Mormon Life - Grandparents tag

BYU Study: 'Grandparents matter' and can be a positive influence

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 13:10:00 -0700

source: ldschurchnews.com

Mormon Life says: One of the findings is that there is a correlation between grandparent involvement and how their grandchild treats others and, in some cases, how they perform in school. Whether it is sitting around the dining room table, watching a Saturday morning soccer game or video chatting via the Internet, the presence of grandparents in a child's life seems to have huge benefits according to a recent study out of Brigham Young University.

Jeremy Yorgason, lead author of the study and professor at BYU, called the study results significant. "Grandparents influence children in minor, yet important ways. … The influence of parents is very strong, yet above and beyond that, grandparents matter."

Children are kinder when grandparents are involved in their lives

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 11:16:00 -0700

source: news.byu.edu

Grandparents love to boast about their grandkids’ accomplishments, and now a new study gives them credit for helping their young grandchildren be a little kinder and – in some cases – a little smarter.

Scholars from Brigham Young University interviewed grandchildren ages 10-14 about their relationship with their grandparents. One year later, the researchers again contacted the 408 adolescents to gather information about their emotional development.

Funny Advice from Grandparents to BYU Students

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 11:13:00 -0700

source: news.byu.edu

Mormon Life says: My grandpa's advice to me: "You can marry more money in five minutes than you can earn in a lifetime." True story.

Best Gift for the Grandkids?

Mon, 09 Aug 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: What's the best financial gift for young grandchildren? Dear Dave,

What's the best financial gift for young grandchildren?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Well, it's definitely not savings bonds. You get nothing in the way of a return from those things. I get mad just looking at them! I'd suggest opening up an Educational Savings Account (ESA) in a mutual fund in the child's name. You can put up to $2,000 a year, per child, into these, and they grow tax-free.

If you started when your grandchild was born, and set aside $2,000 a year for 18 years, you'd have saved $36,000. But if you go the ESA route, and figure 12 percent average growth over that time, the kid could have about $126,000 waiting when it comes time for college. That's a pretty sweet gift!

-Dave

Devoting a Day to the Grandkids

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 18:00:00 -0600

by Mary S. Taylor
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Memories of visiting Grandma and Grandpa are as different as the people involved. Every family has different traditions and customs, but one thing remains constant for everyone: the smile that comes to your face when you think of those treasured times. Grandparents have so much to share, but as the rush of our busy world has a way of inevitably shifting our priorities, for many grandparents it may seem that quality time with the grandkids is less easy to come by without going out of your way. But sometimes, that's just what it takes - a little more effort.

Some grandparents have decided to make a special event out of time spent with the grandkids by devoting a day (or a few days) just to them. While not every moment spent with grandchildren needs to be turned into a major production, making the kids feel special by devoting some extra-special time just for them will lead to wonderful memories all around. Here are some ideas from a few "Grandkids' Days" experts.

Birdhouses and Bonding Grandma and Grandpa Hoge (Pam and George) from Idaho Falls, Idaho, hosted their first Grandkids' Day years ago, and it became a huge success.

"We knew that with the kids' busy summer schedules it would be nearly impossible to set aside a time when a majority would all be available, so we decided to take advantage of spring break," says Pam.

Once the various families were on-board, the Hoges and seven of their grandkids (ranging in ages from three to twelve) headed to the family's cabin near Yellowstone for a three-day weekend. They played board games, told bedtime stories, and made treats and crafts. Grandpa made birdhouses and the older kids helped the younger ones put them together and paint them. "This was one way we found to involve both the older kids and younger ones in the same project," says George. "The older kids helped us out a lot and it was really fun to see all of their personalities in their art."

The Hoges had several goals in mind when organizing this event. "We wanted the grandkids to all get to know each other better as cousins and we wanted them to be with 'just us' so we could have fun and get to know them better as well," says Pam. "We also wanted to give their parents a break. My son and daughter-in-law were able to take a little vacation together."

On Sunday, the Hoges (who teach the CTR 7 and 8 class in Primary) ambitiously took all of the kids to church. "It was wonderful to be able to go with all the kids," said George. "We have thirteen primary children. Three of our grandchildren went to our class (the others went to their own classes). It was our class's turn for sharing time that day, which was great because our grandchildren helped out and I was able to use one granddaughter as an example in my lesson on being a missionary. Her best friend isn't a member but she has started inviting her to activities."

"It was one of the best times we've ever had," says Pam. "The kids are still telling their parents about it and asking when they get to do it again. I think their parents are more pleased with the idea than anyone," she adds with a wink.

Finding that "Special Place" For Shirley Klein of Provo, Utah, her "Grandma's Day" is always a huge hit. She has done everything from themed "Nemo" parties to sleepovers to park exploration adventures. "One of our best times was just walking down the street together to visit our 'special place' – a place we've discovered in the woods nearby," explains Shirley. "We also like to go to the park. I remember watching the kids playing in the streams, trying to float on a piece of wood in the pond. It was so fun to watch them overcome their fears and master an unknown."

Shirley also points out that being a good grandma and showing your grandkids how much you love them, doesn't always need to cost money.

"One time I had six young grandchildren (all under age five) peeling a bag of potatoes in the kitchen with me. We had potato peels everywhere, but we did have fun! It was a great feeling to sit down to eat those mashed potatoes that evening," she says. "Grandchildren love to get involved in the kitchen - they know where the apron drawer is and even the two year old will ask to join in."

The best thing about Grandma's Day is the one-on-one time that's so hard to come by in an everyday setting. "I am able to concentrate on my grandkids without distractions of other adult conversations. I really enjoy talking with my own children and their spouses, so when everyone is together the grandchildren tend to play together and the adults spend time together. On Grandma's Days, we have special time to do things that just kids like!"

Planning on Having Fun Elaine Cobia of McCammon, Idaho, has been doing a "Grandma's Week" for twenty years. It's something she plans throughout the year and something she and the children look forward to tremendously. "They came at about two or three years old and continued coming until the summer jobs kept them home." It's no wonder that the grandkids look forward to the week so much and continue going even into their teen years - Grandma Cobia's Grandma's Week is a blast!

"I plan to have enough activities that will keep them busy, but not tired," she explained. "Three activities a day worked well for us. I wanted to have a week with no TV, but we did watch some uplifting movies for a few activities."

Elaine raises the anticipation of this event for her grandchildren by getting them involved in her planning. "I ask one family of kids to get together and plan a menu for the meals (three a day) for six days. They loved to do this, and we were not too concerned about nutrition as we would provide good veggie snacks and nutritious treats for them. They like to choose nachos, pizza, tacos, hamburgers, fruit, cookies, chicken strips, and the like."

She also sends invitations to the kids about the activities she's planning. "About two weeks before the date, I would send a list of things they should pack to bring with them. They love getting mail."

Grandma is continually planning for her week throughout the year because she's able to watch for good buys on things like food, crafts, t-shirts, paints, and canvases. She also plans ahead by making reservations at various places they plan to take the kids.

After having done it for so long, Elaine has been able to develop a great game plan to make sure her week runs smoothly. "When all the kids arrive, they are anxious to have their parents leave so they can start having fun. We call all of the children together and discuss the do's and do not's. If you make the rules clear, the kids are great at seeing to it that everyone obeys them.

Elaine's Grandma's Week, with all of its activities and fun, is a great way to have a good time, but above all, it's helped everyone to form special relationships. “"hey help each other and take care of each other. Serving each other makes special bonds. Our grandchildren all know each other well and when we get together it is wonderful to see how they respond and support each other in special times like baptisms, Eagle Scout awards, priesthood ordinations, graduations and more." Parent - the Verb Grandparents certainly have an added perspective on parenting after having gone through the bulk of the process already, but, according to Shirley Klein, the added insight that comes with experience doesn't mean she'd necessarily change much about what she did as a parent.

"If I could inspire parents of young children based on what I have learned," she say, "it would be to be kinder, gentler with them and find joy in the association on a daily basis. Don't wish for the day they aren't there, but make memories everyday. I'm still learning important lessons of parenting by being a grandparent, like being kinder and gentler and enjoying the moments."

Roller-Skating Grandma

Thu, 23 Oct 2003 10:08:00 -0600

by Gretchen Willard
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: I never knew Grandmother loved to tap dance. I also never knew she was voted "outstanding athletic girl," during all four years of high school, and won the posture parade competition For fun, Grandma used to hitch rides with the milkman to the city, and once, she roller-skated from Logan to Provo. I always knew my Grandma had stories to tell, but when I finally sat down and asked about her life, I learned things I'd never through to ask.

We all have living relatives with stories that should be recorded for future generations. Ranging from the remarkable to the simple and humorous, every person has valuable life lessons to share. Church members have been encouraged to learn about their deceased ancestors, but all too often we neglect gathering information about our living relatives.

For years I wanted to record a brief history of my 81-year-old grandma, whom we affectionately called "Munner." Munner is one of my heroes and the backbone of a wonderful family: six daughters who are as different as can be, yet love each other and stay close despite the miles between them.

When I was about to have my first child I finally found the motivation to ask Munner about her life, her background, and how she managed to raise a good family. I soon learned that gathering a life story takes a lot of work, but more importantly, I learned how crucial it is to have this information. It's her stories and her experiences that will keep her alive for my children and my grandchildren. Here are a few things the experience taught me.

Talk Face-To-Face

Gathering Munner's story started with a trip to Pocatello, Idaho. My sister and I drove up for a weekend of eating, talking and more eating. Whenever possible, interviewing a relative in person yields far greater results than interviewing over the phone.

It was hard to make my energetic grandmother sit down long enough to ask her questions about her life. While we were at her house, we made a baby blanket, cooked meals (she cooked- we ate), and toured her new home. When we were finally able to make her stop, I knew I had to make the time count. We stayed for the weekend, and I still wasn't able to gather all the information that I needed.

Have a Game Plan

Fortunately, I enjoy the mundane tasks of making lists and planning ahead. That may not sound exciting, but when you're tackling a big project, having a game plan is essential. Before traveling to Idaho, I made a list of 30 questions ranging from, "Tell me about your parents," to "What does being a grandmother mean to you?"

I skipped some of the questions I'd listed, and asked many I hadn't. You don't need to stick to your list. Let the conversation take you where it will. Without the list, however, I surely would've gotten sidetracked. The list made sure I remembered to ask some of the more important questions.

Focus on Experience

Birth dates, marriage dates, etc. are important, but that's not what will keep his or her memory alive. While you have your relative's time and attention, focus on experiences that show his or her personality.

After Munner had a few children, she decided to take a college class. The professor said something that she didn't agree with, so she debated with him and told him he was wrong. The professor asked how she, a little old housewife, had the nerve to disagree with a college professor. She told him she had a right to say what she believed, and she didn't believe what he was saying. The same professor said he didn't give 'A's' to students because they never deserved them. She got an 'A' in the class.

Munner shared her experiences as a machinist during World War II, of raising six daughters, and of her childhood dream to be a criminologist. Combined, these stories paint a true picture of my grandmother.

Choose A Theme

A life history can be a collection of stories, or a chronological timeline of experiences. It can be written for adults or for children. It can be philosophical or funny. It should be written in a way that reflects our relative's personality. Munner is a great storyteller, so my theme was a collection of stories. If you don't choose a theme, you may become overwhelmed.

There's no way to completely gather the story of a person's life, but a theme can narrow your focus. To choose a theme, ask your relative what he or she is most comfortable with, then plan your questions around that theme. A theme makes the history more focused and interesting to read.

Look at Pictures Or Journals

If your relative permits, search his or her photo albums and journals for inspiration. It's amazing how many questions can be sparked by a collection of pictures. Your relative may even want to select a few especially significant journal entries, like the wedding day or details about when children were born. Emotions may be difficult to remember, but a journal provides these details. Munner's entries often included a description of the weather. She finds it interesting to look back and chart the weather patterns. Pictures and journal entries can trigger great conversations.

Don't Put It Off

There's no time like the present to record family member's history. To make the project more fun and manageable, divide it into a series of smaller projects.

Take a tape recorder with you when visiting relatives. Use it to capture a quick story. Soon you'll see their history unfold. I wanted my son Miles to know his great grandma. Now he'll be able to listen to her voice on tape and hear her laughter. He'll also hear her testimony and her desire for her family to be happy. Recording a living history is a wonderful way to bless your posterity. It answers those questions you always wished you'd asked.

Long Distance Grandparenting

Tue, 23 Sep 2003 10:13:00 -0600

by Arthur Kornhaber, M.D.
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Millions of American families are separated by distances too vast to make day-to-day grandparenting possible. Better jobs, retirement, or just the call of adventure have made children move away from their parents or parents move away from their children. Many families, therefore, no longer have three generations close by to rely on.

How many of your friends, colleagues, or neighbors live in families with three generations present? How many grandparents in their locale live near their children and grandchildren? How many parents have their own parents nearby?

Distance adversely affects family closeness—especially the grandparent/grandchild relationship. We’ve heard the laments of grandparents, grandchildren, and parents in these circumstances for over twenty years. People of all ages continually call and write asking for suggestions on how to overcome the difficulties distance imposes on their relationships.

Many long-distance grandparents want to know if the axiom “out of sigh, out of mind” holds true. They ask, “does living a long-distance away from a grandchild inevitably relegate me to play only a token role in my grandchild’ life?” Concerned about becoming obsolete as a grandfather, another asks, “When this situation is unavoidable is there anything I can do to offset the results of not having frequent contact with my grandchildren? Must we be strangers? How do I minimize the negative effects of distance?”

How Distance Hurts To answer these questions, grandparents first must understand two emotional and spiritual ingredients of the vital connection between grandparents and grandchildren.

The first ingredient is one-on-one time alone with a grandchild. Giving a grandchild undivided attention is difficult when grandparents and grandchildren live long distances from one another.

The second is day-to-day contact. For the bond to flourish, grandparents and grandchildren need to be a part of one another’s daily life, especially in the child’s early years. Living far apart, grandparent and grandchild don’t come to know each other because there’s little one-to-one contact and even less time for loving attention.

But no matter how far apart grandparents and grandchildren live, some things can help keep their bond alive.

Time and Technology Young children have the grand ability to expand time. Most grandparents remember that when they were younger time moved more slowly, the streets seemed wider, and the buildings seemed bigger. Because children don’t understand the value of time as well as grandparents do, the time grandparents spend along with a grandchild is savored by the children and can nourish the grandchild for a long time.

Second, believe it or not, technology is a blessing. Ti is a great asset in helping foster emotional relations over distance. Technology can’t help a grandparent sooth a fevered brown, go fishing with a grandchild, or assist a harried parent, but it can be a boon to foster ongoing communications. This is the most indispensable factor in keeping grandparents and grandchildren as close as possible.

Following are some basic principles and practical ideas for long-distance grandparents to keep a strong attachment over distance.

1. Maintain continuity and communication

2. Devise an action plan to be together as often as possible

3. Discuss the issues, pitfalls, and problems of being geographically apart

4. Convene a family conference with children and grandchildren included

5. Pledge to minimize the potential damage to the fabric of family by keeping in constant communication

6. Pledge family financial resources to support the plan. Allocate resource to specific activities. For example, pay Grandma’s airfare to visit while Mom and Dad go on vacation. Other grandparents save all year and pay for themselves and their grandchildren to attend the Grandparenting Foundation’s Grandparent/Grandchild Summer Camp.

7. Allow for as much grandparent/grandchild “alone” time as possible. Coordinate this with visits, parent vacations, and so forth. Plan “alone” outings for when you’re together.

8. Be creative in becoming as much a part of your grandchild’s everyday life as possible. Then, when you get together in person, you’ll lose little time becoming reacquainted. Young children grow and change quickly. Many tell us that when they don’t talk with their long-distance grandparents or send them pictures regularly, they fear that when they meet, their grandparents won’t really know them. Be sure to spend enough time with the grandchild, and not just the parents.

9. Keep the connection going. Technology makes it easy to maintain daily, spontaneous contact.

Technology, Technology, Technology Technology is a blessing to long-distance grandparents. Use computers, faxes, or regular mail to keep in touch with your grandchild. Most kids are computer literate. For the sake of easy communication, grandparents must become computer literate too. Happily, buying a computer costs significantly less than it did just a few years ago. Here are some ideas.

On the Web E-mail, computer games, and the ability to instantly send notes back and forth (including recipes, jokes, or love letters) can keep your contact loving, interested, vibrant, and relevant. Grandparents can even get their own home page on the World Wide Web.

Fax Faxes are great for family communication. One grandmother we know gave all her grandchildren fax machines so they could keep in touch on a daily basis. She faxes her grandchildren a little note of encouragement several mornings a week. Children can fax jokes, report card, drawings, and other such correspondence to their grandparents and grandparents can do the same for their grandchildren.

Mail If you don’t have a fax machine or computer, regular mail works just as well. Grandchildren love to receive love notes and small tokens in the mail. Grandparents should encourage their grandchildren to send pictures, report card, and anything else a grandparent is interested in. Just a note with a piece of chewing gum is okay to begin with. Simply receiving a letter is more important than what it contains.

Telephone Telephone calls are still a mainstay for communication. But be sure you call each grandchild and talk with him or her alone. Grandchildren want to feel special and important. Time your call when your grandchild isn’t being rushed, or a parent isn’t rushing to get a meal on the table.

Audio and Video Cameras and tape recorders provide excellent ways to keep in contact with grandchildren. Your grandchildren will treasure videotape or audiotape of you talking about family history, singing a song, or simply telling a story. Send photos. Give your grandchild his or her own camera to take pictures for you.

In Person Try to be there when a grandchild is born—then be there for the other important events that your family values highly. This may include religious passages, recitals, holidays, graduations and other personal and family milestones.

Worth the Effort

Use ingenuity to keep a grandchild emotionally close. Experience shows when grandparents make the effort to love and care for grandchildren living far away, the grandchildren know it, and it means the world to them. When they’re older and able to travel by themselves, they’ll be eager to visit grandparents who live far away.

“My grandmother really loves and misses me,” ten-year-old Louella wrote. “Even though she lives a thousand miles away. I hear from her almost every day. She calls and write and sends me wool for knitting. And I spend two weeks with he every summer. When I get older I am going to go to college near where she lives so I can see her a lot.”