Mormon Life - Counseling tag

Dave Says: Counseling Before Marriage a Good Idea?

Tue, 26 Oct 2010 00:03:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Is couples counseling before marriage a good idea or just a waste of time? Dear Dave,

I just got engaged, and already people are telling us that pre-marital counseling is a good idea. What is your opinion?

Bradley

Dear Bradley,

It doesn’t necessarily mean that someone thinks you aren’t right for each other when they suggest you think about pre-marital counseling. In fact, I think it’s a great thing, a smart thing, and something every couple should do prior to marriage.

There are four areas in which you and your fiancé should be in agreement before you walk down the aisle. These are religion, children, parents, and money. Studies show that couples who agree on these issues prior to marriage have a much better chance of experiencing a successful marriage and spending long, happy lives together.

Unity creates romance, whether you’re talking about holding hands or handling money. And it’s not just about coming to an agreement, either. It’s about sharing your innermost thoughts, goals, and dreams, and mapping out a life together that will make you both happy!

— Dave

*For more financial advice, visit daveramsey.com

Counseling service offers online treatment options

Tue, 12 Oct 2010 00:04:00 -0600

source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: A new counseling service to help you or loved ones find real solutions to real problems. We all have that time in our lives when we need a sound word of counsel and advice from another. Don't feel like you can ask your close friend, your boyfriend, your spouse, your sister, or a parent?

The Curved Couch is a website dedicated to offering people real solutions to real problems. Counselors at the Curved Couch come together with a variety of backgrounds to lend the help and comfort that everyone occasionally needs.

Claiming, in part, that “we are all like everyone, we are all like someone, and we are all like no one at all,” the site aims to offer a safe, warm, and comfortable place to help others overcome some of the difficulties of life.

Whether you are struggling in a relationship, having issues with someone in the workplace, caught in a tug of war with your teenage children, or any other struggle, an option for relief exists for you. Treatment options include everything from one quick question and answer interaction to a month-long discussion and treatment program.

Learn more at thecurvedcouch.com.

Word of Wisdom: The Reality

Thu, 08 Aug 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Only you will be held accountable for the choices you make in this life. Only you will reap the benefits, and only you will live with the consequences.

Parents, teachers, and leaders notwithstanding, the truth is pretty simple: It's all up to you. Only you will be held accountable for the choices you make in this life. Only you will reap the benefits, and only you will live with the consequences. You made a decision to come to earth and receive a body, and you have the opportunity to master its appetites, but whether you do that or not is between you and the Lord. In the end, the things you do with and to your body will be strictly between you and your Heavenly Father. He is the one who gave you that gift, and He is the one who will hold you responsible for it. That's the plan!

If this series of articles has given you more information than you had before, or if reading it has helped you see the same old issues in a new way, then I've accomplished my purpose. I'm a person who believes in things strongly, and one of the things I believe in most strongly of all is the basic goodness and strength of Latter-day Saint youth. Given the right information, most of you will make choices that prove who you are: sons and daughters of God specifically reserved for this day and age because of your valiance. It took a lot of guts and gumption to come to earth, and that guts and gumption is exactly what's needed to make the hard choices. In other words, you've got what it takes!

May the Lord bless you in everything you do, and may every battle you win over the adversary leave you more aware of the incredible power and influence you wield as a son or daughter of God.

Here is some additional food for thought on choice and accountability.

LETTER FROM A FRIEND

(This letter is from a real person and tells his true story; used by permission.)

"On November 10, 1988, at 12:17 AM there was a major car accident in Santa Clara County. The driver of the car that caused the accident was drunk. He was speeding and ran a red light, hitting another car broadside, at the driver's door. Three people were killed in this accident: a mother and two of her children. One child of hers survived. The drunk driver survived with minor injuries. He was arrested and charged with three counts of second degree murder and felony drunk driving. Ten months later, he was convicted of these charges, and fourteen months after the accident he was sentenced to a total of 48 years to life in prison, the maximum sentence possible. I am that drunk driver.

It is difficult to express the sorrow I feel for the innocent victims involved. It is usually a subject I avoid because the memories are painful. I have always thought life to be a miraculous and precious thing, and then to take it away from three human beings, so senselessly, has caused me great anguish. The fact that the victims were a mother and two children just add to my sorrow. It was very hard to accept the day after, when reality finally hit. I didn't want to live anymore. It took awhile for the will to live to come back. I had to change my attitude and lifestyle. To be able to live with myself I had to start recovering from alcoholism and drug addiction. It is the main thing that gives my life meaning now.

At this time, I am at Pelican Bay State Prison. It is the highest security prison in the State of California. We are always being watched by guards who carry automatic assault rifles. They will, and do, shoot at inmates when there is violence, or if a person were to try to escape. This is a totally alien and uncomfortable environment compared to what most people are used to. I would not recommend it for anyone, even the other inmates here.

I think that you should know a little about my teenage years. Adolescence was a very difficult time for me. It is a time when body and mind change. The body matures and the mind becomes preoccupied with the opposite sex. In my case, my mind was changing but my body wasn't, at least not as fast as my peers. I was small for my age at thirteen, and was very insecure. At this age, I discovered alcohol. I knew that I wasn't supposed to drink alcohol, that it wasn't legal for a thirteen-year-old to drink, but my friends were trying it, and being insecure already, I felt I had to, to fit in. I was also very curious, and when I finally did drink, I was surprised to find that I was no longer insecure. I felt comfortable around the popular crowd, and most importantly, I felt comfortable around popular girls. I was hooked from the moment I realized this magic quality of alcohol, although at the time I didn't know that I was hooked.

I think it is important to let you know that alcohol wasn't the only drug I started using when I was thirteen. I also started smoking marijuana, and I experimented a little with amphetamines (uppers). Once I tried one drug the decision to try others came easier. By the time I was eighteen I had used alcohol, marijuana, amphetamines, methamphetamines (crank), cocaine, LSD, and psychedelic mushrooms. Through all this time I got into trouble, mostly with my parents, but also a couple of times with the law. I figured at the time that most kids my age had these same things happen to them, at least a lot of the kids I was hanging around did. I didn't feel it was that serious, even when I blacked out one night and threatened to kill my parents. Two police came, and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital tied to a gurney. I was embarrassed, and felt bad for a couple of days, but that wore off soon.

When I was eighteen, after my senior year in high school, my parents were finally fed up with my crazy lifestyle. I think the last straw was when I quit going to summer school. I needed to finish summer school English class because I had failed it during the regular school year. Needless to say I didn't graduate high school. I was given an ultimatum. I had to move out or go to a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. Being irresponsible, and realizing it, I realized I couldn't make it on my own. I chose rehabilitation. It was the first time I really looked at myself and admitted I had a problem. The one program lasted thirty days, but I ended up going to another one on top of that one, and then a halfway house after that—five months of treatment.

What happened? One thing that you must always remember is that a person is never cured. Recovery from alcoholism or drug addiction is an ongoing process. Three months after I got out of the halfway house, I started using drugs again. Slowly at first, but I was soon back to where I was. Because it started slowly, I had thoughts that maybe I wasn't an alcoholic or a drug addict after all. Maybe I was just unlucky. It is the nature of the disease, and human nature, to not want to admit that something is wrong with me—that I'm not a normal person. It is like a cancer patient, when he first learns he has cancer, does not want to admit it or accept it. Alcoholism and drug addiction, like cancer, is terminal if not treated, and there is always a fear of relapse.

Soon, I was worse than I was before the rehab program. Before I was twenty- one, I had two drunk driving [convictions]. I ended up losing my driver's license for eighteen months. Being an auto mechanic, this was very hard on me, but that did not stop me—Nope. I managed to stay out of serious trouble with the law for the next two years. I had a few minor scrapes that were good for a couple of days in the county jail each, but they didn't discourage me from my drug and alcohol abuse. A three-and-a-half-year relationship with a young lady went bitter and ended because of my drug and alcohol abuse. All this, and all I could manage was a couple of sorry attempts at recovery again. Because I never got serious about it, three innocent people died, and I'm in prison for many, many years, maybe for the rest of my life.

I never thought that something like this could happen to me. I always thought that I had enough control over alcohol and drugs to know when to stop or to know when not to drive. In reality, I lost control as soon as I decided to have a drink or to take drugs. Taking drugs or drinking alcohol is like playing Russian roulette. You never know whether you will become addicted. Chances are that some of you that hear this will later become alcoholics or drug addicts. It is also very important to know that alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs there is, and it's made more dangerous because, for people over twenty-one, it is legal. Not only is alcohol legal, it is socially acceptable. God have mercy on the people who can't handle alcohol because society won't tolerate drunkenness, but yet condones social drinking. That is what kills the alcoholic. For those who prefer illegal drugs, be aware that this new trend, `The War on Drugs,' has no place for rehabilitation. The state is building huge human warehouses, called prison, for you. Remember that rehabilitation doesn't always work the first time, and it takes a great amount of personal effort. Once one becomes despondent, they must never give up trying to recover, even if they keep going back to using. My advice to you is to stay away from all of it. It is not always easy; your friends may try it and try to draw you into it. Stay away from smoking too. It isn't good for you and is also addicting. If you never try it, you'll never have the problems that come with it, and you won't be missing anything. Alcohol and drugs never solve problems—they just create more.

Yours truly,
Dave

TWO SECONDS IS ALL IT TAKES

(written for Saratoga High School's "Two Seconds Is All It Takes," a program discouraging driving under the Influence of chemicals.)

Twisted steel and broken lives
Dreams are dead, but the pain survives
Loved ones wishin' they could take it back
Run the scene on a different track
But truth cuts deeper than shattered glass
You can't build a future on a dying past
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Never shoulda happened—Who's to blame?
Johnny's headin' out to a baseball game
Splits a twelver with Hans and Geoff
Downs a few just to cool him off
Doesn't get buzzed—He's good to go
Takes a lot more 'n that to lay most guys low
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Walks to his car; waves good-bye
Sunny afternoon—clear blue sky
Killer day for a baseball game
Starts the engine...hears his name...
What's up Johnny, can we get a ride?
Sure, Chrissi. Hey, Kathy. Just hop inside
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Brand new system, soundin' good
Turn it up—Lauryn Hill rocks the `hood
The girls are soundin' real good too
Singin' 'bout Zion comin' through
Now Johnny's bustin' it in his seat
They're laughin' so hard they almost miss their street
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Tragedy waitin' around the bend
Never coulda known it was gonna end
Arthur and Monte on a burger run
Talkin' 'bout women, havin' some fun
Pagin' all their buddies to meet `em there
Rappin' to the radio without a care
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

There's the school. Turn left here...Quick!!
Johnny jerks the wheel like a joy stick
Cuts the turn too tight, too late
Tires squeal as they accelerate
Around the corner—They're movin' fast
And the scream that turns his head is Chrissi's last
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Arthur's got no way to go
They're headed for him in slo-mo
He sees their eyes—alive with fear
Three faces tell him death is near
He sees it all—like a movie take
But there isn't even time to hit the brake
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

World blows up like a hand grenade
Glass and flesh and metal sprayed
Grinding steel and deafening crash
Chrissi layin' still, across the dash
Arthur moans, and Kathy's tears
Feed Johnny and Monte's darkest fears
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Jaws of life can tear and shred
But no machine can raise the dead
Please help my friend; she's hurt the worst
There—in the front—Get Chrissi first
They carry her gently to one side
But Kathy sees the body bag they can't hide
Two seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

We need a level on this guy
That's Johnny Jones—Yeah—DUI
We've got one dead and one near miss
Does anyone ever get used to this?
Hey...Who's that kid over there alone?
We gotta get his parents on the telephone
Two seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

One more ambulance underway
Wait, that's my friend. Is he okay?
How bad is Arthur really hurt?
Oh no, his blood is on my shirt
It wasn't our fault—Some crazy guy
Came right outa nowhere. Don't let Arthur die
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Johnny in cuffs, hangin' his head
Kathy still sobbin', "Mom, she's dead"
Anne Chin livin' every parent's fear
A call from the morgue—Your daughter's here
Monte's mom thankin' God he's okay
Arthur's mother findin' out he's DOA
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

Twisted steel and broken lives
Dreams are dead, but the pain survives
Loved ones wishin' they could take it back
Run the scene on a different track
But truth cuts deeper than shattered glass
You can't build a future on a dying past
2 seconds is all it takes
You can't live with some mistakes

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Word of Wisdom: The Low-Down

Thu, 11 Jul 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: What we don't know won't hurt us, right? Maybe not so right. And that's why this information is here, not to lecture you, not to browbeat you, but simply to give you the "rest of the story" on some of the most commonly abused chemicals out there today. The Low-Down

What we don't know won't hurt us, right? Maybe not so right. And that's why this information is here, not to lecture you, not to browbeat you, but simply to give you the "rest of the story" on some of the most commonly abused chemicals out there today.^*

Alcohol:

Alcohol is highly addictive, and the initial high often turns to depression. As blood vessels enlarge, the drinker feels flushed, but body temperature actually lowers. The part of the brain controlling thought and spatial ability changes. Speech, memory and judgment suffer; vision blurs; gait and hands become unsteady, reflexes slow; and behavior can be bizarre, even violent. Alcohol is dangerous taken with other drugs because the vomit reflex may be inhibited, causing alcohol poisoning and possible death. Alcoholism is a serious risk and often creates liver and other organ damage. (Teens are more susceptible and can develop cirrhosis after just 15 to 20 months of drinking.) Hallucinations and/or nervous disorders and phobias can occur, along with complete physical and emotional dependence.

Tobacco:

Tobacco contains nicotine and tar, made of several thousand chemicals which are mostly cancer-causing and/or poisonous, including carbon monoxide (a deadly gas found in car exhaust), arsenic (used in rat poison), formaldehyde (used to embalm bodies) hydrogen cyanide (the poison used in gas chambers), and more. This drug ravages the body. Blood pressure rises, and the heart beats 40-50 percent faster per minute while the amount of oxygen in the user's blood decreases. Tobacco creates psychological/physical dependence and causes 85% of lung cancers. Other cancers are likely also, including oral cancers from chewing tobacco. Heart and blood vessel disease occurs frequently, and tobacco is blamed for 80-90% of deaths from pulmonary disease. Even knowing this, it is hard for users to quit. The addictive nature of nicotine compares to heroin.

Marijuana and Hashish:

Marijuana contains 426 chemicals that are converted into 2,000 when smoked, and the main one is THC. Marijuana now has 5% THC as compared to .2% in the 1960's, so it is a far more powerful (and dangerous) drug. In fact, some strains have up to14% THC. A user's heart beats as much as 50% faster. Time and distance perception change; coordination and short-term memory are impaired. This drug can be laced with other chemicals like PCP. It is known to be physically and psychologically addictive, with 33% of users becoming daily users. THC is stored in fatty tissue in the liver, ovaries, and testicles, and it takes 30 days to rid the body of it. Habitual use destroys brain cells and can cause permanent short-term memory loss. Amotivational syndrome--recognized by lethargy, reduced attention span, neglect of personal appearance, and lack of interest in anything but getting high--is a common symptom. Heavy use can cause brain atrophy in the cerebrum. "Burnouts" appear slow, dim-witted and forgetful, with personality changes. Marijuana also aggravates existing psychological problems and can cause paranoia. It has more cancer-causing agents than tobacco smoke. Studies show smoking five marijuana cigarettes is equal to smoking 112tobacco cigarettes in lung toxicity. It also lowers the immune system (fewer white blood cells), decreases testosterone levels, and can disrupt menstrual cycles. Hashish is 5 to10 times stronger than marijuana. Effects are similar but include hallucinations and delusions.

Cocaine:

This drug is routinely mixed with hydrochloric acid. Short-lasting euphoria is followed by intense dysphoria, or "crashing." This includes depression, anxiety, irritability, and lack of motivation. It also narrows blood vessels and stimulates heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure. Cocaine can be fatal, through cardiac arrest or suffocation from massive brain seizures. It also causes heart palpitations, angina, and arrhythmia. Addiction comes quickly; relapse is common. It creates the most extreme cravings of any other substance. Monkeys in a study consistently chose it over food until they starved to death. Other effects are chronic depression, compulsivity, panic attacks, memory loss, and loss of sexual interest. Moodiness, absence from school or work, nervous twitches, insomnia, hyperactivity, poor concentration, humorlessness, irritability, paranoia, physical neglect, and teeth grinding are also common. Cocaine psychosis with hallucinations can occur. Long-term physical symptoms are fatigue, nausea and vomiting, digestive disorders, severe headaches, cold sweats, respiratory infections, persistently dry throat, and damage to the nose. Those who inject run the risk of skin abscesses, hepatitis, and AIDS from shared needles.

Crack:

Crack is a freebase form of cocaine sprinkled on marijuana cigarettes and smoked or vaporized and inhaled through a pipe. Crack's effects are stronger than cocaine. Teens who use crack become violent 31% of the time and suicidal 18% of the time. This drug is even more addictive than regular cocaine and is considered the most addictive substance presently known. It causes extreme craving that can never be satisfied. A crack addict needs another hit within minutes. Addiction can occur instantaneously. A user's need for the drug quickly overcomes former values. Criminal behavior is common.

Amphetamines, Methamphetamines, and Other Stimulants:

Speed (or crank) and other stimulants increase heart rate, breathing rate and blood pressure. Dry mouth, sweating, headaches, blurred vision, dizziness, sleeplessness, and anxiety often occur. Amphetamines can also produce tremors, coordination loss, fever, chest pains, and fatal strokes or heart failure, especially if injected. The high is followed by a severe and unpleasant depressive "crash," which often leads to a cycle of abuse. Long-term effects are usually ulcers, skin disorders, malnutrition, and diseases linked to vitamin deficiencies. High doses can lead to psychosis with hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia. These drugs, which can also lead to violent behavior, cause most of the prolonged drug-induced psychotic mental states in the US. Those who inject them run the added risk of skin abscesses, AIDS, hepatitis, lung disease, heart disease, and damage to kidneys and other tissues.

Inhalants:

These vapors (such as nitrous oxide) come from household items like airplane glue, lighter and cleaning fluids, etc. Inhalants make a person feel slow, draggy, dizzy and drowsy. There is a sensation of hyperventilation with thick tongue, numb face, and throbbing head. Death can occur. Overdose victims usually suffocate by either choking on their own vomit while unconscious, having the vapors displace the oxygen in their lungs, or depressing the central nervous system so much they stop breathing. These drugs decrease blood pressure, heart rate, and respiratory rate. Other effects are prolonged coughing/sneezing, nosebleeds, appetite loss, visual impairment, hallucinations, loss of ability to speak properly, and violent actions. Inhalants kill brain cells and turn more users into vegetables than any other drug. 40-60% of long-term users sustain brain damage. The central nervous system is permanently harmed with diminishing mental and physical capacities. Kidneys, blood, and bone marrow are also negatively affected. Weight loss, mental, and muscle fatigue also occur.

Sedatives and Hypnotics:

These drugs are tranquilizers usually prescribed for sleep or sedation. They can cause slurred speech, staggering gait, lethargy, mental impairment, rapid, involuntary movement of the eyeballs, blurred vision, tingling sensations in extremities, and mood swings. It is easy to overdose because memory is impaired, and the user can't remember how much he has taken. The risk multiplies taken with alcohol. Breathing, heart rate and blood pressure are diminished. An overdose causes the user to stop breathing. These drugs are extremely addictive. The user's behavior often becomes unpredictable, sometimes violent. Withdrawal is even more severe than withdrawal from heroin. Symptoms include anxiety, restlessness, sweating, shaking, nausea, vomiting, and increased heart rate, as well as grand mal seizures and/or convulsions similar to the DT's alcoholics go through at withdrawal.

LSD:

LSD is one of several hallucinogens. "Bad trips" are terrifying and unpredictable. They include panic, anxiety, and terrifying hallucinations lasting for up to 12 hours. Brain waves are often abnormal for one to two days after taking LSD. LSD mimics psychosis. It can cause suicides or accidental deaths. It can also cause flashbacks, or experiencing the effects of the drug without taking it. These can last as long as two years. Signs of organic brain damage (confusion, shortened attention span, impaired memory, difficulty with abstract thinking) have been seen. Some users have reported permanent loss of color vision.

PCP or Angel Dust:

This powder is often laced with other harmful substances. PCP costs little to make and can be substituted by dealers for more expensive drugs, so it is often taken unknowingly. Effects differ from person to person. Users can become destructive and violent or withdraw completely and be unable to communicate. PCP also causes confusion or delusions of massive strength or invulnerability to pain, making victims susceptible to drowning, being burned, falling, and car accidents. Users can be severely injured and not realize it until the drug has worn off. Physical effects are also hard to predict. PCP stimulates some and depresses others. Typical symptoms are tearing of the eyes, lack of body control, cramps, sweating, nausea, and bloody vomiting. Large doses can cause drowsiness, convulsions, or coma. Death from respiratory failure is also possible. PCP psychosis can occur three to four days after use. This consists of extreme depression, suicidal impulses, paranoia, and violence that can persist for days or weeks and require psychiatric treatment. Habitual users report slurred speech, problems with concentration and memory, and auditory delusions (imaginary sounds or voices lasting as long as two years.) Other long-term effects are severe hypertension, multiple seizures, fever, brain hemorrhaging, and kidney failure. The drug causes both tolerance and psychological dependence.

Mescaline, Peyote, and Other Hallucinogens:

These are similar in nature to LSD. Even the "good trips" are unpleasant for many, while the bad ones are terrifying and unpredictable. Peyote causes nausea and vomiting. Mescaline can also cause anxiety or depression. Mushrooms are comparable in risk and effect to LSD, though effects are generally shorter lived.

Narcotics (Other Than Heroin and Methadone):

Codeine and other pain pills are made from opium. Before crack came along, these were the most addictive drugs. Anxiety often becomes worse after the effects wear off. Narcotics can also cause restlessness, nausea, vomiting, drowsiness, and a low level of consciousness. Overdose victims may go into a stupor or coma as their respiration, body temperature, and blood pressure drop swiftly. After ten days of daily use or a month of frequent use, narcotics will cause physical dependence. At this point, more is taken just to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal includes restlessness, diarrhea, cramps, tremors, sweating, chills, nausea, body pain, runny nose and eyes, and goose flesh. Sleeplessness and drug craving can persist for months with feelings of despair, depression, and worthlessness.

Heroin:

This drug is extremely addictive. All too soon, there is no rush or high. The addict is just taking the drug to avoid withdrawal symptoms, which are similar to those of other opiates. Heroin causes diminished sex drive, mood changes, and lethargy. Overdose, convulsions, coma, and death occur because of impurities in the drug, contaminated needles, and high doses. (High doses are necessary to ward off the withdrawal symptoms as tolerance occurs.) The ritual of injecting the drug can also be psychologically addictive. Veins are destroyed, and users will inject into the groin, neck, or any place at all where they can find a vein. Withdrawing from methadone is even harder than from heroin. Other long-term effects are from needle use: infections or flooding of the heart lining and valves, skin abscesses, lung congestion, hepatitis, tetanus, liver disease, and AIDS.

Designer Drugs:

Ecstasy and similar designer drugs (connected to amphetamines) are made by underground chemists and are often laced with LSD, heroin, and other substances. Adverse reactions like confusion, depression, restlessness, anxiety, nausea, and faintness frequently occur. Designer drugs also cause increased heart rate and blood pressure, chills, sweating, and blurry vision. Permanent brain damage and death have occurred.

So what do you think? Sure, some of these drugs seem "fun" at first, but scientists agree there's a huge downside physically, to say nothing of psychologically and spiritually. The physical effects of drug use are pretty straightforward. We took a look at some psychological and spiritual consequences in last week's article, "The Fallout." I hope you'll check out next week's article to read some comments, stories, and insights from LDS youth who've learned the hard way...from experience.

* Facts and statistics taken from Ken Barun and Philip Bashe, Drugs and Alcohol: When Saying No Isn't Enough, [Ontario, Canada: Signet, 1992], 162-99.

Word of Wisdom: The Fallout

Thu, 04 Jul 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Not everyone likes the sensation, but most people who get high would say they're having a great time. Eating hot fudge sundaes is a great time too, but those who keep doing it can wind up paying a pretty "hefty" price. Every choice comes with consequences, and those consequences have a way of adding up. The Fallout

Not everyone likes the sensation, but most people who get high would say they're having a great time. Eating hot fudge sundaes is a great time too, but those who keep doing it can wind up paying a pretty "hefty" price. (Okay...I'm speaking from personal experience!) My point? Well, you've heard it before, so brace yourself because I'm going to say it again: Every choice comes with consequences, and those consequences have a way of adding up. This feels terrific when they're pleasant, but the thrill falls a little flat when they're not.

Don't get me wrong. Fun counts a lot in a well-balanced life, but how and where you find it counts too. Let's face it, being able to have a good time with yourself and those around you is a trait worth pursuing. People who can entertain themselves and their friends are in demand because they know how to turn a boring day or random activity into something better. This kind of talent is an awesome resource, but it comes more easily to some of us than others. Are you ever one of those "others"? If so, consider that developing your unique and very personal ability to make fun happen pays off in a big way. It guarantees a happier life, even during hard times. Will it require work? You can bet on it, but you can also bet on at least two lasting rewards: inner strength and emotional maturity.

The stumbling block to all this is pretty obvious. Sometimes we don't feel like putting in the effort. When we get lazy (who, me?), the idea of something for nothing begins to sound like a real deal. How about the guy who wants good grades but doesn't want to work for them? Maybe he finds a TA who agrees to give him an answer sheet for every test. Suddenly he has more A's than he knows what to do with. Of course, there is a slight hitch. Now he depends on that TA for every one of those grades. Can you guess what happens next? One day the TA gets caught, or maybe he just quits coming through with the goods. Not only do our friend's A's disappear, but now he has no clue how to get them back. While everyone else has been learning all along, this kid hasn't picked up a thing. The outcome? He flunks the class. Why? Because he no longer knows how to succeed taking the test on his own power.

Life is much the same way. Every time someone depends on a drug to make him feel good by artificially altering pleasure centers in the brain, he misses a chance to develop the skill of making his own fun—or even dealing with his own disappointments. By depending on something outside himself to do something he could do on his own, he loses power. He also puts up a big "Keep Out" sign for the Spirit, one of the few things "outside himself" worth inviting in!

When people's kidneys fail, their health and well-being depends on dialysis. A large and cumbersome machine cleans their blood every day. Would anyone ever choose this voluntarily? Not likely! Being a self-contained unit allows freedom and independence, two things we all enjoy. For example, would you rather take a thyroid pill or have your own thyroid working—take insulin or have a strong, healthy pancreas that makes its own? These are good questions, and so is this one: Are you willing to risk facing the ugly side of chemicals when you have everything you need to produce a natural high right in your own brain? Only you can come up with that answer.

And while you're at it, here's another interesting question: Does the capacity for making real fun shrink when you depend on outside methods? Scientists say it does. Our minds come equipped with the power to generate the endorphins we need. Endorphins are natural chemicals in the brain that bring pleasure and reduce pain. These "good-mood-makers" are released when we run, when we smile, and even when we think happy thoughts. The more we call upon them ourselves, the better they become at responding. On the other hand, the more we trigger them artificially, the more out of whack they become—and the more dependent upon outside help.

Here's another good analogy (I know, you've already done your time in English class today, but hang with me a minute): Some people take prednisone to control asthma. Because this medication performs many of the same functions as the adrenal glands, those who take it for awhile become dependent upon it. The drug actually suppresses the function of their own adrenals. In other words, the glands begin to shut down because a drug is doing their job for them. Those who go off large doses of prednisone abruptly run the risk of death from adrenal failure. Now that's drug dependence!

Endorphins are the same. Natural production in the brain is greatly reduced for people who rely upon alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. A person's ability to use his own mind and power to adjust and manage moods, thoughts, and life in general takes a big hit when he begins to depend on something outside himself. This is particularly unfortunate for teens, who are in the process of becoming adults. Coping skills fall by the wayside, which means emotional maturation either slows down or comes to a dead end. Before long, too much control has been handed over to whatever substance is used. At this point, even freedom over personal destiny has been left behind. The pathway is clear, but is it worth taking?

Fun, after all, is supposed to be just that—fun—from start to finish! My suggestion? The next time you're looking for a ray or two of sunshine, do yourself a favor: Make sure you're getting the real thing. (And check out the "price" while you're at it!) Nobody likes to be cheated, and staying in charge of your own destiny sure beats the reverse. Young people who chemically produce moods and feelings end up settling for less than they deserve and paying too much for it. They get lots of bitter with not enough sweet, and their personal resources are ignored or wasted. Why are they willing to put up with this? For the same reasons all of us put up with things we shouldn't: We don't know how much better things could be. We don't realize how powerful we truly are. We haven't learned when to call upon that power, where it comes from, or how to feed it.

Or maybe we do know these things. Maybe we know in our heads, but not in our hearts. Could this be your situation? The last time you sang I Am a Child of God did you find yourself really believing the words? Were you reminded that a spark of His divinity belongs to you?—that you have a righteous, spiritual power ready and waiting to be used? Knowing is half the battle, but the other half is doing. Are you doing enough to develop your divine inheritance? Can you count on your capacity (with God's help) to make your own fun, face your own fears, lift your own depression? Or are you relying on something outside yourself? Someone other than God? (Let's don't even go there!)

These are questions for you alone, and what you do with the answers is something you alone must decide. My request is that you think about each one carefully, remembering that change is always possible. Are you drug-free? Great! Continue to fortify yourself by increasing your own capacity to enjoy life. Are you dabbling in drugs...depending on drugs? Then think seriously about quitting, and don't be afraid to ask your bishop and others for help. You will probably need it. What's more, you will probably like it! "Repentance," as one young man put it, "is a much better high. As hard as it is to go into the bishop's office, knowing you are forgiven is one of the best feelings you'll ever have."

Have you ever thought of repentance that way, as one of the "best feelings you could ever have?" If that kind of high sounds appealing, you'll be glad to know that alternatives to drinking and drugs are surprisingly easy to find. Happiness is a byproduct of knowing what to look for and learning how to keep your balance. Working hard—believe it or not—is part of that formula. So is making time for wholesome fun and spiritual activity. Capture the flag, flashlight tag, touch football, picnics, hikes, swimming, snowboarding, team and other sports, family activities, service projects, a favorite hobby, EFY, upbeat music, art, building or creating something, enjoying nature, talking to friends, reading the scriptures, praying, listening for the Spirit, seminary, various church meetings—all are excellent resources for fun and joy in our lives. Even better, they're in good supply. Best of all—they're free! (And I'm not just talking about money, either. Is anything more freeing than the freedom from bad consequences? How about the freedom from outside control?) Taking and keeping the power to choose your own destiny is what freedom's all about.

So what do you think? It looks like there's a lot to be said for the "just say no" approach. And we haven't even talked about relationships yet. Can relationships be seriously affected by substance use? Let's hear what one 17- year old girl has to say: "When I was using drugs, I quit hanging out with most of my old friends. I told myself they gave up on me, but really I started pulling away from them. I felt like an outsider at church, like I wasn't a part of the group. I really don't know how to explain it: I just felt darker. The thing is that I could only realize how bad I was feeling after I began to change my life around."

A high school senior made this comment: "I pretty much dumped on my friends from before. When we got to high school I thought they were dorks. This year they turned out to be the only friends I had. I'm actually surprised they still want to hang out. What I found out is that it's hard to stay friends with people who are more into getting high than [being friends with] you. I'm not putting them down or anything because I was the same way. If I couldn't smoke out or at least drink, I didn't go."

What about relationships with parents? Can you see any problems that might come up there? A 22-year old new mother remembers: "I stayed away from drugs but did my share of drinking in high school. For a long time my parents didn't know, but when they found out they freaked. They knew I'd been lying, and when I kept on lying they stopped trusting me. I felt bad about that but not bad enough to quit. It was fun, and I felt more independent. Even after I changed, it took forever for them to trust me. We fought all the time. Now that I have my own son, I can understand how they felt. I'm afraid my son will do the same things I did, or worse."

Of course, relationships with brothers and sisters can suffer too, especially if your risky behavior is monopolizing parents' time and attention and putting the spotlight on you. We all know about jealousy, and it doesn't exactly bring people together! Neither do drugs—at least, not in the long run. Real relationships are just that—real. (No chemical additives needed.)

In the end, of course, the relationship that suffers most is the one between you and yourself. If you lose parents' trust, abandon friendships, or anger siblings you aren't going to feel good about it. And if you believe, even a little, that the Word of Wisdom is right, you're bound to have some guilt going on when you break it. Basically, your self-esteem will be in danger of taking a dive, to say nothing of your spirituality.

It's no big news that the Spirit can't abide with someone who's using alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs. No wonder Satan is so fond of these substances! Not only do they banish the Spirit, but they banish your own good sense. Drugs affect the limbic system of the brain, which means they affect the ability to make decisions and edit behavior. In a way, a person who uses drugs is a person who slides over to give Satan a free ride at their wheel. There's no doubt about it—If you're looking for a designated driver, he's the kind of guy who's ready and willing to step in. What a prince! (of darkness, that is.) Of course, you may not end up at quite the destination you had in mind.

The substances listed last week are some of the adversary's most powerful tools, and I bet they're his favorites. He used to need years to corrupt a young man or woman's values. Now he can take control in a matter of months, days...even hours if the drug is strong and/or addictive enough. What a perfect arsenal for his last-ditch efforts to thwart the Savior's plan.

It's been said many times: The war in heaven is now being fought on earth. "And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, and prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him" (Revelation 12:7-9)

"That war, so bitter, so intense, has gone on, and it has never ceased. It is the war between truth and error, between agency and compulsion, between the followers of Christ and those who have denied him" (President Gordon B. Hinckley, "The War We Are Winning," Ensign, November 1986, pp. 42-43). The end of the battle President Hinckley describes is near. Which side will you choose? And will you be in any condition to make that choice, or will you be "under the influence"? (I don't think I need to say whose.)

Before you answer, I hope you'll check out next week's article to read some more comments, stories, and insights from LDS youth who've learned the hard way...from experience.

Word of Wisdom: The Quick Fix

Thu, 27 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: How high a price are you willing to pay for a quick fix? When you feel pressured, stressed, angry, sad or just plain bored, what are you going to do about it? Will you go for fast relief, no matter what the cost? Will you be taken in by phony advertising? Or will you give it some time, find out everything you can, and think things through? The Quick Fix

Does anyone not like the idea of a quick fix? Instant weight-loss? Cool! Unsightly blemishes gone forever in just one application? Perfect! Magical body-building formula? Awesome! They're even selling a new pill now called "Exercise in a Bottle." (In my dreams...) And what about those advertisements for college degrees by mail? "Step right up, guys and gals; why wade through four years of classes and tuition payments? Get your diplomas here!" (Yeah, right...What's wrong with that picture?) But you know something? A lot of these companies make big bucks, no kidding. How do they do it? By taking advantage of people who think patience and hard work are no fun. (Which is most of us, at one time or another!)

Now I don't have to tell you that the fixes listed above are bogus. But some of the quick fixes out there actually work, at least for awhile. Let me give you an example. A few years ago a medication called phen-fen was sold to the public. It had passed FDA inspection and looked like a great way to lose weight quickly and painlessly. And people did lose weight on it. Lots of weight. However, over time it became clear that a number of people also lost their health. This treatment was finally taken off the market for causing life- threatening pulmonary hypertension and heart valve damage in some patients. For them, this particular quick fix came at a high price.

How high a price are you willing to pay for a quick fix? When you feel pressured, stressed, angry, sad or just plain bored, what are you going to do about it? Will you go for fast relief, no matter what the cost? Will you be taken in by phony advertising? Or will you give it some time, find out everything you can, and think things through? One thing's for sure, there are plenty of choices out there—some that work great, some that don't work so great, and some that appear to do the job but have a big downside. Which kinds of choices will you make? What will you do when the pressure hits?

Well... you could EXERCISE, pop a pill or two, PRAY, take a risk or two, LISTEN TO MUSIC, chug a beer or two, READ SCRIPTURES, smoke a cigar or two—Let's face it, the choices are there for the making. You and only you can decide whether you want to EAT WELL, starve yourself, TELL SOMEONE AT SCHOOL, cut school, WRITE IT DOWN, shut it down, TALK TO OTHERS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, yell at others about your feelings—The possibilities go on and on. I suspect you can guess which ones I'd recommend! (Aren't capital letters wonderful?)

It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that pills, beer, and cigars are probably not going to rank high on the list of healthy ways to deal with pressure. Unfortunately, they do rank high on the list of popular ways to deal with it. Doing poorly in school? If so, you've got some choices to make. You can get a tutor and study hard enough to improve, or you can head for the nearest keg party and forget about it. Feeling less cool than everyone else? No problem. You can try new things, building self-esteem and a sense of who you are out of hard work and small successes, or you can light up a smelly old stogie and try to get attention any way you can. Too shy to talk to girls or guys you really like? Easy. You can push your sweaty palms and shaky knees through enough talks, walks, and dates to get used to it, or you can turn to chemicals for courage. What's the best way to go? The right way, of course! False courage tends to crumble under pressure, and every one of God's children (that means YOU) deserves the real thing. Besides, choosing the right path will point you in the right direction (we're talking Celestial Kingdom here) every time.

Here's the deal—Most of us just want to be happy, but we don't always agree on how to get there. Have you ever heard the 60's phrase "If it feels good, do it"? How about the older version ... "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die"? Sounds pretty cynical, doesn't it? And a bit light on consequences for my taste. I think I'll stick with Alma's philosophy: "Wickedness never was happiness" (Alma 41:10). For me, that says it all.

What's your philosophy? The debate goes on, but before you enter into it, let's make sure you know all the angles. Using any kind of chemical, whether it's to "have fun" or to "feel better," has a serious downside. Our next installment, "The Low-Down," will take a close look at the facts—and those facts reveal just how serious that downside really is.

Word of Wisdom: The Pressure, Part 2

Wed, 19 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: Friends' behavior can influence you even when nothing is said--even when you don't realize you're being influenced. Group dynamics are powerful. That's why it doesn't hurt to think carefully about the groups you choose. The Pressure, Part 2

Church leaders are continually reminding LDS youth that today's decisions become tomorrow's realities. In other words, the things you do add up to YOU. Right this minute and every single day, you are making decisions which will shape your life. That's your job, whether you remember signing up for it or not, and it is huge! It can also be a bit overwhelming, which may be one reason why having friends your own age is so important. Most everyone relates best to others who are in the same boat. Let's face it, shared experience is a powerful force. Does this mean you no longer care about parents and their input? Of course not, but looking to peers first can be a source of conflict in the family, especially if those peers hold different ideas, values, and beliefs than you've been taught.

Surveys show that teenagers are influenced at least as much and probably more by friends than parents. How does this make parents feel? Nervous. VERY nervous! It isn't easy to move over when you're used to being the big kahuna (s) in your child's life. Of course, cultivating squeaky clean friends can do a lot to calm parents down on this issue. Friends who are not so squeaky, on the other hand, will have the opposite effect. In fact, your personal choices can move formerly easy-going parents from slightly nervous to downright worried to completely ballistic. Are they overreacting? Does choosing friends with different values really mean you will change yours? Not necessarily, and some kids do hang out with friends who party and never join in. It's risky though, and let me tell you why.

Recently, an evening news program featured a university study showing the tendency of human beings to conform to a group. Several unsuspecting college students were asked to take an exam. They were separated from one another and placed with what appeared to be a roomful of regular students. Those "regular" students, however, were only pretending to be real test-takers. They were actually part of the study, planted there to give incorrect answers. By the way, the test was easy and consisted of looking at four lines and choosing which two were the same length. The answers were obvious to anyone.

Here's the catch. Test-takers who were in on the scheme were coached ahead of time to purposely miss each question. They agreed as a group to solve every problem by giving the same, wrong answer. Chairs were arranged in a pattern which allowed the phony students to respond first, and every answer was spoken out loud. When the test began, the initial "real" student, who had no clue what was going on, looked puzzled by everyone else's inability to tell which two sticks were the same. He still gave the right answer and went on to answer the second and third questions correctly too. By the fourth question, however, with each planted student continuing to contradict him, the test subject appeared tense and unhappy. He gave the right solution, but without conviction. On question number five, the poor guy finally caved in and offered the same answer the others did, though his facial expression showed that he clearly knew it was incorrect.

The same experiment was conducted with several other test subjects, and only one held out against the crowd, giving the right answer to the very end. Later, she described herself as being so "uptight" she could barely respond. What did the scientists conclude? That people, by nature, want to fit in with group behavior. Even when they know they are right, it becomes harder and harder to go against what the group is doing.

Peer pressure is real, but it is often silent. Did the planted students tell the first test subject to answer as they did? No. Did they make fun of his correct answers? Not at all. They didn't need to. He still felt pressured to conform, not because they wanted him to but because instinctively he was more comfortable going with the flow. Will everyone give in to peer pressure? Not by a long shot. But the risk is there, and that risk is even greater when the pressure comes out in the open.

Our high school has few Mormons, so most of my children's friends went to parties for one reason... to party! One son's group made it fairly easy for him to obey the Word of Wisdom. They teased him a bit but were pretty low-key about the whole thing. Most of them seemed to respect his ability to swim upstream. Another son's group wasn't so easy. They were neat kids, but they were also kids who thought drinking was cool—and that refusing to drink with your friends was not cool. They saw drinking as a male bonding/football player kind of thing, and his not drinking with them was seen as a kind of rejection. Sometimes he felt guilty, like he was letting the group down by avoiding the keg. Other times he felt strange when they'd make comments or jokes about being Mormon. All these things made keeping the Word of Wisdom more of a struggle.

Peer groups are different, and you get to choose yours. A number of them will openly share your beliefs, supporting them with their own actions. Others will respect your beliefs but behave according to theirs. Some will actively try to change you. The important thing to remember is the lesson taught in our university study. Friends' behavior can influence you even when nothing is said—even when you don't realize you're being influenced. Group dynamics are powerful. That's why it doesn't hurt to think carefully about the groups you choose. It also doesn't hurt to be on guard once you're in them!

One more thought. Peer pressure is a force to be reckoned with, but sometimes the hardest pressure to withstand is the pressure you put on yourself. Regardless of what feeds it (parents, school, church, friends, low self-esteem, feelings of failure, or just a need to live up to whatever ideal you've set), pressure from within can be the most difficult of all. Of course a little pressure is needed or you might just lay in bed half the day—or become a total vegetable—but while some is good, too much is too much. Perfection isn't on the menu for this life, and while trying hard is a good thing, being hard on yourself is not. You could wind up wanting to feel better any way you can, and that's a dangerous place to be when you're trying to obey the Word of Wisdom. So give yourself a break once in a while, okay? Remember who you are, why you came here, where you're going, and whose help you can depend on in getting there. One thing's for sure... The best friend any of us will ever have is a loving Heavenly Father, and His influence is 100% guaranteed to bless, NOT stress.

(Check back next week when we'll talk about "The Quick Fix."

Word of Wisdom: The Pressure, Part 1

Wed, 12 Jun 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: People are communal creatures, and wanting to be one of the crowd is natural. This usually brings up questions: "Which set of rules makes sense to me, if any? Whose ideas come closest to my own? What group or groups truly satisfy my needs?" Answers may not be that easy to come by, and that's why an understanding of group behavior and how it affects you is so important. The Pressure, Part 1

Pressure. Is there anyone who doesn't have to put up with it? One way or another, and usually in lots of ways, we all get to feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. Sometimes it comes from outside sources, sometimes from within, but it's always a force to be reckoned with.

When a person who's still in school decides to break the Word of Wisdom, peer pressure usually gets blamed. A lot of the teens I know resent this assumption. They feel sure that what others do doesn't really affect them. I wouldn't go that far, but I do agree that peers are only one of many sources of pressure, including parents, school, church, and even one's self. Let's take a look at some of the pressures you and your friends are exposed to, as well as their effects.

My guess is that you've all had at least one science teacher explain (probably in more detail than you wanted!) exactly how rocks are formed. Apparently sand, clay, mud, fossils, pieces of wood and the like are subjected to geological pressure over long periods of time. That pressure, a jumble of powerful forces brought to bear upon them for years, eventually molds them into rocks and boulders.

Doesn't it seem likely that the pressures exerted upon people mold them too? I believe they do, and I also believe that sometimes those forces are powerful enough to cause tremors or even full-on earthquakes in our lives. Let's take a closer look at what kinds of pressures influence you.

Most parents want the best for their children, and yours are no different. Moms and Dads are thrilled when their kids look good, act right, study hard, make the honor roll, win scholarships or other honors, run for office, join clubs, participate in sports...(are you still with me?)...attend seminary, church and activities cheerfully, develop positive extracurricular interests, choose uplifting friends, do chores willingly, develop hobbies or skills, earn their own money... (need a time out yet??)...organize their schedules, work through problems, seem happy, and in all these (and as many other ways as possible) provide good examples to their brothers and sisters. Whew! No sweat, huh? No pressure either!

As if that weren't enough, school can take the very best student and turn him or her into a total stress case. Academic competition, the need to be accepted by the "right" college, figuring out your major, dealing with frazzled teachers, and even finding some kids to hang out with can be a real drag. On top of that, you have to come up with a way to fit those important church activities in, all the time remembering to CTR in a CT not so R kind of world. Let's face it. It's not easy being you, and there is definitely pressure involved. (And we haven't even talked about peers yet!)

But we probably should. This discussion of pressure really wouldn't be complete without them. Let's begin by saying what everybody already knows: Having friends matters. And what our friends think of us matters too. This is true for parents and kids alike, because acceptance is a basic human need, one we share with the animal kingdom. Wolves need a pack, sheep a herd, lions a pride, geese a flock—even puppies start out in litters!

Of course, we start out in families, but that's just the beginning. As social as our animal friends are, we seem to be even more so. While they belong to one group, we belong to many. We're part of a family, an extended family, a neighborhood, a ward, a school, a work environment, a club, a team, a class... the possibilities are endless, and so are the pressures. Where do these pressures come from? Our natural desire to please and be liked. People are communal creatures, and wanting to be one of the crowd is natural. In fact, it's instinct!

How do we get to be "one of the crowd"? The same way animals do, though on a more complex scale. We set up rules, agreements, and expectations. These can be unwritten—even unspoken—but they are as real as the messages we receive through satellite disks and telephone wires. Sometimes the group rules are right out in the open, but other times they are camouflaged so completely only your subconscious mind knows about them. Either way, your understanding and willingness to go along is the ticket that gets and keeps you in.

Scientists have noticed a similar pattern in packs, prides, and herds. Leaders evolve, as do codes of behavior, and conformity is part of the deal. Those who buck the basic laws and structure of the group will not be part of it for long. Often, the "different ones" are attacked and left behind to fend for themselves. Of course, no living thing wants to be alone.

Human beings least of all want to be alone, and our lives are even more complicated than those of the animals we observe in nature. So are the pressures we face. Most of us identify with several groups, and rules and expectations can differ with each one. As a teen, you may feel pulled in too many directions, especially when you're trying to figure out who you are and what you want. This usually brings up questions: "Which set of rules makes sense to me, if any? Whose ideas come closest to my own? What group or groups truly satisfy my needs?" Answers may not be that easy to come by, and that's why an understanding of group behavior and how it affects you is so important. We'll check that out that next week in "The Pressure, Part 2."

Word of Wisdom: Stupid Rule or Cool?

Fri, 31 May 2002 18:00:00 -0600

by Susan Noyes Anderson
source: MormonLife.com

Mormon Life says: How hard is it to be one of the few guys on the team who doesn't throw down a beer once in awhile? How does it feel to be labeled "close-minded," "too religious," or even "brainwashed by your parents" because you won't try just one cigarette...smoke just one bowl...take just one pill? There has to be a way to do what's right and still "fit in," right?

You Gotta Fight for the Right to Party

You Gotta Fight For the Right to Party, at least that's what the Beastie Boys said. Is it true? And if so, is the right to party worth fighting for? That's the question we're going to talk about in this series, and I'm hoping we can come up with some answers that make sense.

Before we get started though, I have to admit one thing—I'm a mom. In fact, I'm such a mom that my kids have been known to put their hands over their ears and make loud shrieking noises while I'm voicing my opinions. The good news is that I'm not your mom, which will probably make it a whole lot easier for you to put up with me! Just to be sure though, I'm ready to make you a deal. If you won't screech, I won't preach. (Or at least, I'll try not to.) Fair enough? Good, because I really think I'm onto something here, and creative (resourceful, enterprising, inventive, bold, active, lively, independent) minds may just agree that being onto something beats being on something every time.

I don't have to tell you that alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs have been around for years. When I was 15 (who said "Dark Ages?!"), teenagers used to tell their parents "everyone was doing it." At the time, that was a major exaggeration, but today it's closer to the truth. Nearly everyone IS doing it, which can make standing up for what's right a lot harder. You've probably already learned that it's no walk in the park being one of a "peculiar people," especially when you're trying to be reasonably cool.

How hard is it to be one of the few guys on the team who doesn't throw down a beer once in awhile? How does it feel to be labeled "close-minded," "too religious," or even "brainwashed by your parents" because you won't try just one cigarette...smoke just one bowl...take just one pill? Of course, some kids will admire you for sticking by your beliefs (and that's a great feeling!), but even those who look up to you might decide you're a little too "good" for their group. There has to be a way to do what's right and still "fit in," right?

Right!...In fact, I've seen it done!! Of course, it isn't always easy. None of this is easy, but you know that better than anyone. You also know that getting through the teenage years without breaking the Word of Wisdom is becoming less common. Right now it's your job to achieve independence, so having friends think you're "controlled" either by your religion or your parents can be pretty hard to take. The truth is, people who can't imagine passing up all that "fun" often assume someone or something else must be making your choices for you, which is pretty annoying—and disrespectful too. You deserve credit for your own choices, good or bad. Besides, you know as well as I do that no one can be forced to obey the Word of Wisdom. (That's one you gotta handle yourself!)

And you CAN handle it yourself. What's more, you can handle it well, but there's a catch. You have to really want it. What's more, you have to know why you want it. This kind of knowing demands information, and this Mormon Life series is one person's attempt to collect and supply some. I hope you'll find the facts, true experiences, and ideas in these Word of Wisdom columns a useful resource. Your decision, as always, will be up to you. Make it thoughtfully, even prayerfully, because you deserve the best life has to offer, now and forever.

Next up in the "Word of Wisdom" series, "The Pressure: Part 1"....

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