Mormon Life - Family tag

{Poll} Family Size

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:03:00 -0600

by Ashley Evanson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Apparently family size is going back up in America (after dipping down). How do Mormon families reflect these trends?

I recently ran across a study about family size in the United States that says the average household size has gone from 3.67 in 1930 down to 2.62 in 2000, but is now going back up. Interesting. I suspect some of that has to do with young adults moving back in with their parents due to economic circumstances, but not entirely.

Mormon families don't really fit into these statistics, though. Having only two children is on the lower end of the spectrum, and six is not really a novelty, especially if you live in Utah. I'm curious, though, has the Mormon household size followed the national trend, just on our own Mormon scale? Take the quiz below and let's find out.

Fathers should be missionaries to their children, family too

Mon, 14 May 2012 11:16:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Our take: Missionaries are typically those who leave their home and families to spread a message of faith to other parts of the world; however, Pastor Scott T. Brown points out that the biggest, untapped mission field may be right at home, among family. To lead by example and help decrease the number of young people walking away from the faith of their parents, he suggests that fathers view their own families as a mission field and take the time to pass a spiritual heritage onto the next generation at home.

Blending Families

Tue, 08 May 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by Jonathan Swinton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: In the Church there is a lot of focus on what is seen as the ideal family, but many people live in different circumstances than this stereotypical family.

When we talk about families, we frequently think of a certain ideal; a family where both parents are there, the kids are all little angels, and life at home is like living in a musical titled When There’s Love at Home. There is certainly merit in striving for a close-knit, loving home. However, real-life family for many people is vastly different from the ideal.

One in three people live in blended families. Though I am not a fan of labeling blended families, the term can highlight the unique challenge of fi nding tolerable ways to blend the lives, experiences, expectations, and dreams of all involved. I have seen some blended families that have been the family that many involved always wanted. I have seen others that are full of friction and trials. Finding ways to bring the worlds of multiple families and family members together is a trial few will appreciate if they have not lived it. However, the outcome can be very positive and rewarding if navigated well.

If you are part of a blended family, does it feel like oil and water? How do you blend? I have combined my experience assisting blended families and the work of nationally acclaimed blended family expert Dr. Patricia Papernow to highlight many of the common struggles and potential solutions that may help blended families come together.

Challenges children experience: Divorce and/or blending new families can be very difficult for children to navigate. Research has suggested that the biggest struggles children face are dealing with the loss of the family they once had or hoped to have and finding ways of maintaining loyalties in the new family setup. When parents divorce or a parent is lost to death, the children often maintain strong love for both parents. If a new step-parent and step-siblings are brought into the picture, children often feel guilty expressing love or feeling close to the step-parent or stepsiblings. They often feel this somehow betrays the love they have for the other parent or siblings. It is worse if the parents and/or step-parents don’t get along, and the children are aware of the friction. As a parent and/or step-parent, the best thing you can do is focus on getting along with all the adults involved. You don’t have to love each other, but try to help the kids feel that you all respect each other.

Challenges parents experience: The most common issue faced by parents and step-parents is finding middle ground when parenting styles differ. Parenting styles include a mix of firmness/permissiveness and kindness/hostility. If one parent is more permissive and kind while the other is more permissive and hostile, problems will result. Parents who use the same styles will likely find few problems meshing their styles. Try your best to align your styles and reach compromises. A brief aside: research has consistently shown that kind and firm parents will be the most effective.

The other parenting challenge that often surfaces is children responding differently to discipline from parents and step-parents. Research has shown that children generally respond better to discipline from their parents than their step-parents. The parents should be the ones to deal with tough discipline issues. Day-to-day issues should be dealt with by both parents and step-parents so the kids know all adults are to be respected. Make sure you are 100 percent consistent with each other on the day-to-day issues and avoid challenging each other in the presence of the children.

Challenges couples experience: When couples get married and create a new blended family, they are often a bit older than what we typically call newlyweds. They come into the new relationship with more experience, opinions, traditions, expectations, and established ways of living their lives. It is often difficult to align these realities and still feel love for one another. Couples should remember that if differences exist and you get your way, your spouse doesn’t get his or her way. Compromise is key. Focus on creating new ways of living that share both of your realities.

Blending families can be complicated. However, when blended families are created, they can be just what everyone involved wants and needs. If you focus on compromise and selflessness, your blended family can be wonderful.

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Dr. Jonathan Swinton, PhD, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Swinton Counseling in Utah. Visit swintoncounseling.com or call 801-647-9951 to learn more.

FHE: Family

Mon, 07 May 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by Shauna Gibby
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "The family is ordained of God. Families are central to our Heavenly Father’s plan here on earth and through the eternities." -Neil L. Andersen

Conference Talk:

For more information on this topic read “Children,” by Elder Neil L. Andersen, Ensign, Nov 2011, 28.

Thought:

The family is ordained of God. Families are central to our Heavenly Father’s plan here on earth and through the eternities.

(Elder Neil L. Andersen, “Children,” Enisgn, Nov 2011, 28.)

Song:

“Families Can Be Together Forever,” Children’s Songbook, p. 188

Scripture:

And he took a child, and set him in the midst of them: and when he had taken him in his arms, he said unto them, Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me.

(Mark 9:36–37)

Lesson:

Bring a photograph of your family to scripture study. Show your family the photograph and tell your family that Paul gives some great council for specific family members in Colossians 3:18–25. Take turns reading verses 18–24 and have your family watch for the counsel for the different family members. Ask:

• What should wives do? (Verse 18.)

• What should husbands do? (Verse 19.)

• What should children do? (Verse 20.)

• How should fathers deal with their children? (Verse 21.)

Read verse 25 to your family and ask them how they feel when someone in the family is

mean to them. According to verse 25, what is the reward for those who are mean? Encourage them to be kind to each other and build family unity thus becoming a Christlike family.

(Dennis H. Leavitt and Richard O. Christensen, Scripture Study for Latter-day Saint Families: The New Testament, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2006], p. 249.)

Story:

Billy Casper

We are all one happy family when we are members of the Mormon Church.

This all started back in 1959, the year that I won the United States Open for the first time. That year I was contacted by the Utah Golf Association to come to Salt Lake City to play in the Utah Open. We accepted, and almost immediately upon arriving in Salt Lake City, we found there was something special about the city. As we became acquainted with the people we found that there was something very special about them: they were very genuine, humble people. They had a wonderful fellowship with one another that we had not experienced in

a large group of people anywhere that we had traveled. It was very interesting to us. The examples that we witnessed in the people that we met started us investigating. I must say

that it took me quite a time to make up my mind, but I’m sure Sister Casper had made up her mind three or four years ago. (I am sure one of the reasons for that is that she is one-sixteenth

Indian.)

All during this time that she was studying and I was wrapped up in playing golf, it seemed like

I had no time to sit down and do the things that were really important in my life. It seemed like the things that were important were the material things. If I wasn’t playing golf, I would be on a diversion someplace, vacationing or fishing. If I wasn’t fishing, I would be watching television, so that my spare time was not being channeled in the right directions.

At that time, I think if I had been asked the question “What is the most important thing in your life?”, it would have been a very difficult question to answer. I think golf would have been a prime concern at that time. Now there is no question in my mind as to what is the most important thing in my life: it is my family and the Church. Golf is now the vehicle I travel by, and I am very fortunate to be gifted with a good talent.

For quite some time in my life I had asked myself the question, “What am I trying to accomplish while I’m here on the earth?” I had been thinking about this some three or four years before I ever became interested in the Church. By that I mean I feel that I really didn’t become interested in the Church until about October of 1965. For several years previous to that time I had asked myself the question, ‘What am I trying to accomplish while I’m here on this earth?”

I now know the answer to this question. When I was beginning to study the gospel I thought about two other questions, “Where did I come from?” and “Where am I going?” I found the answers to all of these questions, and I found them through the gospel of Jesus Christ, the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

Almost immediately after I was baptized into the Church on the first of January, 1966, a great change came over my life. I had a wonderful inner peace with myself that I did not have before. Little things that seemed to bother me in the past no longer seemed to be as important. This meant that every facet of my life I improved on, I could do better. My golf improved, my life and my family improved, and of course my religious life improved.

I know that if we will just study and practice the gospel of Jesus Christ, we can become as firm as the rock on which it is built. I know that as I have the opportunity of traveling and listening to Saints bear their testimonies, my testimony is strengthened. My testimony grows daily as to the trueness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

(Leon R. Hartshort, Powerful Stories from the Lives of Latter-day Saint Men, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1974].)

Activity:

Play one of your family’s favorite board games.

Refreshment

Coconut Macaroons

2 cups coconut

2 1⁄4 cups granulated sugar

1 cup flour

Pinch of salt

1 1⁄2 tablespoons corn syrup

3⁄4 cup hot water

2 large eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup milk chocolate chips, melted

Mix coconut, sugar, flour, and salt in a mixing bowl. In a separate bowl, add corn syrup to

water and dissolve. Add eggs and vanilla. With a mixer on low speed, add liquid ingredients to dry ingredients and mix until evenly blended. Allow mixture to rest and absorb moisture for 30 minutes. Scoop onto cookie sheet with an ice cream scoop. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 18–20 minutes.

For added flair, dip half of the cookie in melted chocolate chips and place on wax paper to set up.

(Recipes from the Roof, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2011] p.120.)

To access the PDF version of this lesson, click here.

Chicken a la King

Tue, 01 May 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Emergency Essentials
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Update your meal rotation with this versatile dish. And make sure to check out our step-by-step video guide.

Did you know there are a myriad of recipes that you can make exclusively from your food storage? They are quick, easy and taste great! Using your food storage requires less prep time, less mess and less clean-up. What more could you ask for?

Here is a mouth-watering recipe for Chicken A la King. The combination of chicken, vegetables, sour cream, and whole egg powder is amazing – you won't believe that it's food storage. Serve this for dinner tonight over some rice or noodles. The clean-up will be a cinch!

Ingredients

2 tablespoons clarified butter

1 cup freeze-dried green pepper+

1 cup freeze-dried mushroom slices+

1 cup freeze-dried zucchini+

1 cup freeze-dried asparagus+

1 cup chicken broth+

1 cup freeze-dried chicken+

1 cup water

1/4 cup sour cream powder

1 tablespoon whole egg powder

salt and pepper to taste

+ Reconstitute before using. Follow directions on #10 can to reconstitute.

Directions

1. Melt butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat.

2. Saute vegetables wuntil tender. Stir in broth. Cook until thickened, stirring continuously.

3. Add chicken, heat through and remove from heat.

4. In a small bowl, combine sour cream powder, whole egg powder, salt, and pepper and water.

5. Mix together.

6. Add sauce to skillet and heat throughly, stirring regularly. Serve hot.

Make sure to check out our video guide below!

Utah tops nation in traditional family categories

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 08:53:00 -0600

source: sltrib.com

An analysis released Wednesday by the U.S. Census Bureau shows that as Americans move more to a "Modern Family" model, Utah is sticking closer to the traditional "Ozzie and Harriet" lifestyle.

Utah has the nation’s highest percentage of households headed by married couples and the highest percentage of homes with children.

The census report also shows Utah has the most people per household; the lowest percentage of singles living alone; the lowest percentage of households headed by unmarried opposite-sex couples living together; and one of the country’s lowest percentages of same-sex couples living together.

Is Parenting Getting in the Way of Your Marriage?

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by Jonathan Swinton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Your spouse will rarely demand as much from you as your children, so it's easy to get overwhelmed by the role of parent and neglect your role as husband or wife. Figure out if you suffer from this problem.

One of the most common types of couples who seek help from me in couples counseling are new empty nesters. They often say something like, “Now that our kids are gone, we don’t know what to talk about” or “We are having difficulty getting used to being alone together so much.” If you are an empty nester, does this sound familiar? If not, do you want to make sure this doesn’t happen to your marriage?

Depending on their age, children require that you feed them, change their diapers, give them advice, help them when they get hurt, help them feel comforted, play with them, listen to them when they cry, listen to them when they get excited, drive them to their practices, attend their concerts, go to PTA meetings—the list could go on forever. The fact is, children depend on you every day to exist, feel loved, and learn to navigate the treacherous growing years. In contrast, your spouse can care for his or her own needs to survive. The result is that parents spend too much energy on parenting and too little energy on their marriage.

Ask yourself the following questions to see if this could be happening to you:

1. Has it been more than a month since you went on a date with your spouse? If so, is the reason you justify not dating related to your kids?

I am a big advocate of dating in marriage relationships. Dating provides an excellent forum that can foster a healthy emotional connection—a necessary ingredient for healthy relationships. Dating was likely instrumental for you when you and your spouse fell in love. If it was so important then, it is even more important now, when so many other things pull your attention away from each other. I encourage everyone to go out on a date every week. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, and if you are creative, you can find necessary childcare.

2. Do your kids go to bed much later than you would like?

If you have had young children, you can probably relate to the many struggles parents face trying to get their kids to go to bed. However, based on my experience counseling couples, allowing your kids to stay up late can reduce the amount of one-on-one time you and your spouse share.

3. Do you always choose to play or interact with your kids instead of your spouse?

I am not trying to suggest that it is bad to play with your kids. However, too often parents focus too much on being parents and let their relationship slide. Your spouse needs your attention just as much as your children.

4. When you finally get some alone time with your spouse, do you multi-task, fold laundry, or work on some other parent responsibility during your alone time?

I know that managing the responsibilities of parenting, work, church callings, and everything else can be daunting. Even so, your relationship with your spouse deserves your undivided attention. It is easy to rationalize why everything else should take priority in the moment. However, moments easily turn into years without focused attention on your marriage.

I love children. As a father, much of my greatest joy, satisfaction, and meaning in life comes from my role as a father. Fulfilling that role is a responsibility I take very seriously, as I am sure most of you do as well. However, we also have roles to play as husbands or wives.

The Lord counseled that we should “love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (Doctrine & Covenants 42:22). I interpret this to mean that spouses should be our greatest commitment. The world is a demanding place, but we need to remember to keep our marriages as our top priority.

Outdoor Cooking with Food Storage

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 00:03:00 -0600

by Emergency Essentials
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Make delicious and easy meals outdoors and rotate your food storage as well.

If you're planning a weekend getaway or a large family reunion, how about pulling out some of your food storage and giving your camp meals a delicious new twist? Food storage should be first on your list of things to bring to the great outdoors. Not only is it often convenient, but it helps you learn to use your food storage, and it provides you with a great opportunity to familiarize your family with the foods you store and rotate them!

It is often difficult to introduce your family to food storage if you are waiting until an emergency or a time when your family must eat food storage. Even though you may be familiar with most of your food storage in your diet, there still may be some items that you need to learn to use and foods that your body may need to adapt to. Don’t wait for an emergency to learn; take the opportunity while camping.

Some of the common hassles of camp cooking include lack of refrigeration, excessive weight in packing the food, the lack of a full functioning kitchen for cooking multiple foods at a time, and having measuring equipment handy. Most of these inconveniences can be lessened or solved altogether by using some of the dehydrated foods frequently found in food storage.

Here are four ways food storage foods make camp cooking more convenient:

    1.    No refrigeration required.  If you're tired of constantly worrying about coolers having enough ice in them and keeping your food at safe temperatures, you'll love using freeze-dried and dehydrated foods. Dehydrated pancake and other mixes, butter, vegetables, fruits, and even main entrées do not require refrigeration before use. Camp meals made with dehydrated foods can be great, and you can leave your cooler at home.

    2.    Make-ahead/just-add-water mixes.  Imagine not having to worry about chopping vegetables, measuring spices or leaving a main ingredient 50 miles away at home. Dehydrated foods allow you to assemble meals at home so all you have to do in the great outdoors is add water. One pot, one measuring cup, and your camp meals are ready to go.

    3.    Lightweight.  If your camping plans include going to more remote areas and carrying in all your food, you know that every ounce counts when packing your gear. And when you compare the weight of canned goods to just-add-water mixes stored in plastic bags, it only makes sense to use your food storage as part of your daily camping menu. Measure out food beforehand, and store it in plastic bags that can be resealed to avoid bringing more than you need.

    4.    Makes large camp meals a snap.  If you have a large crew--say for family reunions--cooking in the outdoors is that much more of a hassle and inconvenience. But again, freeze-dried and dehydrated foods can become a part of your plan. Most of these foods come in #10 cans (about 8/10 of a gallon), which were originally designed to feed large groups of people. They are now used in an efficient manner for food storage. For some delicious recipes that use common food storage items, check out the recipe section at beprepared.com/recipes.

Cooking Outdoors

Cooking in the open is a great way to enjoy the outdoors and prepare for cooking without electricity during emergencies. There are a variety of ways you can make meals outdoors. Choose the method that will work best for your family. There are many types of camp stoves (propane, butane, kerosene), Dutch ovens, and grills available. If you are planning on cooking over an open fire, find out current fire regulations in the area you will be traveling. Certain areas may not allow you to collect firewood, create a fire pit, or have open fires.

Eat what you store and store what you eat, and outdoor cooking and food storage really can go together. Happy cooking!

Some general food storage that works well in camp cooking:

Breakfast
    •    Hot Chocolate Mixes
    •    Fruit Drink Mixes
    •    Dehydrated Milk
    •    Freeze-Dried Cheddar Cheese
    •    Dehydrated Egg Mix
    •    Freeze-Dried Ham and Sausage
    •    Textured Vegetable Protein
    •    Potato Chunks
    •    Wheat
    •    Pancake Mix
    •    Low-Fat Granola
    •    Freeze-Dried and Dehydrated Fruits

Lunches and Dinner
    •    Freeze-Dried Meats
    •    Textured Vegetable Protein
    •    Freeze-Dried and Dehydrated Vegetables
    •    Soup Mixes
    •    Chicken or Beef Broth
    •    Freeze-Dried or Dehydrated Potatoes
    •    Refried Beans
    •    White Rice
    •    Peanut Butter Powder

Desserts
    •    Pudding Mixes
    •    Hot Chocolate Mixes

For recipes that use these products, check out the recipe section at our blog, or use your favorite recipes and substitute food storage items whenever possible.

{LDSL Blog} Best of: Stories of the Week, Apr. 14-20

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 00:07:00 -0600

by LDS Living
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Check out which stories made up the best of LDS Living for the week of April 14 through April 20, 2012.

We all love a good story. And what better way to find out the best of the best than seeing what people found most interesting? For the week of April 14 through 20, 2012, these are LDS Living’s top online stories:

Top 5 LDS Living Stories:

1. Draggin', Saggin', and Naggin': When Hormones Drive You Crazy {Dr. Robert Jones}

2. Fighting the Battle Against Pornography {Briana Stewart}

3. {Lifestyle} Ultimate Guide: Knee-length Shorts {Ashley Evanson}

4. Dave Says: Downsizing House to Get Out of Debt? {Dave Ramsey}

5. April 2012 Visiting Teaching Message: Love, Watch Over, and Strengthen

Top 5 Mormon Report Articles:

1. Fire in LDS Conference Center leaves thousands of gallons of water in main auditorium {Deseret News}

2. Two LDS missionaries battle back from brain injuries {Deseret News}

3. MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell apologizes for anti-Mormon comments {TIME}

4. Elder David Archuleta at the MTC - as seen by fellow elders and sisters {Salt Lake Tribune}

5. Is it open season on Mormonism? {Washington Post}

Top Video:

Preview: Have I Done Any Good? Alex Boye and Carmen Rasmusen Herbert {YouTube}

Fighting the Battle Against Pornography

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 00:07:00 -0600

by Briana Stewart
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Pull the rug out from under pornography. Brush up on why we need to worry, who pornography is affecting, how to prevent it, how to get help, and why—amidst this daunting plague—there is still overwhelming hope.

Pornography is an issue that’s been swept under the rug for years. But it’s 2012, and we’re running out of rugs. In a world where pornography is not only accepted but applauded, our brooms need to be used for clean combat rather than hidden anguish.

“We are being inundated with sexualized messages—even in the most benign places,” says Jill C. Manning, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of What’s The Big Deal About Pornography? “If we are not actively protecting ourselves and loved ones from these toxic messages, we risk leaving ourselves vulnerable to attack.”

And what a brutal attack it is. Men, women, children, spouses, family members—no one is safe from the damaging effects of pornography.

What’s more, it’s not enough to simply abstain from it. Latter-day Saints need to fight the clean fight and actively rid their homes of this mess of an addiction.

“The days of simply putting the computer in an open area of the house are long gone,” says Geoff Steurer, a licensed marriage and family therapist in St. George, Utah. “We are so past that simplified form of prevention, thanks to our world of in-your-face media. We have to be more active than we’ve ever been before. Because if we don’t, we’re going to lose this battle.”

The Big Deal

We’ve all heard it before—those subtle (and not-so-subtle) exchanges on movies and television that paint pornography in a jovial light. We’re talking the “boys will be boys” mantras, the “it’s not harming anyone” claims, or the “it saved our marriage” declarations.

But the truth is, pornography is neither harmless nor helpful.

“Pornography use is not simply a habit,” says Manning. “It is a mood altering, belief changing, relationship damaging, addiction forming, socially harmful, spiritually deadening, and life crippling practice through which one practices the ways of the adversary.”

And the statistics are equally alarming. In 2006, worldwide pornography revenue was more than $97 billion ($13 billion of which came from the U.S.).

According to Enough is Enough, every second, $3,075.64 is spent on pornography; 28,258 Internet viewers look at it; and 372 users type “adult” terms into search engines.

Every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is made in the U.S.

And perhaps most alarming, it’s been reported that 79 percent of young people’s unwanted exposure to pornography occurs in the home.

It was stats like these that propelled Pamela Atkinson, president of the Utah Coalition Against Pornography, into battle.

“The more I learned about pornography, the more I knew I had to fight against it,” Atkinson says. “It’s spreading at such a rapid rate, and not just with individuals but with entire families. I just shudder when I hear people say it’s harmless.”

Church apostles and prophets are equally concerned with how pornography is affecting us. Just take a look at their official statement on pornography, which can be found on lds.org:

It is as harmful to the spirit as tobacco, alcohol and drugs are to the body. Using pornographic material in any way is a violation of a commandment of God: ‘Thou shalt not . . . commit adultery . . . nor do anything like unto it’ (D&C 59:6). Pornography is tragically addictive. Like other addictions, it leads people to experiment and to seek more powerful stimulations. Those who experiment with it and allow themselves to remain caught in its trap will find that it will destroy them, degrading their minds, hearts and spirits. It will rob them of self-respect and of their sense of the beauties of life. It will tear them down and lead them to evil thoughts and possibly evil actions. It will cause terrible damage to their family relationships.

And “evil” is no exaggeration.

“I’ve met with people whose lives have been altered by pornography to the point of destruction,” Atkinson says. “Many people are surprised to know pornography consumption can be the leading cause of sexual violence, assault, and even sex trafficking. In fact, a high percentage of sexual predators started with what they call soft-core pornography. There are no limits to its devastation.”

Keep reading on the next page to find out who is being affected, and its effects.

The Who

Pornography has historically been considered a man’s issue, but times are changing.

In addition to men, more women are partaking in it, children are being exposed at earlier ages, and marriages and families are suffering because of it.

“People think pornography is something people somewhere else do,” Atkinson says. “But it could be a family member, a neighbor, or someone at church—it’s everywhere, and we can’t ignore it anymore.”

Here’s a breakdown of the groups affected by pornography, along with the startling damages it can bring.

Men

Men are still the number-one consumer of pornography, and it’s a trend that has only continued to climb.

“Pornography shuts men down emotionally,” Steurer says. “And it’s not an issue of being sex crazed—which I think is often misunderstood. This is an addiction that covers up other emotions, and it can lead men to view women in a different way, affect the way they feel about themselves, and cause them to become moody and distant.”

Additionally, it can lead to an obsession with fantasy and distaste for reality.

“Oftentimes, they become less interested in their own lives and less interested in having sex with their spouses,” Steurer says. “In some cases, it leads men to take more risks that may lead to affairs or even criminal activity. They can become completely, totally different people.”

Women

The growing trend of women and pornography is a startling one, perhaps because it’s so seldom discussed. A big part of that is the explosion—and anonymity—of the Internet.

“The Internet is the great equalizer on many things, but sadly, it’s also the great equalizer with the pornography industry,” Manning says. “Instead of being a boys club, you have women who can now access this material in private online—women who wouldn’t have dared show their face in an adult video store 15 years ago.”

Part of the desire, Steurer believes, comes from the pressure women receive about their appearance.

“Women are being told at every turn that their power and influence comes from their bodies,” he says. “Back in the day, publications like Good Housekeeping and Ladies Home Journal were touting a message for women to rise up and be better homemakers and have better character. And now the message is not about serving your family, but about how hot you can be and how to satisfy your man. Women are being groomed to think of themselves as only sexual beings.”

And as a result, that grooming can spark curiosity and lead women to engage in online pornography sites, graphic romance novels, and the ever-growing trend of sexting.

“More women send nudity across their cell phones than men do,” Steurer says. “They think it’s what men want, and then they get hooked. Too often, their self worth comes from being accepted by men in this way, which only furthers their immersion into the pornography world.”

Youth

A number of research studies show kids being exposed to their first pornographic image at an average age of 11.

That’s Primary age, folks.

“Thanks to the media, kids are being taught at younger ages that pornography is an acceptable form of expression,” Steurer says. “And in homes where these issues are not discussed, they’re too young to realize what’s happening to them. They don’t understand the gravity of these messages, which are both subliminal and overt.”

Jan Garbett, president of Women For Decency, an organization that links women together in the fight against offensive content, wholeheartedly concurs.

“When we leave our kids to fend for themselves in sexual matters, it isn’t fair,” she says. “It’s like giving your sixth grader the keys to the Ferrari and saying, ‘Want to go to the beach? Great! We’ll meet you there.’ They are on this super highway in this incredible machine, but they don’t know how to drive it.”

Spouses and Family Members

Pornography can affect the marital unit on two levels. The first is a matter of one partner secretly engaging in pornographic material.

“It can literally feel as though your spouse has had an affair,” Steurer says. “As Latter-day Saints, we live in a world where we value monogamy, fidelity, and commitment, and when a spouse turns to someone else—even if it’s not a real, live person—the betrayal feels the same and the insecurities arise: ‘What’s wrong with me? Why am I not enough?’”

The second effect happens to couples who view pornography openly.

“Speaking as a researcher, there is no data that shows pornography is helpful to marriages—and that holds true for couples who consume it openly and mutually,” Manning says. “Actually, what we see is the opposite. There is a body of data growing that fully supports what our prophets and apostles have been telling us, and it’s that pornography undermines fidelity, trust, and intimacy in marriage.”

Regardless of how it’s viewed, the effects on marriages (and consequently families) are monumental. Below, Manning lists 10 such effects:

· Decreased sensitivity toward women

· Less progressive views of gender roles

· Increased risk of becoming aggressive, violent, and abusive

· Three times more likely to commit adultery and four times more likely to hire a prostitute

· Acquire an instrumental view of sexuality

· Increased risk of sexual dysfunction and dissatisfaction

· Decreased trust in partner

· Decreased desire to marry and have children

· Increased risk of separation, divorce, and job loss

· Diminished spirituality and respect of sacred aspects of life

Keep reading on the next page for prevention tips and resources for healing.

Prevention

With the world not taking the pornography problem seriously (or in many cases, even acknowledging it as a problem), it is imperative that LDS families take matters into their own homes.

“We need to be empowered to teach our children and families about this toxic topic,” Garbett says. “We all need to become more educated on prevention rather than merely worrying about it after the fact.”

Here are seven ways to maximize prevention in your home.

1. Look at your media access points.

“You have to look at all the media access in your home—Internet, mobile devices, television, magazines, books, etc.,” Manning says. “Examine those access points carefully and do what you can to filter or stop it.”

And while having the computer in an open area isn’t enough, it is still a crucial component.

“A child should never have a computer in his or her bedroom,” Atkinson says. “It opens them up to all kinds of dangers.”

2. Look at your spiritual/emotional access.

“Having internal filters is far more effective than running any sort of program on your computer,” Manning says. “Be honest with what makes your family vulnerable and what temptations you struggle with—and then cater your family media guidelines to those vulnerabilities.”

3. Establish a formal family media pledge.

“It’s important to not just think about guidelines for your family—write them down, print it out, and have each member of your family sign it,” Manning says. “Make an FHE out of it!”

4. Practice what you pledge.

“Example is one of the most powerful tools we have for our kids,” Manning says. “And if it means our own media intake is more wholesome because of it? All the better.”

5. Have open and honest discussions with your kids about sexual matters.

“We need to teach our kids about healthy sexuality, and it starts with our infants and toddlers,” Manning says. “A lot of parents are reluctant to talk to their kids because the subject matter makes them uncomfortable. But we live in a world where we don’t have a choice. If they don’t hear it from us, they’re going to hear it skewed and distorted from somewhere else.”

Manning and Steurer both highly recommend “A Parent’s Guide,” which is an official LDS Church booklet (and free download on lds.org) to teach your kids about intimacy.

“It’s actually old—written in 1985—and it’s one of the best out there without question,” Steurer says. “It’s so interesting, because so often the Church gets accused of being a little prudish when it comes to these areas. But it’s documents like these that give us the perfect foundation and language to teach our families. It’s so much easier to explain pornography to our kids—and why to avoid it—if they have a healthy foundation from a young age.”

6. Teach your teens about the serious penalties of engaging in pornography.

“Children need to be alerted to the potentially tragic consequences of their actions,” Atkinson says. “When they engage in activities like sexting, which is so popular with kids today, they are opening themselves up to potential issues with the law. They need to know that if there is a question in their mind, the content shouldn’t be sent.”

7. Have a plan.

Discuss a game plan with your children of what to do if they come across pornographic material. Ideally, they would turn it off, come to you, and discuss what they saw and how they felt.

“We have all kinds of drills at school—fire drills, earthquake drills—but we really need to have spiritual drills where we know what to do when we’re confronted with damaging content,” Manning says.

“We need to leverage our relationships with our kids,” Garbett adds. “We need to teach them in a way they will listen. We can’t frighten, offend them, or overreact. We need to calmly tell them how glad we are they came to us, and then talk about the problem and how to avoid it in the future.”

Help Wanted

If pornography has already plagued your family, the battle isn’t lost. Here are five steps to getting the help you need.

Come out of hiding.

“Tell somebody your story, which is one of the hardest things to do,” Steurer says. “Tell someone you trust—a spouse, a counselor, a bishop. You can’t [overcome] it in isolation.”

Seek professional help.

“Most people need a combination of counseling, group support, and ecclesiastical assistance,” Steurer says. “People who utilize all of these areas will have infinitely more success, and people who tippy-toe around the problem will continue to struggle. You can’t do this halfway.”

Learn about healthy sexuality.

“Understand the clear and distinct difference between pornography and healthy sexuality—way too many people aren’t clear on that,” Manning says. “If we are going to be responsible sexual beings, it behooves us to express our sexuality in ways that do no harm. We have not been put on this planet and blessed with the power of procreation to have it do harm.”

Challenge your brain.

“Part of getting help is learning how to discipline your mind,” Manning says. “Take up a hobby, find a new passion in your life, enroll in a class, challenge yourself.”

Find spiritual healing.

“Pornography is deadening to one’s spirit. There is nothing godly or of virtue to be found,” Manning says. “When we become addicted to anything, we become a slave to it, which takes us away from our divine center. That spiritual focus is crucial to healing.”

And in the unfortunate cases where our kids struggle with pornography, embrace them, help them, and guide them— without judgment.

“Parents have to create a safe environment to talk about the problem,” Steurer says. “Let your child know that he or she is not bad or evil. Teach them that what they are feeling is normal—pornography simply hijacked it. They got a false start, and now you’re concerned with protecting them and getting them help.”

Get Your Hopes Up

Pornography is a dark and heavy subject—there’s no getting around it. But we can’t be defeated by the filth.

In fact, Manning sees a clean sweep, even if it is years away.

“I compare it to what we’ve seen in the tobacco and cigarette industry. There was a tipping point with a large body of research that started to shift the culture tide,” Manning says. “A similar thing will happen with pornography. There will be a body of medical evidence that will show the harmful effects pornography has on the brain and on relationships—and our culture tide will start to shift. We are a long way from that, but the research gives me hope.”

Steurer is equally optimistic.

“Don’t be afraid of this,” he says. “People that confront pornography and get help become better people through the challenge. Stop running from the problem. Stop living in hiding. There is hope.”

And in the meantime? Fight, fight, fight.

“I was at a women’s conference where general Relief Society president Julie Beck made a rallying cry and told us women that we need to fight against the pornography infiltrating our society. It stirred my soul and made me want to say, ‘Hey, Julie, I’m there!’” Garbett says. “I don’t have all the time in the world, but I have a minute. We have to be courageous. We have to fear God more than man. We’re on the battle lines, and I’m ready to fight.”

And nothing irritates Satan more than a good, clean fight.

“When we feel apprehensive or hesitant to discuss these kinds of topics, we need to remind ourselves that the adversary would love nothing more than for it to be shoved under the rug,” Manning says. “But we can’t let that happen. There is too much to live for and too much to hope for.”

You can also learn more about the Church's Addiction Recovery Programs by clicking here.

This article was originally published in the March/April 2012 issue of LDS Living. Click here to learn more.

Food Storage: What Should I Buy and How Much?

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 00:03:00 -0600

by Emergency Essentials
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: The basic questions of "what" and "how much" confront all of us as we try to meet the nutritional needs of our families in planning for emergency situations. Figure out how to determine your family's needs.

"Plan" is the operative word in creating a food storage plan; don't rush headlong into purchasing foods that sound good or that you think your family ought to eat without researching what the food really contains, what your family's requirements actually are, and what your best value would be.

To determine your family's needs, it would be wise to think first in terms of calories per person per day, and then in terms of nutrients (protein, vitamins and minerals) provided – and finally, in terms of cost per serving. Be aware that in high-stress situations we require more calories than usual to keep minds and bodies operating in peak condition. According to the government's dietary guidelines, under normal situations most adults need around 2,000 to 2,600 calories per day – more if very active or highly stressed. Children usually need 1,500 to 1,600 calories per day, but remember that they are growing, and by the time you need to use your emergency food supply they may be eating like adults!

In deciding whether to purchase a product, be sure you can determine the caloric value. This may be especially tricky in kits and combos that contain several different foods. Multiply your family's estimated daily caloric need by the time period you're trying to cover. For example, 2,000 calories per day for a month for one person is about 60,000. For three months, that would be 180,000, and for a year, about 730,000 calories. If the "year's supply" kit you're considering does not contain at least that many calories overall, you will not be sufficiently nourished if you must depend exclusively on your storage food. You will either need to purchase a kit that provides more calories or plan to obtain extra products – fruit, desserts, baking mixes, grains and cereals, and hot cocoa or other drinks, for example – to supplement your kit.

If you are purchasing products separately, keep track of the calorie count and serving size as you buy, so you will know where you are in the process. Do not rely entirely on the number of servings listed for each food you purchase, as not all servings are created equal. If a serving of a main dish item is listed one-half cup, ask yourself if that amount will satisfy and nourish a hungry teenage boy – or would it be more appropriate for his little sister? Consider the make-up of your family and buy accordingly. A cup of orange drink, a cup of beef stroganoff, a tablespoon of butter, and a quarter teaspoon of salt all count as a "serving." Depending upon the food choices, a person could consume three servings a day and only get 600 calories. Serving sizes may also vary from one brand or supplier to the next. Familiarize yourself with both the serving size and calorie count for each product you purchase.

Don't get overwhelmed by the thought of preparing an emergency food supply. Following the approach we've outlined here will help you get your food storage pulled together in an organized and thorough way. Planning and purchasing supplies based on these suggestions will ensure that you have stored enough calories for each person's daily needs – and enough nutrients that your family will stay strong, healthy, and ready for what lies ahead.

This article is sponsored by Emergency Essentials (bepreared.com).

Mormon Media Observer: Crisis of the American family

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 12:12:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: I believe this is the study Elder Ballard was referring to in his general conference talk. While it is true that the news coverage of the epic health care debate in the Supreme Court represents one of the most important news stories in recent years, one story with implications for the future of the American republic, a potentially bigger news story, went largely ignored.

The traditional American family continues to break.

That's a key takeaway from a quadrennial study by the National Center for Health Statistics recently released. It was a large-scale study of more than 20,000 people. News coverage of the report was spotty and uneven at best.

Among the study's findings:

Young Women Lesson 14: Patriarchal Leadership in the Home

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "The family proclamation gives this beautiful explanation of the relationship between a husband and a wife: While they have separate responsibilities, 'in these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.'" -Dallin H. Oaks

Discussion Questions

• How can the priesthood bless our lives now, regardless of our individual circumstances?

• What spiritual qualities should we seek in a husband? How can these qualities help him lead a family in righteousness?

• Consider your relationship with your Father in Heaven. How has He shown you His great care and love for you as an individual?

Excerpt from "Priesthood Authority in the Family and the Church" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, October 2005 General Conference:

My father died when I was seven. I was the oldest of three small children our widowed mother struggled to raise. When I was ordained a deacon, she said how pleased she was to have a priesthood holder in the home. But Mother continued to direct the family, including calling on which one of us would pray when we knelt together each morning. I was puzzled. I had been taught that the priesthood presided in the family. There must be something I didn’t know about how that principle worked.

About this same time, we had a neighbor who dominated and sometimes abused his wife. He roared like a lion, and she cowered like a lamb. When they walked to church, she always walked a few steps behind him. That made my mother mad. She was a strong woman who would not accept such domination, and she was angry to see another woman abused in that way. I think of her reaction whenever I see men misusing their authority to gratify their pride or exercise control or compulsion upon their wives in any degree of unrighteousness (see D&C 121:37).

I have also seen some faithful women who misunderstand how priesthood authority functions. Mindful of their partnership relationship with their husband in the family, some wives have sought to extend that relationship to their husband’s priesthood calling, such as bishop or mission president. In contrast, some single women who have been abused by men (such as in a divorce) mistakenly confuse the priesthood with male abuse and become suspicious of any priesthood authority. A person who has had a bad experience with a particular electrical appliance should not forego using the power of electricity.

Each of the circumstances I have described results from misunderstanding priesthood authority and the great principle that while this authority presides in both the family and the Church, the priesthood functions in a different way in each of them. This principle is understood and applied by the great Church and family leaders I have known, but it is rarely explained. Even the scriptures, which record various exercises of priesthood authority, seldom state expressly which principles only apply to the exercise of priesthood authority in the family or in the Church or which apply in both of them.

To read the full talk, click here.

Young Women Lesson 12: Maturing and Growing in Self-Reliance, Part 2

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 00:03:00 -0700

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "The Lord is depending on you to assist in the exaltation of your eternal family." -Mary N. Cook Discussion Questions
• How can we strengthen our relationships with our parents?
• How can we keep our parents’ trust?
• How can we keep Heavenly Father’s trust?

Excerpt from "Strengthen Home and Family" by Sister Mary N. Cook, October 2007 General Conference:

Each Sunday, from Mongolia to Manchester to Mississippi, the young women of the Church repeat these inspired words: “We will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation” (“Young Women Theme,” Young Women Personal Progress [booklet, 2001], 5).

While this is the Young Women theme, it applies to all youth in the Church. I hope I can help you, my young brothers and sisters, understand how powerful your individual actions can be in strengthening your home and family, no matter what your circumstances. I understand, for example, that many of you may be the only member of the Church in your family.

For the Strength of Youth reminds us that “being part of a family is a great blessing. … Not all families are the same, but each is important in Heavenly Father’s plan” ([pamphlet, 2001], 10).

All families need strengthening, from the ideal to the most troubled. That strengthening can come from you. In fact, in some families you may be the only source of spiritual strength. The Lord is depending on you to bring the blessings of the gospel to your family.

To read the full talk, click here.

Generational Translation and Work for the Dead

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 10:26:00 -0700

source: bycommonconsent.com

Near the end of his magnum opus on Christian love, Works of Love, Soren Kierkegaard includes a curious little meditation on loving those who are dead. Entitled “The Work of Love in Recollecting One Who Is Dead,” Kierkegaard considers how our love for the deceased may reveal more about our own ability to love than anything else. This is because those I love in life “cover over” certain parts of me, influencing me so profoundly that I cannot fully see myself as I really am. Even more significantly, in my love for those I prefer to love, I cannot see how I truly love and constantly deceive myself that my love is authentic and sufficient. This is because in the presence of the Other I am almost always tempted to not disclose everything, to hold something back, not be fully honest and sincere. But when I try to relate to one who is dead, there is really only one person in such a relationship: me. Only the one who is living is fully disclosed. The dead person cannot speak, change, disclose herself to me, or reciprocate my love.

Inside One Mormon Family: Raising Faithful Children

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 11:17:00 -0700

source: patheos.com

Mormon Life says: The story is a couple of weeks old, but I really enjoyed this blogger's discussion of being raised by loving LDS parents. A couple of recent articles have Mormons thinking about best practices in teaching our children church history and doctrine, and in particular whether we should deliberately acquaint them with the most challenging issues in Mormon experience—issues like historical polygamy, for instance, that are largely absent from official church discourse. Like other observers, I would welcome a more open approach from the Church itself, and that may be coming. But in my experience there's a lot more to a successful inoculation than the institutional pedagogy children encounter at church. Everyday family life fosters or hinders a child's spiritual growth than any Sunday manual ever could.

Steven Kapp Perry: Emily Thomas, bridging the worlds of the deaf and the hearing

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 10:44:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

For some deaf recipients of cochlear implants, it can take up to 10 years to learn to distinguish sounds and to speak. But for Emily Thomas, from Oklahoma, it was a miraculously short period of less than two years — years that coincided with her finding the gospel and deciding that God’s gift of words to her was a sacred trust.

In this audio interview with Thomas, a professional counselor who has been deaf since birth, you’ll learn three things deaf church members wish hearing members understood about them, hear a remarkable story of the gospel of Jesus Christ bringing a family together after a decade and generally bask in the glow of someone full of the light of the Lord.

For the love of family

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 11:23:00 -0700

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: Wow. What an unexpected and beautiful story. Read this. While serving as a stake president, I interviewed a 30-something couple and their two young boys for a first-time temple recommend. They were about to become an eternal family, but for their youngest son, the price for that privilege was everything.

The youngest son was fidget-appropriate for a 5-year-old. As I interviewed his parents, Jimmy couldn’t take the motionless moments any longer. He leaped from his mother’s lap, smacking his head on the corner of my desk.

Favorite maxims about families

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 11:19:00 -0700

source: MormonTimes.com

It has been said that writing a book is easy, but writing one perfect sentence is very difficult indeed. We love beautiful, short quotes that uplift, refresh and remind us of what matters. Most of all, we love quotes about family.

“The most important work you ever do will be within the walls of your own home,” President Harold B. Lee said. His simple and direct statement reminds us that, in the eternal perspective, it is our family relationships that count, and that the raising of our children will make a greater difference to the world, and to our own happiness (and that of our children) than any other thing we accomplish.

Young Women Lesson 10: Supporting Family Members

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 00:03:00 -0700

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Discussion Questions

• Think about members of your family that need support right now. What can you do to show love and support for them?

• What can we do to love and support family members who may not be living the gospel?

Excerpt from "Of Things That Matter Most," by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2010 General Conference:

As we turn to our Heavenly Father and seek His wisdom regarding the things that matter most, we learn over and over again the importance of four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves. As we evaluate our own lives with a willing mind, we will see where we have drifted from the more excellent way. The eyes of our understanding will be opened, and we will recognize what needs to be done to purify our heart and refocus our life.

First, our relationship with God is most sacred and vital. We are His spirit children. He is our Father. He desires our happiness. As we seek Him, as we learn of His Son, Jesus Christ, as we open our hearts to the influence of the Holy Spirit, our lives become more stable and secure. We experience greater peace, joy, and fulfillment as we give our best to live according to God’s eternal plan and keep His commandments.

We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ, for “no man cometh unto the Father, but by [Christ].” 10 To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful time alone with Him. Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend—these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father. Let us heed the invitation in Psalms: “Be still, and know that I am God.” 11

Our second key relationship is with our families. Since “no other success can compensate for failure” 12 here, we must place high priority on our families. We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home. We talk with, rather than about, each other. We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities. We establish a divine bond with each other as we approach God together through family prayer, gospel study, and Sunday worship.

To read the full talk, click here.