Mormon Life - Death tag

Blending Families

Tue, 08 May 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by Jonathan Swinton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: In the Church there is a lot of focus on what is seen as the ideal family, but many people live in different circumstances than this stereotypical family.

When we talk about families, we frequently think of a certain ideal; a family where both parents are there, the kids are all little angels, and life at home is like living in a musical titled When There’s Love at Home. There is certainly merit in striving for a close-knit, loving home. However, real-life family for many people is vastly different from the ideal.

One in three people live in blended families. Though I am not a fan of labeling blended families, the term can highlight the unique challenge of fi nding tolerable ways to blend the lives, experiences, expectations, and dreams of all involved. I have seen some blended families that have been the family that many involved always wanted. I have seen others that are full of friction and trials. Finding ways to bring the worlds of multiple families and family members together is a trial few will appreciate if they have not lived it. However, the outcome can be very positive and rewarding if navigated well.

If you are part of a blended family, does it feel like oil and water? How do you blend? I have combined my experience assisting blended families and the work of nationally acclaimed blended family expert Dr. Patricia Papernow to highlight many of the common struggles and potential solutions that may help blended families come together.

Challenges children experience: Divorce and/or blending new families can be very difficult for children to navigate. Research has suggested that the biggest struggles children face are dealing with the loss of the family they once had or hoped to have and finding ways of maintaining loyalties in the new family setup. When parents divorce or a parent is lost to death, the children often maintain strong love for both parents. If a new step-parent and step-siblings are brought into the picture, children often feel guilty expressing love or feeling close to the step-parent or stepsiblings. They often feel this somehow betrays the love they have for the other parent or siblings. It is worse if the parents and/or step-parents don’t get along, and the children are aware of the friction. As a parent and/or step-parent, the best thing you can do is focus on getting along with all the adults involved. You don’t have to love each other, but try to help the kids feel that you all respect each other.

Challenges parents experience: The most common issue faced by parents and step-parents is finding middle ground when parenting styles differ. Parenting styles include a mix of firmness/permissiveness and kindness/hostility. If one parent is more permissive and kind while the other is more permissive and hostile, problems will result. Parents who use the same styles will likely find few problems meshing their styles. Try your best to align your styles and reach compromises. A brief aside: research has consistently shown that kind and firm parents will be the most effective.

The other parenting challenge that often surfaces is children responding differently to discipline from parents and step-parents. Research has shown that children generally respond better to discipline from their parents than their step-parents. The parents should be the ones to deal with tough discipline issues. Day-to-day issues should be dealt with by both parents and step-parents so the kids know all adults are to be respected. Make sure you are 100 percent consistent with each other on the day-to-day issues and avoid challenging each other in the presence of the children.

Challenges couples experience: When couples get married and create a new blended family, they are often a bit older than what we typically call newlyweds. They come into the new relationship with more experience, opinions, traditions, expectations, and established ways of living their lives. It is often difficult to align these realities and still feel love for one another. Couples should remember that if differences exist and you get your way, your spouse doesn’t get his or her way. Compromise is key. Focus on creating new ways of living that share both of your realities.

Blending families can be complicated. However, when blended families are created, they can be just what everyone involved wants and needs. If you focus on compromise and selflessness, your blended family can be wonderful.

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Dr. Jonathan Swinton, PhD, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Swinton Counseling in Utah. Visit swintoncounseling.com or call 801-647-9951 to learn more.

100 years after Titanic sinks, LDS connections still remembered

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 00:03:00 -0600

by Alexa Justesen - LDS Living
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: To commemorate the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, LDS Living takes a look back at the connections between the event and members of the LDS community, including a mother, a defender of LDS rights, and six missionaries who miraculously survived.

On the cold evening of April 14, 1912, the Titanic, a brand-new ocean liner carrying 2,223 people, struck an iceberg, creating a large gash on the ship’s side. Hours later, on the early morning of April 15, the massive ship sank to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Millions around the world mourned the loss of 1,517 people the night the “near unsinkable” Titanic sank on its maiden voyage from England to the United States.

One hundred years later, LDS Living looks back at those with ties to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and their part of the story.

A Mother Who Sacrificed to Save Others

Irene Colvin Corbett, a 30 year-old mother from Provo, Utah, and cousin to President Joseph F. Smith, had taken passage on the Titanic after a six-month trip to England to study midwifery. Like twelve other women in second class, she did not survive. Though her death may have occurred because of the lifeboat shortage (one of the great controversies of the Titanic's fate), many believe that Irene did not survive because she had put her medical training to practice and helped as many as she could before the ship went down, thus making it too late for her to get on a lifeboat. Her ability to serve and look beyond her own safety most likely led her to help save many lives, even if it meant giving up her own.

As a second-class passenger, Corbett likely would have spent much of her time at the lending libraries, playing on the Squash court, or outside socializing on the open deck. While each of the class’s quarters were separate, it was common for first- and second-class passengers to mingle.

The Missionaries Who Almost Didn’t Make It

Alma Sonne and his companion, Fred, were heading home along with four other elders after they completed their mission in England. But when the time came to meet in Southampton, Fred became delayed. Elder Sonne, who had convinced Fred to serve a mission in the first place and had booked their passage on the Titanic, decided they should not leave anyone behind. Instead, he canceled the reservations so they could depart the next day, when Fred would arrive.

While a few of the elders were disappointed they would not be able to travel home on the Titanic, they thanked God after they discovered what their outcome would have been. “You saved my life,” Elder Sonne told Fred. “No,” Fred replied. “By getting me on this mission, you saved my life.”

Alma Sonne later served as a stake president and an assistant to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. A more in-depth look at Sonne, along with perspectives of his descendants, can be read at the Church's website here.

The Advocate for Religious Freedom

William Stead was another Titanic passenger worth commemorating. As the editor of the Pall Mall Gazette, a London-based newspaper, William used his words to fight the intolerance and bigotry that swarmed around England about the LDS Church.

Although Stead was not a member, he wrote articles in his paper sharing his belief that members of the Church should not be persecuted, and he debunked many of the negative rumors circulating about the Church. William, a first-class passenger, was on his way to America to attend a peace congress at Carnegie Hall, at the request of U.S. President William Howard Taft. Rudger Clawson, a former member of the Quorum of the Twelve, said of William, “Surely every Latter-day Saint whose eyes rest upon the writings of Mr. Stead . . . will ever hold [him] in honorable remembrance.”

Stead, a first-class passenger on the Titanic, would have been able to use the ship’s heated swimming pool, gymnasium, and Turkish bath. Stead would have likely eaten at the Parisian café, where most of the food was cooked by professional French chefs. First class state rooms included a private bedroom, a receiving room, and private restroom facilities. Standard first-class rooms still boasted some of the amenities of the state rooms, but on a smaller scale. All passengers could use the telephone to make phone calls to friends and family on land, and many telegrams (while expensive) were sent and received during the few days the Titanic was on the ocean.

Unfortunately, one of the luxuries not provided was enough lifeboats for all the passengers. Corbett and Stead both passed that night 100 years ago, but their legacies live on in the many memorials taking place this week.

The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra will perform The Titanic Requiem on April 10 in London, and a hologram show depicting the ship and the iceberg will be included. The cruise ship Balmoral will also follow the original route of Titanic and - on April 15 - will briefly stop over the area where the Titanic rests.

And if you want to read more about Irene Corbett’s story, you can check out Anita Stansfield’s Passage on the Titanic, a historical fiction account of Corbett’s journey.

Dave Says: Teaching and Tough Love

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: With two sons who are drug users who are irresponsible with money, we're not sure how to divide our will.

Dear Dave,

My husband and I need to update our will, but we’re not sure how to divide the money. All of our children are grown, including my three stepsons. The problem is that two of my stepsons are irresponsible with money and are drug users. Do you have any advice?

Colleen

Dear Colleen,

Typically, if you give money to a drug user they’ll use it for one thing: drugs. Your goal as a parent is to love them and teach them to the best of your ability. Buying their drugs upon your death doesn’t fall into either of those categories. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you deciding not to leave them any money as long as they’re involved in this kind of activity.

If it were me, I’d have a reading of the will when the changes are made. Then, I’d sit down with the family members and explain why you’ve updated the will in this manner. Let them know you love them and want what’s best for them, but you and your husband have decided you’re not going to take a chance on funding any misbehavior on their part.

Make sure you let them know, too, that things can change if they change. They might be mad and fuss about it, but that’s okay. Let them be mad. It’s perfectly all right for you to attach stipulations to any inheritance they might receive, especially when it’s for their own good!

—Dave

For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.

Family celebrates LDS missionary who booked—then canceled—passage on Titanic

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 11:02:00 -0600

source: news.lds.org

Mormon Life says: This missionary's story is incredible. This week, people everywhere will remember the voyagers aboard the ill-fated RMS Titanic, the ship that, on its maiden voyage from Southampton, England to New York City, United States, disastrously struck an iceberg on April 14, 1912, and sank early the next morning, resulting in the deaths of more than 1,500 of its passengers.

As the world marks the 100th anniversary of that tragic event, the descendants of Alma Sonne—a former assistant to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles—will also remember the legacy of faith that their progenitor left behind in not being aboard the Titanic.

Defending the Faith: The gospel truly brings joyful news

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 10:08:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

Mormon Life says: What a great Easter message of missionaries in Switzerland. One of the most memorable experiences of my mission in Switzerland came when the aunt of the Basel Ward mission leader died. Though not a member of the LDS Church, she had asked her nephew to speak at her funeral.

A young returned missionary, he arranged for a quartet of elders to sing at the service, held in the cemetery chapel. I never served in Basel, but I was included in the quartet. That's why I was there.

The chapel was large, drafty and cold, with a high ceiling. Its grim stone walls were draped in black cloth.

How single adults can be happy again

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 10:54:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Being single after 25 years of married life and raising nine children was not on my list of things to do. After my husband unexpectedly passed away my thought was: "Now what do I do?"

I knew I had to take care of the five children left at home, but what was the future plan for me? I knew I had to keep my standard of living up to par, but what was next? I knew I needed to keep my own personal life within the bounds of the Lord's commands and gospel principles, but I didn't know how I would accomplish this.

In Our Lovely Deseret: And should we die — the great mystery of death, what comes after

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 10:04:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we possess a sacred knowledge of life and death. We know that we are eternal beings with a pre-existence in the presence of our Father, and a life hereafter that will transcend the dim limitations of this mortal day. Yet death — and what lies beyond — is still the great, last mystery for each of us — each one, individually, who must cross the unknown abyss and make that journey alone.

We grieve at death — but we grieve mainly for ourselves, for that which has been taken from us, which for us, in this moment, is no more. We grieve for our own loss and suffering.

Teachings of George Albert Smith Lesson 7: The Immortality of the Soul

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 00:04:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: "Anything that befalls us here in mortality is but for a small moment, and if we are true and faithful God will eventually exalt us on high." -Bruce R. McConkie Note: As the Church has said, the manual has been prepared as the primary source of lesson material. This supplement, from a general conference address, is only meant as a complement to your study on this lesson's topic.

Excerpt from "The Dead Who Die in the Lord" by Elder Bruce R. McConkie, October 1976 General Conference:

If we are to place death in its proper perspective in the eternal scheme of things, we must first learn the purposes of life. We must know whence we came, Whose we are, and why He placed us here. Only then can we envision whither we shall yet go in the providences of Him who made us.

We know, because the Lord has revealed it in this our day, that we are the spirit children of an exalted, glorified Being, a Holy Man who has a body of flesh and bones and who is our Father in heaven.

We know that the name of the kind of life He lives is eternal life and that it consists of living in the family unit and of possessing all power, all might, and all dominion.

We know that He ordained and established the plan of salvation to enable us to advance and progress from our spirit state, to the same state of glory, honor, and exaltation which He Himself possesses.

We know that the Father’s plan called for the creation of this earth, where we could dwell as mortals, receive bodies made of the dust of the earth, and undergo the tests and trials which now face us.

We know that this plan of salvation included provisions for the fall of man, with its consequent temporal and spiritual death; for a redemption from death through the atoning sacrifice of the Son of God; and for an inheritance of eternal life for all the obedient.

To read the full talk, click here.

Dave Says: A Place for Everything

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 00:04:00 -0700

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: What is the "legacy drawer" you talk about?

Dear Dave,

I’ve heard you talk about something you call the Legacy Drawer. What exactly is this, and what goes into it?

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

One of the best ways I know to tell your family how much you love them is by having your financial act together and organized in a central location. The Legacy Drawer is a collection of your essential financial documents in a safe place where they can find them when you die, or if you’re sick or disabled.

All of the pieces of your financial life should be in this drawer. I’m talking about your will, living will, estate plan, investment statements, insurance policies, and property deeds. You should also include stuff like power of attorney statements, access information to lock boxes, and other instructions to family and loved ones.

Make sure it’s really well-organized, too. It should be laid out simply enough that anyone who can read could open it up and find exactly what’s needed in just a few minutes. The stress of having a loved one die or become seriously ill is bad enough. You don’t want to make it any harder on them by leaving your finances in a mess!

—Dave

For more financial help please visit daveramsey.com.

Losing a Spouse

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 00:06:00 -0700

by Ashley Evanson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Everyone in this life experiences death, but it’s still incredible how personal it is, especially if the person you’ve lost is your spouse. These are some thoughts from those who have been there.

When you lose a spouse, you wonder, How can life possibly go on? How am I supposed to get through this? How am I even supposed to get out of bed?

It’s hard, but you can do it, even if “doing it” means making it to the grocery store in your pajamas. Be patient. Time doesn’t make things entirely better, but it does make them easier. Here’s some advice on how to cope with your new life or how to treat someone who has recently lost a spouse, from widows and widowers who have already been there.

If You’ve Lost a Spouse

Don’t Lose Your Testimony

“Don’t be mad at God,” says Carmen Crane Peterson, who lost her husband at age 31. “Don’t blame it on Him and then stop going to church. For me, it was the gospel that got me through it.”

Peterson has several friends who stopped going to church after their spouses died, and their lives are now a mess. Staying active in the Church and keeping her testimony were the most important aspects of her healing process.

Join a Widow/Widower Group

This group can be a professional counseling group run by therapists or an informal group of people who get together as friends.“That helped me because . . . I didn’t feel like I was so alone. There were actually people who survived,” Peterson says.

She recommends going on vacations with these friends, grabbing lunch together, or planning other fun activities with them to get your mind off of the hard things, if even for a short while.

But be careful not to treat the group as a crutch. At first you will need it to heal, but there will come a point when you’ll need to start dealing with your new life on your own, says Kelly Kimber, who lost his wife at age 45. “The longer I stayed in my widow/widower group, the longer I stayed hooked into the whole philosophy of ‘I’m a widower, I’ve lost my wife, poor me.’ I chose to break away from that group and that was like the next phase of being able to move on.”

Exercise

“If you let yourself, you can stay in bed all day and just sleep,” Peterson says. “For me, exercise was a way to get out and get myself out of bed.” In addition, exercise produces endorphins that can help with the grief. It can make you a little bit happier, even if it just lasts for a day.

Don’t Rush into Relationships

“I started dating way too soon and basically had an emotional meltdown,” Kimber says.

A lot of people think they are ready to start dating within that first year, but when they look back, they realize they weren’t. In his experience, friends who have remarried within a year of their spouse’s death are almost all divorced or are unhappily married. The loneliness made them fill the void, but in the end, they weren’t emotionally ready for such a big decision. “You need time to heal. If you try to move forward before you’re ready, it just creates a whole bunch of other problems.”

Read a Self-Help Book

Books on grief and losing a spouse can bring a new perspective to your suffering and show you ways other widows and widowers dealt with their losses. A few of Peterson’s favorite books include The Message by Lance Richardson and Making Sense of Suffering by Wayne E. Brickey.

Don’t Feel Obligated to Comfort Others

“People are going to come to you because they are grieving and they want comfort,” says Michelle Johnson, who lost her spouse at age 37. “They want to see you be okay so that they can be okay. But it is not your job to comfort them and make them feel better.” She recalls trying to put on a happy face and make others feel better about her husband’s death, but it became exhausting and she felt like she was never able to grieve herself. Once she stopped trying to comfort others, her healing process began.

Be Careful with Your Physical Emotions

A lot of people are unprepared for the physical desires that don’t shut off once their spouse is gone, Kimber says. He warns against letting those emotions control your actions. “You’re so vulnerable and lonely, and you just want to be held by somebody.” But these feelings can be dangerous if you’re not extremely careful and aware of your limits.

Don’t Make Big Decisions, Yet

Don’t move, get rid of your spouse’s things, change your environment, or make major financial decisions for at least a year, Johnson says. Try to keep some sort of stability in your life. The first while can be a very emotional time, and some of these decisions can’t be undone. You don’t ever want to regret something you did in an emotional state.

Realize People Don’t Mean to Say Hurtful Things

Friends and associates don’t know what to say but oftentimes feel like they have to say something, so they end up saying unintentionally hurtful things. “Recognize that unless you have lost a spouse, it’s difficult to understand. Give people the benefit of the doubt because most people don’t mean to hurt you,” Kimber says. If you get upset every time somebody says something stupid, you’re going to be upset a lot, and it’s just not worth it.

Don’t Feel Guilty for Surviving

A lot of spouses feel guilty for moving on and being happy, but your late spouse wouldn’t want you to sit around and cry all day forever, Johnson says. Life goes on, and you can either stay at home and cry

or start living your life again when you’re ready. It’s okay to have fun and smile. Just because you’re happy again doesn’t mean you never loved your spouse.

If Someone You Love Has Lost a Spouse

Avoid Asking Cliché Questions

“How are you doing?” is Johnson’s least favorite question in the world. “How am I supposed to answer that?” she says. “If people really wanted to know how I was doing, they would ask specific questions like, ‘Are you eating?’ and ‘How are you sleeping?’ and then they would try to help me fix whatever specific problems I was having.”

Understand That Everyone Grieves Differently

Some people are back to normal within months, but for others, it takes years. “Be sensitive to the way people handle their grief,” Peterson says. Everybody’s situation and marriage is different, and both affect the grieving time.

Offer Specific Help

Phrases like “Call me if you need help” and “Let me know if I can do anything” can be unhelpful to a widow or widower because they don’t know what kind of help they really need. “I felt so overwhelmed and I needed someone else to take charge,” Johnson says. She loved it when friends made appointments to come over and help with chores, meals, or just to talk. If you don’t set a specific time and date, the widow or widower will likely never follow through.

Don’t Compare Your Experiences with Death to Theirs

A lot of people with good intentions try to make a widow feel better by saying something like “I know how you feel.” Even if you, too, have lost a spouse, you can’t compare your loss to someone else’s. Every marriage, every relationship, and every situation is different, so comparing your experience to theirs is likely to hurt feelings rather than heal them. It’s best to just say something like “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Invite Them to Social Gatherings

When someone loses a spouse, they lose more than a husband or a wife—they lose their identity. They’re no longer a husband or a wife, a couple, or a traditional family unit. Suddenly, they feel like they don’t belong anywhere anymore. Johnson says she lost a lot of couple friends when her husband died. “You go from a full social life to nothing.” She recommends inviting them to social gatherings just like you would have if their spouse were still alive.

Helping a Child Who Has Lost a Parent

Get Your Kids in Counseling

Most kids need some kind of therapy, but they’re not old enough to make that decision for themselves. As their parent, you need to take charge and get them help. Group therapy can help them see that there are other kids in their shoes. If your children can see other kids who have lost parents still having fun, it gives them permission to have fun, too.

Let Them Talk

Allow your kids to talk about their deceased parent, even if it’s emotionally hard for you. The last thing you want to do is pretend like your spouse never existed.

Don’t Let Your Kids Lose Another Parent

“Unfortunately, I became a recluse, so my kids not only lost their mom, but their dad [too],” Kimber says. As he was mourning, he pulled away from everyone, including his kids. He warns other widows and widowers not to be physically or emotionally absent for your kids. They need you more than anything right now.

Celebrate Their Parent’s Life

Let them help plan celebrations or memorials for special days like birthdays, the death day, or Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Let them pick what they feel comfortable doing and allow them to express their love in their own way.

For more insights on life after the death of a spouse, check out our online essay, "Higher Places in Paradise," from S. Michael Wilcox, who lost his wife to cancer last year.

Higher Places in Paradise

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 00:05:00 -0700

by S. Michael Wilcox
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: After losing my wife to cancer, I had to learn to live, love, and grieve all at the same time. I'm still learning to feel my way without her physically beside me, but I am learning more of the deeper meaning of eternal love.

Click here to read our article on losing a spouse--whether you have or someone you know is struggling--and how to cope.

Love is a redeeming emotion and grief is love’s shadow. I am now living in that shadow, the diminished light cast upon me by the death of my wife a short eight months ago. These have been days of pain and, yes, fear and questioning, but also of profound love felt in previously undiscovered depths of my soul.

I kept a small notebook near me during my wife’s battle with cancer and her eventual passing. I tried to record what I was learning about living and loving and grieving. I did not initially intend it for publication but was reminded that we are under divine injunction to mourn with those who mourn and offer what comforts we can. To that end, and by way of tribute to the woman I love, I wrote the book Sunset, my own passage through the landscape of a loved one’s passing, desiring that it might lift others who share the path with me or who will one day find themselves on our road, hoping someone left a few signposts to help them find their way. Grief is a searching, desiring emotion. It is the heart’s hunger—the soul reaching out to the limits of mortality’s boundaries.

Writing of Laurie helped to open the windows of my soul and let some of the sadness depart. Both love and sorrow are meant to be shared—love that it may grow and sorrow that it may diminish. Writing was a continued sharing of life, with the paradox that when I finished, it was like losing her a second time. My world was thinner. Yet, a wonderful Muslim friend of ours told me, “When we speak lovingly of those who have passed, we lift them to higher and higher places in paradise.” That was comforting. Sunset was my lifting.

I wrote that others may find in a shared experience permission to feel what they feel, realizing others truly do understand. Life now has a strange, unfamiliar quality to it. I’m on a stage in someone else’s play. I act out my roles. I interact with the other players. I say my lines and execute my entrances and exits. It’s a good play, certainly not a tragedy, and the scenes are filled with wonderful people and much joy, even laughter. But the genuine life, the loving life, is somewhere else. I wait for the play to end. The other actors will go home, the crowds will thin, and I will see her waiting in the wings. We’ll walk off together, Laurie and I, and have toast and hot chocolate in the kitchen.

I have watched countless sunsets in the past months, many of them over the ocean. As the sun nears the horizon, it spreads a narrow golden ribbon of reflected light across the water. It shimmers like an inviting pathway reaching my feet. I have thought many an evening that one day I will step out onto that shining, beckoning stretch of light and walk out over the ocean, past the waves, past the horizon and into the sunset. Laurie will come to meet me, reach out her hands, and grief will end. Until that day, I search for her in other ways. Perhaps my searching will help others.

There is a love that is developed between two people who look across at each other and love what they see. It is found in the face and features, in the heart, hair, soul, and mind which each accepts as a gift from the other. But all this is enhanced by the love that unites when both look from each other to something else and each loves what the eyes see equally.

Our marriage was more than just us. It was everything we both found dear, or satisfying, or comic, or lovable. It was the Shakespeare Festival, and Chinese art, the sea cliffs of Ireland, and the red rock hiking trails of Southern Utah. It was BBC mini-series and Poirot mysteries, orange juice with popcorn and French toast in the morning. I am learning to reach for this love, the warm flowing over the soul, the quiet awareness of someone looking with me. It is akin to retrieving an early morning dream or a forgotten lyric which trembles just on the rim of the mind.

I am also learning the deeper meaning of that eternal love which begins with two kneeling souls in a temple. We speak of the everlasting nature of love, its infinite scope. I always imagined it as stretching down the long corridor of welcoming time, past setting suns and turning galaxies, but my vision was always a future one of time unspent. Now I feel it pulling me backwards, through every moment of her childhood, her growing preparatory years, the seasons of dolls and dances, first lipstick and earrings, times I did not share with her but were now as precious as if I had always known her, always loved her, had never lived without her. I sense in this backward yearning that when the day comes that veils and closed doors will part and open and our sight search forgotten time that the reach of love will encompass all the eons of the past so that eventually there will never be a time when I did not love her.

I am not speaking of the belief that we knew each other in a pre-mortal life. It is not that! But something deeper, more holy, first created in the temple, at the altar where the eternal motion towards both future and past begins its infinite longing reach. Was she ever not there? Was there ever a time I did not love her? No, it seems in this that love is retrospective and captures all the moments of the past and makes them part of the now, one eternal round, all things in the present, time in perfect wholeness, union before union. Ironically, it is death, the perceived ender of things that has given me this gift of enhanced ages.

With that vision I offer to all my own deepest prayer.

“We mourn, Father, be with us in our mourning! Though thy scriptures so triumphantly ask, ‘O death, where is thy sting?’ we know where to find it. We love, Father, help us in our loving. Teach us to walk the path that leads forward, into the arms of those we long for.”

We Can Live with God Again

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:45:00 -0700

source: lds.org

Mormon Life says: Whether you've lost someone or not, this video has the most beautiful message.

Dave Says: Crummy Family's Lack of Boundaries

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:03:00 -0700

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: I took care of my grandfather before he passed away, and he left his estate to me. How do I handle family members who are acting weird about being left out?

Dear Dave,

My grandfather passed away a couple of months ago. I’m 32 and the only relative still living in town, so I helped take care of him and his place so he wouldn’t have to go into an assisted living facility. In his will, he left his entire estate—the house and property plus about $270,000—to me. I’m debt-free except for my house, and now my family is acting weird and telling me I’m making excuses for them being left out of the will. Do you have any advice?

Jason

Dear Jason,

Let me ask you something. Did you love your grandfather? It sure sounds to me like you did by taking care of him and his stuff. It sounds like he loved you a lot, too. So my advice is to do what he wanted and accept this generous inheritance. And your family needs to just shut up!

When you die, you can leave your belongings to whoever you choose. I mean, it was your grandfather’s stuff, so it was his decision. Period. He could have left it directly to his children, grandchildren, a friend or even his dog if he’d wanted.

Let these family members with the problems contest the will. And you can spend the money grandfather left fighting them. The man left what he left, and there’s no more. It was his money, his house and his property. They’re not entitled to it just because they’re breathing!

In the meantime, you need to learn how to be a wise investor and become debt-free, including the house! Start educating yourself on mutual funds and Roth IRAs. And don’t beat yourself up over this, Jason. You haven’t done anything wrong.

—Dave

For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.

When Faith and Prayers Don’t Save a Loved One

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 11:31:00 -0600

source: mormonwoman.org

I am so grateful for the essay that Nicole recently shared about the miracles that happened in their family‘s life — how faith and prayers saved their twin baby boy. We’ve recently been sharing different Mormon bloggers’ thoughts on their belief in God, and it’s stories like Nicole’s that are an example of what strengthens my faith in God’s existence.

But that faith is also strengthened by stories of people whose situations didn’t turn out so positively.

A young couple in the ward congregation I attend comes to mind. Their precious son was born weighing only 2 pounds 9 ounces. They still aren’t sure exactly why, but he stopped growing in utero, so this was his full-term weight. He surprised the doctors by staying alive, but the next seven months were fraught with a host of issues that kept him in the hospital for most of that time.

Sister missionary had "an infectious laugh"

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 11:13:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Mormon Life says: An update on Sister Bentley, who died in a car crash on Tuesday. Vanessa Bentley, a 22-year-old missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from Tucson, Ariz., was killed Tuesday in a two-car collision on state Route 37 in the town of Lisbon in upstate New York.

Sister Bentley's companion, Natalie Love of Hemet, Calif., and the driver of the other vehicle involved in the accident, Nora McDonald of Madrid, N.Y., were also injured in the collision. Their injuries do not appear to be life threatening.

According to the police report, the accident occurred when the car carrying the two missionaries from the Utica New York Mission attempted to make a left-hand turn. The other vehicle hit the passenger's side of the missionary vehicle directly. Sister Bentley was sitting in the passenger's seat.

LDS Church spokesman Scott Trotter said that Sister Bentley had been serving as a missionary for 13 months at the time of the accident.

Fatal accident involving sister missionaries in New York

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 13:47:00 -0600

source: wwnytv.com

Mormon Life says: One sister missionary died from her injuries; the other is in fair condition. Our prayers are with the families of all the victims.

A 22 year old Arizona woman has died from the injuries she suffered in an accident Tuesday afternoon on Route 37 in the town of Lisbon.

State police said Vanessa Bentley of Tuscon was transported to Claxton Hepburn Medical Center in Ogdensburg and later flown to Fletcher Allen Medical Center in Vermont.

She died at 8 p.m. Tuesday.

Dave Says: A Parent's Last Days

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 00:05:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: My mother is in her last days, and she wants to do many things our family can't afford.

Dear Dave,

I need advice on how to handle things where my mom is concerned. She was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) a year ago, and now she wants our family to do things together that we can’t afford. Last summer, we took a trip to Norway, and mom paid half, but it still made things hard on us financially. What can I do?

Emily

Dear Emily,

I’m really sorry to hear about your mom. I know that’s tough on everyone in more than just a financial sense. What you’re facing is very sad, and I understand that you want to spend as much time with her as possible. At the same time, though, you can’t bankrupt your family, either.

I think you need to sit down with her and gently explain that while you love her and want to spend as much time with her as possible, you can’t put your family in financial danger to help her with a bucket list. You have to balance your love for your mom and this awful situation with what’s best for your own household.

Make reasonable decisions on what you can and can’t do with her. Can you stretch yourself to do a few special things? Sure, but stretching is one thing; breaking is another. If she’s leaving you insurance money, you could stretch a little bit, then put that back into your funds later. But don’t go into debt to make these things happen. That will just start a cycle of borrowing that you can’t afford and leave you with a pile of payments later on top of your grief.

Your family has enough to worry about right now. Don’t put a bunch of debt on the list, too. That’s going too far.

God bless you, Emily.

—Dave

* For more financial help visit daveramsey.com.

Elder Marion D. Hanks laid to rest

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 13:21:00 -0600

source: MormonTimes.com

Elder Marion D. Hanks' greatest desire in life was to qualify to be a friend of Christ.

He would realize that sacred desire through decades of selfless service and devotion, said friends and relatives who paid tribute to the late Latter-day Saint leader at Saturday's funeral services in Holladay. Elder Hanks' 90 years on earth, they declared, were defined by service, dedication, learning and always speaking out for those in need.

Called to the Seventy at age 31, Elder Hank's would spend almost two-thirds of this life serving as a general authority. He died Aug. 5 at the age of 89.

"He was a beloved friend and associate in the work of the Lord," said President Thomas S. Monson, who spoke and presided at the funeral.

Friends remember little Mormon dynamo with a big heart

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 11:16:00 -0600

source: sltrib.com

A Mormon chapel here was awash in Hawaiian leis and abuzz with anecdotes and remembrances Wednesday as friends and family members gathered to mark the passing of Chieko Okazaki.

A Japanese-American convert to the LDS Church and the first non-Caucasian woman to serve in one of the Utah-based faith’s auxiliary presidencies, Okazaki died Aug. 1 in Salt Lake City at age 84. She was a powerful speaker, teacher and writer who connected personally and spiritually to women across the spectrum of religious belief and behavior.

Gospel Principles Lesson 41: The Postmortal Spirit World

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 00:06:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: The talk excerpted below discusses LDS beliefs in the eternal plan of God, including life after death. This mortal life can constitute a difficult journey, but the destination is truly glorious. Christ expressed this to His disciples: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” 1

My objective, this afternoon, is twofold: first, to address some stumbling blocks to faith; and second, to describe how our Father’s plan is big enough for all His children.

During the past two years in the United States and across the world, there has been a dramatic increase in the discussion of our faith and beliefs. This is not new; it has happened periodically throughout the history of the Church.

In 1863 Charles Dickens, the English novelist, went on board the passenger ship Amazon, which was bound for New York. His purpose was to report on the Latter-day Saint converts who were emigrating to build up the Church in the American West. There had been thousands of converts who had already emigrated, and much had been written, particularly in the British media, about them and their beliefs. Most of what was written was unfavorable.

To read the full talk, click here.