Mormon Life - Friend tag

New features kick off issues of the 2012 Friend magazine

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 12:23:00 -0700

source: news.lds.org

Mormon Life says: Love the "I Can Play It!" feature. Readers of the Friend magazine will notice new and exciting features designed to enhance scripture learning and provide music for young musicians. Other new features will cater to older children transitioning from Primary.

Jan Pinborough, managing editor of the Friend, said many of the upcoming features serve to help today’s children who “are being challenged in new ways.”

Worth the Effort

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0600

by Elia Gourgouris
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Many of us have been reminded that love is the most significant word in the first two commandments. First we are to love God and then we are to love our neighbors. We have also been reminded that the second commandment does not end with loving everyone else because it says, “…as thyself.” But why would that last statement be included? Over the years I have witnessed many people serving others constantly, and they only realize later that they feel depleted, depressed, and even resentful. Loving ourselves does not mean being self-indulgent, oblivious to the needs of those around us. It simply means putting "gas in our tank" in order to build a sense of self-worth and proceed productively and happily with our mortal existence.

Comparison

There are four aspects of loving ourselves, or showing self-compassion, that I've found to be the most beneficial. The first has to do with a "forgotten" commandment: Thou shalt not compare. Every time we compare we make a judgment: either we're better than others or they're better than us. Typically men compare in order to come out on top, thinking of how they're better off than others.

On the other hand, when women make comparisons, they usually end up feeling like others are better. "She's a better mom, cook, homemaker, scriptorian," and so on. In my twenty years of professional experience, I've found that every woman has the capacity to lament her abilities; even "Sister Smith," who arrives at church fifteen minutes early with her eight behaved children, can be found lamenting the fact that her mother did it better with fourteen children.

Only one comparison avoids this unpleasant and self-defeating predicament: comparing ourselves to ourselves. How does this work? Look at your life now, and compare it to last year, five years ago, or even twenty years ago, in some vital areas: spiritual, physical, emotional, relational, financial, etc. Then the question to ask yourself is, how am I doing? If the answer is that, overall, you're doing better in one of these areas now than in the past, is that a prideful statement? Actually no, it's a factual statement, so give yourself some credit and acknowledge that improvement! Saying something positive to yourself from time to time is like putting gas in the tank.

What if you were actually better at something twenty years ago than you are now? The first follow-up question should be, is this still a priority? For example, I weigh more in my forties than I did as a teen; is that a result of a change in priorities? No, it's just how life goes. Yet I still make those comparisons and beat myself up. Then, let's say I was more diligent in my prayers and scripture study ten years ago than I am now, four kids later. In this case however, spiritual nourishment is a priority in my life. So the question becomes, what will I do about it? Rather than beat myself up for not being good enough, I need to figure out what I am willing to do to get back on track.

Avoiding comparisons and then clarifying our priorities and creating a specific plan of action is one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves. As we do it consistently, others around us will notice and we can become an inspiration for them as well.

Perfectionism

The second aspect of becoming more loving toward ourselves has to do with the "sin of perfectionism." Most of us have become confused about what it means to become perfected. Elder Russell M. Nelson gave a wonderful talk in 1995 called "Perfection Pending" in which he discussed this topic. He said that the word telios, from the original Greek Bible, was misinterpreted as "perfect" in the English Bible. In fact, it means to become completed, not perfected. Now I'm not an expert in the scriptures, but I do know my Greek. Elder Nelson was right.

After all we can do, we still need the Savior to complete us. Understanding this relieves the pressure for perfection. We know that God gives us weaknesses to humble us, and after we humble ourselves, weaknesses can become strengths. So you see, He will continue to give us weaknesses, but only so we can become stronger.

We're not meant to be perfect, but if we don't follow the program, our weaknesses will remain weaknesses. We'll simply be imperfect and weak. Additionally we usually tend to hide or avoid dealing with our weaknesses. I did it for twenty years!

I was painfully shy growing up, and it got worse after we moved from Greece to the United States. I hated that I sounded different, so speaking in front of people was extremely painful. It went far beyond the anxiety most people feel, and I managed to get to graduate school without doing any presentations.

It was in graduate school when I was introduced to the gospel. The only obstacle to my baptism was that I knew Church members were regularly asked to speak. Eventually the missionaries promised me that I would never have to speak. But the Sunday after my baptism, Fast Sunday, the stake president asked me to share my testimony in front of 250 people. After the bishop finished his testimony and opened the floor, I literally ran down the center of the aisle and got to the podium.

I was in my mid-twenties and had never spoken to a group larger than four people. Miraculously I received so much positive feedback that it changed my whole outlook on public speaking. My biggest weakness has become one of my biggest strengths.

Embracing rather than avoiding our weaknesses will not only make us better people but will also give us the confidence we need to achieve our eternal potential.

Perspective: Basement or Penthouse?

How we view circumstances and life's events encompasses the third aspect of learning to be more loving. So what is the "basement perspective"? That's when we feel trapped, meaning there are no doors, windows, or exit signs - just darkness. We often go to the basement when we feel like there's no way out of our problems.

On the other hand, the "penthouse perspective" finds us at the top. We have a great view, with lots of options and lots of light. There's hope for solutions, and we have the type of resolve that says, no matter how difficult the circumstances, an open mind and a willing heart make anything possible.

Now we all go to the basement from time to time. The main point, however, is how long we stay there and how we get out. So here's the goal: If you are a person who sets up a permanent camp in the basement, you can try to occasionally get out and see the light. If you go and stay for weeks, maybe you can reduce it to a few days, and so on.

As for getting out of the basement, imagine you're in an elevator and the button says B, for basement. Mentally push P (as in penthouse). The P button represents the quickest way up the elevator. In reality, P stands for prayer. There's no better way to escape from the hopelessness of the basement mentality. We may not necessarily find a solution to our pressing problems, but our perspective will certainly change. It gives us an eternal view of our temporary circumstances.

Optimist or Pessimist

The fourth aspect of becoming more loving has to do with becoming more optimistic. So what is the real difference between seeing the glass half empty and the glass half full in life? The optimist wakes up every morning, looks out the window, and expresses gratitude. The pessimist wakes up the same morning, looks out the same window, and dreads the day ahead. Clearly nothing bad has transpired just yet, but there's lament for the new day.

The day begins and both are wearing their expectations on their sleeves. Everything that will take place during the day will be viewed through their unique lenses. For instance, both people get a flat tire on the way to work as they're exiting the freeway. The optimist is grateful because the flat happened as the car was slowing down and not while it was traveling on the freeway at seventy miles per hour. The pessimist pulls over at the same freeway exit, and thinks, "Why do these things always happen to me . . . now I'll be late for work, and my boss will probably fire me."

The quickest way to turn pessimism on its head is to change the questions we ask ourselves. Begin by monitoring what questions you're already asking. If it falls in the category of, "What's wrong with my life, my kids, my bishop, my spouse?" you'll get very long responses. Negativity rules.

Instead ask, "What am I grateful for?" or "What do I admire about my spouse?" The brain can't help but answer questions. Eventually, your brain will be swimming in endorphins, and feelings of optimism will abound. The beginning of change really could be that simple.

So there you have it: a future where you follow the second commandment to a T. Embracing your weaknesses, a broader perspective, and an optimistic view, all in the absence of comparisons, will literally transform your life! You'll like the result. I promise.

Choose Carefully Those You Date

Wed, 27 Nov 2002 08:26:00 -0700

by Gary and Joy Lundberg
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: No one says, "I’m going to date losers—I love misery." At the same time, many don’t think seriously about who they ask out or who they agree to date. Perhaps you need to stop and consider what kind of person he or she really is.

And while people don’t wear “I’m a loser” signs, you can look for clues to the kind of people they really are. Consider the following telltale situations:

Good Choices/Bad Choices
1. You’re talking about movies with friends. Garth, a guy you’ve been thinking you’d like to go out with, says, “My brother saw this movie and said it was awesome. Let’s go see it.”

Wow! He just asked you out! Your heart begins a bongo beat. Then you remember something.. Taking a deep breath, you say, “I think it’s rated R.”

“No big deal,” Garth counters. “My brother said there’re only a few bad scenes. Let’s go, okay?”

2. Nicole has a smile that makes you want to smile right back. You’re attracted to her and wonder what she’s really like. A crucial test is coming up at school, and Gil, a member of your study group, has a clever idea for cheating.

“No one will know,” he says. “We’ve got to pass this one, so we’ll do whatever it takes.” Nicole looks straight at Gil and says, “No way! We study hard, then we pass or fail—but no cheating!”

3. You’ve been wanting to go out with Kevin, but you don’t know him well. He’s a little shy, but sooo good looking. Everyone cheers when he’s on the football field. He’s every girl’s dream guy.

During a library conversation, your friends start talking about the photos on their driver’s licenses. Kevin pulls his wallet out to show his picture. You get a good look, but something else catches your eye—a picture of a temple.

“Hey, Kev,” his buddy says, “What’s that?”
“It’s a picture of a special place,” he replies. “I carry it as a reminder.”

4. You and several friends—including Amy, the girl you want to ask to homecoming—are on your way to a basketball game. Someone tells a joke and everyone laughs. Then someone else tells one and it gets contagious. Everyone’s laughing and having a great time. Then Kyle tells a joke he’d never tell if the bishop were present. Everyone laughs, except you and Amy. Kyle notes her lack of response and asks, “What’s the matter, Amy? Too young for a little adult humor?”

“No,” she responds. “I’m just sad to hear one of my friends tell a story like that.”

5. You’re at a school party where everyone’s dancing and having a great time. A cute guy you’ve noticed in social studies makes his way to you and asks for a dance. You happily accept. It’s a slow dance and he moves in close. Then you smell it on his breath. He’s been drinking!

6. Friends are talking about an upcoming party at Shara’s house. You’re not sure about going, but it would be fun to be with everyone—especially Shara. She joins in and says, “C’mon. It’s going to be fun. My parents are gone for the weekend and the house will be ours.”

That’s a red flag. She sees you hesitating and adds, “You need to lighten up and live a little. We’ll have some stuff there to help you out. C’mon.”

Only A Date?
We could describe other scenarios, but you get the idea. The clues are usually obvious.

“But it’s only a date,” you’re thinking. “I’m not going to marry that guy/girl.”

Do you know anyone who married someone he or she never dated? You marry who you date. You never know when a dating relationship may develop into more than just a friendship. Be extremely cautious about who you hang out with and who you accept dates from. President Hinckley said, “Choose your friends carefully. It is they who will lead you in one direction or the other . . . never lose sight of [this] fact.”

Saying “No” Politely
You control who you choose to be with. Never accept a date from anyone you don’t feel good about. If a polite refusal isn’t sufficient, be firm enough that the person won’t ask you again.

What would you say to Shara in situation #6? How about, “Thanks, but that’s not my kind of party.”

If she replies, “Loosen up! You’re missing a lot of fun,” just smile and say, “That’s the kind of fun I choose to miss!” Then change the subject or walk away. This leaves no question about your values. Give an excuse like, “Sorry, I’ve already made other plans,” she’ll try again later.

What could you say to the guy in situation #5 if he asks you to ride home with him? If you’re smart, you’ll keep your distance during that slow dance. He may take the hint and not ask you out. It’s not necessary to say, “No way, loser. I don’t go with drunks.” A simple “No thanks” should be enough. If he asks for another dance, offer the same response. There’s always a polite way to let someone know you’re not interested.

You Always Have a Choice
What if you live in an area where there are no Latter-day Saints your age to date? Don’t say, “I have no choice—there’s nobody else to date.” You always have a choice. When we were on a speaking assignment in Rhode Island, we asked a 17-year-old boy if he had a girlfriend. He said, “No, I’ve never had a date, let alone a girlfriend.”

This was a good looking, likable guy, so we were surprised and asked why. He told us it was his family’s standard to date only faithful Latter-day Saints. “There are no LDS girls my age, so I don’t date,” he said. “And it isn’t easy.” His sister had been in the same boat and didn’t date until she went to a college where there were other LDS students.

These teens hang out with friends of other faiths with high standards, but they don’t pair off and date. They don’t want to risk falling in love with someone they couldn’t marry in the temple. We were impressed with the faith and obedience of these young people. They understood the counsel of President Spencer W. Kimball, who said, “Right marriage begins with right dating . . . Do not take the chance of dating nonmembers, or members who are untrained and faithless. [You] cannot afford to take a chance on falling in love with someone who may never accept the gospel.”

We are convinced that the Lord will bless these faithful young people in wonderful ways. To the faithful He promises, “Thou shalt observe all these things, and great shall be thy reward” (D&C 42:65). There is no question that the reward will be worth the wait.

Use Moroni’s Measuring Rod
Just because a person shows up at church doesn’t mean he or she is living the standards of the Church. We don’t judge or condemn people—that’s the Lord’s job. But you must make judgments when deciding who to associate with.

Commenting on righteous judgment, Moroni said, “I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ . . . ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God. But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil.” (Moroni 7:16-17).

Satan’s Traps

Are people you meet in Internet chat stations likely to be good dating material? This kind of relationship can be extremely dangerous. Make it a rule not to chat on line with anyone you don’t already know. It’s even less safe than striking up a conversation with a stranger coming out of a bar. A person met on the Internet could be a forty-year-old pervert with evil intentions, pretending to be a terrific young guy or girl. People with serious personality defects and a horrible lifestyle may lead you to believe almost anything.

Never Count on Changing the Other Person
Sometimes people date those less worthy, hoping to bring them to a higher standard of gospel living. They think, “I’m sure he/she will like me enough to change.” This seldom happens. If you date people who lack high standards, you may end up marrying someone who will pull you down to his or her level. When you’re with someone who is already following Satan, you can easily fall. Protect yourself by refusing to date those who don’t live up to the Savior’s standards.

When people spiritually lose their way, it doesn’t mean they cannot change—but this may not happen. Invite them to listen to the missionary discussions or to atttend church functions. If they’re already members, encourage them to visit their bishop. Be kind, but don’t date people until they’ve repented. The risk is just too great.

What About You?
What kind of person are you? Someone a faithful Latter-day Saint girl or guy would want to date? Look carefully at your own values. Try to honestly determine whether or not you’re striving to live them.

When Margie said to her cousin, “I don’t know why such scummy guys always ask me out,” he was honest and said, “You attract these guys by the way you dress.” Margie didn’t get the message. She said “the good guys,” just weren’t asking her out. If you want to date decent people, you must be a decent person yourself.

Dating is always more enjoyable when both you and your date strive to keep the commandments. You have less to worry about and more to enjoy together as you seek wholesome activities.

Dating in groups can be especially enjoyable. Counsel from the First Presidency in For the Strength of Youth is clear on the subject: “When you begin dating, go in groups or on double dates. Avoid frequently dating the same person.” Choose well those you date and you’ll take a giant step toward protecting your sexual purity. You’ll be qualifying yourself for all the blessings the Lord has in store for you. He has said, “be thou faithful . . . and I will give thee a crown of life” (Revelations 2:10).

Word of Wisdom: The Pressure, Part 2

Wed, 19 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Friends' behavior can influence you even when nothing is said--even when you don't realize you're being influenced. Group dynamics are powerful. That's why it doesn't hurt to think carefully about the groups you choose. The Pressure, Part 2

Church leaders are continually reminding LDS youth that today's decisions become tomorrow's realities. In other words, the things you do add up to YOU. Right this minute and every single day, you are making decisions which will shape your life. That's your job, whether you remember signing up for it or not, and it is huge! It can also be a bit overwhelming, which may be one reason why having friends your own age is so important. Most everyone relates best to others who are in the same boat. Let's face it, shared experience is a powerful force. Does this mean you no longer care about parents and their input? Of course not, but looking to peers first can be a source of conflict in the family, especially if those peers hold different ideas, values, and beliefs than you've been taught.

Surveys show that teenagers are influenced at least as much and probably more by friends than parents. How does this make parents feel? Nervous. VERY nervous! It isn't easy to move over when you're used to being the big kahuna (s) in your child's life. Of course, cultivating squeaky clean friends can do a lot to calm parents down on this issue. Friends who are not so squeaky, on the other hand, will have the opposite effect. In fact, your personal choices can move formerly easy-going parents from slightly nervous to downright worried to completely ballistic. Are they overreacting? Does choosing friends with different values really mean you will change yours? Not necessarily, and some kids do hang out with friends who party and never join in. It's risky though, and let me tell you why.

Recently, an evening news program featured a university study showing the tendency of human beings to conform to a group. Several unsuspecting college students were asked to take an exam. They were separated from one another and placed with what appeared to be a roomful of regular students. Those "regular" students, however, were only pretending to be real test-takers. They were actually part of the study, planted there to give incorrect answers. By the way, the test was easy and consisted of looking at four lines and choosing which two were the same length. The answers were obvious to anyone.

Here's the catch. Test-takers who were in on the scheme were coached ahead of time to purposely miss each question. They agreed as a group to solve every problem by giving the same, wrong answer. Chairs were arranged in a pattern which allowed the phony students to respond first, and every answer was spoken out loud. When the test began, the initial "real" student, who had no clue what was going on, looked puzzled by everyone else's inability to tell which two sticks were the same. He still gave the right answer and went on to answer the second and third questions correctly too. By the fourth question, however, with each planted student continuing to contradict him, the test subject appeared tense and unhappy. He gave the right solution, but without conviction. On question number five, the poor guy finally caved in and offered the same answer the others did, though his facial expression showed that he clearly knew it was incorrect.

The same experiment was conducted with several other test subjects, and only one held out against the crowd, giving the right answer to the very end. Later, she described herself as being so "uptight" she could barely respond. What did the scientists conclude? That people, by nature, want to fit in with group behavior. Even when they know they are right, it becomes harder and harder to go against what the group is doing.

Peer pressure is real, but it is often silent. Did the planted students tell the first test subject to answer as they did? No. Did they make fun of his correct answers? Not at all. They didn't need to. He still felt pressured to conform, not because they wanted him to but because instinctively he was more comfortable going with the flow. Will everyone give in to peer pressure? Not by a long shot. But the risk is there, and that risk is even greater when the pressure comes out in the open.

Our high school has few Mormons, so most of my children's friends went to parties for one reason... to party! One son's group made it fairly easy for him to obey the Word of Wisdom. They teased him a bit but were pretty low-key about the whole thing. Most of them seemed to respect his ability to swim upstream. Another son's group wasn't so easy. They were neat kids, but they were also kids who thought drinking was cool—and that refusing to drink with your friends was not cool. They saw drinking as a male bonding/football player kind of thing, and his not drinking with them was seen as a kind of rejection. Sometimes he felt guilty, like he was letting the group down by avoiding the keg. Other times he felt strange when they'd make comments or jokes about being Mormon. All these things made keeping the Word of Wisdom more of a struggle.

Peer groups are different, and you get to choose yours. A number of them will openly share your beliefs, supporting them with their own actions. Others will respect your beliefs but behave according to theirs. Some will actively try to change you. The important thing to remember is the lesson taught in our university study. Friends' behavior can influence you even when nothing is said—even when you don't realize you're being influenced. Group dynamics are powerful. That's why it doesn't hurt to think carefully about the groups you choose. It also doesn't hurt to be on guard once you're in them!

One more thought. Peer pressure is a force to be reckoned with, but sometimes the hardest pressure to withstand is the pressure you put on yourself. Regardless of what feeds it (parents, school, church, friends, low self-esteem, feelings of failure, or just a need to live up to whatever ideal you've set), pressure from within can be the most difficult of all. Of course a little pressure is needed or you might just lay in bed half the day—or become a total vegetable—but while some is good, too much is too much. Perfection isn't on the menu for this life, and while trying hard is a good thing, being hard on yourself is not. You could wind up wanting to feel better any way you can, and that's a dangerous place to be when you're trying to obey the Word of Wisdom. So give yourself a break once in a while, okay? Remember who you are, why you came here, where you're going, and whose help you can depend on in getting there. One thing's for sure... The best friend any of us will ever have is a loving Heavenly Father, and His influence is 100% guaranteed to bless, NOT stress.

(Check back next week when we'll talk about "The Quick Fix."

Word of Wisdom: The Pressure, Part 1

Wed, 12 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: People are communal creatures, and wanting to be one of the crowd is natural. This usually brings up questions: "Which set of rules makes sense to me, if any? Whose ideas come closest to my own? What group or groups truly satisfy my needs?" Answers may not be that easy to come by, and that's why an understanding of group behavior and how it affects you is so important. The Pressure, Part 1

Pressure. Is there anyone who doesn't have to put up with it? One way or another, and usually in lots of ways, we all get to feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. Sometimes it comes from outside sources, sometimes from within, but it's always a force to be reckoned with.

When a person who's still in school decides to break the Word of Wisdom, peer pressure usually gets blamed. A lot of the teens I know resent this assumption. They feel sure that what others do doesn't really affect them. I wouldn't go that far, but I do agree that peers are only one of many sources of pressure, including parents, school, church, and even one's self. Let's take a look at some of the pressures you and your friends are exposed to, as well as their effects.

My guess is that you've all had at least one science teacher explain (probably in more detail than you wanted!) exactly how rocks are formed. Apparently sand, clay, mud, fossils, pieces of wood and the like are subjected to geological pressure over long periods of time. That pressure, a jumble of powerful forces brought to bear upon them for years, eventually molds them into rocks and boulders.

Doesn't it seem likely that the pressures exerted upon people mold them too? I believe they do, and I also believe that sometimes those forces are powerful enough to cause tremors or even full-on earthquakes in our lives. Let's take a closer look at what kinds of pressures influence you.

Most parents want the best for their children, and yours are no different. Moms and Dads are thrilled when their kids look good, act right, study hard, make the honor roll, win scholarships or other honors, run for office, join clubs, participate in sports...(are you still with me?)...attend seminary, church and activities cheerfully, develop positive extracurricular interests, choose uplifting friends, do chores willingly, develop hobbies or skills, earn their own money... (need a time out yet??)...organize their schedules, work through problems, seem happy, and in all these (and as many other ways as possible) provide good examples to their brothers and sisters. Whew! No sweat, huh? No pressure either!

As if that weren't enough, school can take the very best student and turn him or her into a total stress case. Academic competition, the need to be accepted by the "right" college, figuring out your major, dealing with frazzled teachers, and even finding some kids to hang out with can be a real drag. On top of that, you have to come up with a way to fit those important church activities in, all the time remembering to CTR in a CT not so R kind of world. Let's face it. It's not easy being you, and there is definitely pressure involved. (And we haven't even talked about peers yet!)

But we probably should. This discussion of pressure really wouldn't be complete without them. Let's begin by saying what everybody already knows: Having friends matters. And what our friends think of us matters too. This is true for parents and kids alike, because acceptance is a basic human need, one we share with the animal kingdom. Wolves need a pack, sheep a herd, lions a pride, geese a flock—even puppies start out in litters!

Of course, we start out in families, but that's just the beginning. As social as our animal friends are, we seem to be even more so. While they belong to one group, we belong to many. We're part of a family, an extended family, a neighborhood, a ward, a school, a work environment, a club, a team, a class... the possibilities are endless, and so are the pressures. Where do these pressures come from? Our natural desire to please and be liked. People are communal creatures, and wanting to be one of the crowd is natural. In fact, it's instinct!

How do we get to be "one of the crowd"? The same way animals do, though on a more complex scale. We set up rules, agreements, and expectations. These can be unwritten—even unspoken—but they are as real as the messages we receive through satellite disks and telephone wires. Sometimes the group rules are right out in the open, but other times they are camouflaged so completely only your subconscious mind knows about them. Either way, your understanding and willingness to go along is the ticket that gets and keeps you in.

Scientists have noticed a similar pattern in packs, prides, and herds. Leaders evolve, as do codes of behavior, and conformity is part of the deal. Those who buck the basic laws and structure of the group will not be part of it for long. Often, the "different ones" are attacked and left behind to fend for themselves. Of course, no living thing wants to be alone.

Human beings least of all want to be alone, and our lives are even more complicated than those of the animals we observe in nature. So are the pressures we face. Most of us identify with several groups, and rules and expectations can differ with each one. As a teen, you may feel pulled in too many directions, especially when you're trying to figure out who you are and what you want. This usually brings up questions: "Which set of rules makes sense to me, if any? Whose ideas come closest to my own? What group or groups truly satisfy my needs?" Answers may not be that easy to come by, and that's why an understanding of group behavior and how it affects you is so important. We'll check that out that next week in "The Pressure, Part 2."

Word of Wisdom: Stupid Rule or Cool?

Fri, 31 May 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: How hard is it to be one of the few guys on the team who doesn't throw down a beer once in awhile? How does it feel to be labeled "close-minded," "too religious," or even "brainwashed by your parents" because you won't try just one cigarette...smoke just one bowl...take just one pill? There has to be a way to do what's right and still "fit in," right?

You Gotta Fight for the Right to Party

You Gotta Fight For the Right to Party, at least that's what the Beastie Boys said. Is it true? And if so, is the right to party worth fighting for? That's the question we're going to talk about in this series, and I'm hoping we can come up with some answers that make sense.

Before we get started though, I have to admit one thing—I'm a mom. In fact, I'm such a mom that my kids have been known to put their hands over their ears and make loud shrieking noises while I'm voicing my opinions. The good news is that I'm not your mom, which will probably make it a whole lot easier for you to put up with me! Just to be sure though, I'm ready to make you a deal. If you won't screech, I won't preach. (Or at least, I'll try not to.) Fair enough? Good, because I really think I'm onto something here, and creative (resourceful, enterprising, inventive, bold, active, lively, independent) minds may just agree that being onto something beats being on something every time.

I don't have to tell you that alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs have been around for years. When I was 15 (who said "Dark Ages?!"), teenagers used to tell their parents "everyone was doing it." At the time, that was a major exaggeration, but today it's closer to the truth. Nearly everyone IS doing it, which can make standing up for what's right a lot harder. You've probably already learned that it's no walk in the park being one of a "peculiar people," especially when you're trying to be reasonably cool.

How hard is it to be one of the few guys on the team who doesn't throw down a beer once in awhile? How does it feel to be labeled "close-minded," "too religious," or even "brainwashed by your parents" because you won't try just one cigarette...smoke just one bowl...take just one pill? Of course, some kids will admire you for sticking by your beliefs (and that's a great feeling!), but even those who look up to you might decide you're a little too "good" for their group. There has to be a way to do what's right and still "fit in," right?

Right!...In fact, I've seen it done!! Of course, it isn't always easy. None of this is easy, but you know that better than anyone. You also know that getting through the teenage years without breaking the Word of Wisdom is becoming less common. Right now it's your job to achieve independence, so having friends think you're "controlled" either by your religion or your parents can be pretty hard to take. The truth is, people who can't imagine passing up all that "fun" often assume someone or something else must be making your choices for you, which is pretty annoying—and disrespectful too. You deserve credit for your own choices, good or bad. Besides, you know as well as I do that no one can be forced to obey the Word of Wisdom. (That's one you gotta handle yourself!)

And you CAN handle it yourself. What's more, you can handle it well, but there's a catch. You have to really want it. What's more, you have to know why you want it. This kind of knowing demands information, and this Mormon Life series is one person's attempt to collect and supply some. I hope you'll find the facts, true experiences, and ideas in these Word of Wisdom columns a useful resource. Your decision, as always, will be up to you. Make it thoughtfully, even prayerfully, because you deserve the best life has to offer, now and forever.

Next up in the "Word of Wisdom" series, "The Pressure: Part 1"....

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