Can you see any problems that might come up there? A 22-year old new mother remembers: "I stayed away from drugs but did my share of drinking in high school. For a long time my parents didn't know, but when they found out they freaked. They knew I'd been lying, and when I kept on lying they stopped trusting me. I felt bad about that but not bad enough to quit. It was fun, and I felt more independent. Even after I changed, it took forever for them to trust me. We fought all the time. Now that I have my own son, I can understand how they felt. I'm afraid my son will do the same things I did, or worse."

Of course, relationships with brothers and sisters can suffer too, especially if your risky behavior is monopolizing parents' time and attention and putting the spotlight on you. We all know about jealousy, and it doesn't exactly bring people together! Neither do drugs—at least, not in the long run. Real relationships are just that—real. (No chemical additives needed.)

In the end, of course, the relationship that suffers most is the one between you and yourself. If you lose parents' trust, abandon friendships, or anger siblings you aren't going to feel good about it. And if you believe, even a little, that the Word of Wisdom is right, you're bound to have some guilt going on when you break it. Basically, your self-esteem will be in danger of taking a dive, to say nothing of your spirituality.

It's no big news that the Spirit can't abide with someone who's using alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs. No wonder Satan is so fond of these substances! Not only do they banish the Spirit, but they banish your own good sense. Drugs affect the limbic system of the brain, which means they affect the ability to make decisions and edit behavior. In a way, a person who uses drugs is a person who slides over to give Satan a free ride at their wheel. There's no doubt about it—If you're looking for a designated driver, he's the kind of guy who's ready and willing to step in. What a prince! (of darkness, that is.) Of course, you may not end up at quite the destination you had in mind.

The substances listed last week are some of the adversary's most powerful tools, and I bet they're his favorites. He used to need years to corrupt a young man or woman's values. Now he can take control in a matter of months, days...even hours if the drug is strong and/or addictive enough. What a perfect arsenal for his last-ditch efforts to thwart the Savior's plan.

It's been said many times: The war in heaven is now being fought on earth. "And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, and prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him" (Revelation 12:7-9)

"That war, so bitter, so intense, has gone on, and it has never ceased. It is the war between truth and error, between agency and compulsion, between the followers of Christ and those who have denied him" (President Gordon B. Hinckley, "The War We Are Winning," Ensign, November 1986, pp. 42-43). The end of the battle President Hinckley describes is near. Which side will you choose? And will you be in any condition to make that choice, or will you be "under the influence"? (I don't think I need to say whose.)

Before you answer, I hope you'll check out next week's article to read some more comments, stories, and insights from LDS youth who've learned the hard way...from experience.

Word of Wisdom: The Quick Fix

Thu, 27 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: How high a price are you willing to pay for a quick fix? When you feel pressured, stressed, angry, sad or just plain bored, what are you going to do about it? Will you go for fast relief, no matter what the cost? Will you be taken in by phony advertising? Or will you give it some time, find out everything you can, and think things through? The Quick Fix

Does anyone not like the idea of a quick fix? Instant weight-loss? Cool! Unsightly blemishes gone forever in just one application? Perfect! Magical body-building formula? Awesome! They're even selling a new pill now called "Exercise in a Bottle." (In my dreams...) And what about those advertisements for college degrees by mail? "Step right up, guys and gals; why wade through four years of classes and tuition payments? Get your diplomas here!" (Yeah, right...What's wrong with that picture?) But you know something? A lot of these companies make big bucks, no kidding. How do they do it? By taking advantage of people who think patience and hard work are no fun. (Which is most of us, at one time or another!)

Now I don't have to tell you that the fixes listed above are bogus. But some of the quick fixes out there actually work, at least for awhile. Let me give you an example. A few years ago a medication called phen-fen was sold to the public. It had passed FDA inspection and looked like a great way to lose weight quickly and painlessly. And people did lose weight on it. Lots of weight. However, over time it became clear that a number of people also lost their health. This treatment was finally taken off the market for causing life- threatening pulmonary hypertension and heart valve damage in some patients. For them, this particular quick fix came at a high price.

How high a price are you willing to pay for a quick fix? When you feel pressured, stressed, angry, sad or just plain bored, what are you going to do about it? Will you go for fast relief, no matter what the cost? Will you be taken in by phony advertising? Or will you give it some time, find out everything you can, and think things through? One thing's for sure, there are plenty of choices out there—some that work great, some that don't work so great, and some that appear to do the job but have a big downside. Which kinds of choices will you make? What will you do when the pressure hits?

Well... you could EXERCISE, pop a pill or two, PRAY, take a risk or two, LISTEN TO MUSIC, chug a beer or two, READ SCRIPTURES, smoke a cigar or two—Let's face it, the choices are there for the making. You and only you can decide whether you want to EAT WELL, starve yourself, TELL SOMEONE AT SCHOOL, cut school, WRITE IT DOWN, shut it down, TALK TO OTHERS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, yell at others about your feelings—The possibilities go on and on. I suspect you can guess which ones I'd recommend! (Aren't capital letters wonderful?)

It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that pills, beer, and cigars are probably not going to rank high on the list of healthy ways to deal with pressure. Unfortunately, they do rank high on the list of popular ways to deal with it. Doing poorly in school? If so, you've got some choices to make. You can get a tutor and study hard enough to improve, or you can head for the nearest keg party and forget about it. Feeling less cool than everyone else? No problem. You can try new things, building self-esteem and a sense of who you are out of hard work and small successes, or you can light up a smelly old stogie and try to get attention any way you can. Too shy to talk to girls or guys you really like? Easy. You can push your sweaty palms and shaky knees through enough talks, walks, and dates to get used to it, or you can turn to chemicals for courage. What's the best way to go? The right way, of course! False courage tends to crumble under pressure, and every one of God's children (that means YOU) deserves the real thing. Besides, choosing the right path will point you in the right direction (we're talking Celestial Kingdom here) every time.

Here's the deal—Most of us just want to be happy, but we don't always agree on how to get there. Have you ever heard the 60's phrase "If it feels good, do it"? How about the older version ... "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die"? Sounds pretty cynical, doesn't it? And a bit light on consequences for my taste. I think I'll stick with Alma's philosophy: "Wickedness never was happiness" (Alma 41:10). For me, that says it all.

What's your philosophy? The debate goes on, but before you enter into it, let's make sure you know all the angles. Using any kind of chemical, whether it's to "have fun" or to "feel better," has a serious downside. Our next installment, "The Low-Down," will take a close look at the facts—and those facts reveal just how serious that downside really is.