Mormon Life - Family Life tag

Rewards and Consequences for Kids

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 09:18:00 -0600

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

Do you use a rewards system for your kids? Does it work?

I have a daughter who is very, VERY logical. The only time she is not logical is when she is having a nuclear melt-down...and when she recovers, she valiantly tries to explain exactly WHY she was so angry at us. (She's 5, taught herself to read, wouldn't talk till she was 3 1/2 and could do it perfectly...she's the full package.)

For her, reward systems work very well. A few we've used with good success:

* A marble for every good deed, a marble lost for every bad one.

* A collection of magnets on the refrigerator- 15 minutes of "screen time" cost 1 magnet. (That was a favorite, because she could move them herself)

Spelling and Beyond

Tue, 21 Sep 2010 08:59:00 -0600

source: segullah.org/blog/

My third grader came home with his first spelling test two weeks ago. We had studied the words during the week and he knew them all well.

There were, however, three words with the letter p in them that he had written above the line so that the bottom of the p stem touched the line and the other letters were floating above it. Each letter p was circled in red and there was a “-1″ next to those words. His total score was 13/16 on a test where every word was spelled perfectly. The teacher wrote, “You are an amazing speller. I think next time you will not confuse p/P.”

I almost ripped up the test.

I knew it was coming; I just didn’t expect it would hurt.

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 11:36:00 -0600

source: segullah.org/blog/

Well, I’m understanding Sharlee’s fabulous essay (the title essay in Segullah’s latest, Dance With Them) a little more now. I got the first “you’re standing too close” attitude from my teenager today. I had been braced for it—really, I swear!—but it still blindsided me somehow. He explained that though he enjoys my coming to his meets, I don’t need to stand right by him the whole time.

Of course.

And two things smashed into me at once: first, memories of my own teenage years, the yearning to be separate from my parents and feeling so justified in that yearning—duh, it’s what’s supposed to be happening during these years; I’m trying to be a person here!—all mixed in with discovering my parents were sorta cool and feeling very close to them at times.

Back To School Suggestions:

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 12:57:00 -0600

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

If you are sending your children back to school this year or if you homeschool your children you have the perfect opportunity to make fresh starts and new relationships. Fall is exciting because of all the new beginnings that happen. We also seem to be more motivated to start new projects and increase our spiritual focus. Here are some tips for success during the fun Fall beginnings:

1. Don't sign up for too many things. Remember how last March you couldn't wait to get your life back? Don't take your life away like that again. Be very picky about what you will sign the family up to do because it will ultimately take time away from the feeling you want at home if you do too much.

2. Keep having mentor sessions. You want to be the biggest help you child's success as possible. Since that is the case, you need to keep up on what is happening with school, activities, and youth groups. You also need the time to keep focused on strengthening your parent/child relationship. Once a week schedule 15-30 minutes for each child to meet with you and have a proper mentor session. If you need to brush up your mentor session skills go back and read chapter 17 of Parenting A House United. Set goals for all aspects of life, not just school

Primary activity was wake-up call for Carolina soccer legend

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 09:15:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

It was an ordinary Mormon Primary activity, something that wouldn't stick in anyone's memory. But this day in a North Carolina LDS chapel has been seared into the mind of one of college sports' most legendary coaches.

An activity for fathers and daughters to strengthen their relationships morphed into a chance for dads to show off their fatherly abilities to other men. The task of Anson Dorrance, the architect of the University of North Carolina women's soccer dynasty, was simple: read a story to his second daughter, Natalie, in front of the rest of the Primary.

But it wasn't. He motioned for Natalie to sit on his lap to read the story but got nothing but a head shake. He tried again. A third time. The child didn't budge. For the man who had built Tar Heel soccer from the dirt and won more hardware than college basketball legend John Wooden, the rebuff was scathing.

"I thought, 'There could be nothing more embarrassing than this,'" Dorrance said. "It was indicative of the fact that I needed to spend more time at home."

Teenage Attitude Problems

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 22:01:00 -0600

source: millennialstar.org

This last week my twelve year old daughter had an attitude problem a number of times in one day. This is very unusual for her and definitely had me analyzing her and the day. She earned negative consequences many times and we had talks about the situations and practiced how she could have handled them better. I really focused on seeking to understand. At one point, after she was calmed down I initiated a conversation to discuss her possible need for more sleep. During this conversation she said, “I just feel like no one really understands. I bet you have never felt like this.”

I was so glad she shared this feeling with me. These kinds of feelings are <--break->so natural and should be discussed. She was obviously disconnected from me since she kept having the same problem multiple times in a day. I had just forgotten to really look deeply into the messages she was sending me.

Afternoons of Nothing

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:02:00 -0600

source: segullah.org/blog/

I have just done my most radical act of parenting so far in my fifteen-year career of raising six children: I have pulled my children out of all extra-curricular activities.

Even piano lessons.

Last year I spent just about every afternoon driving little people to various lessons, games, practices and rehearsals. There were the accompanying happy experiences: pride and excitement as my daughter performed onstage for the first time; my sons becoming more flexible and strong through Kung Fu; the sense of accomplishment my oldest two kids felt after finishing well in a golf tournament.

But there was the ugliness of all the extra-curriculars too: the fact that I spent very little after-school time helping kids with homework and just being there; the nagging and quarrelling about practicing, the lack of decent dinners (I always meant to do something in the crock pot, but it just never seemed to happen).

No substitute for good communication in combating Internet smut

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 09:49:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

It takes more than just good computer filters and family rules to stop pornography addictions from forming.

Good family communication is the key.

"Filters and rules prevent accidental exposure," said Kimball Benson at BYU's Campus Education Week. But it won't stop those who are actively seeking it out. And no filter is absolutely foolproof.

"The biggest mistake people make is that they are above it," Benson said.

Talking about it

"It's not a question of 'if' but 'when'," Benson said of children and teenagers being exposed to pornography. "It's not that they are doing anything bad, but it's the world we live in."

Benson polled the class with the question, "How are sexual topics addressed in the home?" The possible answers: none; the "talk"; occasional discussions; and frequent and open discussion.

"They are going to have 'the talk.' It's going to happen," said Benson, whether it's at home or it's from their friends or other sources.

Good-Bye

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 09:10:00 -0600

source: segullah.org/blog/

Mormon Life says: For anyone whose children are growing up. Two days ago I sat in Primary and watched as my youngest child—my baby—received her Faith in God Award and stood at the front of the room, smiling, braces flashing, as the other Primary children sang, “If you’ll miss her and you know it, wave good-bye. If you’ll miss her and you know it, wave good-bye. If you’ll miss her and you know it, then your face will surely show it [here they all pretended to wipe their eyes, as if they were crying]. If you’ll miss her and you know it, wave good-bye.”

She just turned twelve last Thursday. In fact, today she starts junior high and my next-youngest child—my blond-haired boy who just yesterday, I swear, was starting kindergarten—starts high school. I still can’t figure out how we got here: one minute I was nursing newborns and changing diapers and watching wispy-haired one-year-olds take their first steps; the next I’m sending lanky adolescents out the door to junior high and high school.

A Parent's Worst Nightmare

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 11:38:00 -0600

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

Recently, I had an experience that made my heart pound like it did at my first dance. I sweated icy-cold buckets and my stomach cold have earned the knot-tying merit badge.

My three-year old was lost.

It was Sunday after our stake conference. It had been a busy weekend full of meetings--inspirational but tiring. Our visiting authority from the Quorum of the Seventy had emphasized missionary work. An apostle visiting our stake the week before had emphasized the same thing. I listened and promised myself that I would do better at sharing the gospel.

But for the moment, we were having a relaxing lunch with friends at the stake center. While the adults talked, the children ran through the stake center and played hide-and-seek (reverently, of course).

After a pleasant afternoon, we decided it was time to leave. We called the kids and they came: one, two, three, four....wait. Where's the three-year old?

How Do You Get Your Way?

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 09:29:00 -0600

source: millennialstar.org

In May 2009 I allowed the BBC Britain to bring two troubled British teens to my home to make a show called “The World’s Strictest Parents.” They brought me two seventeen year olds named Hannah and James. For two days Hannah and James had tantrums and tried every way they could think of to initiate power struggles and force us to become aggressive. This is generally called, “button pushing.” What they didn’t know was that I got rid of all my buttons long ago.

On day three the teens were all of the sudden completely different. They were obedient and generally wanted to communicate effectively. I was really impressed with their new personalities. I said to Hannah, “Hannah, why did you suddenly stop yelling and getting angry?”

She said, “Well, at my house if I yell I get my way or someone at least yells back. But, here you always stay so calm that it doesn’t do any good. So, I just figured I might as well try staying calm too.” Because Hannah saw that her aggression wouldn’t work, she was able to completely change the way she communicated. So what did Hannah give up her aggression for? We taught her assertiveness, which was a new way to get her way.

BYU Education Week: Cell phone use? 'Be informed'

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 17:04:00 -0600

source: ldschurchnews.com

Parents should be careful about what type of phone they give their child, Dr. Charles Knutson said during his lecture at BYU Campus Education Week. With the increase of cell phone use throughout the world and the users getting younger and younger, parents need to be informed, he said. A computer science instructor at BYU and father of 10 children, Brother Knutson shared insights and offered recommendations with regard to cell phone use and the need for parents to be informed.

“There of some of us that wouldn’t conceive of putting a personal computer in [a child’s] bedroom but already have given them a powerful phone in their pocket,” Brother Knutson said. “Yesterday’s high power computer is now today’s phone.”

With more than half of the world’s population now owning a cell phone, the rules and etiquette of cell phone use still is evolving. Because of that, parents need to be informed and aware of what their children are able to access and do with their phones.

In his lecture, Brother Knutson spoke of some of the general dangers and negatives of cell phone use. Some of the negatives Brother Knutson spoke about included the hazards of cell phone use while driving and talking while in public places such as grocery store lines or dark movie theaters, or distribution of inappropriate content.

Kentucky family's gifts of service honor prophet's birthday

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 15:52:00 -0600

source: ldschurchnews.com

Mormon Life says: Love this idea. The Burnett family of the La Grange Ward, Crestwood Kentucky Stake, told about the gift they have been working on this year:

Shortly after watching general conference last October our family decided that we would try to do a little service every day. To help us acknowledge even the little things that we could do, such as opening doors for others, or carrying a classmates books, we decided to keep a collection jar.

Every night we get together and share our stories of service. We would then reward that service with a small monetary amount that we put into our “Service Jar.” Some things were worth only a penny while helping a neighbor mow their yard might be worth 10 cents.

BYU Campus Education Week: Educate your children to use Internet safely

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 15:51:00 -0600

source: ldschurchnews.com

Ten years ago, Internet safety was something few parents worried about when considering the needs of their families. Within the past few years, the growing popularity and accessibility of interactive media has brought up new possibilities, new problems and new ways of thinking. For many parents new to the technology age, parenting children of the Internet generation can be hard — or at least foreign.

For Jenny Dahlke, from Woodlawn, Texas, parenting children in regards to the Internet was the number one focus of her BYU Campus Education Week experience.

"I have six children and we have had some Internet issues," she said. "I was the parent that said my kids will just never get on the Internet."

Recognizing that mindset is almost impossible in today's society, Sister Dahlke decided that rather than ignore the presence of the Internet, she would educate herself on Internet safety so she is more equipped to then educate her children, ranging from age 3 to 18.

"Parents have to do something to protect themselves and their families," Charles D. Knutson said during his lecture Tuesday. Brother Knutson, who is an associate professor of computer science at BYU and the father of 10 children, spoke on a variety of topics about the Internet and its effects on the family.

Families Can Be Together Forever

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 14:38:00 -0600

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

This was the best day of my life. Beautiful. Perfect. It was the day
our family was sealed
for
Time and All Eternity
in the
Salt Lake Temple--
or the Pioneer Temple,
as our family calls it.
I'm the only Latter-Day Saint
in my family
as
Mr. Wonderful is the only
Latter-Day Saint
in his too.
That makes us pioneers in our own right,
so when it was time
to choose which Temple
to seal our family,
the Salt Lake Temple
was the obvious choice.

Parenting: Touching the Hearts of Our Youth (Mormon Messages)

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 17:10:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Eliminate entitlement attitude by teaching children ownership, education class says

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 16:32:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

To combat phrases such as "everybody else has one," "I deserve this" or "my friend always gets that," the Eyres used three little words: "In our family."

"Those words give kids more security than any other words in the English language," Richard Eyre explained Monday during an Education Week class on helping children take ownership of values, decisions and money.

Though a child will never admit feeling that security, underneath their grumbling and complaining, they'll appreciate knowing that their family has standards and boundaries, he said.

Setting rules, fostering responsibility and encouraging ownership are key components of a "Family Culture," explained Eyre and his wife, Linda, who are New York Times best-selling authors and world-traveled parenting lecturers.

A family culture must be strong enough to combat the encroaching social, peer and community cultures with their rampant messages of entitlement.

Just Say YES!

Fri, 13 Aug 2010 16:09:00 -0600

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

I am not the best mom. I struggle with being patient, long-suffering, and basically all the things that make a parent a good one.

A while back, I received some advice from a good friend, who had received the advice from another mom.

It was simple:

Just say yes.

Unless there is a really really good reason to say no, say yes to your children. Even if you're first inclination is to say no, because you're tired or not interested in dealing with whatever the request, try saying yes instead.

It sounds much easier than it actually is. It doesn't mean you should to be a permissive parent. Saying yes to cookies instead of dinner is not what we're talking about. Saying yes to reading another book, or going to the park is more or less the idea.

The Little Black Shoe

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 16:53:00 -0600

source: deseretbook.com/timeout/blog

There once was a little black shoe that almost got the best of me. You see, a few weeks ago, my dear friends invited me to the court finalization of their long awaited adoption. Even though it began at THE crack of dawn and I would have to drag my 3 little kids, and I knew it would be a disaster of a morning—there was no way I would miss it. That's why, being so extremely organized as I always am (stop laughing), in preparation, laid out the kids' clothes the night before. Every item.

Every item, that is, EXCEPT for one black shoe. My daughter's shiny black shoes were the ONLY shoes that would fit the special outfit I had chosen for her. It was, after all, a darling sweater dress with black and gold flowers and a black shrug on top. Nothing less than darling would do for this special day. So when one black shoe decided to go missing, I spent a good 73 minutes looking for it. I looked everywhere, determined that the delinquent shoe would not come off conqueror.

Creating a Family Proclamation scrapbook

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 10:21:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

Ann Kerr and her family were showing a friend around Temple Square when she saw a display in a visitors center that had photos illustrating "The Family: A Proclamation to the World."

She thought to herself, "I have enough pictures to illustrate every single line in the proclamation."

And that's what the grandmother from Lodi, Calif., did.

After they arrived home from an October general conference, she and her daughters made digital scrapbook pages with photos illustrating each line of the proclamation. They had them printed through an online company and gave one to each of Kerr's four children's familes for Christmas.

"My daughter Alison (Woods) designed many of the pages with me, and we spent a lot of time picking out the pictures," Kerr said. "We spent more time deciding on the photos than we did making the book."

Sometimes it was sentences for a page or a two-page spread. Sometimes it was just a word per page.